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SecuLucar -> Need Help (3/30/2010 12:34:40 PM)
Hi there. I'm new to being a Dom and I'm looking for my first pet but I am also looking for a Dom/me that can teach me how to be a better Dom. Like I said I am new to BDSM and could use some help.

Jeffff -> RE: Need Help (3/30/2010 12:41:03 PM)
Pending serious advice. Why don't you just do as you wish?

SecuLucar -> RE: Need Help (3/30/2010 12:44:24 PM)
Because I'm totally green to all of this. I don't want to scare her off but I don't want her to just do as she wants.

elleX -> RE: Need Help (3/30/2010 12:45:17 PM)
hi,, just follow your instinct ,, and be sensitive to the other reaction maybe you should join your local munches

SecuLucar -> RE: Need Help (3/30/2010 12:47:06 PM)
I don't know where they are or how to find them...

Madame4a -> RE: Need Help (3/30/2010 12:50:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SecuLucar I don't know where they are or how to find them... hmmm... good start is google... BDSM+your town ... is a great search.. beyond that.. there's tons of other places to find folks online and off.. do a little searching uhmmm.. buddy.. I just looked at your profile.. you're 19, new, in college, collared, and you live with Mom.. don't you have enough to do already? And if you're collared, why not get your Top/Master whatever.. to help you?

SimplyMichael -> RE: Need Help (3/30/2010 12:50:59 PM)
www.tes.org & www.soj.org are the two oldest bdsm groups around and should list groups near you. Also look to find a MAsT group if you can. Buy at least one non fiction bdsm book, look to see if you can find them used on Amazon or something. SM101, Screw the Roses, The Loving Dominant, will give you some overview of what you are looking to do. None of them will "make" you good or a good dominant but it should take the edge off.

GraciousLady -> RE: Need Help (3/30/2010 1:25:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Madame4a quote: ORIGINAL: SecuLucar I don't know where they are or how to find them... hmmm... good start is google... BDSM+your town ... is a great search.. beyond that.. there's tons of other places to find folks online and off.. do a little searching uhmmm.. buddy.. I just looked at your profile.. you're 19, new, in college, collared, and you live with Mom.. don't you have enough to do already? And if you're collared, why not get your Top/Master whatever.. to help you? What the good Madam said. your extra time might better be spent studying or sleeping :-)

Focus50 -> RE: Need Help (3/30/2010 2:19:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SecuLucar Hi there. I'm new to being a Dom and I'm looking for my first pet but I am also looking for a Dom/me that can teach me how to be a better Dom. Like I said I am new to BDSM and could use some help. Did you need someone to teach you how to date girls or did you just do what came naturally to you? If someone has to teach/show you basics that don't come naturally from within you, then you're deceiving yourself and likely anyone you practise it with.... However, if there's something specific that needs a "bit of polish", then ask away. Focus.

DarkSteven -> RE: Need Help (3/30/2010 5:09:51 PM)
Since you're 19, you may find the TNG groups to be more your style.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Need Help (3/30/2010 5:21:59 PM)
Feel your way.

adx -> RE: Need Help (3/31/2010 2:28:08 AM)
Well it seems to me oh my little droogy that for the basics you should just have it. You either are or aren't. If nothing else trial and error should be real horrorshow.

allthatjaz -> RE: Need Help (3/31/2010 4:35:42 AM)
Domination is not a fine skill but I would say that certain things have to come naturally and it all needs to feel natural. Ask yourself, are you decisive? persistent? in charge of your own exhistance? are you confident? methodical? consistent? Do you enjoy leading? and can you lead in an intelligent and perhaps enlightening way? In other words do you find the people you lead positively happy to follow? Are you caring? understanding? fair? If you struggle with the above then you will struggle with dominance because if 99.9% of those things listed above, don't come naturally, then you will need to pretend and pretending is only fun till you get found out! Remember that dominance comes from the mind of the person that is dominating and not the skill of a flogger. The submission given to you by another, results from your mindful behavior and not from the flogger. The flogger can be learnt separately but on its own its useless.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Need Help (3/31/2010 8:32:22 AM)
The OP is 19, I suggest more gor novels and a blow up doll for the next five to ten years.

RCdc -> RE: Need Help (3/31/2010 8:44:58 AM)
You cannot teach someone to be a better dominant, just like you cannot teach someone to be a better person. Unless you are determined to go down some path of enlightenment or personal betterment. Just be a better person. (Unless you already rock, which is all cool). You just need to grow like everyone else does, regardless of age. If you are asking more about training for activities, like flogging or shibari. That's a different matter and that's about being a top. Best thoughts. the.dark.

allthatjaz -> RE: Need Help (3/31/2010 8:49:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael The OP is 19, I suggest more gor novels and a blow up doll for the next five to ten years. Why? I have seen some 19 year olds that make far better dominants than 50 year olds!

SimplyMichael -> RE: Need Help (3/31/2010 11:31:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RCdc You cannot teach someone to be a better dominant, just like you cannot teach someone to be a better person. Unless you are determined to go down some path of enlightenment or personal betterment. If you mean you MAKE someone be a better dominant who isn't looking AND ready to grow, I agree wholeheartedly. However, I very much think you can teach someone how to be a better dominant if they are open to the hard work of looking inward and dealing with their own issues, which is what I think you meant by that second sentence.

Smutmonger -> RE: Need Help (3/31/2010 11:43:19 AM)
OP...... Suggested reading lists: "Screw the roses,send me the thorns" "The loving Dominant." These are a couple of solid beginner books to consider. Also look into workshops being given when you are of age for the locales they are being hosted in. There are lots of TNG girls out there looking for competent and careful Guys in your age range. Ignore the cranky old farts who are just pissed because they keep getting shot down by the hot young chicks. I wish I had started as young as you. You have a long time ahead of you to look forward to. Learn and care-be a mensch. That's all you have to do.

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