RE: Emotions in D/s and BDSM - the good, the bad, and the ugly

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Emotions in D/s and BDSM - the good, the bad, and the ugly

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RE: Emotions in D/s and BDSM - the good, the bad, and t... - 3/27/2010 11:14:16 AM

Andalusite

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UniqueRaven, I did want to clarify that in the nearly a year that my Master and I have been dating, I have not been rebellious or defiant or willfully disobedient. We both recognise that that is a possible reaction for me to have, though, depending on how hard he pushed me, and lots of other factors.

catize, the plural of crisis is "crises."

I wouldn't strike at him physically or verbally either, but I know a lot of male dominants who enjoy genuine all-out physical fighting and resistance from their submissive or slave, or who grin and say, "That's 'Sir Evil Ratbastard Asshole to you!" if she calls him names. It seems to be less popular with Dommes, for a variety of reasons, but it's not a universal dealbreaker for all M/s and D/s relationships. In general, I very much feel that my will, and my body, are an extension of his, and it would be very upsetting if I were put in a position where I felt that I was forced to disobey him. We try to communicate and prevent that from happening. I do retain enough self-control almost all of the time to avoid lashing out in inappropriate ways, and I get stressed outside of play, I have plenty of strategies for dealing with it. I'm not talking being in a bad mood and getting snappish for him over nothing, but rather, that he's capable of stirring up very powerful emotions, both positive and negative, and I can't always predict how I'm going to react or respond. As MasterXMagnum said, the times when my surrender are the strongest are precisely when I am lost in those tidal forces, barely able to say "No" or my own name, much less carry on a reasoned discussion of my fears and concerns. I told him all of the ones I was aware of, back when we started dating, before I became his slave. If one comes up during play unexpectedly, we'd discuss it once I was capable of it again.

beej, I absolutely agree with you - and within the same relationship, there can be elements both of struggle and resistance, and joyful surrender.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 3/27/2010 11:25:46 AM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)

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RE: Emotions in D/s and BDSM - the good, the bad, and t... - 3/27/2010 7:39:56 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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Thanks! Gotta love these forums—discussions on BDSM concepts and spelling lessons when required!

And I appreciate your clarification. There was one time that R. ordered me to react as strongly as I needed to after a particularly arduous and overwhelming 8 hours with him. I punched him and called him names until I was exhausted---he still teases me about that, and I was grateful he understood I needed catharsis.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Andalusite)

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RE: Emotions in D/s and BDSM - the good, the bad, and t... - 3/27/2010 9:11:39 PM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

UniqueRaven, I did want to clarify that in the nearly a year that my Master and I have been dating, I have not been rebellious or defiant or willfully disobedient. We both recognise that that is a possible reaction for me to have, though, depending on how hard he pushed me, and lots of other factors.

i shouldn't have implied that you have been rebellious - that was just my interpretation based upon your post. i apologize - and wish you the best, you seem very happy!

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to Andalusite)

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RE: Emotions in D/s and BDSM - the good, the bad, and t... - 3/28/2010 10:23:52 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
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catize, I try not to hassle people about spelling, but I'm happy to help if asked.

I agree, having the emotional safety and space to be able to reach catharsis can be very healing and trust-building.

UniqueRaven, I wasn't offended, just wanted to clarify that that particular aspect is hypothetical.

I do still have some fears and doubts, but in general, my Master and I have been very compatible and happy together, in power exchange, kink, and vanilla aspects. I think he's wonderful, and I feel fortunate and blessed to have him in my life.

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Post #: 24