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RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/5/2010 12:51:05 AM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

MzMinx,
Thank-you for taking the time to offer your opinion on My question..
Although it is not from a sub.'s point of view ...
I still do appreciate hearing the ideas and opinions from another Domme...
I mean as far as Power Exchange goes I have found no two Subs or Dommes share the same ideas...
Which to Me makes it sooo very interesting and exciting!!!
You are correct of course, true I should not expect a measure of respect based on the fact that I am a Domme...
True He is a friend and not in subservience to Me....
To Be Honest I realize respect is only given if deserved and earned....
In a D/s relationship and in a friendship as well....
Soo Yes there is no automatic rights that come with being a Domme...
You have to earn those rights on your own merit and I do realize that....
You are correct our friendship is not based on a D/s interaction...
It is based on friendship...
I have a great love for Him...
Which sometimes blinds Me to be honest....
Yess I do appreciate You telling Me that you choose who your friends are...
And use what you know about them to weigh any good or bad comments...
And this in turn may cause you to rethink....
Which shows you are a very considerate Domme and willing to listen to other's opinions....
And perhaps rethink your position.....
The thing is I know that he is probably right in his truths....
I sometimes react negatively to his criticisms....
and then it turns into tit-for-tat....
Spiralling down and I really hate that....
I do know he speaks the cold, hard truth...
But...
To be honest he seems to take a lot of pleasure in reminding Me
How far I have fallen from grace....
He has such high expectations from a Mistress...
Actually he associates more with The Goddess Personna...
Preferring to put them up on a Pedestal...
I told him numerous times not to do the same for Me....
I am real and a person...
I am Human and Fuck-Up Sometimes....
Don't place Me on a Bloody Pedestal....
I have no desire for such....
I don't know it is a cold kiss-off to be blocked after spending hours writing a really long, heart-felt letter...
I know obviously he did not have the same feelings...
Otherwise He would be willing to keep the lines of communication open....
Try to work through the conflict....
I don't know perhaps I am assuming that as well???

(in reply to MzMinx)

Post #: 21

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/5/2010 1:35:53 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

~FR~

OK, from a sub's perspective (although not a male sub, admittedly).

I am active in my local community, and as a result have good friends from both sides of the kneel. I have several good male Dom friends who I treat as friends. The Dom bit doesn't come into it because they are not MY Dom. But they are, however, good friends.

If one of them did something that made me lose respect for them, then I think I'd tell them, explain why, and perhaps suggest a solution to the problem. Similarly, I'd expect them to do the same for me. It may end up as 'we agree to disagree' after a good discussion, but that would likely go a long way to save the friendship.

I think in this situation the best thing to do is to take the D/s out of the equation, and see whether you would accept this from a friend - would that change things?

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 22

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/5/2010 1:57:05 AM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

Hello myotherself...
I agree that it is best to look at it from a friendship rather than a D/s perspective...
He is not subservient to Me sooo I have no Power or rights over him and I do realize this...
Still even looking at it from a friendship point of view being told by someone you love that they have no respect for you is hurtful....

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 23

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/5/2010 2:46:13 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I agree, it's going to hurt.

But judging by what you said (obviously we don't have his side...), it seems he wants a D/s relationship, you do not. You get into a tit for tat argument, he says he doesn't respect you.

Well to be honest, he's sounding a little childish to me. He can't get what he wants (you as his 'goddess') so he throws a tantrum.

As much as it hurts, I think you're best off without the drama. And IMO...I wouldn't have a huge amount of respect for someone who threw away a friendship because you can't be what they want you to be.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 24

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/5/2010 4:19:11 AM

MzMinx

Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline

not only cant he get what he wants from you ..... but what he wants seems impossable from anyone .. and you are throwing his fantasy of a dominnt woman being some perfect goddess back in his face .... by demanding to be treated as a person and being allowed to have flaws .. you are forceing him to confront his ides of what a Dominant is

I would sugest that the more he has learned of your imperfections the more he struggles with his fantasy of domination and thus has to blame you for not being perfect ,,,, rather than being friends with a person who happens to be dominant

although it does sound like you have a lot invested in an online friendship

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 25

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/5/2010 5:22:41 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMinx

not only cant he get what he wants from you ..... but what he wants seems impossable from anyone .. and you are throwing his fantasy of a dominnt woman being some perfect goddess back in his face .... by demanding to be treated as a person and being allowed to have flaws .. you are forceing him to confront his ides of what a Dominant is

I would sugest that the more he has learned of your imperfections the more he struggles with his fantasy of domination and thus has to blame you for not being perfect ,,,, rather than being friends with a person who happens to be dominant

although it does sound like you have a lot invested in an online friendship

He decided he didn't like the qualities he saw in someone and ended the friendship. Not sure where you are getting all your accusations from, unless you have talked to him on the side and not told us.

I will agree that it sounds like she invested way too much in an online friendship, but it's obvious that he is not interested, so all she can do is move on. She might even think about what he said and possibly learn from it, but from this thread I don't see that happening.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to MzMinx)

Post #: 26

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/5/2010 5:49:10 AM

MzMinx

Posts: 277
Joined: 12/26/2005
Status: offline

I am not attacking him ... just showing her own words about him back to her

Many people do find it startling at the mimimum, that a Dominant is not perfect or at least perfect to them ... her own words share that he is seeking a 'goddess' and she posted half a post on that and how she kept saying she was not perfect ... which is what I my post is about .. she knew he looked for a different thing than her .. although I will stand by the idea of fantasies crumbling when they met reality

I do not exepct to have a full understanding of his position as I have never spoken to him .. but the op is about her understanding of things and how she reacts

and my comment about her depth of investment was just a reminder ... exactly as you share .. to think about what has happened .. how much she invested in it .. and what she can learn from it ... it soudns liek his idea of D/s never suited her desires at all .... and that one or both of them built more out of the email conversations than was actually there

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 27

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/5/2010 5:57:51 AM

rulemylife

Posts: 14614
Joined: 8/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSREE

Ohhh it is a long story but we have been friends for over a year on CM..

Just out of idle curiosity, how do you call someone a "friend" just from conversation on a computer?

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 28

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/5/2010 8:56:49 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Just because someone self identifies as dominant does not mean they have earned any respect from me. Now, if I should lose all respect in my dominant, then the relationship is effectively over and I see no reason not to tell him so.

Actually if he were doing things that were making me lose respect for him, I am supposed to tell him. He isn't so insecure that he can't hear criticism and acknowledge it. Without my feedback, without the relationship working for both of us it will end. We don't want that so we do things that strengthen the relationship.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MzMinx)

Post #: 29

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/5/2010 12:58:50 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

MzMinx..Thank-you for your helpful advice as that is the reason I decided to pose My question to get helpful advice on My situation...
Sometimes you get to a point where you don't see The Forest for the trees...
I have to say I think you are right now that I give it some thought that perhaps what he Respects seems impossible from Anyone....
I never thought that maybe I was throwing his perceived ideas of what a Dominant should be into his face and it made him uncomfortable and soo he is caught between fantasy and reality...
Prefers his fantasy world and in a sense resents the fact that I drag him back down out of his Fantasy world...
Then takes that out on Me by blaming Me for not being perfect...
I agree I have invested tooo much emotion and time into a on-line friendship but there is a lot of Personal History that I do not wish to go into to respect His Privacy....
Let Me reiterate it is a friendship-based relationship and as another poster suggested perhaps he is angered because I do not offer him a chance to serve Me.....
He has no desire and for that trust Me....
I do appreciate your point of view and that idea never really entered My mind...
If this is his truth???
It would explain much to Me....
Or maybe it is as another poster said in a most simplified way that he did not liked the qualities he saw and so ended the friendship...

(in reply to MzMinx)

Post #: 30

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/5/2010 1:11:04 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

I appreciate the time you took to answer My question and to give Me your thoughts on My question...
True I did invest too much of My emotions and time into an on-line relationship...
On CM it is hard to find people who share My thoughts on Power Exchange in My City...
Anyway there is a lot of history I do not want to go into in order to respect his privacy...
But I appreciate your words because it is true obviously I invested much more emotionally than he did....
Ohh I doo think about what he said...
Believe Me and obviously I have learnt from it...
I am not looking for right or wrong here....
Life is hardly ever sooo cut and dried....
There is his truth...
There is My truth...
The real truth is somewhere in-between...
I am quite aware of this fact....

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 31

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/5/2010 1:51:40 PM

BoyBlue1986

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/29/2010
Status: offline

I believe that certain levels of respect should be earned, but to simply state you have no respect for any aspect of a person, is just narrow minded and immature. You have to have respect for the person as a person respect of other peoples property, their rights, feelings etc. If somebody said that to you, they were not very thoughtful about what they said, or it's implications.

Hope this helps!

(in reply to MzMinx)

Post #: 32

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/5/2010 5:21:47 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

Thank-you for taking the time to offer your opinion...
I think you are right...
In any relationship, be it Domme/sub...
Frienship you have to have respect for the person...
You don't have to necessarily agree with their thoughts...
That is what makes life interesting...
To get views and ideas from others...
Still I think underneaath it all as a core you have to have basic respect for that person....
To tell them you do not respect them is saying you do not value them as a person in My Mind???
Maybe I am wrong???

(in reply to BoyBlue1986)

Post #: 33

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/5/2010 11:15:09 PM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSREE

A question for straight male subs/slaves...I am curious if you would ever tell a Domme you have no respect for her...I consider a sub should have strong character traits and am attracted to strength and intelligence....But there is a fine line and in My view that crosses the line....Would not one expect a negative response from those words????

In principle... I suppose it's theoretically possible; but at the same time, on a practical level I can't imagine any circumstances under which I would say it. I'm a very good judge of character, and I'm cautious about who I become emotionally involved with. I take my time, get to know someone really well before I start to connect on meaningful levels. It's extremely rare that I would become involved with someone and then, at some point deeper into the relationship, have a slap-the-forehead moment and say, "hey, I don't think this is someone I can respect." In fact, that's never happened in my life. So it's very difficult for me to imagine how I could be with someone and - at some point in the relationship - suddenly not respect her anymore. My emotions and my attachment to someone just don't change like that, and I don't get involved with people who are likely to suddenly go all Mr. Hyde on me.

And second, even if that were to somehow happen, I can probably think of a hundred other ways to communicate my feelings without having to resort to someone so blunt and hurtful. I believe in being direct and plain-spoken in a relationship, but she's still a human being with feelings, who's vulnerable to me because of our emotional connection. I can still be plainspoken without having to say something that hurtful.

_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 34

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/6/2010 1:02:10 AM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

Hello ThatDamnedPanda,
Thank-you for taking the time to answer My post....
It means much to Me because it is written from a sub/slave point of view...
Which in truth is why I posted My question on ask a sub forum....
A sub/slave male has their own inner truths and beliefs....
It comes from within and is a unique and amazing gift....
To find someone with the true heart of a slave is soooo very rare believe Me....
And also why I wanted to get their thoughts and ideas....
Posed by My question that started this whole thread to begin with....
I found I received a lot of resposes from other Doms or Dommes.....
Considering this is ask a sub for their opinion I am confused why they are not following threads on ask a Mistress or Dom???
Maybe they just enjoy answering quiries from anyone???
Still it is strange to Me why they are on ask a submissive thread????
The whole Premise in My Mind was to get an opinion from a sub/slave....
They are what is important to Me....
Their unique ideas and feelings....
It is Magick in My Universe....
Why I decided to join this forum and ask My question....
While I appreciate and value anyone's opinion that takes the time to share their unique thoughts
and opinions with Me....
In truth the more ideas I am gifted with the more it makes Me think....
Still the whole point of the matter was RESPECT!!!!!
From a Domme/sub point of view.....
In My mind(rightly or wrongly) being a Domme should command a certain measure of respect from a submissive...
Especially one that you have a year or longer relationship with!!!!
True it is in friendship and not subservience.....
No matter to be told that someone has lost respect for you and it is not forthcoming....
Is very hurtful and I am glad you understand such is the case....
True I realize that an on-line relationship friendship is different to real-life.....
Seriously when you have spent hours every day pouring out your heart and soul....
Trying to help a friend who needs you to intervene
because he is lost!!!!
I have read posts from some who say how can you call someone
you know strictly from a on-line relationship a friend?????
Are you kidding Me???
Are you saying anyone on-line means nothing????
I suppose I would have to say nothing because if they do not garner friendship????
They are what???
People who say this apparently have no clue????
Maybe they are tooo close-minded....
As for Me I am a Witch and energies mean much to Me!!!!!!!!
Also intent is huge in My Universe....
Is Your intent Positive
Or
Negative.....
I have to decifer that.....
That is My job....

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)

Post #: 35

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/6/2010 12:44:05 PM

antinomy

Posts: 124
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSREE

As a sub where would you draw the line in conversations with a Domme if you did not agree with her ideas...

Would you tell her you did not respect her opinions???

As a friend???

Would there be a distinction to you???

I mean by that would you still respect Her Position as Domme even if you were not in subservience to her??

Curious as to what subs feel about this matter???

Why does it matter at all, in this instance, that you are a Domme? This person is a friend, and is not in a power exchange relationship with you. I'm not a male-but, again, I don't think that matters here. I respect people, not labels. I would not care if you were a Domme, a fellow submissive, switch, or vanilla as they come- it has no bearing on how I feel about my friends. If they deserve my respect, they get it. If they lose my respect, it's likely for a darn good reason. And, I think I'd be annoyed if they felt entitled to respect from me simply because they are dominant. It's completely irrelevant to me.

< Message edited by antinomy -- 4/6/2010 12:45:20 PM >

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 36

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/6/2010 5:18:48 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

Antinomy thank-you for taking the time to express your thoughts on My question....
Hmm I guess My original question was designed to see if as a sub you would tell a Domme that you had lost respect for her because in My mind those words are hurtful...
True from anyone friend or in a D/s relationship....
Perhaps in a sense I am looking at it strictly in a Negative light when it was expressed possibly not with that intent???
I am unsure now????
They are still pretty cold, hard words.....
In hindsight which is always 20/20..*Wicked Grin*
I believe I overreacted negatively....
To these words....
But others have expressed the opinion those words would end a relationship...
In a friendhip context I think these words are more hurtful than in a committed Domme/sub. relationship...
In a D/s relationship it would be expected in My opinion....
Sooo the relationship can be repaired and continue.....
I don't know???
Perhaps the same is true in a friendship as well....
Maybe there is no difference???
So I see that in your opinion a Domme is not entitled to respect because they are a Domme???
I think My whole premise when I posed this question was to determine if I was wrong in thinking a sub telling a Domme they have no respect for Her crosses the line.....
It is fascinating the differing opinions truthbetold....
WOW now I am more confused..*Wicked Laugh*
I guess I was more trying to dig down into the basic Domme/sub Personnas...
A Domme expects respect...
It is a core element that comes with being a Domme....
I have read where male feels sub. to Female Domme strictly on title alone a measure of respect is given....
Because this goes to their very center of their sub. Personna...
They just feel that way because they have a true submissive heart....
They feel that respect is a gift to the Domme...
It is a underlying core for them....
Some don't even understand why and admit it makes not a bit of sense....
What I wanted to know was if telling a Domme you have no respect and see none forthcoming crosses the line????
I feel it does in a friendship or service based relationship....
Especially if you say you see none forthcoming.....
In My mind that is sticking the knife in deep....

(in reply to antinomy)

Post #: 37

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/6/2010 10:25:14 PM

dowryvirginslave

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/20/2010
Status: offline

Ladies, don't put up with that garbage, those men are garbage, and all of us true lovers and submissives cringe that You put up with that to find someone to share Your gift of dominance (or submission, for that matter) with.

Hello All and Mistress Ree especially,

I've been learning about this community for a little while, and had alot of my presumptions and predjudices flipped on their head. One of them is the way Dominant women get all the same hateful spiteful putdowns and rage that female submissives must get. and then, God Bless and Keep and Protect Wimmin Everywhere, You ask Yourselves if You brought in on yourself or should be kinder about it. And, having searched, not found, and disappointed Dominants, I can say that You are charming and measured and polite to a fault. women truly are extra-special. ;)

No Mistress Ree, it is not acceptable to tell a Dominant woman, or anyone really, that you have no respect for them. Who the fuck are you anyways, asshole? You're a man who likes to be beaten and used... maybe you should be careful wondering how much people may not respect other people. ;) And no, if I tell someone I have no respect for them, Mistress Ree, I do not expect a positive response. I do not expect them to fulfill my fantasy, love me, or beat/Queen me. lol! Chalk up Your asking this question in the forum to man-hate spam burnout, and move on. And Please Mistress Ree, even if it forces You to quit the site, change Your lifestyle choices, or give up on men entirely, remember that there are submissives out here who have loved You (I mean in a community way, not in a specific stalker way ;), who have appreciated Your writing and perspective, and who value that You are searching. But yeah, men can suck sometimes (and not in the good way).

Take Heart, good luck in Your search, and don't doubt Yourself over the assholes. Not worth it. Guys like that are why Samuel Colt is so well regarded, after all. ;) Best wishes and Much Love,

DVS.

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 38

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/6/2010 11:17:43 PM

MISTRESSREE

Posts: 31
Joined: 12/4/2008
Status: offline

Hello dowryvirginslave....
Awwwww
Thank-you for your very charming letter.....
It really made me feel all warm and fuzzy and I'm not even joking....
The kindness you extended in your letter is a special gift from The Universe....
It helps much believe Me....
True I have been giving thought to stepping back from this site...
But I am don't give-up....
I am persistant and don't give up on people either....
If they give up on Me that is their decision....
I do appreciate your compliments on My writing...
I am polite usually.....
Ohhh I am not nice all the time....
I can be a real bitch sometimes too if I feel that you have disrespected Me....
I am not about to give up on My desire to find My Slave...
I know he is waiting for Me...
I believe that 100%
The Universe will send him to me...
I have not one moment's doubt on that....
Your last sentence made me laugh and cheered me up...

(in reply to dowryvirginslave)

Post #: 39

RE: A Question for Straight Male Sub/slaves - 4/8/2010 11:01:50 AM

rhpaw

Posts: 63
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

I would not be with a domme that i had no respect for and would probably stay clear and not have to have that conversation.

_____________________________

If at first you don't suceed why not try the way mistress told you to do it you dumass.
If you worry about what people think of you. You'd be surprized how seldom they do.

(in reply to MISTRESSREE)

Post #: 40

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