|
starymists -> RE: Relocating and Moving (4/3/2006 12:53:02 PM)
|
quote:
Me and my dom talked alot today about all the issues we have to resolve. We decided to wait at least 2 more yrs till we move to chicago. As for him and my mom getting along I dont think that will ever happen. He said once we move I can come home to see her whenever I want he just does not want her calling us everyday or butting into our lives. He feels she is saying things she has no right to say since me and him are grownup and can make our own decisions about our relationship. He also felt it was wrong for my mom to threaten me and say I cant move without her say. I am 21 and old enough to do as I please so the way I see it is if my mom dont like it to damn bad. She is my mother yes and I love her but she is oversteping her boundarys. Honestly I dont approve of the way my mother is acting at all. So me and my dom decided to do our own things and forget about her. We allready told her off and it did not go as planned but oh well. I think its good she knows exactly how we feel. Thank you everyone for all your advice on this. [\quote]
Just my own two cents here, which you can feel free to take or leave as you choose...
My mother is an incredibly difficult woman to get along with. She says things she ought not be saying, butts into my life, violates boundaries, tries to tell me how to live my life. In the time that I’ve been with Mowerman, she has tried to sabotage the relationship, went out of her way to be disagreeable, went out of her way to do a whole heck of a lot of things she had no business doing.
At one point this fall, I wanted to throw my hands up and say ‘forget it’. But all during the difficult period, Mowerman remained in control of himself, his actions...made the choice of remaining polite. When I asked him about this he responded something along the lines of your mother chooses her behavior, but I choose mine. My behavior is not dependent on her behaviors. As we moved through the fall, and into the winter, he made active attempts to encourage me to view my mother through different eyes. When I came complaining about something she said or did, he would point out different points of view, including the fact that she was acting out of love, even if I didn’t like the way she was demonstrating her love. As we’ve moved through the spring, things have settled in. My mother eventually *after nearly a year of Mowerman’s consistent efforts* began to come around. As he demonstrated his commitment to me, to my well being, as she saw my happiness grow, she began accepting his place in my life and our choices.
I can’t tell you what you should do about your mother. But someday, she won’t be here anymore. You don’t have to like a way a person is behaving in order to love the person that they are. You will have many friends in life, you may have many boyfriends/Doms in life, but you will only have one mother...is it really worth the rift?
|
|
|
|
