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ORIGINAL: gungadin09

How many other subs are afraid they're a little bit crazy? i mean, more than average? i'd really like to know, because i've had this fear for a long time. Since i can remember, my parents have told me that i might be crazy. It's hard to take their word for it, though, because they're also a little crazy . I've never been diagnosed with anything besides low grade depression. But, i've always felt that there's something different about me, that i'm not normal.

It's hard for me to connect with people, to find people that i like. i don't seem to have the same likes and dislikes as others. For example, i love to work, i'm kind of a workaholic, but i find talking to people very hard. i'm extremely introverted, and i need an excessive amount of time to myself. Having to socialise with people for more than an hour at a time is extremely stressful, even if i like the person. For example, i once broke up with a boyfriend because we went on a road trip together and he talked the whole time. i wanted to jump out of the car. i do like being around other people, but having to talk constantly, or listen constantly, drives me up the wall. I do well in jobs where i'm around other people, but i don't have to talk constantly, like in a kitchen.

But it gets worse. i lived in my car for 2 years, not because i had to, but because i just didn't want to deal with people. Actually, it was kind of an over-reaction to a series of really bad roommates and resentment from not being employed full time during the recession. i got so tired of getting screwed that finally i just said, "Fuck it, i'll just live in my car!" But i did it for a long time, even when my money problems were long past. i just honestly did not want to deal with another person.

i guess i have kind of extreme reactions to things. When someone violates my trust, i take it personally and it takes a long time to get over it. This seems to happen a lot. i don't know if there's something about me, or i'm just being overly sensitive. For example, about a year ago i quit my job because people there were always talking about me behind my back, and no one would really talk to me, and if they did, they were rude. i don't know exactly what was being said, because nothing was said to my face, but you can kind of tell when people are unfriendly to you, and giving each other looks, and stuff. i think it was just because i'm really, really quiet, and i work hard, and for some reason that makes people really uncomfortable around me. This wasn't the first job i've had where people have treated me like i'm retarded or something, because i act different than them. What frustrates me is that i'm really good at my job, and i do not run around criticizing other people behind they're backs. i want to ask if there's other subs who have encountered this sort of thing, because, honestly, this kind of viciousness really upsets me, and it happens fairly often. My parents think that it's my fault. Are they right?

i realise it's hard for anyone to answer these questions without actually knowing me. How are you supposed to tell if i'm crazy or not? i was just wondering if any other subs out there have had similar experiences or have people who consistently tell them that they're crazy or weird. Thanks for reading this.
pam