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thewashingtonian -> New Dom. (3/31/2010 10:13:56 AM)

Hello all. I'm new to the board and this is my first time pursuing a D/s relationship. For more about my personality, look at the profile.

Since this is all brand new to me, I'd just like some pointers on how to be a good, firm, but reasonable dominant. Once again, I know I'm a newbie and threads like this come up all the time; but this is a whole 'nother universe than what I'm used to, so your assitance would be appreciated.





divi -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 10:16:07 AM)

First of welcome enjoy your stay at CM!!

Second I'd lose the hat




DesFIP -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 10:31:52 AM)

You start by being a good and reasonable human being.
Which means paying attention to what she will and won't do, and when.

For example, back when we were LDR, I got an email one morning saying he wanted me in a short skirt and high heels all day. I had no trouble ignoring it because my plans for the day included chaperoning a fourth grade trip to a pond, involving hiking and mud. It was obvious he had gotten my schedule screwed up and thought the hiking trip was later in the week.

I sent back an email explaining the mix up and we laughed about it. There was no posturing, no punishment for not obeying no matter what. Had he suggested such a thing, I would have discovered that he wasn't trustworthy and wasn't someone who really meant what he had said when he said our various kids came first.




thewashingtonian -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 10:53:47 AM)

But, I like my hat! Can't you tell by my screen name that I would sport a Nats cap? :-P

Good and reasonable human being I have down (one of the reasons why I think my relationships have fallen through). I'm not the overbearing, "gets off on punishment" type anyway. 




divi -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 10:55:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: thewashingtonian

But, I like my hat! Can't you tell by my screen name that I would sport a Nats cap? :-P

Good and reasonable human being I have down (one of the reasons why I think my relationships have fallen through). I'm not the overbearing, "gets off on punishment" type anyway. 


that is all fine and dandy but between you and me I would lose the cap or maybe brush your hair ..

adds Yankees Rule




thewashingtonian -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 11:03:11 AM)

Bah...bolocks to your Yankees[:'(]. And my hair is usually a bit more kept...I'll try and find a better picture.




divi -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 11:04:47 AM)

You should( and I mean that in the nicest way possible )
I mean from an adorable sub like myself its about first impressions.. ya know? You got a cute smile and bad hair




lally2 -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 11:14:32 AM)

the thing is you can follow someone elses recipe on how to bake the perfect souffle but it takes practice to really get those sodding things right.

same goes here.

everyone is different and looking for different things.

so my advice really is be youreself and find someone you click with.

its the same rules of engagement here, meet someone, like someone, go from there.

the moment you step out of who you are and into some sort of role then youve stopped being you and become someone you think people want.  so many go wrong that way. 




thewashingtonian -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 12:20:23 PM)

Sounds advice from everyone, and I appreciate it. Being myself is really the only thing I know how to do; so that also shouldn't be a problem. I'm not really looking for anything intense, I just want...a bit of assurance. I want to know that the one I'm with isn't going to get bored and just go. Loyalty is all I really want.




divi -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 12:21:20 PM)

Will you take my advice about the hat ??? hehe




lally2 -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 2:13:41 PM)

just have heaps of fun, pick stuff up along the way and remember, subs arent stupid just because theyre sub and theyre not pushovers and you have to earn their trust and once earned you have to keep it because without trust youve got nothing.

and ignore her nagging [:D], i think youve got a brilliant smile and a bit of individualism and eccentricity is worth way more than suave and smart.  well in my book anyway.




divi -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 2:23:00 PM)

Oh yes it is more important to be eccentric then smart




thewashingtonian -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 3:51:22 PM)

Well, I'd rather be smart than eccentric; but I'll take whatever I can get.
And don't worry, I'm gonna change the picture; though I will still be wearing a hat, more than likely. :-p




StrongSpirit -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 4:55:37 PM)

First you need to figure out what you enjoy.  Not everyone likes the same things.  Some people like to play with extreme sensation (pain).  Others hate pain but like control (Domination / Submission).  Some like embarrassment (forced nudity, pictures, etc.)

Don't be upset if some of the people insult you for playing the way you like.  There are lots of people that think only they are 'true' or 'real', and anyone that doesn't play the exact same way is fake.   Don't listen to them.  Keep trying new things till you find out what you like, not what other people like.






Jeffff -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 5:27:04 PM)

So. you've got a hat thing huh? That's ok, some chicks dig hats. Personally, I don't have that kinda head, but if it's workin' for you, go with it.




VaguelyCurious -> RE: New Dom. (3/31/2010 5:37:55 PM)

Don't rely solely on the internet-go to real life events attended by actual people you can have conversations with in *person*. While you're there, smile enough that people automatically like you, but not so much that it's creepy. (That last bit isn't kink specific but it's *important*, and people sometimes seem to miss it-although judging by your pics you may not be one of those people :P)

Be able to articulate what you want. Then find someone who wants that too, or at least the important bits. Don't worry about them getting bored-you might be amazed at how this stuff spirals :-D

If I were you I'd fix up your profile so that your likes+curiouses greatly outnumber your dislikes+hates+limits. Negativity is (unsurprisingly, perhaps) not a good thing in a profile.




SirRussellP -> RE: New Dom. (4/1/2010 8:51:01 AM)

Your 19 and because of that you still have a lot to learn about yourself so figure out who you are and what you want.  Being a Dom is a hard thing because you have to earn then keep the submissive's trust.






thewashingtonian -> RE: New Dom. (4/1/2010 10:40:32 AM)

This is true. I know I'm still young and though I believe I have a pretty clear idea about my identity, I still have much to learn about myself. I'm not even entirely sure if this kind of lifestyle is for me, but since "vanilla" relationships haven't worked in the past, I thought I might as well give this a chance.




ishyB -> RE: New Dom. (4/1/2010 11:07:52 AM)

The first thing I thought when reading your profile was:

19, and his vanilla relationshipS haven't worked out?

I wonder why...

It's a rare person who has enough maturity to make a committed relationship work at such young ages seeing that most teenagers are still too self-centered to be a supportive role in their partner’s life.
If you want to meet a girl here who you can have kinky sex with, experiment, grow to together and learn from each other, because the "open-minded" kinky nature was lacking in the vanilla girls you dated, I'd say go for it.
If you however, want to meet a girl here who you can dominate and boss around in your day to day relationship, because all your vanilla exes didn't do what you wanted them to do enough, I'd say you have a LOT to learn, and coming to collarme likely isn't going to fix the problem you've experienced when dating.

To dominate and guide somebody outside of the bedroom (and even in it) takes a lot of maturity, self-control, self-knowledge, experience and a well established sense of direction.
Something that is usually lacking in people as young as you.

So consider carefully what it is that you actually expect/hope to find here, and what it is that you have to offer to the type of girl you think you are looking for.

I wish you good luck,

ishy

PS: Oh and I agree, a better picture without the hat is defiantly the way to go. [;)]




divi -> RE: New Dom. (4/1/2010 11:45:21 AM)

grins told ya so.. well said Ishy and please send Bull my best




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