Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant Relationship

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Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Distant R... - 3/28/2010 12:42:01 PM

Meeoow

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/22/2010
Status: offline

Question for those who are in long distant relationships and don't have the opportunity to be with your dom very often. Does your Dom allow you to talk with other Doms simply on a casual basis and even further does he allow you to play with other doms such as at play parties and public venues? Not so much privately. If he doesn't do you feel like you are missing out on some of the more intense play or does it really matter to you.

Post #: 1

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/28/2010 12:51:10 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

From the other side of the kneel.

I allow My boy to play with others in those situations where we will be separated by distance for certain lengths of time. I also allow him to bottom to others under certain conditions even when I'm there. In both cases, My approval is necessary. There is no private play that comes into this. Something that would occur at a public setting is the more likely scenario. This refers to play only. At no time is he permitted to submit to anyone else. I'm very much of the opinion that if he feels he wants that, he may have it, but not while being collared by Me.

As for talking with other Dominants, I have a very high standard of protocol for this. The communications with him need to go through Me in some fashion. Even if it is just the courtesy of a note from someone asking if they might have a bit of My boy's time.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Meeoow)

Post #: 2

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/28/2010 1:00:14 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Being in an LDR is hard. But you knew that going in.

As a Dom, I would not allow a long distance sub to play with others if I wanted to keep her. Too much danger that they would go to the Dom that was present and leave me.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/28/2010 1:15:10 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

What Steven said.

But from the sub perspective, I find play to be very sexual for me. It needn't actually involve penetration or orgasm, but it's a major turn-on for me. I'm also boringly monogamous, and prefer to keep my sexual activities and feelings for one person. So play with others isn't an option.

As for talking to other Doms - some of my closest real-life friends are Doms, and I greatly enjoy conversing online with some of the fab Doms on this site. I'm not banned from talking to friends - in fact, I'd question any relationship where this might be suggested.

It all boils down to trust. Can I be trusted to talk to a man without cheating on my Dom? Absolutely! I have integrity and a great deal of self-control, so it's not an issue.

edited for spelling catastrophe[/b]

< Message edited by myotherself -- 3/28/2010 1:16:20 PM >

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/28/2010 2:25:23 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I was ldr for a couple of years. We tried to see each other every three weeks but it turned on to be every six weeks on average. With that said, we were both monogamous and just dealt with it. I don't like casual, nsa, relationships so I'm fine not having play or sex between. He also prefers a committed relationship to a one night stand. We didn't miss out on anything, we just had more to look forward to.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 5

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/28/2010 4:17:29 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

He allows me to talk to whoever I want and go wherever I want because he trusts me.

The issue fo me playing casually at clubs or what not never ever comes up because I don't do bdsm clubs and I don't fuck or play with others since I'm completely monogamous and committed to one man and one only.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 6

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/28/2010 5:18:02 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

What's mine is mine.
I don't share well or nicely.

But sure she can talk to whoever she wants. Hell. If I didn't trust her, WTF would I let her in my life?

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 7

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/28/2010 5:22:11 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

I wouldn't ever let my dom control who I talked to, any doms who wanted that just wouldn't be compatible with me, and daddy has no interest in controlling who I talk to thankfully. However yes when we were long distance he did let me play with others, and we had rules in place for that, and I adhered to those rules and most of the play was done privately and he had no problem with that.

I'm not entirely monogamous so even if he were not long distance I'd expect to get to feed that need to play with others every now and then. Course that's a topic for another subject.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Meeoow

Question for those who are in long distant relationships and don't have the opportunity to be with your dom very often. Does your Dom allow you to talk with other Doms simply on a casual basis and even further does he allow you to play with other doms such as at play parties and public venues? Not so much privately. If he doesn't do you feel like you are missing out on some of the more intense play or does it really matter to you.

(in reply to Meeoow)

Post #: 8

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/28/2010 5:23:44 PM

wisdomtogive

Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline

Casual play never was a topic brought up between us, when we were in ldr. Most likely because He knew it isn't my thing. Talking with other Doms has never been controlled. He knew when i did, since i don't hide anything. He never asked to read emails or cmails from them. Now we are together, i still can, but i don't. I didn't either when we were in ldr. Just not my thing.

edit to clarify
i never talked on an ongoing bases with any dom. i might ask them a question on a post they made, or they might respond to my post.

< Message edited by wisdomtogive -- 3/28/2010 5:25:30 PM >

_____________________________

Happily owned by MstrDark1

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 9

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/28/2010 6:03:05 PM

bondmaid123

Posts: 143
Joined: 6/6/2009
Status: offline

My master and I live about three hours apart. Normally we try to spend weekends together, and so far that's worked pretty well (although that drive.. ugh.....) I talk to other doms all the time (says the woman who's currently IM'ing with three other doms as she peruses the fora.. lol). My master doesn't have issues with that at all. Play is a grey area. I don't know, honestly. We agreed to an "open relationship" in the beginning and he's scened with other folks, but since I'm not really into the more extreme or painful types of play, I haven't really felt the urge to even approach the subject, although there are some doms I feel an attraction/affinity with with and maybe when I'm more comfortable in his social circle (they seem like really great people, I'm just still kinda new, eh?) I'll broach the subject.... I have *no* idea (and need to have that conversation with him) re: sex, honestly. While he *said* he was comfortable with it, I have this distinct feeling, all these several months later since we had those initial conversations about relationship boundaries, that he would not be as comfortable with it as he claims.

(in reply to wisdomtogive)

Post #: 10

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/28/2010 8:06:57 PM

DWCskitten

Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~
my Master & i live over 3,000 miles apart....He lives in FL and i live in WA, and i am going to see Him next month. If a Dom/me wants to communicate w/ me, i need to make a request and get permission first. There are certain Dom/mes i have permission to talk to, yes, because i consider Them friends and He understands that. :)

As for play/bottoming or sexual encounters with Others, that is a DEFINITE no no without His permission, and it's NOT very often i have His permission. Once in awhile i do, since He understands that W/we are so far apart and that E/everyone has needs. The times i did have permission, the other Dom backed out anyway. Maybe He did not want to share w/ my Master or something, i have no idea what the reason might have been, but it did not happen.

To answer the other question, Master Sir & i do have our methods of making sure neither of us is left totally without our needs being addressed but, yes, i do miss human touch in intimate encounters but, as i said earlier, i will be seeing Master Sir next month.....also, hopefully, i will be moving to FL later on.

~kitten~

_____________________________

formerly sweetsub1957.

New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

Proudly Owned property of MasterDWC.

(in reply to bondmaid123)

Post #: 11

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/28/2010 9:57:04 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

eack relationshp or dynamic is diffrent so will be the situation for each ldr. the only way to know what is best or will work for you is to discuss it with your Dom and make some ground rules of what and how it can happen. this is not just a show of ownership but of safty as well for both sides of the kneal.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to DWCskitten)

Post #: 12

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/28/2010 10:17:55 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I can talk to whoever I wish. I am not allowed to play with others.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 13

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/29/2010 11:17:21 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I have some ex play partners Master lets me talk to them because they were/are also friends. Any Dom's that want to talk to me have to go through Master. OTher then that i can talk to whomever i wish. That being said playing with other , that is not allowed at all . Public/ private does not matter. As he says you are mine and i do not share what belongs to me. it works because not being shared is one of my hard limits.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 14

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/30/2010 8:34:45 PM

petmonkey

Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

Sir allows me to exchange emails with Dom/me's via this site. i do not discuss BDSM, sex, or details of my relationship with them, although i do answer questions in the forums about these things. i am not allowed nor interested in meeting Dom/mes in real time, even for java. He likes His toys His, being monogamous in bed and play is part of my submission to Him--was from day one. Furthermore, i must confess that my asshat radar is slightly broken so i'm happy to give that decision-making process as to who i kick it with to Him; all the more-so while He's away.

ETD an extra word.

< Message edited by petmonkey -- 3/30/2010 8:43:29 PM >

_____________________________

Be excellent to each other.

(in reply to Meeoow)

Post #: 15

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/30/2010 11:40:32 PM

HisEvelyn

Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline

My Master and I are very long distance (I'm in CT, he is in Utah). I am free to talk to other doms all I like, as long as they do not make an attempt to poach me away from my Master. He considers this disrespectful and prefers I not interact with people who would disrespect both of us in such a way. Which I thoroughly agree with. But I do enjoy talking to people on here and learn a lot from different perspectives, so that's pretty valuable to me!

We also do not share one another. Play with others is an absolute no-no on either side. We just spend a lot of time on the phone when we are not together. ::grin:: Which is fine for us, as I have no desire for anyone but him, nor him for anyone but me.

(in reply to petmonkey)

Post #: 16

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/30/2010 11:50:34 PM

slo18

Posts: 125
Status: offline

back in the day, i was in an LD relationship wwell actualy two of them. one was my ex feance the distance killed us, but he let me talk with, play with in pubilc, and private, because he enjoyed hearing about me doing so. the second was with my now husband, and he didnt care who i chatted with or talked with, but he did not allow me to play with anyone while we were LD because he was afraid for my safety. now we have been marrid since 2007, and has learned to trust my judgment and i am now able to play as i see fit.

_____________________________

if god and the adorer call, tell them my prophet shall call their prophet, for I am in meetings verily till the end of time.

(in reply to HisEvelyn)

Post #: 17

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/31/2010 1:59:16 AM

kadine

Posts: 14
Joined: 8/11/2006
Status: offline

If I were in a long distance relationship, whether I were allowed to play or not, I couldn't. I'm not made that way, my sexuality is directly tied to my submission, I couldn't play with another, public or private, my surrender would be to him, unless I was -instructed- to play, that would be different, I'd be submitting to my Master by serving those that I'm instructed to play with . As for talking with other Dominants? I would do as my Master instructed me to there as well.

(in reply to Meeoow)

Post #: 18

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 3/31/2010 1:00:17 PM

HisSub1213

Posts: 219
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

He allows me to talk to whoever I want and go wherever I want because he trusts me.

The issue fo me playing casually at clubs or what not never ever comes up because I don't do bdsm clubs and I don't fuck or play with others since I'm completely monogamous and committed to one man and one only.

what littlewonder said.

_____________________________

HisSub1213

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. (Elbert Hubbard)

Fear is the mother of morality. (Friedrich Nietzsche)

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 19

RE: Talking to other doms and play when in a Long Dista... - 6/21/2010 9:55:27 AM

PrettyJewel

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/18/2010
Status: offline

I'm allowed to chat online, but when it comes to meeting someone - for coffee or anything else - he needs to give permission. That said, I just received a comment from a local Dom who thinks I'm not independent enough to make up my own mind, and that asking "some dude" who is 3,000 miles away for permission is not something he's into. Uh, red flag?

I do feel a bit sad without being in his close proximity, however he's promised to put me in touch with a friend out here until we can be together again.

- Jewel

(in reply to Meeoow)

Post #: 20

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