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RE: Banging my head on my desk!! - 4/3/2006 10:47:25 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Off on another track (must be past hibernation time)  Looking at the thread's title ~ "Banging my head on my desk!!"  Has anyone called the SFPDD???  "Society For Prevention of Dammage to Desks"


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Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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(in reply to MHOO314)
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RE: Banging my head on my desk!! - 4/3/2006 11:05:44 AM   
cariad


Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline 		girl had that problem where communication became pretty much at a stand still, she would try to tell her former Master that she needed to speak with Him and at times He would listen, but then the day came when she heard Him say, "My cariad, I do not have time for you or much of anything else right now."

well this devastated(sp) girl and she knew then that she had to make a choice and in fact she did but only after writing Him a poem, which she did not share with Him because she knew what He would say. He had slowly started pulling away from girl when W/we first met in Aug. 2004 and then again last May. 

girl finally begged release because she knew that while she was not always able to verbally get out her feelings that all she had to do was write to Him and He would chose whether or not to respond.  she chose to ask for release because: "Communication is the key to any good relationship, be it a "Vanilla" or M/s, D/s relationship."

you need to find a way to communicate your fears, thoughts and feelings to Him or the relationship as some of the replies have said "the relationship has already been doomed."

girl has to write in her blog/journal daily and she does so except when not well, or her pc is being a bad pc, at which point she takes her flogger and hits it a few times trying to beat it into submission LOL

writing is what girl does best, she too sometimes over thinks things and it has gotten her in trouble at times but when she requests free time she explains why she was thinking the way she did and usually afterwards it is resolved.

sadly though as girl said she had to ask for release because to her communication is the forefront of any good relationship. please know that no matter your decision W/we are here to support you.




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The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Banging my head on my desk!! - 4/3/2006 11:51:54 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline 		A motif of clear communication should always be present between a Master and his girl.

Every slave that is mine is encouraged—in fact, obligated—to share her innermost thoughts, worries, and doubts with me. This is what is called allowing a slave to be transparent. A Master who does not train for and invite transparence in his girl is only sabotaging the reliability of his own property. It's akin to ignoring the "check engine" message that alights on your dashboard.


(in reply to BeautyAwakens)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Banging my head on my desk!! - 4/3/2006 12:31:33 PM   
Ava82


Posts: 55
Joined: 1/2/2006
Status: offline 		I hear you, Beauty.  I was just involved with a Dom who told me over and over again, "Communication is the key."  Well, I happened to communicate something he didn't like, and bam!  I'm out the door.  *shrugs*  Just decide, I guess, if he's willing to hear ALL of your thoughts or just the ones he wants to.

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Banging my head on my desk!! - 4/3/2006 12:48:08 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ava82
I hear you, Beauty.  I was just involved with a Dom who told me over and over again, "Communication is the key."  Well, I happened to communicate something he didn't like, and bam!  I'm out the door.  *shrugs*  Just decide, I guess, if he's willing to hear ALL of your thoughts or just the ones he wants to.


Even if it is something I dislike, I prefer to hear about it rather than just get blind-sides by the resulting problem it would likely cause if left undealt with. I am not a mind-reader and can't find ways to solve a problem unless I know there is a problem to be solved.


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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Ava82)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Banging my head on my desk!! - 4/3/2006 12:59:52 PM   
BeautyAwakens


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Cariad, we seem to have simular stories, but after speaking with Master today, i feel much better and the issue has been resolved.  Being that i am more comfortable and at ease now, i feel as though i can bring anything to Him at anytime....He took time to speak with me to address my fears and needs, and feel i can once again move forward.  Thanks to all who posted, your thoughts are very much appreciated

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Banging my head on my desk!! - 4/3/2006 1:30:48 PM   
Ceyx


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline 		My first rule for miss is that she should be open and honest with me at all times.  Her basic mantra, spoken nightly, includes the affirmation that I 'own' her.  I take the word in its fullest sense, to mean among other things that I acknowledge, and therefore strive to understand her as completely as possible.  If something is bothering her, I want to know about it.

Every D/s relationship is different, and you'll need to evaluate whether this one is right for you.   Perhaps this communication issue is a problem that you can resolve with your Master, although that becomes difficult if he won't listen to your concerns.  Regardless, you should have a relationship that meets your needs; if submission becomes embittered rather than wholehearted, then the magic of the thing is lost.

(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Banging my head on my desk!! - 4/3/2006 3:48:23 PM   
BeautyAwakens


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		It was all just miscommunication, and when unable to express concern over a subject to where there was a sense of resolve, i turned to my journal and vented quite harshly, but add feeling alot better in doing so..though guilty at the same time.  Needless to say all that was written was left intact and decided to let the chips fall where they may.  Master took extra time today to address the issue as well as another, both feeling much better ;o) 

For the record, i think i recall reading a post involving Virgos...im  a Virgo, and yes i do tend at times to over analyze, but hey..its how im wired..both a blessing and a curse and with everything one must take the good with the bad ;o)

(in reply to Ceyx)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Banging my head on my desk!! - 4/3/2006 4:19:06 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Glad things have resolved BeautyAwakens

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Banging my head on my desk!! - 4/3/2006 9:08:06 PM   
Ava82


Posts: 55
Joined: 1/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ava82
I hear you, Beauty.  I was just involved with a Dom who told me over and over again, "Communication is the key."  Well, I happened to communicate something he didn't like, and bam!  I'm out the door.  *shrugs*  Just decide, I guess, if he's willing to hear ALL of your thoughts or just the ones he wants to.


Even if it is something I dislike, I prefer to hear about it rather than just get blind-sides by the resulting problem it would likely cause if left undealt with. I am not a mind-reader and can't find ways to solve a problem unless I know there is a problem to be solved.



That's what I figured, Raven Muse.  I figured I was helping in the long run...but, it's obvious that he and I were not meant for the long run!

I'm glad to hear it got worked out, Beauty....isn't a journal a wonderful thing?

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Banging my head on my desk!! - 4/4/2006 2:24:16 AM   
Reilithion


Posts: 25
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline 		It's good to hear that the issue is resolved, Beauty. Thanks for the update, and I hope any future problems are as easy to deal with as this one seems to have been.

(in reply to Ava82)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Banging my head on my desk!! - 4/4/2006 5:49:22 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		I personally would find his flippant and dismissive way of addressing my feelings and concerns troubling.
 
If you have not established a communication protocol, I would attempt to do so. This might look like you asking submissively for a time-out of sorts and a safe forum to discuss things on you mind with out the heavy dynamic influencing your words. It may look like a journal to him and a discussion forum afterward, and it may look like pulling your submission away from him with a very clear yet not demanding words to the effect "hey I am not getting my needs met here, so if you can not meet me in a way that i am content and satisfied then i can not respect you as my Dominant and Steward because this is not what I signed up for"
 
Not easy or fun, but much less painful and more productive then banging your head on the desk.
 
One last note I debated adding, but I think I will, I served a man like yours once, and to be honest it was an early indication that he did not have a clue, and was  wrapped up in the fantasy of being a dominant because he knew he was lacking emotional maturity and communication skills, and felt that being a Dom would get him off the hook....

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This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to MHOO314)
Profile   Post #: 32
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