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Decisions, decisions... - 4/5/2010 7:56:55 AM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		I got to think this one though.

On one hand I can visit my former sub who is finally living his/her dream...living as a woman (no surgery yet).  trick is, I have not seen her/him in over a year and though I am glad for her/him, I feel that relationship has come to being LD and no longer physical.  I tend to ignore any group invites sent by her/him because I don't feel the lurve involving here.S/he is a good friend and I don't mind keeping the friendship together.

On the other hand, I got Bo, the father of Lizard.  I feel that he is mellowing out due to age (okay, he is a prick when it comes to Lizard, fearing she and her BF will get sexually involved).  though I rag on Lizard about her school work, I am the one she runs to when facing a situation.  Bo wants me to spend more time with Lizard and he is entertaining me moving back in with him.  He is the only person I will submit to (Lizard being second)

These days, I go spend 10 days to 2 weeks with Bo and Lizard.  My next trip is on the 14th through the 27th.  May is out of the question because I have to stay home while Mom goes to Flordia and Arkansas.  First weekend in June is A-kon, an anime convention in Dallas.  I am meeting Lizard and her BF up in Dallas (Me coming me by bus, them by train).  I got the room reserved and hopefully the SS will get off of their lazy asses and give me the last of my backpay so I can enjoy the convention as well.  If I cannot go to the con, I plan to enjoy the fitness center and pool...with sunblock of course.  (BTW, Lizard wrote on my facebook wall, calling me an awesome mom!)  try having 3 dominant personalities in the same room...one trying to outdo the others...dangerously WWIII without the WMDs.

Trick is, I am getting good care at Mom's place.  I make all of my appointments, the staff know me by name (scary isn't it).  I have my computer here as well as my crocheting projects (one of which is being entered in the county fair later this year).  MHMR allows me to schedule my appointments according to my needs (when I want to visit Lizard or go out of state with Mom).  There is the possiblity of surgery some time this week for the lymph node in my armpit (I refuse to take another mammogram because I cannot get my armpit into the breast smasher).  Yes I tend to spend money when I am in Austin, but it is usually for food if I happen to come down on a off week for Bo (yes, I order Chinese all around and my pizza *cheese lovers with beef and mushrooms*)  I also hit the clearance racks of my favorite stores (this coming time, I am hitting the Dress Barn if it is still open.)

So you see...I am on a three trick pony.  If I go to the former sub, I feel like s/he only wants me to do what S/HE wants.  If I go live with Bo, I cannot get the treatments necessary for the mental health (MHMR in Travis County is different that Lakes Regional).  If I just do what I am doing now (going down each month for Lizard's sake), I can have some control over myself (except for the shopping sprees).

Someone pass me the diet MD...

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RE: Decisions, decisions... - 4/5/2010 8:54:28 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Well  that is clear as mud to me.

Lets break this down.

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KNOW which side your bread is buttered on.



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RE: Decisions, decisions... - 4/5/2010 9:10:15 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Until you're more stable, you do best to stay with your mother while undergoing diagnoses and medication trials. And talking to Lizard during the weeks you can't be there while also visiting her a lot.

However, you don't offer up the possibility of her visiting you on the weekends when you can't go there. I'm not sure how far apart you are, if that's a possibility.

But honestly Shahar, until you get on a med that keeps you stable, and don't need anything more than a routine check up to keep getting the scrips, you shouldn't move. Because if you do, the same thing that happened last time will happen again. You won't be able to parent Lizard and you won't be able to be a partner to Bo. Your health comes first.

One more thing, you do not submit to Lizard. That's inappropriate and will cause her trouble in later years. You don't have to be dominant. You can just be a friend who explains things to her in detail until she understands that you're coming at her with concern and love in your statements. But her dictating to you is not right and will make her very insecure.

Personally I am a permissive parent. I just talk them to death. However my friends who are stricter are all seeing the kids disappear for the weekend or days on end. Mine answers my phone calls and he, and his friends, prefer to be here. It takes longer than just laying down rules, but it works out better from a point of view of him learning to make better decisions.


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RE: Decisions, decisions... - 4/5/2010 12:33:12 PM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		Believe me, Celeste, Lizard has her father wrapped around her finger (and her BF too).  I tend to be the one setting limits for her (bedroom door is to remain open when the BF is there, no taking the mini-book to school, don't eat the junk food at school, just salads, study and turn in work or else its summer school).  I am trying to be the good mom when I go visit and Bo wants me to restrict her some more, especially when it comes to boys.  If he could stop buying expensive stuff for her, she wouldn't be so spoil.

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Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

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RE: Decisions, decisions... - 4/5/2010 12:38:52 PM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		It would be unreasonable for your former sub to not have expected the relationship to have changed. Go see her. Take mom if possible. Dont give up your treatments and keep things stable for as long as you need them.
E

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RE: Decisions, decisions... - 4/5/2010 1:28:29 PM   
DickSteel


Posts: 148
Joined: 3/20/2010
From: Man of Mystery & Intrigue
Status: offline 		<passing a diet MD>


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RE: Decisions, decisions... - 4/5/2010 1:38:18 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

So you see...I am on a three trick pony. If I go to the former sub, I feel like s/he only wants me to do what S/HE wants. If I go live with Bo, I cannot get the treatments necessary for the mental health (MHMR in Travis County is different that Lakes Regional). If I just do what I am doing now (going down each month for Lizard's sake), I can have some control over myself (except for the shopping sprees).
IMHO, the mental health aspect needs to be the primary concern.
You have worked hard to improve that aspect of your health but it sounds as if you are just not where you need to be yet. Stay where you are for now, Shar. Your daughter needs you more than you know, and backsliding will hurt both of you.


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