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pemblerose -> what would you do (3/30/2010 4:05:08 PM)

hello,

ill have to fill you in a bit on the background for this to make sense - sorry:

four years ago our lives changed radically when my husbands sons mother died. we decided that in order not to completely unsettle jack who was 9 at the time, we would keep him at his school so he could stay with the friends he'd grown up with and remain near to his stepdad (theyre very close).  so now i live in the flat where jack and his mother lived during the term time and we go home to hereford during the holidays. the step dad lives in the next town.  my husband is away quite a bit and so far this has worked out fine.

but jacks stepdad has been a disruptive influence in many ways and over the past four years my husband has lost patience with the man.  this last term jack has been encouraged, by his stepdad to miss school to such an extent that the school welfare have been involved.  i have done my best to negotiate with jacks stepdad and the school and after quite a lot of effort and upset the situation has been resolved.  the stepdad has seen the mess its caused and how close it all got to going down the legal road.  i think it shocked him and i know its been the wake up call he needed.  i also think he realises that he's on thin ice with my husband.

so heres my problem.  my husband is due home for easter.  if he hears about all of this he will almost certainly bring jack and i home permanently.  jack will lose his friends, have to change his school and because he is very protective of his stepdad, leaving him behind will really upset him.  jacks relationship with his dad might suffer as a result.

i am to tell my husband everything.  when he phones and asks me if all is well and i say fine, then it better had be fine, i have to tell him everything, even if i think he might worry unneccesarily about it.  i am not to lie, ever.  it has been a point of contention to be honest, im on thin ice with that already.  i hate to worry him and i hate to be a burden or tell him petty stuff, so i havent in the past.  he pointed out that theres little point in him asking me if everything is alright and me to say yes, when it isnt, how will he know for sure. 

so i have already lied and failed on that by saying all is fine.  but that isnt my worry right now.  my worry is that i should tell him all of this but if i do jacks life will be disrupted when i dont believe its necessary.  i believe the situation is sorted out that his stepdad understands i need his support and he needs to be more responsible toward jack.

i know that my husband will be livid about all of this but in the end jack will be the one who suffers as a result by being taken from his friends and school.

i am so torn.  my marriage is based on Ds.  i am submissive to him, i am answerable to him in all things and i love him very much.  He makes the decision, his word is law and he has certain expectations on how things flow.  going against all of that has given me sleepless nights and ive lost weight (the only upside)

if he ever finds out that i have decieved him over this by not telling him, by telling him all has been fine when it hasnt been, itll look like i dont trust him or his judgement and i do very much, but i know that he will respond to this by moving jack away from the source of the problem, namely the stepdad even if i tell him that the situation has been sorted out and wont ever happen again.  he has got to the end of a very frayed rope where the stepdad is concerned.  this will be the final straw.

i am torn because its so difficult for me to lie and deceive my husband, it feels so wrong and the very idea of it makes me feel miserable, but if i dont jack will be torn from his friends, school and stepdad because my husband has lost the plot where the stepdad is concerned, this will just prove once and for all to him that the guy is a bad influence and cant be trusted.

do i ignore the foundations of my marriage to protect jack from all the upheaval that will happen if i dont.  and how the hell do i live with this decepetion and the lies ill have to tell - to be honest thats the bit im dreading the most.  looking into his eyes and telling the man i love and respect one lie after another - im not even sure ill be able to - im not even sure if he wont see that im lying and then the shit will really hit the fan when it all comes out.  oh shit!

i dont know what to do.  i have asked friends and theyve said that i should tell Ben but say that its all sorted out now and we're going to stay put.  but i cant explain to them that the bedrock of my marriage is Ds and i cant make those sort of decisions and even if i did, its his final decision that we follow.

im sorry that you had to struggle through all of that, i tried to keep it short and failed. 

rosie x




DesFIP -> RE: what would you do (3/30/2010 5:00:22 PM)

Next time  he calls you explain that you did not have the energy to explain what was going on, and that you need to talk to him but you believe this will be better done face to face. Can he not come up for the weekend?

In the meantime, the school has a psychologist or social worker of some time. Schedule an appointment with them and ask for their advice.

I think it is wonderful that you care so much for your stepson. However you may well not be right in believing it is best for him to stay in this environment. This environment contains a stepfather who has tried to harm him by making him miss so much school. Although you think you've gotten through to him, the truth is that a responsible loving father figure would not have done this in the first place.

It might be much better for your stepson to live everyday with his father. And away from his stepfather. He can visit his friends during the holidays and his stepfather can travel to visit him with supervised visits until he has earned your husband's trust. Your stepson will be able to talk with his friends daily over facebook and email. It is not the end of the world. Quite honestly living with his stepmother in his mother's home must be very difficult for him.

And in the end, the person who bears the greatest responsibility for your stepson is your husband. The decision is his to make, your job is to make sure he makes the best possible decision which is why I urge you to make an appointment for you and your husband with the school psychologist who will be able to offer viewpoints neither of you will think of.

D/s doesn't enter into this. A vanilla couple should not lie to each other either. Especially when the welfare of a child is in danger.



leadership527 -> RE: what would you do (3/30/2010 5:55:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pemblerose
i am to tell my husband everything.  when he phones and asks me if all is well and i say fine, then it better had be fine, i have to tell him everything, even if i think he might worry unneccesarily about it.  i am not to lie, ever.  it has been a point of contention to be honest, im on thin ice with that already.  i hate to worry him and i hate to be a burden or tell him petty stuff, so i havent in the past.  he pointed out that theres little point in him asking me if everything is alright and me to say yes, when it isnt, how will he know for sure. 

so i have already lied and failed on that by saying all is fine.  but that isnt my worry right now.  my worry is that i should tell him all of this but if i do jacks life will be disrupted when i dont believe its necessary.  i believe the situation is sorted out that his stepdad understands i need his support and he needs to be more responsible toward jack.

i know that my husband will be livid about all of this but in the end jack will be the one who suffers as a result by being taken from his friends and school.

i am so torn.  my marriage is based on Ds.  i am submissive to him, i am answerable to him in all things and i love him very much.  He makes the decision, his word is law and he has certain expectations on how things flow.  going against all of that has given me sleepless nights and ive lost weight (the only upside)

Personally, I think you need to start out by stopping deceiving yourself. His word is NOT law. You do NOT trust his judgement. You are not, at least in this area, prepared to submit.

That is the truth of the situation. Now.. starting in reality, figure out where you want to go from there. Where this me, I'd hope Carol would come to me and tell me that she doesn't trust my judgement, at least in one area, so that we could discuss it.



DarkSteven -> RE: what would you do (3/30/2010 6:13:08 PM)

You're too close to the stepfather.  You believe him when he says that the latest mess has caused him to truly reform.

I do not believe him.  Not one iota.  After four years of consistent screwups, it would take a lot more than words to convince me.  The wakeup call he needs is to have Jack removed from him, not to see the threat of it.

Is there a hidden agenda that might make you not want to move to your husband and have Jack with you?



GraciousLady -> RE: what would you do (3/30/2010 6:18:16 PM)

This is not a D/s thing. YOU decieved YOUR husband in matters regarding HIS son. It was going to be bad regardless of who knew what or when they knew it. The only difference now is it's worse because the one person in your husbands life (you) that he should have been able to expect complete honesty from has been dishonest. I know you had the very best of intentions and you should tell your husband that when you tell him all about this which should be as soon as you can pick up the phone.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: what would you do (3/30/2010 8:43:51 PM)

What everybody else said, OP.

The stepfather is full of shit. And you are being dishonest with your husband, because you don't trust your husband's judgment. The son will suffer because his father is married to a woman who is dishonest with him, out of fear. Why aren't you worried about that, instead of about the stepfather who is full of shit? [8|] Because, that's who you really care about, isn't it? The stepfather. Not the son.

Kids are resilient. And you're not helping him develop further resilience if you shelter him. And the boy needs his father. Not some asshole who kept him out of school.

Just because you are afraid to be honest with your husband, and afraid to show him your true self- just because you hide yourself away from him and fool yourself into believing that you trust him when it is obvious that you don't.... Those are not good reasons for trying to keep a boy from his father. Pull your head out of your 4th point of contact now. If you want to side with the boy, you've got to side with his father.

Deeds, not words.



slo18 -> RE: what would you do (3/30/2010 11:15:35 PM)

you need to tell him, and not just from a D/S standpoint, but from a marriage standpoint. there are too many people involved for you to keep it a secret, and if you confess it might easier on you. i am not going to make any suggestions on how to spin it, but you really do need to tell him its always worse when they find out for themselves.



pemblerose -> RE: what would you do (3/31/2010 12:57:47 AM)

thank you.

i suppose i hoped if i could just handle things from this end, thered be no need to unsettle jack.  the first person who wrote.  thank you so much, you made alot of sense.  i think ive been going around in my head and just getting all mixed up.

in the end i dont want jack to resent my husband for separating him from his stepdad (who he adores)  all the aggro has been going on behind the scenes.  i know that Ben will do whatever he has to do for Jack, even if that means setting their relationship back a step - i hoped i could spare that from happening, but youre right.

to the person who said i dont trust my husband - well yes i do in fact, on everything, you dont know me or my husband, simply what ive told you here.  he will come home knackered to all of this and i know he'll blow, a decision will be made on the strength of the past, easter will be a shambles, his leave will be a shambles and i could maybe have done something to prevent it - thats all this is about.   im trying to protect everyone, but i realise i cant and i could end up making things worse.

as for wanting the stepdad - jeeze,  the guy is an arrogant, ignorant pig i have to put up with.  if you met my husband and then jacks stepdad youd see what a crazy suggestion that was - did i really give that impression, wow.

to be honest id love nothing more than to go home, i hate living in this flat i want to go home.

but youve all helped me in some way to see all of this more clearly, so thank you.

i do trust my husband and his judgement but on this issue he is going to blow.  he'll be tired, easter will be a mess, his leave wont be the relaxing thing it needs to be and all of it could be avoided.

i agree that noone should lie to anyone and to lie to my husband is whats prompted me to write and ask for advice, it goes against everything, but i think i had it in my head that if i just said that everything was fine the holiday will be great and the whole episode of last term would go away and jack and i could start again in the summer with the longer days and no disruption or separation from his old life and home (sorry, but i feel so strongly that jack shouldnt go through that and now im crying and i havent about this once but the pressure has been building

maybe if i pick my moment after easter when he's relaxed and more likely to talk rather than blow, it does mean ill have to lie for a little but only until the right moment comes along.

thanks again for youre thoughts and feelings and i think writing i all out and thinking it all through with a couple of other perspectives has really cleared my head.

thank you and happy easter.



kadine -> RE: what would you do (3/31/2010 1:40:29 AM)

I understand the mindset you have when you speak of not wanting to worry your husband while he's away. I pray that the step father has seen the err of his ways as well. On the next call from your husband, I would do as DesFIP,  suggested, assure him that things are running smoothly now, but that you'd like time once he returns to you, to talk about issues that have been going on. You placed your trust in him when you submitted and married him, trust in him now. He'll do what's best for all three of you. We all make mistakes, and you're admitting yours has been in keeping this information from him.
I hope everything turns out well for you, I'll keep you in my thoughts.



pemblerose -> RE: what would you do (3/31/2010 2:14:32 AM)

thank you so much. 

the thing is that when youve held a chid in youre arms who is crying for his mum and youve spent so long building a bridge it makes everything difficult.

i love Ben so much and i dont want to hurt him either.  i know if i tell him on the phone that stuff has gone wrong he'll want to know what it is right away, hence the lie so far.  since telling that lie ive been stuck with it and its been eating away at me.

part of all of this is that i am the one Ben trusts and he needs to know that i will tell him everything.  and i havent.

thank you, i really appreciate what you said.



afkarr -> RE: what would you do (3/31/2010 5:52:17 AM)

So who's in charge here, the parents or the child? Yes, moving the child way from a disruptive negative influence might temprarily make him an angry little brat, because he won't be getting his way. At it stands now, Jack has every childs dream- permission from a parent figure to play hooky. of course he'll be miffed if that changes, he may yell, and throw tantrums, and call you horrid names and say he hates you because you're not his "real" Mom. The important thing is for you and his father to decide BEFORE that happens how you plan on addressing it, ensure you stick to the plan, be consistent, and not let a child undermine your relationship. Just to make things real interesting, he's also entering puberty, which invariably makes children moody rotten creatures that are generally inusfferable.

The days- and years- may seem impossibly long, but there is a good chance that some day- say 20 years or so from now- Jack will realize you really did act in his best interest, and be grateful for it.



GraciousLady -> RE: what would you do (3/31/2010 5:59:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pemblerose

thank you.

i suppose i hoped if i could just handle things from this end, thered be no need to unsettle jack.  the first person who wrote.  thank you so much, you made alot of sense.  i think ive been going around in my head and just getting all mixed up.

in the end i dont want jack to resent my husband for separating him from his stepdad (who he adores)  all the aggro has been going on behind the scenes.  i know that Ben will do whatever he has to do for Jack, even if that means setting their relationship back a step - i hoped i could spare that from happening, but youre right.

to the person who said i dont trust my husband - well yes i do in fact, on everything, you dont know me or my husband, simply what ive told you here.  he will come home knackered to all of this and i know he'll blow, a decision will be made on the strength of the past, easter will be a shambles, his leave will be a shambles and i could maybe have done something to prevent it - thats all this is about.   im trying to protect everyone, but i realise i cant and i could end up making things worse.

as for wanting the stepdad - jeeze,  the guy is an arrogant, ignorant pig i have to put up with.  if you met my husband and then jacks stepdad youd see what a crazy suggestion that was - did i really give that impression, wow.

to be honest id love nothing more than to go home, i hate living in this flat i want to go home.

but youve all helped me in some way to see all of this more clearly, so thank you.

i do trust my husband and his judgement but on this issue he is going to blow.  he'll be tired, easter will be a mess, his leave wont be the relaxing thing it needs to be and all of it could be avoided.

i agree that noone should lie to anyone and to lie to my husband is whats prompted me to write and ask for advice, it goes against everything, but i think i had it in my head that if i just said that everything was fine the holiday will be great and the whole episode of last term would go away and jack and i could start again in the summer with the longer days and no disruption or separation from his old life and home (sorry, but i feel so strongly that jack shouldnt go through that and now im crying and i havent about this once but the pressure has been building

maybe if i pick my moment after easter when he's relaxed and more likely to talk rather than blow, it does mean ill have to lie for a little but only until the right moment comes along.

thanks again for youre thoughts and feelings and i think writing i all out and thinking it all through with a couple of other perspectives has really cleared my head.

thank you and happy easter.


Please see my statement as a gentle one because the typed words may seem very blunt and harsh.

I just see more of the same here. Your making excuses and trying to rationalize things and just making it all more complicated and in the end worse. Let me point out to you the holding the child while he cried thing is a very weak excuse to avoid responsibility. Your husbands worry is a weak excuse and saying you have to deal with the stepdad is a weak excuse. You have not dealt with any of those things. You have held it all at arms length because they were hard to deal with. Just be a grownup and deal wirh hard things head on. You have not saved anyone any grief or hardship by your actions. Life is sometimes God awful and certainly you and your family have had a God awful run these past few years but not dealing with those things has not help at all.
Consider this point as an example. The child was hurt by his loss. He had to go through that. His stepfather was a bad thing in his life from square one. When it was apparent the stepfather was going to hurt the child you prolonged the confusion in the childs life by 4 years by not removing the child from the stepfather. See, this is parenting here. As a mother I can tell you I have made many decisions based on the future of my kids not the popular present.

All things aside here I do hope you and your husband can work through this and he sees your actions as a sincere attempt and not complete deception. Just resolve yourself to the fact your husband should and will make the final decisions as to what is best for his son.

As far as the D/s side of this which seems is a part of your actions. As a Dominant I say you have been a piss poor sub. I would never put up with all this lieing and manipulation. you have decieved your Master for 4 years. Those actions can not be excused or forgiven.



pemblerose -> RE: what would you do (3/31/2010 8:31:48 AM)

wow, youre direct!

the four years wasnt meant to be four years, it was meant to be a transitional process that hasnt really worked and i agree thats my fault.  i have held back from telling Ben a lot because it was mostly attacks against me i could handle (sort of).

so maybe it is time to just let go of this and let whatever has to happen happen.  its hard being a parent when im only 13 years older than Jack, ive tried to be a big sis more than a mum and that has worked, we have a great relationship and he trusts me and wrongly i told him that all of this would be ok. i shouldnt have done that.

at home we're surrounded by friends and family and thats where we need to be but ive been telling Ben that Jack is happy and he is, really happy.  right now hes out playing footie with his mates.

jack and i met the welfare officer together and he knows now that he has to buckle down and stop playing hookie.

but i have to let it go, deep down i want to.  so Ben will get this whole thing dropped in his lap when he gets home.  oh boy.

thank you everyone, youve been honest and real and some of it has been hard to take, but in the end youre right.

im going to sign off now and wish you all a very happy easter.  thank you for letting me take up youre space for a bit.  good bye.  rosie



DesFIP -> RE: what would you do (3/31/2010 10:47:26 AM)

One thing you must do is tell your husband that his uncontrollable anger has caused a lot of this. And that he needs to grow up and get some anger management because punishing everyone by using his anger is unacceptable. That kind of behavior causes divorces and children who will never see their parents again after they are of age. I'd ask him if his anger wasn't involved in the breakup between Jack's mother and him.Ranting and raging at you and his son for a week straight is totally unacceptable.

And again, go ask the school for help. They want Jack to succeed and they will offer advice.



angelikaJ -> RE: what would you do (3/31/2010 4:40:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: pemblerose
i am to tell my husband everything.  when he phones and asks me if all is well and i say fine, then it better had be fine, i have to tell him everything, even if i think he might worry unneccesarily about it.  i am not to lie, ever.  it has been a point of contention to be honest, im on thin ice with that already.  i hate to worry him and i hate to be a burden or tell him petty stuff, so i havent in the past.  he pointed out that theres little point in him asking me if everything is alright and me to say yes, when it isnt, how will he know for sure. 

so i have already lied and failed on that by saying all is fine.  but that isnt my worry right now.  my worry is that i should tell him all of this but if i do jacks life will be disrupted when i dont believe its necessary.  i believe the situation is sorted out that his stepdad understands i need his support and he needs to be more responsible toward jack.

i know that my husband will be livid about all of this but in the end jack will be the one who suffers as a result by being taken from his friends and school.

i am so torn.  my marriage is based on Ds.  i am submissive to him, i am answerable to him in all things and i love him very much.  He makes the decision, his word is law and he has certain expectations on how things flow.  going against all of that has given me sleepless nights and ive lost weight (the only upside)

Personally, I think you need to start out by stopping deceiving yourself. His word is NOT law. You do NOT trust his judgement. You are not, at least in this area, prepared to submit.

That is the truth of the situation. Now.. starting in reality, figure out where you want to go from there. Where this me, I'd hope Carol would come to me and tell me that she doesn't trust my judgement, at least in one area, so that we could discuss it.


Rose,
Fisrt you found this response to be very objectionable.
You don't believe it to be true.

Without getting defensive, I would like you to consider this possibility: it is true: were you to trust Ben with this one decision you would not be feeling torn.
You believe it is in Jack's best interest to stay where he is...and you know that Ben won't agree.

You may trust Ben's judgement in every other area, but you believe you know better in this case.
He is Jack's biological father (and I am not minimising the importance of being a step-parent); he should have the right to do what he feels is best.

Second, the step-dad has screwed up over and over again.
If he wanted to do something that was out of the norm for Jack, he should have consulted with Ben.
His not doing that shows that he does not respect Ben's authority... and that is a horrible way to treat the father of the boy he loves so much...in that way he is not respecting Jack.

Third, with the numerous chances step-dad has gotten you (and Ben) are pretty much erasing the concept of the importance for being responsible for one's own behavior AND that actions have consequences. That is a very bad example to set forth for your stepson.

Fourth -- why would you jeopordize your relationship with your husband/master for a third party?

It sounds like you are already on track with doing the "right" thing now but I think these are questions you might want to ask yourself.



pemblerose -> RE: what would you do (4/1/2010 4:12:06 AM)

had to come back, was falling back into cowardly, cant tell him, and youve kept writing to me too. you might not know it but youre really helping me to see straight.

Ben doesnt have uncontrollable anger if anything he goes quiet when hes really angry about something.  the blowing i mentioned was that hes likely to get on the phone to john and blast him off the planet.  i suppose theres a little bit of me that wants to protect john from that.  he did seem to be really sorry for everything.

the thing is that this whole situation has meant that ive got used to being independent.  we got married when i was 19 and i was a bit immature really and because of Bens work taking him away and because of how he expects me to handle things while hes away ive got into the habit of making up my own mind about stuff.  but its got out of hand and is why hes so hot on me telling him everything even if its not good news.  but ive got a bit resistant to that, in a way, having to give it all back to him when i think ive got it all under control.  so ive been going along thinking ive got it all under control and now i realise that in order to keep things how i think they should be i have to lie to him and i know i cant do that - i just cant.

so i have to eat humble pie and ive got out of practice with that too and i have to hand this whole mess to him when he gets home and i feel really miserable about that because i wanted him to come home and relax and for there to be no hastle.  pride too probably, having to admit ive messed up big time and then taking whatever he decides to dish out when really i was trying to protect him from a crap return home and jack from being taken away from the friends hes grown up with.

for the past couple of days ive been trying to work out how to tell him - i cant think of any good way to tell him.

youre right about everything you wrote angelika and i realised too that ive assumed to stand between Ben and Jack and thats awful, i really dont want to do that atall.  john has no respect for anyone, when i rang the school about jacks absence and that i wasnt supporting it the teacher said shed phone john, i warned her that he would be rude and arrogant and he was apparently.  she just laughed and said shed sort him out, i think shes a Domme lol.  very scary lady.

im aware that im just pouring stuff out here and im grateful if anyone reads it, its helping me but dont feel you have to read it.

im shaking inside, i just want him to come home so i can get this out of the way and then im never ever going to do anything like this again and im going to tell him everything even if its bad news.  i want to go back to where i was before.  independence doesnt suit me, i just mess up.



pemblerose -> RE: what would you do (4/1/2010 4:26:15 AM)

just also, i think living in the flat hasnt helped, its felt like my little place where i can do what i want sort of playing away from home in a way, its messed with my head a bit and i dont mind losing that and its not why ive lied about everything bieng fine but he might see it that way.  im starting to see how much of a mess ive made of everything.



sirsholly -> RE: what would you do (4/1/2010 4:42:25 AM)

You and hubby need to have a serious talk when he gets home. And the conversation should not be between a Dom and a sub, but rather  between the parents of a little boy who want what is best for him. You should not be demeaned or ignored because you are not the little ones biological mother.

And with all you have to say, if this is what Hubby focuses on
quote:

if he ever finds out that i have decieved him over this by not telling him, by telling him all has been fine when it hasnt been, itll look like i dont trust him or his judgement
he has his head up his butt.

He trusts you with his son while he is away, and as a result he needs to trust your input.



angelikaJ -> RE: what would you do (4/1/2010 4:54:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pemblerose

had to come back, was falling back into cowardly, cant tell him, and youve kept writing to me too. you might not know it but youre really helping me to see straight.

hes likely to get on the phone to john and blast him off the planet.  i suppose theres a little bit of me that wants to protect john from that.  he did seem to be really sorry for everything.
Not so sorry that he wasn't rude to the teacher... and how sorry has he been in the past for other violations?

the thing is that this whole situation has meant that ive got used to being independent.  we got married when i was 19 and i was a bit immature really and because of Bens work taking him away and because of how he expects me to handle things while hes away ive got into the habit of making up my own mind about stuff.  but its got out of hand and is why hes so hot on me telling him everything even if its not good news.  but ive got a bit resistant to that, in a way, having to give it all back to him when i think ive got it all under control.  so ive been going along thinking ive got it all under control and now i realise that in order to keep things how i think they should be i have to lie to him and i know i cant do that - i just cant.

Is the reason why you've resisted telling him about the things you think you have under control in part because you are afraid of being seen as a failure?
 
As for telling him in the future, perhaps it will help to remember that this is a marriage, a partnership and in handling it all on your own you are taking that away from him.
Not only his half of the partnership but you are subtracting the D/s from your dynamic.
 
One way to deal with that might be to tell him the situation and if you have a solution in mind, tell him what it is and ask if that seems like a good response to him.
He still has the choice of yes or no... and if it is not something he agrees with perhaps he can tell you why.

so i have to eat humble pie and ive got out of practice with that too and i have to hand this whole mess to him when he gets home and i feel really miserable about that because i wanted him to come home and relax and for there to be no hastle.  pride too probably, having to admit ive messed up big time and then taking whatever he decides to dish out when really i was trying to protect him from a crap return home and jack from being taken away from the friends hes grown up with.

for the past couple of days ive been trying to work out how to tell him - i cant think of any good way to tell him.
How about a simple " I screwed up really badly and I am very sorry." Then just tell him...all of it.

youre right about everything you wrote angelika and i realised too that ive assumed to stand between Ben and Jack and thats awful, i really dont want to do that atall.  john has no respect for anyone, when i rang the school about jacks absence and that i wasnt supporting it the teacher said shed phone john, i warned her that he would be rude and arrogant and he was apparently.  she just laughed and said shed sort him out, i think shes a Domme lol.  very scary lady.

im aware that im just pouring stuff out here and im grateful if anyone reads it, its helping me but dont feel you have to read it.

im shaking inside, i just want him to come home so i can get this out of the way and then im never ever going to do anything like this again and im going to tell him everything even if its bad news.  i want to go back to where i was before.  independence doesnt suit me, i just mess up.

I might suggest that maybe you could email him a journal every night of how your day was...the good and the bad.


We all mess up at times...the important thing is that you understand how you messed up and learned from it. Just be very careful since this has been a problem in the past that you really do follow through. Your behavior needs to reflect that you want a marriage with a D/s dynamic...and now they don't.



pemblerose -> RE: what would you do (4/1/2010 5:50:11 PM)

hello,

just wanted to say thanks again for all youre advice and for helping me to see all of this straight.  jack and i are heading home tomorrow for easter so i wont be around to read any messages if you send any.

happy easter.  xx

ps;  i like the journal idea angelika, ill definitely suggest it. x



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