RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (Full Version)

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ResidentSadist -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 12:29:38 AM)

... my "asshat" must be glued on. I am in D-mode even when I am asleep. I mean that for real. I position myself on the bed between so that I am teh first thing an intruder has to deal with. ... and don't try sneaking up higher than me in the bed, I will scoot up in my sleep so that you are lower than me. I used to have an ex-switch as a slave and she use dto pull that crap. I made her start sleeping crossways at the fot of the bed.

anyway... D-mode/ some people can turn it off, some are just asshats like me and can't turn it off. As far as you being nice to strangers, in my book, you should always be a gentleman. Being a gentleman is what earns you the right to be called sir.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 12:50:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenix6666

I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing that here.  I understand there's a whole D/s life here but if I'm meeting someone for the first time on this site, shouldn't I treat that person respectfully?  After all they are a stranger?  I'm not going to take control of a complete stranger after all.  In my other life, I'm just a regular nice guy.  You want my D-side, I need to get to know you first.  Is there anything wrong with that?  I'm sorry for ranting slightly but I just got brushed off for being kind to a stranger....

If I'm trying to meet people here, am I supposed to be in 'D-mode' the entire time???




Be yourself. The ones who act like there's a D/s dynamic in place when there isn't, are just showing how clueless they are.

In fact I almost missed out on the perfect dom for me, because I rejected him repeatedly for coming off all domly when I didn't even know him. Although he had decades of experience, somehow I think he really thought that "bow down" attitude was just expected of him, right out the gate. It was a MAJOR turnoff for me.

Please just be yourself.

PS Those who confuse dominant with domineering, don't deserve you anyway. Be your sweet, respectful self, and let the clueless doms attract the s-types who think that overbearing and domineering = dominant.



DesFIP -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 4:48:59 AM)

So one person said you were too soft for her. Guess what? That  means you aren't a good match for her. It doesn't mean you aren't a good match for someone else.

You don't want someone who insists you be dour and stern all the time, never laugh at jokes or go to a comedic movie. So figure out what you do want in a partner and seek that.

Think of your profile as if you were selling your car. You wouldn't say it runs great when it doesn't start. You would be honest but talk about its best features. Do the same for yourself, focus on the positives.

As far as repressing yourself because one person turned you down, haven't you ever been turned down for a date before>? Did you give up dating entirely because you weren't compatible with that one person? Same thing here.



CarrieO -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 5:13:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenix6666

Ah, sorry for the confusion, CarrieO.  It was a bad choice of words on my part.  I "met" the other person online via chat and email.

Thank you for clarifying.

I guess I'm just frustrated with life in general.  I'll spare you the "nice guy" standard text here but that's pretty much who I am in my regular life and it's not an act.  This "D" part of me isn't an act either but I understand that it's not for everyone and I keep that to myself.

It might surprise you to find that many D-types you meet are nice guys and gals also.  Being a dom/me doesn't have to go hand-in-hand with being a pompous ass...contrary to what you see in some profiles here. [;)]



quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenix6666
As far as the 'one-way' street nature of my post....well....I don't really have a good answer for that one other than in the profiles, there's the selection for "Eye Contact Restrictions" and I thought maybe there would be some 's' who wouldn't mind having the similar restriction via online.

Thanks for the advice here.  I really appreciate it. :) Perhaps I'm better off going back to my regular life and just repressing this part of me like usual

I don't believe anyone was suggesting this at all.  It was suggested you be yourself...be real...and be willing to put into any sort of interaction what you're expecting to recieve.  I "got" the reference to eye contact restrictions but the thing is, that works in RL because you're still interacting with the person. Online, it's seen as being secretive and less than honest.  The two aren't really similar.
 
I see that the OP either no longer has an active profile or has it hidden...hopefully to make some changes and start fresh.  If he's chosen the repression route, I hope he'll still choose to hang around and lurk if only just to see there are a few nice folks. 




lally2 -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 6:49:50 AM)

whats this D - mode thing anyway?!

if its that youre expected to prove youreself in some Domly manner rather than just be free to sit, chat, be youreself and relax then thats just silly.

ive said it before and ill say it again.  Dominance and submission is an organic process that feeds off the other person as you get to know them.  its a gradual and natural process if its to mean anything at all.

an s'type that wants to submit to a stranger is really just looking to submit to anyone, hows that submission to *you*, it isnt.  its submission to submission.

a person who wants to see some Domly persona at work is actually missing the whole point of meeting up with someone with a view to building a lasting relationship.  you have to get to know a person before you can be sure who and what you are dominating and/or submitting into.

if you hit the floor in Ds mode from the off youre bypassing the process of learning about each other gradually and building that process of Ds based on the personalities at work.

to be honest youve probably been spared a 'do me' type.  they have a fixed idea of what they want, how they want it and how it should go.  any deviation from those things by you would have resulted in them feeling they werent getting their jollies.

so on the advice front - be you.  thats it,



DomBlade64 -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 9:46:16 AM)

quote:

ntrol of a complete stranger after all. In my other life, I'm just a regular nice guy. You want my D-side, I need to get to know you first. Is there anything wrong with that? I'm sorry for ranting slightly but I just got brushed off for being kind to a stranger....
quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenix6666

I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing that here.  I understand there's a whole D/s life here but if I'm meeting someone for the first time on this site, shouldn't I treat that person respectfully?  After all they are a stranger?  I'm not going to take control of a complete stranger after all.  In my other life, I'm just a regular nice guy.  You want my D-side, I need to get to know you first.  Is there anything wrong with that?  I'm sorry for ranting slightly but I just got brushed off for being kind to a stranger....

If I'm trying to meet people here, am I supposed to be in 'D-mode' the entire time???



Heres my advise. This site is full of men who are pretending to be women. They are 99 percent fakers. The 1 percent that actually are women are married to their doms and are no longer seeking. They are on the forums chatting about random topics.

In general their practice is to ignore you as soon as your profile doesent meet their exacting standards of a dom. So if you are the slightest bit off expect no reply and being on one more persons ignore list.

So my advise? Dont talk to women at all. Possibly in the forums about some random topic but not about the potential to meet up. Why? They are all scared little kittens who flee because in an overtly male environment such as this,with such a high chance at them meeting a psychopath, penisis scare them. So using collar me as what its intended "A free dating site for bdsm lifestyle" is basically impossible.

I just get on here to talk about whatever on the forums.

If you want a date do what all the girls here did. Get a boyfriend/girlfriend and tell them you like it rough.

or go to a munch and socialize.

Thats where the REAL people are.

The people on this site are cool, dont get me wrong. But they are men. So collar me is akin to the guys going to shoot the breeze after a hard days work. Except the work would be the real BDSM lifestyle, and the breeze would be them talking to some overseas fake who tries to get their credit card number.



Lucienne -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 1:51:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomBlade64

Heres my advise. This site is full of men who are pretending to be women. They are 99 percent fakers. The 1 percent that actually are women are married to their doms and are no longer seeking. They are on the forums chatting about random topics.

In general their practice is to ignore you as soon as your profile doesent meet their exacting standards of a dom. So if you are the slightest bit off expect no reply and being on one more persons ignore list.

So my advise? Dont talk to women at all. Possibly in the forums about some random topic but not about the potential to meet up. Why? They are all scared little kittens who flee because in an overtly male environment such as this,with such a high chance at them meeting a psychopath, penisis scare them. So using collar me as what its intended "A free dating site for bdsm lifestyle" is basically impossible.


Well... isn't your fanny all up in the air waiting to be spanked.



Jeffff -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 1:54:50 PM)

All you bitches should be on your knees all the time!


Respectfully

Jeff



myotherself -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 2:01:31 PM)

Dammit Jeffwey - I thought you'd told everyone that I was a weal and twue honest to goodness hot single subby sex-bitch?

Sheesh - you missed someone out!!

Or hadn't you worked your way down to the whiney-ass kindergarten class yet? [8|]








Musicmystery -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 2:05:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenix6666

Thanks for the advice here.  I really appreciate it. :) Perhaps I'm better off going back to my regular life and just repressing this part of me like usual



OK, I was going to say "Of course, just be yourself" until I read this.

Potential partners are going to expect you to be a lot more stable than this very non-dominant victim-type reaction.



RCdc -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 2:06:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomBlade64

Heres my advise. This site is full of men who are pretending to be women. They are 99 percent fakers. The 1 percent that actually are women are married to their doms and are no longer seeking. They are on the forums chatting about random topics.

In general their practice is to ignore you as soon as your profile doesent meet their exacting standards of a dom. So if you are the slightest bit off expect no reply and being on one more persons ignore list.

So my advise? Dont talk to women at all. Possibly in the forums about some random topic but not about the potential to meet up. Why? They are all scared little kittens who flee because in an overtly male environment such as this,with such a high chance at them meeting a psychopath, penisis scare them. So using collar me as what its intended "A free dating site for bdsm lifestyle" is basically impossible.


Well... isn't your fanny all up in the air waiting to be spanked.



Oh Lucienne, I could so high five you for that right now.[:D]

the.dark.



LaTigresse -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 2:07:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I agree with Carrie.  I wouldn't especially call it 'meeting' if your doing online.  Also, what you might be calling respect, I would probably call courtesy.  Which, when it comes to courtesy on the other side (the email part of CM), I'll be the first to admit that I'm not always courteous.  That includes things such as, I put the word "local" in My profile three times.  If I'm in CA and someone in NY who I've never seen on the forum side decides to contact Me anyway, they aren't going to get a pleasant response.

I'm not in D-mode all of the time, but I am in Me-mode constantly.  That means that I can be a hard ass at times, but I'm absolutely being Myself.  More often than not, people do tend to like it when you are not trying to put on an act for someone. 



This



Jeffff -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 2:08:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenix6666

Thanks for the advice here.  I really appreciate it. :) Perhaps I'm better off going back to my regular life and just repressing this part of me like usual




Look, you can try and repress yourself, I imagine many here have. You might even succeed for a while. Eventually you are just going to piss yourself and your nilla partner off.

That has been My experience


Jeff




LaTigresse -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 2:09:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenix6666

Thanks for the advice here.  I really appreciate it. :) Perhaps I'm better off going back to my regular life and just repressing this part of me like usual




Look, you can try and repress yourself, I imagine many here have. You might even succeed for a while. Eventually you are just going to piss yourself and your nilla partner off.

That has been My experience


Jeff



Or just piss yourself.

(cuz that is how I read it the first time.......)



Musicmystery -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 2:15:03 PM)

How's the song go?

*If you don't repress yourself ain't nobody gonna give a ....*

Or something like that.

*R-E-P, R-E-S-S, Tell me what it means .......*

More seriously, Jeff is right. I just had vanilla partners getting submissive and being confused.



LadyPact -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 2:36:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomBlade64
Heres my advise. This site is full of men who are pretending to be women. They are 99 percent fakers. The 1 percent that actually are women are married to their doms and are no longer seeking. They are on the forums chatting about random topics.

In general their practice is to ignore you as soon as your profile doesent meet their exacting standards of a dom. So if you are the slightest bit off expect no reply and being on one more persons ignore list.

So my advise? Dont talk to women at all. Possibly in the forums about some random topic but not about the potential to meet up. Why? They are all scared little kittens who flee because in an overtly male environment such as this,with such a high chance at them meeting a psychopath, penisis scare them. So using collar me as what its intended "A free dating site for bdsm lifestyle" is basically impossible.

I just get on here to talk about whatever on the forums.

If you want a date do what all the girls here did. Get a boyfriend/girlfriend and tell them you like it rough.

or go to a munch and socialize.

Thats where the REAL people are.

The people on this site are cool, dont get me wrong. But they are men. So collar me is akin to the guys going to shoot the breeze after a hard days work. Except the work would be the real BDSM lifestyle, and the breeze would be them talking to some overseas fake who tries to get their credit card number.


Gee, I don't know whether to be offended or to be flattered that I must be in that wonderful, elusive, special one percent (as opposed to the 99 percent who are fake, as you state).  I'm going go with the latter.  Oddly enough, 'scared little kitten' isn't what I'd think most of the folks who have met Me on this site would be what they would term an accurate description.  Oh, some of those folks have even seen Me naked (the poor dears) and can confirm there's no flesh and blood penis between My legs.  One or two have seen Me naked, except for a strap on.  (The cross that some must bare.)

The talking to and meeting people on this site is the one, and only one place where I say this very specifically.  If you can't manage to meet people from here, you're doing it wrong.



Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 2:38:18 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DomBlade64


Heres my advise. This site is full of men who are pretending to be women. They are 99 percent fakers. The 1 percent that actually are women are married to their doms and are no longer seeking. They are on the forums chatting about random topics.

****snip****

The people on this site are cool, dont get me wrong. But they are men. So collar me is akin to the guys going to shoot the breeze after a hard days work. Except the work would be the real BDSM lifestyle, and the breeze would be them talking to some overseas fake who tries to get their credit card number.



*looks down to see if my strapon is attached or not - nope not there*

I have no dangly bits, really, they are put away at the moment!



domiguy -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 2:39:45 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenix6666

I'm not exactly sure how to go about doing that here.  I understand there's a whole D/s life here but if I'm meeting someone for the first time on this site, shouldn't I treat that person respectfully?  After all they are a stranger?  I'm not going to take control of a complete stranger after all.  In my other life, I'm just a regular nice guy.  You want my D-side, I need to get to know you first.  Is there anything wrong with that?  I'm sorry for ranting slightly but I just got brushed off for being kind to a stranger....

If I'm trying to meet people here, am I supposed to be in 'D-mode' the entire time???



You went out of "D-mode?" What a pussy. No wonder everyone out here hates you.

Twat.



ncbabe -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 2:45:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: phoenix6666

Thanks for the input, DrkJourney.  I can 'hear' the geniune non-flaming thought in your 'voice' which I do appreciate very much.  I see your point about not stating the need for my secrecy would cause concern.  It's funny though.  I can update my profile but I every time I do, I feel it's 'for someone else' which seems to run counter to lots of the advice offered about 'being myself.'  Not trying to be rude or anything.  Just extremely frustrated (not just because of this but other things going on in my life).

As far as the 'one-way' street nature of my post....well....I don't really have a good answer for that one other than in the profiles, there's the selection for "Eye Contact Restrictions" and I thought maybe there would be some 's' who wouldn't mind having the similar restriction via online.

Thanks for the advice here.  I really appreciate it. :) Perhaps I'm better off going back to my regular life and just repressing this part of me like usual



I guess he went back to his regular life because I can't find his profile.  Wonder how long until he realizes he can't repress it.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Advice for how to interact with people here... (3/22/2010 3:52:12 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DomBlade64
Heres my advise. This site is full of men who are pretending to be women. They are 99 percent fakers. The 1 percent that actually are women are married to their doms and are no longer seeking. They are on the forums chatting about random topics.


This is another example of how to be an asshat.

- LA



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