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very new to this - 4/6/2010 7:10:21 PM

grinchgirl

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/6/2010
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I really don't know where to start.

I have known a Dom for years as a friend, and now I am in a position to see this as something more.

We have had discussions over the years about his dominant nature, and I was truly intrigued. I am submissive in nature, but have never been in a D/s relationship, and I realize that it's something I crave, and need.

I was in a realationship for years with an abusive man. It's been over for a while.

My Dom friend, has been truly decent to me, and we have had a couple of sexual encounters recently. After the last encounter, he seems to not be speaking to me (no phone calls, no email, no im) I'm not sure why.

I want him to train me, I want to be led, guided, only to please him.

Is this a Dom thing? do I sit back and wait? I feel that, with my inexperience in this, perhaps I'm not what he needs?

What should I do?

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RE: very new to this - 4/6/2010 8:57:54 PM

afkarr

Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
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One possibility is that he was nice long enough to get a little, and now he's through with you. And it's not a "Dom" thing, it's more of an asshole thing. Are you sure he was ever your friend, or was he just on the prowl? Targeting somewhat vulnerab le females and doing the caring concerned guy routine is a pretty common tail getting ploy.

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RE: very new to this - 4/6/2010 9:15:53 PM

DWCskitten

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quote:

ORIGINAL: grinchgirl
Is this a Dom thing? do I sit back and wait? I feel that, with my inexperience in this, perhaps I'm not what he needs?

What should I do?

We aren't the ones you should be asking. Were it me, i would say to Him something like "Why are you suddenly not communicating with me anymore? Whatever you answer is okay, i just want to know...." and see what He says. If He feels you aren't judging His answer, maybe He will be honest. If He still doesn't answer, that's still an answer.....

~kitten~

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RE: very new to this - 4/6/2010 9:17:03 PM

BrokenSaint

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More info, have you tried to contact him?

Also, how long?

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RE: very new to this - 4/7/2010 4:59:26 AM

kanina

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
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he must have seen something that maybe scared him or made him back off...

somtimes people came to foruns asking question that are so personal and with detail that we don´t know, and plus we don´t know either you or the dom, that we can only guess accordingly to what you write

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RE: very new to this - 4/7/2010 5:16:48 AM

Focus50

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From: Newcastle, Australia
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I think it's much more basic than anything to do with BDSM. Something has made him step back; a breathing space, for eg.... You've just gone from friends for years to recent "sexual encounters", that's a big change - one that's happened a bit too fast for him, perhaps....

If you really are friends, he won't be too far away for long. Forget the Dom/sub stuff and sort it out like equal vanilla adults, a basic boy/girl approach IMO.

And welcome to the Forums.... :-)

Focus.

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RE: very new to this - 4/7/2010 6:40:12 AM

Kana

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Why ask us? The best we can do is engage in speculation. There is one cat who has the answer-ask him. And if he chooses not to answer, shrugs, well, that is an answer in itself.

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RE: very new to this - 4/7/2010 2:04:35 PM

lizi

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Unfortunately it sounds like he's done with things and doesn't want to be upfront about telling you so he's fading away. If he was into you and wanted things going at the same pace you do then believe me he'd be there making some attempt to get in touch - if he's not doing that he's probably looking for the easy way to get down the road.

If you've waited a little while, a couple of days, you can drop him a line, text, whatever and just ask what's up. If he's pleasant but vague about getting together then I'm afraid you'll have to write him off as not wanting to do this anymore with you. It sucks, people should be upfront about ending things but very often they aren't.

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RE: very new to this - 4/7/2010 3:16:55 PM

lally2

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this comes up from time to time - my Dom wont answer emails/texts/ whatever - with the same question - what to do?

what do you feel like doing is really the answer to this one.

if youre not actually in a relationship with this guy and it was just a bit of fun then there really is no expectation for you to be waiting for his call. what he's doing is actually quite shitty - he knows youre new to this and he's treating you a bit like his sub and hes either testing to see if youll sit still or if youll get pissed off and show a bit of attitude. or its sadly what the others are saying

do what comes most naturally to you. you know how it was left between you last time, you know what was discussed and you know what was exchanged and deep down you know how you feel about this and what youd like to do about it

so do it.

being a sub doesnt equate to being walked all over by insensitive bastards. on the other hand, if he said 'ill call you in a couple of days' then thats a little different.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 4/7/2010 3:21:27 PM >

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RE: very new to this - 4/7/2010 3:57:40 PM

reynardfox

Posts: 417
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To quote the famous English Lady, "In the circles in which I move, young man, sexual intercourse does not constitute an introduction" A sexual ecounter, even a submissive one, with a dominant, does not constitute a relationship, several encounters do not indicate a relationship, what indicates a relationship is when both of you acknowledge that a connection has been made and that such a relationship exists. Then you can tell him off. Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions about his non communication , he may need time to think, it's not like buying a new shirt you know, you are talking about a serious commitment, or not.
Life is full of choices and decisions, for both of you.

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RE: very new to this - 4/27/2010 2:06:01 PM

dragon200070

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I think he may have gotten turned on, then realized you did not go his way. Now that you do, tell him immediately. Tell him you'd like to be his submissive, and beg him to train you. It's a good idea to be on your knees when you do.

Good Luck,
Jeff

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