As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (Full Version)

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trueshadow -> As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (4/3/2010 6:37:26 PM)

to tell what they want to do to you, or ask what you'd like done to you, or just search for common ground, and let the Dom/Domme pick and choose from what you've indicated you enjoy in play?

This question is for newly-met persons, say at a play party or some such.

This question is prompted by an OP from 2006, that  I was going to respond too, but the moderators here have asked for a new thread. 

That post was
When first approached by a Dominant  would you prefer the Dominant to either
tell you how the relationship is going to be "That's the way it is" attitude, or ask you what you want.


Personally, I like a woman to take charge, but if she wants to cut me and poop on me, ah, no thanks!  So I'd like her to ask me, and make a decision if we would be compatible.



Lockit -> RE: As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (4/3/2010 6:45:44 PM)

LOL... I am in an odd place here. Typically I do not take charge right away. I ask a lot of questions and go from there. As I start feeling dominant towards someone, that is when I know it's time to think seriously about them. But... lol... there are those who make my dominant claws come out and I am so very tempted to go against what I typically do.

Some submissive's! Grrrrrrrr! lol

I will keep watching this thread... it could be very interesting!



takemeforyourown -> RE: As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (4/3/2010 7:02:26 PM)

I like to let go and let him take the lead, with the understanding that we can stop or slow down if needed.



DesFIP -> RE: As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (4/3/2010 7:23:26 PM)

I like new experiences to be good ones. Which means I would want to know we enjoyed a lot of the same stuff and would be doing those activities we both liked. If you don't talk to them about stuff ahead of time, you could find yourself having to yell red to get them to accidentally not do something that majorly squicks you.



LPslittleclip -> RE: As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (4/3/2010 10:12:24 PM)

i like having my thought on the matter heard the decision is always up to the Dominant this is just my 2 bits worth



peppermint -> RE: As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (4/4/2010 12:15:01 AM)

There is NO relationship at first so I don't want to be told how it's going to be or asked how I want the relationship to go.  First we need to find some common ground as in friendship.  



OrpheusAgonistes -> RE: As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (4/4/2010 12:43:32 AM)

The question is kind of a mess, but that's understandable because it's a tricky dynamic to wrap your head around.  In theory, I want a woman to take complete possession and control immediately.  30 seconds before we even meet sounds good.  I'm undeniably tweaked by concepts of coercion, abduction, and ruthless degradation.

In practice, an approach like that is likely to be a train wreck.  I'm really selective about who I play with and who I'm involved with and most people who express an interest are filed under "Probably just friends" right off the bat.

Once there is mutual interest, it can be an invigorating and deliciously vertiginous process as the sense of domination becomes more complete and as the woman becomes more unabashedly sadistic.  Having the audacity to skip a step or two in this process can be insanely hot--or it can be a total, relationship ending disaster.  There's no way of knowing until it happens.





myotherself -> RE: As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (4/4/2010 2:43:54 AM)

~fr~

I tend not to just 'play', but on the rare occasions it has happened I have made sure the Dom/me is aware of my limits, what I like and what I don't like, and would have no qualms in stopping everything if these were violated. In these situations, the only reason for play would be to fulfil a selfish need in me for pain play, nothing more. I would also only play with friends, so there is little in the way of Dom/sub relationship going on - it's purely top/bottom. Any submission from me it a means to an end...it's nothing to do with a real D/s bond.

In a proper relationship, however, this is totally different. I have been burned waaaaay too many times to allow a Dom to take charge immediately. In this case, I want to get to know him as a person before I get to accept him as my Dom. But that's just me...YMMV [:)]



shivermetimbers -> RE: As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (4/4/2010 11:06:24 AM)

I am engaged to another sub, and we top each other, and kind of go with what the other really enjoys, if we are familiar with it. I enjoy play she isn't going to engage in, because she hasn't been taught the "how to's".  However, with a Dominant, they have my limits, and what they decide to do within those boundries is their choice. Should I ever attend a play party or a setting with people I either don't know or don't know very well, I'll just have a larger set of limits. I don't like the idea of negotiations during play.



catize -> RE: As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (4/4/2010 12:07:27 PM)

I see your question as quite different from the original one you pulled from a past thread.

quote:

to tell what they want to do to you, or ask what you'd like done to you, or just search for common ground, and let the Dom/Domme pick and choose from what you've indicated you enjoy in play?
This question is for newly-met persons, say at a play party or some such.


If it is simply play at a club, then I am in the role of 'bottom' and the other person is the 'top'. In that case, I would expect to be asked what I like and what my limits are and expect them to abide by that agreement.


quote:

That post was
When first approached by a Dominant would you prefer the Dominant to either
tell you how the relationship is going to be "That's the way it is" attitude, or ask you what you want.


This, above, strikes me as a question about a potential D/s relationship. I have no problems with anyone telling me how the relationship would go (ie stating their preferences) because if that isn't the kind of relationship I want, I can simply say 'thanks, but no thanks', or if it is what I am looking for as well, I can say 'Let's talk some more!' Before I have agreed to submit, they have every right to inform me what it is they want; but they do not have the right to tell me I will give them what they want.



afkarr -> RE: As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (4/4/2010 1:46:52 PM)

Determine general compatability, then find mutual kink, and work from there. I know a number of people I'm compatible with as people, but their kink is not my kink, se we don't play; conversely I'm sure there's a ton of people who like all the same things, but we couldn't stand to breathe the same air for 5 minutes, so it just wouldn't work. I don't play date, maybe it sounds weird, but getting my ass beat by a complete stranger really doesn't do it for me. Whereas having my ass beat by somebody I know, like, and trust somewhat, if they so choose, is way hot.



trueshadow -> RE: As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (4/4/2010 4:33:23 PM)

I was prompted to answer the original question, but had to move it.  I guess it triggered the real question I've had, which is, is it topping from the bottom if you present a Dom/Domme with a 'do-me' list.  Lots of Doms/Dommes complain about that, and I understand that.

However, I don't want to blindly go off with a Domme and have her start going in a direction I'm not really comfortable with. 

It's a VERY common slave/sub trait to go along with a Domme.  As a slave, I want to please and be accepted and liked (yeah, I know most people want that in general, but it's more pronounced in my opinion in a bdsm and/or D/s relationship.  Slaves REALLY want to please and to serve).

One Domme I like said she approaches it this way.  When she meets a new slave, she asks him or her what they like to do, what makes them happy, what presses their buttons.  She said she then chooses from that 'list' and will generally play that way, until they get comfortable (if they ever do).

I like that approach.  I generally don't play at parties except to get flogged or whipped.  There is less of a chance when you both agree that she is going to tie you up and whip you.  You also have the assurance (in general) of a dungeon master who will (hopefully) make sure your play is not frightening the horses or the neighbors.  (The cats usually are frightened by the first lash...)



afkarr -> RE: As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (4/4/2010 8:07:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: trueshadow

I was prompted to answer the original question, but had to move it.  I guess it triggered the real question I've had, which is, is it topping from the bottom if you present a Dom/Domme with a 'do-me' list.  Lots of Doms/Dommes complain about that, and I understand that.

However, I don't want to blindly go off with a Domme and have her start going in a direction I'm not really comfortable with. 

It's a VERY common slave/sub trait to go along with a Domme.  As a slave, I want to please and be accepted and liked (yeah, I know most people want that in general, but it's more pronounced in my opinion in a bdsm and/or D/s relationship.  Slaves REALLY want to please and to serve).

One Domme I like said she approaches it this way.  When she meets a new slave, she asks him or her what they like to do, what makes them happy, what presses their buttons.  She said she then chooses from that 'list' and will generally play that way, until they get comfortable (if they ever do).

I like that approach.  I generally don't play at parties except to get flogged or whipped.  There is less of a chance when you both agree that she is going to tie you up and whip you.  You also have the assurance (in general) of a dungeon master who will (hopefully) make sure your play is not frightening the horses or the neighbors.  (The cats usually are frightened by the first lash...)




Negotiating boudaries and limits should not be confused with a "do-me" list. Negotiation requires discussion, understanding, mutual agreement, and is the foundation of trust. A do-me , as I understand it, is when a sub gets to direct the scene, or the order of play; that is topping from the bottom.



DWCskitten -> RE: As a sub or slave, do you like the Dom/Domme... (4/4/2010 9:27:03 PM)

i think i would like for Him to take charge, but do so taking into consideration my hard limits and avoiding them. Of course, when i had a casual play partner, we discussed what we both liked/disliked first and we went from there. That seemed to work out fantastically for both of us. [:)]

~kitten~



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