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switching question - 3/29/2010 7:02:38 PM

swaybackgirl

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What does it mean when a "Straight Dominant Male" is seeking out a submissive/bottom/ switch? In my mind, I viewing that dominant as a switch to at that point. If the dominant is willing and wanting to be a bottom at any time in the relationship to a submissive/bottom/switch, what other conclusion can be reached ? Thank You for any information

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RE: switching question - 3/29/2010 7:57:40 PM

SimplyMichael

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I get your view but your view is SO parochial and due to a very tiny exposure to the real world of bdsm.

I know couples where one woman is master of the other who is her slave

The slave is daddy to the master when the master is in little girl space.

Now while I would consider them switches, it shows how diverse this stuff is.

Its like what makes a man gay, if you get forced to suck cock are you gay? If, in the middle of a super hot orgy, a cock slips out of a womans cunt and you suck on it on are you gay? And the list goes on.

Switches to me are people who ENJOY switching back and forth. I know some people who are "always" one way...but one a rare occassion find someone who flips the switch of that "other" side.

Plus, you don't see a lot of male doms TALKING about switching because of the number of women who would freak out if they find their uber master had bottomed or submitted.

(in reply to swaybackgirl)

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RE: switching question - 3/29/2010 8:18:08 PM

Andalusite

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For most people, it means that he is open to someone of any of those BDSM or D/s orientations. My Master is fine with my having my submissive playpartner (he also plays with her occasionally) to explore that side of things with. My previous Dominant and I were in a monogamous relationship for 3 years, and I just didn't top anybody while we were involved. In the past, I was a Domme in a monogamous/no outside play relationship for 5 years. Some Dominants are occasionally masochistic and enjoy being topped, but only when they are in control of the proceedings, but dating a switch doesn't imply that he or she will switch *with* the switch necessarily.

I don't think there's any such thing as a "submissive/bottom/switch" per se - at least I've never heard of anyone identifying as such. There are sadistic submissives, masochistic tops, top/bottom switches, D/s switches, switches who can't switch with the same person, ones who switch within the same scene, and so forth. Some people assume incorrectly that switches *have* to switch with the same person, or are incapable of monogamous/no outside play relationships. It really depends on what the specific people involved want and need, and how they interact.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 3/29/2010 8:23:13 PM >

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RE: switching question - 3/30/2010 12:11:58 AM

crazyml

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quote:

ORIGINAL: swaybackgirl

What does it mean when a "Straight Dominant Male" is seeking out a submissive/bottom/ switch?In my mind, I viewing that dominant as a switch to at that point.

I wouldn't necesarily read that much into it - Firstly you don't necessarily know whether the SDM in question actually wants to switch or whether he simply enjoys dominating switches.

quote:

If the dominant is willing and wanting to be a bottom at any time in the relationship to a submissive/bottom/switch, what other conclusion can be reached ? Thank You for any information

I suppose you could come to that conclusion - but I think it's a pretty restrictive definition. While there are definitely plenty of Doms who absolutely never switch - there are some who may have done, or who may in the future but who really are predominantly Dominant in their desires and outlook. I think it's a continuum, with a number who are 100% one way or another and others who might be 99% one way or the other, etc.

(in reply to swaybackgirl)

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RE: switching question - 3/30/2010 12:49:36 AM

myotherself

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I know of a Dom/switch couple who don't switch at all in their relationship - he is Dom, she is sub. But he allows her to top others outside of their relationship.

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RE: switching question - 3/30/2010 2:26:06 PM

DesFIP

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I would read it as the dom in question is seeking someone who will take the bottom role when with him. That he doesn't care if you top others, but that you bottom for him. However, why not ask him for clarification?

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RE: switching question - 3/31/2010 5:42:24 AM

afkarr

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I'm going to echo andalusite, myotherself, and des here- technically I'm a switch, but as I only sub to men, and only top girls, it works with a male Dom- I'm his sub, never his top; but am free to play with submissive girls if I want.

(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: switching question - 3/31/2010 5:52:41 AM

Madame4a

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Ultimately, the options here are very limiting and trying to explain something as complicated as your orientation here is difficult. I would assume that like most people, they pick the choices that come closest. I wouldn't read anything into it at all. In the end, I think a lot of folks are simply looking for a partner in life and luckily, most are not so narrow as to want only someone who is completely focussed on just one part of life.

But that's me...

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RE: switching question - 3/31/2010 4:52:05 PM

StrongSpirit

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What makes you think the Dominant is going to be submissive? Here are several reasons a dominant person might want to meet a switch for play:

I have a threesome planned and want someone that can be sub to me, but dom to my slave.
The dominant has little experience and wants someone that they can play with and learn from simultaneously.
They are open minded and want someone to play with, and are willing to play with a switch as long as the switch is submissive in that particular relationship
They like a sub with spirit. Someone that will not rollover.
They are looking for a one night stand and will do it with anything that is willing to sub to them tonight.

(in reply to Madame4a)

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RE: switching question - 4/1/2010 12:35:09 AM

AQuietSimpleMan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: swaybackgirl

what other conclusion can be reached ?

That the Dominant does not care if the Submissive/Bottom/Switch ever switches as long as they bottom to them.

That occasionally they want to Bottom in a Sadomasochistical sence because they are a Dominant Masochist.

That they are open to engaging in the discussion of possibly switching with someone who is primarily a sub.

That they don't actually know what a switch is and just think it is part of a holy trinity that is defines as submissive/bottom/switch.

That they have another sub that they want the individual to dominate in addition to submitting to them.

That they have a very different definition of submissive that will require explaning and do not want to exclude anyone while they are interviewing.

That they are looking for a Domestic and their orientation is less important than their desire to serve in a Domestic capasity.

What is that 7 right off the top of my head that don't pigeon or corn hole the Dominant into this very shallow box you have created for what the world of BDSM means.

The Point is that what you think when you say BDSM is YOUR own understanding BDSM is pretty liberal in what constitutes what.

In the end if you keep giving yourself boxes you will continue to find yourself always wondering what it means when people do things differently.

QSM

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RE: switching question - 4/1/2010 10:06:15 PM

afkarr

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QSM- submissive/bottom/switch is the most holiest of all trinitys, and we should be worshipped as such

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RE: switching question - 4/2/2010 4:18:54 AM

PrimalConsonance

Posts: 463
Joined: 7/11/2009
From: Southern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: swaybackgirl

What does it mean when a "Straight Dominant Male" is seeking out a submissive/bottom/ switch? In my mind, I viewing that dominant as a switch to at that point. If the dominant is willing and wanting to be a bottom at any time in the relationship to a submissive/bottom/switch, what other conclusion can be reached ? Thank You for any information

I can see two possible reasons for a Straight Dominant Male seeking a submissive/bottom/switch:

1. The dominant may wish to have the submissive top him/her once in a while under instruction, and not to be a submissive per se. It's bottoming from the top. Nothing wrong with that, because the switch or submissive is under the control of the dominant.

2. The dominant may wish to have more than one submissive with a hierarchy of sorts. The dominant may wish to have an assist from the switch on another submissive. The dominant may want to watch the switch while in play to satisfy voyeuristic tendencies. A power play of having a "pet" that can delve out pain and pleasure to another may appeal to some dominants.

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(in reply to swaybackgirl)

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RE: switching question - 4/2/2010 4:22:13 AM

CarrieO

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Joined: 1/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

Ultimately, the options here are very limiting and trying to explain something as complicated as your orientation here is difficult. I would assume that like most people, they pick the choices that come closest. I wouldn't read anything into it at all. In the end, I think a lot of folks are simply looking for a partner in life and luckily, most are not so narrow as to want only someone who is completely focussed on just one part of life.

But that's me...

This.

Sometimes people get so caught up with the labels that they forget the person they're used to describe.

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 4/2/2010 4:40:10 AM >

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