As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (Full Version)

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LadyOddsworth -> As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/27/2010 6:25:52 PM)

From this lifestyle or BDSM related activities? I have spoken with more than a couple of subs who drift into and out of serving. Some because, of just how submissive they become scares them, and others because they want to try the vanilla life again. 



dreamerdreaming -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/27/2010 6:57:47 PM)

I've gone vanilla a few times, over the years. Its yummy, when its done right. [:)]



allyC -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/27/2010 8:13:21 PM)

Greetings :) In one word:  Never.  :) Well wishes! Cav's ally



UniqueRaven -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/27/2010 9:19:58 PM)

i am very easily overwhelmed. It is actually one of my "slave traits" - i am so emotionally open and intuitive that i absorb the emotions of others easily, and sometimes i get overwhelmed by Dominance and simply disappear for a while.

In the past, when i became overwhelmed, i would take it as a sign that "i wasn't meant to be a slave" somehow. That it was too much for me and i couldn't handle it. So i would revert back to vanilla, pretty much with disastrous results.

It was when i realized that i am a slave, that these are my needs, and that the being overwhelmed is actually part of my slave makeup that i became able to internalize being slave all the time.

Now when i get overwhelmed, i take a few deep breaths (yoga helps with this) and focus on how i can get through the feeling. Having a patient Owner helps too, one who doesn't freak out and immediately wonder what's wrong with me. So i don't anticipate "going vanilla" again - at least i hope not, hee hee!

It's all part of the journey - and everyone's journey is an individual one. We all carry a basket of grief through life, and everyone's basket is different, so the best we can do is be kind, loving, and understand each other.

[:)]



LPslittleclip -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/27/2010 9:31:52 PM)

im not very bashfull so i dont back away often. my life is very chaotic and it is a releif to be able to serve and forget them.



littlewonder -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/27/2010 9:49:44 PM)

I've backed out of bdsm activities while I was single for the sheer fact that unless I'm with someone on a long term committed basis I have zero interest in the physical aspects.

When I'm in a relationship I've never backed away from any of it at all. I'm a submissive personality to a dominant personality. There's nothing to back out of and when I'm in a relationship with a dominant personality it wouldn't matter if I was no longer interested in the bdsm activities or not since it's his decision, not mine which in turn keeps me interested anyway.




belladevine -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/28/2010 11:13:10 AM)

I am not really aware of a vanilla life on planet Earth, that sounds too sweet to be true. I think that there are many levels of dominace and submission throughout society.
People are involved in a game of survival of the fittest and it is simply the nature of mankind for one person to take dominance over another.
I think the entire world is a rather violent place and every body gets at least a little taste of sado/masochism if they ask for it or not.



lally2 -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/28/2010 11:50:03 AM)

i thought id give a vanilla guy a whirl - not because being sub scares me, just that i got tired of getting mucked about and needed a man (basically) - i went out with the nilla once. he asked me if he could kiss me and that was that really - pfft!



Missokyst -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/28/2010 12:13:40 PM)

I am still not quite positive nilla exists. I have never met it.
But I do back out of relationships now and again. At the end of each one I tend to stay away for a few years so I can reset.



ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/28/2010 12:34:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

From this lifestyle or BDSM related activities? I have spoken with more than a couple of subs who drift into and out of serving.


I don't ever "back away" from BDSM; I step away when I have other priorities. I don't drift in and out of serving; I drift in and out of looking for a partner. I've been single for 8 or 9 years, so for that entire time I've been either in a state of "looking" or "not looking." For most of the last year or so, I was looking for a partner (not very hard, but still technically looking), and spent a fair amount of time and energy attending events, meeting people and engaging with them, making friends and networking with an eye toward meeting someone interesting. Over the last several months, some things have come up that will require my full  attention for the foreseeable future, and I don't have time to do the dating game-social lion thing. I need to focus on the vanilla realm, and don't have time or energy to waste on the BDSM world.

I do this a lot. If I'm busy, there just isn't enough of me to divide between two worlds. To echo Little Wonder, when I'm actually in a relationship, rather than looking for one, I don't ever back away from it, or step away, or drift away, or anything else away. I'm in it, and I'm totally devoted to it. But if all I'm doing is looking, that's sometimes a luxury that I can't afford not to toss over the side.



downland -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/28/2010 1:53:20 PM)

I'm a Dom, and I do find myself drifting in and out of the bdsm scene, but for solely practical reasons.

I date both vanilla girls and subs, and I can honestly say that if I ever take a break from the scene it's due to one simple fact: sub women tend to be neurotic bundles of crazy. I know I'll take a lot of flack for this, but what can I say? I've yet to find a sub who didn't have rampant daddy issues, or some uniquely virulent flavor of OCD, or bipolar disorder, or ridiculous amounts of baggage, etc. Vanilla women can be crazy, too...but in my experience, it's a different and wholly manageable brand of crazy.

It comes down to that all-time classic heavyweight matchup Great Sex vs. Stability. For me the equation goes something like this: when the quality of the sex is matched or exceeded by the quantity of sub-drama, it's time for me to spend some time decompressing in vanilla land.

Agan, this is just my experience. Don't kill the messenger...



DesFIP -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/28/2010 2:22:36 PM)

As this is my first d/s relationship and it's still going strong, I guess my answer is never. However I'm submissive to him, I've never met anyone else I would consider submitting to. So if this ends, I'll stay single.

With that said, things just flow. I'm not kneeling at his feet all the time. In facts weeks can go by without play. Right now he's trying to fix his daughter's car and I'm making my famous potato kugel to take to Passover. I don't think of it as d/s or vanilla, just as life.



marie2 -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/28/2010 2:43:58 PM)

I don't back away from having a desire to be submissive and say "I'm going 'vanilla' now", but I definitely back away from searching for a partner for long periods of time. No specific reason other than I don't want a partner badly enough to make the effort.

I actually enjoy my singleness and my independence, and I don't necessarily relish the idea of giving that up. If it happens it happens; I can and do see it through when I meet someone worthwhile, but most of the time I'm not constantly going out of my way to make it happen. So, on that level, I guess I do "back away" at times.



RealSub58 -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/28/2010 2:55:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyOddsworth

From this lifestyle or BDSM related activities? I have spoken with more than a couple of subs who drift into and out of serving. Some because, of just how submissive they become scares them, and others because they want to try the vanilla life again. 


Within this question, what is your meaning/definition of "serving?"



nephandi -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/28/2010 4:24:56 PM)

Greetings

I have backed out and come back, backed out and come back many times. On one side I am submissive by nature, but on the other I have so strong goals in my life and I am so much of a control freak that it is very hard for me to submit to the will of another. This is a struggle inside of me which at times gets very difficult to resolve.

I wish you well



whiteslavebitch -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/28/2010 4:29:32 PM)

Once I discovered BDSM, I never wanted to back away from it. I tried to get my ex-
husband involved, but that never worked for us.

After my divorce, I was able to really explore my submissiveness, and am the happiest
I have ever been. Being able to be myself is the most wonderful feeling in the world.



SlaveAkasha -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/28/2010 4:34:03 PM)

I backed away during and after my last relationship ended. I searched out vanilla, and tried to not think about it anymore. I just needed some healing time and time to figure out what I wanted, not just what others thought was best for me.

I was afraid of getting hurt again, afraid to give that much of myself to anyone. I admit in ways I still have that fear, but I am more prepared to handle it. I do know that I won't submit easily, it's going to have to be someone that really captures me both intellectually and sexually...someone I can't imagine not kneeling to or giving myself over to.

I think we all need time once in a while..I have taken mine, but found it was just part of who I was, who I am..to run away or deny that would be denying a big part of who I am, and I just can't do that.



wisdomtogive -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/28/2010 5:14:05 PM)

I am a strange cookie. I have lived vanilla the majority of my life, though most likely it wad D/s. We just didn't have a label except married. i'm old fashion and like to give control over, providing my voice can still be heard. I am highly opinionated and been fortunate to find a few men that honor my mind.

When i moved in with Sir, i wrestled about leaving, not because of him, but because being single was something i grew accustom too and enjoyed. He has been very patient in letting me wrestle that out, and it lasted really for a short time. At this time, I am just living in the present. i know i can take care of me, which was something i need to test myself and learn. Because of that, i know no knight in shinning armour guy has a chance with me, nor do i need to have a man to submit too. i submit to life in general. This has helped me in not settling for someone just to be in a relationship. In my oddness, most men don't interest me and i am not bi. Too many already come with strikes against them, that i just walk away. I'm extremely picky.




Mercnbeth -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/28/2010 6:35:10 PM)

quote:

From this lifestyle or BDSM related activities?


in the 7 years this slave has been involved in an alternative lifestyle relationship and participating in BDSM activities...never.



tazzygirl -> RE: As subs/slaves, how many times have you felt the need to back away (3/28/2010 7:08:29 PM)

In the last 12 years, i have backed out of it a few times. fear, pain, anger, hurt, family, many reasons why.



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