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CreativeDominant -> RE: Changing Moods/Emotions (4/7/2010 4:03:37 PM)
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ORIGINAL: catize
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Some submissives will state that communicating when things are tough does not solve anything...if that is so, then either the dominant or the submissive or both tend to let their emotions and feelings and/or dislike of "work" in a relationship cloud the conversation rather than listen to what is being said.
But I find it is not that they don't communicate, they just choose to communicate with the wrong person./people. Friends, family, co-workers, everyone but the person they should be talking to gets to hear allll about it. So in that sense, they are correct, because if they don't take their concerns to the source, nothing is going to change. Talking to the one who needs to hear it is much harder than simply complaining to get sympathy!
Reminds me of the folks who call me, rant for 15 plus minutes, and when I suggest perhaps they could benefit from talking to a therapist, they respond, “What good will talking about it do?”
Exactly. Or in another direction...they take it all within themselves and decide the issue there.
Maybe I am wrongheaded or maybe I am radical but if it is something that involves the dynamic between two people in an important way, then I think discussion is warranted. And yes, I mean for any subject...whether it is "am I capable of doing this particular act?" to "should I or should I not stay with him/her? Let's make a list of pros and cons and go over them in my head and not give the other person a chance to respond to those cons until I've made a decision because after all, in the long run, I have to put "me" first...not the dynamic" to "I feel neglected and unloved lately...what do I do? I think I will try this..." Sometimes, taking it to everybody but the one who you are in a dynamic with OR taking it within yourself and discussing it with no person more objective than you yourself can lead to good results...but tis my belief that more often than not, it does NOT.
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