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Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/2/2006 11:45:51 AM   
tkenslve


Posts: 98
Joined: 2/23/2004
Status: offline 		i will admit that before i ask my question i am very depressed of late and this may be a case of the grass being greener and such.

i am in a relationship with a wonderful Master. i love Him very much and He loves me. But He still can not give me what i think i really want. i would love to have a 24/7 M/s relationship, me being the typical 50's housewife and slave to boot. To eventually have a life together.

Yet, He and i can not have this type of relationship at this time, maybe not ever. So i dont know what to do. Do i stay and find happiness with what i have right in front of me or go on the elusive search for what i think i want? What have others done? Maybe i need to spend the time finding out what i really do want, but that would also seem to mean that i must end things with Him or at least put them on hold for a while.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/2/2006 12:07:19 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I know this is going to sound like a really stupid question, but have you actually discussed with him those things you think you cannot achieve in this particular relationship?

Another thing is just something to chew on. I was once in a very wonderful relationship that seemed to be missing something, and I never could figure out what it was. I kept seeking what it was, and it got to a point where I ended up derailing the relationship because I was seeking something that even I didn't know what it was. As such, I ended up losing a very wonderful woman's ownership over me. I can never gain it back. Instead, I was pushed to go find what it was I was seeking, and it took years to figure out that what I had been seeking was what I was cast out from to find because of my own insecurities. Cause that's what it ended up being in the long run: insecurities. I had everything right in front of me, and I couldn't believe this was actually it.

I'm not saying your case is this way, but make sure it's not before you start to harbor thoughts of seeking something else that may already be right in your hands.

(in reply to tkenslve)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/2/2006 1:13:40 PM   
Angeni


Posts: 88
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings :)
 
I have to agree with Littlesarbonn. It may be that what you really seek is what you already have, and just have not realized it yet. According to your profile, you state that your Master is only home on the weekends? Maybe this is a good time for you to sit and reflect on the relationship, to try and come to an understanding within yourself of what you are actually seeking? And, as mentioned, you should be discussing this with your Master. 
 
I hope you find that which eludes you, best of luck.

(in reply to tkenslve)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/2/2006 6:00:16 PM   
PenelopePitstop


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline 		If there's any chance you are depressed at all, avoid making any big decisions until you feel a bit more grounded. It does things to our judgement and affects our experience of fulfillment.

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to Angeni)
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RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/2/2006 6:21:45 PM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		i know the predicament you are in...i want 24/7 (marriage) some day, and my partner doesn't. Its hard to know when to give in or decide you truelly can't be without your dream.

(in reply to tkenslve)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/2/2006 7:50:19 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		If he wasn't your Master.. just a boyfriend.. and you was not happy with the relationship... would you continue in that relationship?

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to tkenslve)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/2/2006 8:42:23 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		I would encourage you to take a step back and really look at your situation.  If you are settling for something that is not what you really want, ask yourself why.  Is there realistically a chance that your situation will change?  How much time are you losing staying in a situation that isn't totally fulfilling when you could be putting your effort towards seeking one that is?
 
I wish you luck,
Julie

(in reply to tkenslve)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/2/2006 8:44:46 PM   
lushusboobs


Posts: 83
Joined: 5/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:

If there's any chance you are depressed at all, avoid making any big decisions until you feel a bit more grounded. It does things to our judgement and affects our experience of fulfillment.
quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop
Penny ditto that advice.  I agree wholeheartedly.


_____________________________

http://360.yahoo.com/lushusboobs
You'd look pretty in my panties...

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)
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RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/2/2006 9:18:26 PM   
DragonNphoenix


Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop

If there's any chance you are depressed at all, avoid making any big decisions until you feel a bit more grounded. It does things to our judgement and affects our experience of fulfillment.


I have to agree with the above statement.  You need to be more grounded before making any life altering moves.

1st girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to PenelopePitstop)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/3/2006 6:48:45 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Love doesn't make a relationship last or work well in the long term.

Why would you trap eachother in a situation that is fulfilling to no one?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to tkenslve)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/3/2006 8:37:22 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tkenslve
Maybe i need to spend the time finding out what i really do want, but that would also seem to mean that i must end things with Him or at least put them on hold for a while.


no maybe's about it, take the time to find out what it is you really want BEFORE getting involved in a committed relationship with someone else.  You say you think you would like a 24/7 M/s relationship=ever done it, researched it, known anyone or communicated with anyone that does it or is it a fantasy?  Does your Master know of your depressed state, your consideration to end the relationship or your posting of your dilemma here?

(in reply to tkenslve)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/3/2006 9:23:30 AM   
tkenslve


Posts: 98
Joined: 2/23/2004
Status: offline
quote:

no maybe's about it, take the time to find out what it is you really want BEFORE getting involved in a committed relationship with someone else.  You say you think you would like a 24/7 M/s relationship=ever done it, researched it, known anyone or communicated with anyone that does it or is it a fantasy?  Does your Master know of your depressed state, your consideration to end the relationship or your posting of your dilemma here?


This wasnt intended to be a long term committed relationship, it has grown into one. i have never done a 24/7 M/s relationship but yes, i have researched them and talked to people (couples both mono and poly) who are in them. Yes, it is a fantasy ( seeing as how i have never done it) but it is one that i would like to explore. Yes, He knows of my depression and i know that i may post whatever i wish as long as it does not cross boundaries that He has given me, which this posting has not.

Thank you to everyone for your input and thoughts.

< Message edited by tkenslve -- 4/3/2006 9:39:31 AM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/3/2006 9:46:31 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Is the reason that you are in different places? What is the reason you cannot?

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to tkenslve)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/3/2006 9:49:11 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i am in a relationship with a wonderful Master. i love Him very much and He loves me. But He still can not give me what i think i really want. i would love to have a 24/7 M/s relationship, me being the typical 50's housewife and slave to boot. To eventually have a life together.

Yet, He and i can not have this type of relationship at this time, maybe not ever. So i dont know what to do. Do i stay and find happiness with what i have right in front of me or go on the elusive search for what i think i want? What have others done? Maybe i need to spend the time finding out what i really do want, but that would also seem to mean that i must end things with Him or at least put them on hold for a while.


If I were you, I would take a little time to think about what it is I really want.  (actually, I did this between dominants and stayed alone for several months while I figured it out)
 
Here's just a suggestion:  Make a list of the things you feel you cannot live without in a relationship.  Be realistic, and be honest with yourself, but don't leave anything out that you feel is important to your happiness.  Then, when you've got that list done, set it aside for a day or two and make a list of the things you have with your current Master.  Compare the two lists.  If what you have with your current Master doesn't hit at least 75% of what your needs list covers, then you're with the wrong person. 

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to tkenslve)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/3/2006 10:04:54 AM   
wild1cfl


Posts: 567
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		Life is not always so cut and dried. You need to learn to compromise with what ever relationship you are in. Write a list of Pros about the relationship and then write a list of Cons about the relationship. Look over your list and see if the Pros are more important than your Cons. Then I would talk with your Dominant and see if he can help you make the Pros list longer and have more of the things that you really want in your relationship. You will never get the perfect relationship, but you will certainly get closer with communication and knowing what you want out of it from the start.

Wild  

(in reply to tkenslve)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/3/2006 10:13:26 AM   
cariad


Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline 		this slave was in your shoes not too long ago, and had to step back, do some soul searching and see what it truly was girl wanted. she since learned that although she was happy where she was it was time to move on and ask for release because her former Master could not give her a 24/7 relationship because He was not up to it as He put it, which left girl feeling lost, alone, scared confused and hurt.

when girl asked for release it was the hardest thing she had ever done because she swore that she would not ask for release if she found the One who made her as happy as He did. girl is not saying you should ask for release but on the days your Master is not home, sit down, write the pros and cons of being in this relationship, then go have a hot bath as hot as you can stand it, with some candles (no lights) and your favorite music. soak in the tub for as long as you can stand to do so, and when you get out hopefully it will have given you a clearer outlook on your life.

this slave thinks she has found the Dom for her this time and while W/we are taking it slowly , talking and getting to know each other because He is 4hrs away from her, she is doing some soul searching herself.  it is not because she wants to find out what it is she truly wants, but to see what O/others say T/they see in girl.

girl knows that she is pretty, smart and all these other things, but she has a Protector who has said a few things that left her wondering, they were good things mind you but still things that left her wondering if she saw them in herself. seeing she has not seen what O/others say T/they see in her, she has opted to tell her Sir that she is soul searching and ask that He respect her for doing so, thus far He has respected girl for taking time to see what O/others say T/they see in her.

girl hopes that you can find the answers you seek in yourself and that you find what you long for in the end.

girl also hopes you will take her suggestion of the bath, candles and music, as well as, writing the pros and cons of being in the relationship you are in now.

good luck and please keep U/us posted as to what happens or to ask questions, as there is no such thing as a stupid question except that which is not asked.

blessed be


_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/3/2006 10:36:10 AM   
koncertmaster


Posts: 3
Joined: 11/30/2004
Status: offline 		While Iam not a sub/slave, I feel as if I must get this out here on this post. Being an 'oldtimer' from the past, nobody was master/slave unless it was a 24/7 live-in affair. All others were D/s and for the sex, play and the fetishes. Didn't mean love was not involved, but the D/s affair was not going to be a 24/7 live-in...period, until there was going to be a real collar. Then the sub became a slave and moved in with her naster.

What we have here in the kinkosphere is a vast population that offers so many people, and all these sites and even vanilla it is a womens 'market' as it were. Many choices are presented and we come here to take advantage of that, but when a women is collared, she is owned and in the past that automatically meant a 24/7 live-in relationship. How can a 'master' 'own' a slave not living with him ? How is a woman a collared slave when not living with her master ? This is only possible over the Internet and the problems that ensue are a creation of 'Internet' realtionships, not those organically formed by ALL realtime as in the past.

I've seen couples 3,000 miles apart 3 years on the net consider themselves M/s. How could this be ? Because eventually, she did move to him and made it a 'real' 24/7 live-in M/s relationship. To me, that is the only goal in M/s, while D/s was for play etc.

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/3/2006 11:40:17 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I gotta kinda agree with that last post, I was first going to say a part time Master/slave relationship wouldnt be a Master/slave relationship to me but then I thought about it some more and whether its Master/slave would be dependent on how much of your actions/mind/heart was consumed by your Master, whether living together or not. I also thought back to times of the traditional meaning of slavery, a Master could own a slave but might not call on that slave for vast lengths of time or perhaps never call on a particular slave directly at all, yet the slave would have had no doubt that they were "owned".

However....

We dont live in the old world of traditional slaves, who are slaves by law and their position could be enforced by law, we live in a modern world and we are "choosing" to submit to another, we are choosing to "be taken" completely by our owner.
Because of this its very difficult to lead "separate" lives away from our owner, our Master. Part of  being owned is being used and consumed, a submissive type of personality craves this, as we dont live in the world of legal slaves where the structure of our society enforces our position, we need extra things, we need the time, we need the closeness, we are so needy in so many ways, partly because we simply want to "live it" fully. If that is what you are experiencing, the need to "live it fully" it may be a pipe dream, you may never find the one who can consume you completely but at the same time you are less likely to satiate that need living in a part time relationship (not saying its not possible) just a hellava lot more difficult.

Thats possibly where your dilemma lays.



_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to koncertmaster)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Do you keep hoping or leave? - 4/3/2006 1:23:15 PM   
starymists


Posts: 139
Joined: 2/1/2006
Status: offline 		The question for me, when I faced the issues of determining the differences between what I wanted and what I needed was expectations. I can have everything that I want, and still not be fulfilled because my needs aren't being met. I can also have everything I need, and be discontent because I don't have what I want to have. I had to take a step back and take a look at what my expectations were. Expectations, for me, are neither wants nor needs. They are found in a place where reality meets fantasy. There was a time, for me, in which my expectation was that if a relationship was good, it lead to long term committed. And because that was my expectation, I wasn't satisfied with anything less. I played games in my head like "Well, if it is as good as I think it is, why aren't we going further?" ergo...it's not as good as I think it is.
 
Then I went through a time and place where I couldn't give the required time and energy commitment to go into a long term committed relationship. I walked around for nearly a year discontent, unhappy, questioning, and in general, just in a negative state of mind. When I really started to look at ~why~ I was in the funk, when I started to look at why I couldn't enjoy the more casual relationships that allowed me to meet my needs in a basic way, I started to realize I needed to manage my expectations better. In learning to manage those expectations, I was able to move into a place where I could enjoy what was in front of me until I could make some changes in my life that allowed me to follow those expectations to their logical conclusion.
 
Only you can determine what to do in this situation. I know it's tough any way you turn.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 19
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