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ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

"Hey Baby"

I have always felt uncomfortable by this approach. Yet men seem to do it anyway. It seems disrespectful in overtones and undertones. I love being called baby by a lover. But as an appraoch or cat call it feels demeaning and not flattering at all.

How many other women feel this way and why dont men approach more respectfully and gentlemanly?

I do this all the time.  Nothing quite like slippin' on a nice pair of Z Cavs, gassin' up the Camaro, sprayin' myself down with enough Drakkar Noir to choke a household pet and headin' out on the town.  Crank up the Quiet Riot.  Drive into the sun so I can wear my mirrored aviator shades, and scream out at every pretty girl I drive past "HEY BABY!"

The first reason a lot of guys do this is that the above is only a slight parody of the weird version of manliness and machismo that hordes of men, even reasonably bright ones, buy into.  It's what they think is expected.

The second reason guys do it is because it works sometimes.  Maybe not on everyone.  But it works just often enough that to guys who can half-way pull it off it feels like the most viable approach.  The reason it works, in part, probably is because it's so overtly crass and borderline offensive.  I know a surprising number of smart, attractive women who are weirdly amused by total, unapologetic throwback behavior.

The third, and rarer, category of guys are men for whom it just comes naturally.  I'm not one of them.  If I try anything approaching "Hey baby" it sounds, at best, snarky and ironic and everyone within fifteen yards wants to punch me in my smug face.  But there are guys with a certain kind of natural swagger.  It's who they are and it works for them.  Added note:  Every guy in the first category believes he falls into the last category.  And that's funny and sad and beautiful.

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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

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ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

"Hey Baby"

I have always felt uncomfortable by this approach. Yet men seem to do it anyway. It seems disrespectful in overtones and undertones. I love being called baby by a lover. But as an appraoch or cat call it feels demeaning and not flattering at all.

How many other women feel this way and why dont men approach more respectfully and gentlemanly?

I do this all the time.  Nothing quite like slippin' on a nice pair of Z Cavs, gassin' up the Camaro, sprayin' myself down with enough Drakkar Noir to choke a household pet and headin' out on the town.  Crank up the Quiet Riot.  Drive into the sun so I can wear my mirrored aviator shades, and scream out at every pretty girl I drive past "HEY BABY!"

The first reason a lot of guys do this is that the above is only a slight parody of the weird version of manliness and machismo that hordes of men, even reasonably bright ones, buy into.  It's what they think is expected.

The second reason guys do it is because it works sometimes.  Maybe not on everyone.  But it works just often enough that to guys who can half-way pull it off it feels like the most viable approach.  The reason it works, in part, probably is because it's so overtly crass and borderline offensive.  I know a surprising number of smart, attractive women who are weirdly amused by total, unapologetic throwback behavior.

The third, and rarer, category of guys are men for whom it just comes naturally.  I'm not one of them.  If I try anything approaching "Hey baby" it sounds, at best, snarky and ironic and everyone within fifteen yards wants to punch me in my smug face.  But there are guys with a certain kind of natural swagger.  It's who they are and it works for them.  Added note:  Every guy in the first category believes he falls into the last category.  And that's funny and sad and beautiful.

I doubt that very many hetro or bi women would tell Mathew McConaughey to fuck off and die, then turn their back, if he walked up and used that line.

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ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

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ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

"Hey Baby"

I have always felt uncomfortable by this approach. Yet men seem to do it anyway. It seems disrespectful in overtones and undertones. I love being called baby by a lover. But as an appraoch or cat call it feels demeaning and not flattering at all.

How many other women feel this way and why dont men approach more respectfully and gentlemanly?

I do this all the time.  Nothing quite like slippin' on a nice pair of Z Cavs, gassin' up the Camaro, sprayin' myself down with enough Drakkar Noir to choke a household pet and headin' out on the town.  Crank up the Quiet Riot.  Drive into the sun so I can wear my mirrored aviator shades, and scream out at every pretty girl I drive past "HEY BABY!"

The first reason a lot of guys do this is that the above is only a slight parody of the weird version of manliness and machismo that hordes of men, even reasonably bright ones, buy into.  It's what they think is expected.

The second reason guys do it is because it works sometimes.  Maybe not on everyone.  But it works just often enough that to guys who can half-way pull it off it feels like the most viable approach.  The reason it works, in part, probably is because it's so overtly crass and borderline offensive.  I know a surprising number of smart, attractive women who are weirdly amused by total, unapologetic throwback behavior.

The third, and rarer, category of guys are men for whom it just comes naturally.  I'm not one of them.  If I try anything approaching "Hey baby" it sounds, at best, snarky and ironic and everyone within fifteen yards wants to punch me in my smug face.  But there are guys with a certain kind of natural swagger.  It's who they are and it works for them.  Added note:  Every guy in the first category believes he falls into the last category.  And that's funny and sad and beautiful.

I doubt that very many hetro or bi women would tell Mathew McConaughey to fuck off and die, then turn their back, if he walked up and used that line.

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I doubt that very many hetro or bi women would tell Mathew McConaughey to fuck off and die, then turn their back, if he walked up and used that line.

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ORIGINAL: divi

He can call me baby :)

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ORIGINAL: Thadius



You have to admit, it beats the hell out of "On your knees, slut."

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Another point Domimus brought up in my mind is a lot of men would gladly be talked to that way. But the power differential and potential of being viewed as prey in a sexual offense is not there.

A lot of men write in a manner that would excite THEM. Dont they know that women do not think like men? When will they receive the memo?

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ORIGINAL: DomImus

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ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Another point Domimus brought up in my mind is a lot of men would gladly be talked to that way. But the power differential and potential of being viewed as prey in a sexual offense is not there.

A lot of men write in a manner that would excite THEM. Dont they know that women do not think like men? When will they receive the memo?

I really wish you'd stop twisting my words around. Now I see why you don't quote people. I said I would not be put off by the phrase "Hey baby" or words to that effect. Suddenly I was "flattered" by it. Now I find out that I would gladly like to be talked to that way. Never said that, either. The first words out of their mouth aren't a litmus test for me one way or the other. The approach isn't what stimulates me or not - it's the person behind the approach. I don't send people packing simply because they failed to maneuver each of the hoops I placed in front of them because I don't make people jump though hoops.

I do agree with you that women and men do not think alike. Women make the meeting process as complicated as they possible can while men strive to do the reverse.

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I met a lot of women in my bar band days and a pretty fair number of them were partial to using the "Hey baby" or "Hey honey" or "Hey darlin" approach themselves. I can't recall ever having been put off by it. It has a certain air of intimacy and I guess I am just not put off by that - particularly when it is coming from someone I'd very much enjoy getting intimate with. Of course, we're talking about the deep south here where women are not nearly as uptight as their northern counterparts. If I did not want to get to know her better how classy of a come on she had was totally irrelevant. If I did then I was perfectly ok with "Hi. Wanna fuck?"

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ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

'Hey, baby' makes me laugh and think of Beavis and Butthead: can't take a man or his brain seriously ever again after he tries that one. IQ/GQ of 85 and falling...
Best pickup line EVAH: 'You swim like a nereid': tells me the guy reads and expects me to be the same: perfect.

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly
If a man wanted to use the right approach, all he had to do was walk up to me, make and keep eye contact, smile, and extend his hand while he introduced himself. It is foolproof.

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ORIGINAL: Level

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly
If a man wanted to use the right approach, all he had to do was walk up to me, make and keep eye contact, smile, and extend his hand while he introduced himself. It is foolproof.

I did this once, at a party, but I didn't have any pants on. It wasn't me that had trouble keeping eye contact.

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ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

this slave doesn't find it demeaning or degrading...and she is very much a woman.

Baby, Hon, Darlin', Sweetie ~ all good..."Daughter" or "Ma'am" would rub this slave the wrong way, however...