RE: The Hybrid Relationship

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Andalusite -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/5/2010 8:22:12 AM)
I'm his slave 24/7 just like I'm his girlfriend 24/7 - we don't start and stop the dynamic, there's always that undercurrent. We do plenty of vanilla type of things together, and we made a point of making sure we got along with each others' friends and such fairly early.

LadyAngelika -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/5/2010 2:52:27 PM)
quote: That is why i asked her to define "hybrid". As did I in my initial response. I guess we'll have to wait and see! - LA

MistressRoux -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/6/2010 9:16:08 AM)
By "hybrid," I mean acts and to some extent mindset. I do want a sub who exercises autonomy in certain areas, though if I may choose to alter their decisions, etc., is this really autonomy? I have had purely BDSM relationships where I all but micromanage while together and then I've had partnerships with no BDSM involved. I've never considered anyone in the former category a serious partner. It was essentially play and I was in a certain frame of mind throughout our time together. I'd like to blend the two and I don't really know how to realistically do so. My experience as a lifestyle Domme is insignificant.

slavekal -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/6/2010 11:02:01 AM)
I would have to say yes. Some vanilla is inevitable if you are going to see each other on a regular basis. But the less there is of it, the better I like it. If things get too friendly, it can be hard to get that femdom energy really flowing again.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/6/2010 1:27:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavekal I would have to say yes. Some vanilla is inevitable if you are going to see each other on a regular basis. But the less there is of it, the better I like it. If things get too friendly, it can be hard to get that femdom energy really flowing again. That's an interesting perspective. i tend to see it the exact opposite way. i find that the femdom energy is actually pretty high in those vanilla situations. For example, if i'm in the middle of watching Monday Night Football, and She says "turn that off and go run my bath water, then prepare for my nightly massage", that can be pretty hot. i enjoy the inner struggle during those vanilla moments of knowing that i have to obey Her, but i REALLY want to finish watching the game. It is a constant reminder of my submission. It is different from the intensity of a scene, but very erotic nonetheless. It's just a different type of erotic. Having that type of constant D/s interplay is far more rewarding than the more intense, but less frequent, dynamic found in a scene.

slavekal -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/6/2010 2:26:28 PM)
That is kind of the opposite of what I was saying. Your Mistress is deliberately taking the vanilla out of the moment. If she had just sat on the couch and watched with you, she would be allowing the vanilla to take over. She did just the reverse. That is a great situation. She is exercising her power in a real way, turning casual situations into female domination.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/6/2010 5:41:27 PM)
Football nut, here. Would definitely plop down on the sofa next to you, to watch the game... And immediately shove my foot in your mouth, or whatever. If I wanted to dom you right then I could definitely do it in such a way that I wouldn't miss a play. And maybe you wouldn't, either. [:)]

Rochsub2009 -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/6/2010 7:22:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming Football nut, here. Would definitely plop down on the sofa next to you, to watch the game... And immediately shove my foot in your mouth, or whatever. If I wanted to dom you right then I could definitely do it in such a way that I wouldn't miss a play. And maybe you wouldn't, either. [:)] i don't think i'd enjoy the game as much wearing a butt plug (or whatever else you'd probably do to me). [;)]

Rochsub2009 -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/6/2010 7:23:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavekal That is kind of the opposite of what I was saying. Your Mistress is deliberately taking the vanilla out of the moment. If she had just sat on the couch and watched with you, she would be allowing the vanilla to take over. She did just the reverse. That is a great situation. She is exercising her power in a real way, turning casual situations into female domination. Oh, i see what you mean. Yeah, i guess that would be turning a vanilla moment into a Femdom moment. [:D]

Andalusite -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/6/2010 7:36:02 PM)
Roux, there's nothing wrong with delegating certain areas to the submissive's judgement, while maintaining the right to overrule them if you deem necessary. As to developing the vanilla side as well, examples like Rochsub used are great! Focus on spending time on dates, getting to know each other as people, exploring each other's hobbies, maybe meeting each other's friends as you get to know each other will help make the relationship more integrated and well-rounded. Then, decide what areas you want him to always consult you in, and under what circumstances. For example, before I accept an invitation, whether vanilla or kinky, I am always to consult him to check if there is a conflict with his plans. If it is something I think he might enjoy, I check ahead of time if he would be welcome. I don't check with him about what clothes to wear or using the restroom when we're apart, but I do when we're together, since that is the guideline that he set.

allthatjaz -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/7/2010 1:50:57 AM)
My relationship is all beautifully intertwined. When we go walking down the beach hand in hand, the relationship hasn't switched from a BDSM one to a vanilla one. When I have mascara running down my cheeks from some roughness he has just dealt out to me, the relationship hasn't switched from vanilla to BDSM Perhaps if I had to call him 'Master' or 'Sir' when away from prying ears, it would feel like we were moving from one role into another but I call him Stephen when he beats me and I call him Stephen when we walk hand in hand along the beach.

slavekal -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/7/2010 7:29:38 AM)
Although some vanilla is inevitable, and it is not always boring, in the back of my mind, I have an "is this too vanilla?" test. If someone were to watch us together on hidden camera for an hour or two, would they see anything at all out of the ordinary? Anything that would shock the neighbors, even a little? If not, then we are probably falling into a vanilla rut.

PeonForHer -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/7/2010 10:17:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavekal Although some vanilla is inevitable, and it is not always boring, in the back of my mind, I have an "is this too vanilla?" test. If someone were to watch us together on hidden camera for an hour or two, would they see anything at all out of the ordinary? Anything that would shock the neighbors, even a little? If not, then we are probably falling into a vanilla rut. Don't you enjoy the contrast, kal? Myself, I love that - suddenly switching from vanilla to D/s. But I guess, for me, that's based on very long-held fantasies about 'vanilla women who are dommes underneath'.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/7/2010 10:22:26 AM)
Real life is largely vanilla. No matter what, the laundry needs to be done, the kids taken whereever, the job has to be dealt with... submission and dominance are in the mind. Does a slave stop being owned because he or she is at work, or has to make a decision? Relationships are organic things. It's best to START by knowing what you want, and allowing things to flow naturally from there.

slavekal -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/7/2010 12:32:01 PM)
It's all about how the laundry is done, though. It's way hotter if a Mistress directs the task to be done...slave does it while the lady is on the phone with one of her other admirers or she goes out to get a pedicure than if she does it herself in fuzzy slippers and green face cream. It ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it....(Bananarama).

Madame4a -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/7/2010 1:01:38 PM)
Hmmm... I suppose I don't make such distinctions... while we definitely consider our relationship 24/7 ... and pretty much all leather all the time... we are still who we are -- complex, diverse and varied people.. with lots of interests. She wears her collar 24/7 -- but we still take the cats to the vet, we have normal squabbles and joys that all couples have, dinner dishes still have to be done, house needs to be cleaned, (and she cant do it all and work) we ride motorcycles, we work --- so I suppose we have something that might be considered by some as hybrid ... but I just don't make the distinctions... our relationship is whole, fluid, and fairly complete... I suppose its the fluid part that makes me say we don't make the distinction ...

Madame4a -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/7/2010 2:17:25 PM)
I did some rereading.. and I'll say that we don't dip in and out.. its fluid... guess I made that point -- ultimately, there are very few distinctions.. we often think of the D/s as a foundation that is always there and colors everything we do

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/7/2010 2:27:15 PM)
I'm not a Mistress I am a baby girl with a Daddy, but we're a hybrid relationship I guess. We're not interested in all this D/s and Master slave stuff nor protocols nor him directing every moment of my life, nor most the "lifestyle stuff" Our relationship is based on two people liking each other, being compatible with eatch other, and a love of kinky things. So outside of liking kink we're actually probably very "vanilla ish" other wise.

MistressRoux -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/8/2010 7:05:58 AM)
slavekal and I wouldn't be compatible at all. What he described is basically being "on" all the time. As a person who enjoys solitude and often wonders at times out loud "why the f--- are you ALWAYS here?" when in a relationship, I would likely tell the football addict to use headphones or mute it as I enjoy a workout or a crossword or something solo. If I'm in the mood, I would have him pleasure Me or maybe I'll put it off. If you've been pleasured by a man whose team won, you won't ask why. I don't want to acknowledge someone's presence all the time. For Me, this is unnatural. It makes it work and thus kills the fun on My end. That may be why I like the term "toy" so much. I play when I feel like it which might be for incredibly lengthy scenes or nothing at all and everything in between.

hardbodysub -> RE: The Hybrid Relationship (4/8/2010 9:37:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressRoux slavekal and I wouldn't be compatible at all. What he described is basically being "on" all the time. As a person who enjoys solitude and often wonders at times out loud "why the f--- are you ALWAYS here?" when in a relationship, I would likely tell the football addict to use headphones or mute it as I enjoy a workout or a crossword or something solo. If I'm in the mood, I would have him pleasure Me or maybe I'll put it off. If you've been pleasured by a man whose team won, you won't ask why. I don't want to acknowledge someone's presence all the time. For Me, this is unnatural. It makes it work and thus kills the fun on My end. That may be why I like the term "toy" so much. I play when I feel like it which might be for incredibly lengthy scenes or nothing at all and everything in between. I think you misunderstand slavekal. I don't think he's saying that you need to be "on" all the time. He's just saying that you might decide to flip the "on" switch whenever you feel like it, and since he doesn't know for sure when that might happen, it tends to keep him a bit on the edge almost all the time. It doesn't have to be any work for you at all.

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