Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of... - 4/6/2010 9:46:31 PM

hermione83

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

I am interested in what it's like for subs and slaves that have decided to remain celibate and single for a long period of time or life. I have been single for quite sometime, but I couldn't say it has been because of choice or desirable, but I am on the brink of making a commitment to the single life, and trying to adapt, change, and embrace that new path. I have spent since childhood setting my heart, mind, life up for this wishful life of belonging to another person completely... for as long as I can remember. It has been extremely difficult for me to be independent. However, I AM independent in all the technical senses of the word.. I have lived along for an even longer time, I support myself and excel in what I do, etc., but in other regards, as in having a well-rounded life and feeling like I belong on this planet, doing anything for fun, meeting people, feeling like I have permission to explore the world on my own and so forth... well, I'm the most dependent person to ever live in that case, but without anyone to be dependent on, and that leads to being self-destructive and fearful and a bit of a hermit socially. I would like to know with our personality traits, is it required to become fully independent to be happy alone, and will that make one less able to be submissive or a slave if one changes their mind and goes to a serious power exchange D/s relationship in the future.... also does thriving successfully as a single person with our personality (for life) require stomping on the submissive/slave aspects and ridding them somehow? Any experience on how those things go together to function well by oneself, no power given to anyone else, all responsibility left to you, without negative side effects, and how how how to change if so? (Please, please, no personal flames or opinions on who I am, please serious answers of your experience or advice, thank you very much.)

< Message edited by hermione83 -- 4/6/2010 9:50:39 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/6/2010 10:27:07 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Lemme sum up. You had Plan A all worked out, and it hasn't happened, So you;re asking if anyone has ever had a Plan B.

I hate to admit this, but my plans ran out of letters a LONG time ago...

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 2

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/6/2010 10:49:28 PM

hermione83

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

No, that's not really what I'm asking at all.. it's how do you manage to be a completely independent and single person, as a by definition needy and dependent type who needs the guidance and control over their life of another naturally? I want to know, is there ways of dealing with life without that control indefinitely, and remaining true to yourself, and who you are and not changing....... or, a way of becoming independent but not losing one's slavey qualities somehow (I doubt this, with those that were born with that deep quality, but I am willing to listen to wisdom!!).... or, do you toughen up/harden up/ try to pretend to be dominant, what,.. how? It's not easy..

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 3

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/6/2010 10:58:44 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Celibacy... been there. I did it willingly even though the potential of sex was always around. The first 18 months are tough. The rest of the decade plus was easy. It can be done.

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 4

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/6/2010 11:04:34 PM

hermione83

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

Thank you - I have been celibate all my life so that's not too hard, I'm a few days from 27, but I have had serial serious relationships with a dominant type since I was too young to have them..... .. .. I want to be able to live a full life, without being owned by anyone, live and thrive being single, and learn how to cope in business and socially etc. with the handicap I consider being a slave without a Master is. I want tips for change, or dealing with it without change,.. .. ..

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 5

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/6/2010 11:13:26 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I have recently read your profile.

It was kind of sad and rather unrealistic in it's ideology. you didn't go into great deal as to how you reached your decision but it was a really strange profile....

"My 27th birthday is on April 20th, and at that point, I will never consider dating anyone ever again. This is a stubborn promise I made to myself a very long time ago... That I had to be married before I was 27."

My view is in total contrast of your own.....I personally don't think that anyone should be allowed to get married before they reach the age of 30.

You have all of these interests, fantasies and beliefs and somehow you think that one person is going to miraculously arrive, save you and sweep you off of your feet?

Exactly what efforts have you put forth to make this deadline and romance even the faintest of realities?....I bet very little.

There are convents, libraries and tons of cats that need adopting.

I wish you well on your cat filled future life.

_____________________________

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 6

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/6/2010 11:28:03 PM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

Offer the submission to the deity of your choice.

_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 7

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/6/2010 11:28:29 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

I stayed single and celibate by choice from approximately 19-21, and what I did was really reconnect with my self. I learned to date for fun, without expectation or desire to "keep" that person, I went out a lot and my mindset changed from "being alone" to "being free" - not having to compromise myself or my life. It's not the same as choosing to stay single forever, I can't imagine making that choice, but being in a relationship generally means a life of compromise, no matter how small, from going to bed when you're not tired so they can wake up in time, or listening to headphones when they make music sound awful because they have a headache, to the evolution of self that comes from being a single person to one half of a couple. I would wager that anyone who settles down with someone turns their life onto a trajectory it would not have taken if they were single, and the biggest influence on that trajectory is the person they settled down with.

Anyway I could say a LOT more, but I know you don't want to hear it...what I will say though is to look up the concept of a "pyrrhic victory" - by shutting out any possibility of love after a certain age, you might stand true to a vow you made and prove to yourself that you are an incredibly strong person, but is the victory worth the costs? We all die alone as it is, no need to force solitude onto our waking years.

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 8

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/7/2010 12:04:21 AM

hermione83

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

Honestly, I could give the reasons I have had for this date that would span pages, some logical, some very much not, but it is actually extremely important that I do this. I realllly didn't want people saying my deadline was bogus, being alone is wrong, and so forth. I already know people who are very happy being single, it's just that I feel that being a slave/submissive makes singlehood that much harder, but I KNOW it can be done. I used to keep it very covert, and in relationships and when I had a lot of family around, I could be stronger in other areas. As I haven't had that control in my life, it has kind of pathetically oozed out into all aspects of my life, around friends, coworkers, at work, with clients and so forth.. it gets worse everyday. I don't want to go down the path of being a doormat, helping people use me because I crave that. I know that there are those that have conquered that part of themselves out there.. someone more wise and stronger than I. I would love to know how to make that happen. To the one that said offer submission to a deity kind of thing, that actually is a really helpful reminder, and I do.. being single strengthens my dependence on God, but my lack of faith etc. etc. can be stunning, and though I wish I had the self-discipline or connection to hear His guidance, I am a lost one at this time, and I want to go from craving complete control in the flesh over my life to knowing how to thrive alone without it.

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 9

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/7/2010 12:07:18 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

You told me once that you wanted to do missionary work - have you ever considered being a minister...a servant of the church?

The more you live in the flesh the stronger the desires of the flesh are...your job right now is to make people pretty on the outside. 27 is a year of transition, perhaps you might consider changing your focus to making them pretty on the inside.

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 10

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/7/2010 12:10:08 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I was once celibate for 6 months. It sucked.

Get some therapy. get some dick. have an adult relationship and see how it feels.

This s not a God thing....This is a you thing. Fix it.

you are cute, obviously intelligent and kind of fucked up. No one should be swearing off relationships at age twenty seven. This might be the time where many are finally grounded enough to actually experience the possibility of success.

I wish you well. If you don't address your problems your chance for happiness is probably remote.

_____________________________

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 11

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/7/2010 12:13:07 AM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

Hey you live in Chicago Domi...step up or shut up :P

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 12

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/7/2010 12:18:27 AM

ShadowsLap

Posts: 36
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline

Take my word for it, OP - you do NOT want to be single and celibate forever. At the age of 9, I fell in love with the person I expected to spend the rest of my life with and we stayed together almost 22 years ... until I took a job in another city. Since that time, I've spent 9 of the last 17 years single; but not always celibate. (If you're adding, yes, that does make me almost 50!) Have I always been single by choice? Most of the time, yes. But that is MY choice!

You are also making a choice. You can choose to live single and celibate forever ... or not. If you choose to live single and celibate forever, only YOU can prepare yourself for what it is that you will face. There are no easy answers; there is no easy way out. The same way you will have to decide if a "Dominant/Master/Mistress" is right for you is the same way you will have to decide if you're ready to live without companionship for the rest of your life.

I venture a guess that you're still too young to make such a decision. Since you've asked for advice, here's my two cents worth: Do some introspection and get a handle on why you think you're alone and figure out if there is anything you want to change about your life to be more attractive to yourself. I guarantee that when you are attractive to yourself, others will see that attractiveness in you as well. Good luck in your search for self and/or a significant other! SL

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 13

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/7/2010 12:25:18 AM

hermione83

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

Thank you ShadowsLap for the advice=). I guess you're right on the preparing myself if I chose to, but being a dependent sort, I don't think I'd know exactly how to school myself in being independent. *Le sigh* :P I can't go back on it, my word is my bond, so even if I did change my mind, which I haven't, I couldn't because it was a promise, and I never go back on anything I say. I can't. So let's not talk of me looking past the date as an option anymore, cuz it's gone off the list of possibilities for this one:o

(in reply to ShadowsLap)

Post #: 14

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/7/2010 12:25:49 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I offer my river of services to cure you of your twenty six year three hundred and fifty two day drought.

I am like a river...No that's not it....bdsm is like a sailboat?.....Don't think that applies in this situation.

I will find the perfect words to woo miss crazy britches.

_____________________________

(in reply to ShadowsLap)

Post #: 15

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/7/2010 12:27:00 AM

hermione83

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

LOL

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 16

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/7/2010 12:44:59 AM

ShadowsLap

Posts: 36
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline

You're welcome ... but ...

You should probably start practicing how you're going to tell the person who is being prepared for you that you made a promise to yourself and now you must keep it or break your word to yourself. Fortunately, my "self" has always slapped me back to reality and forgiven me when I did or said something that was so foolish I clearly needed to be redirected.

Remember this: Just because your SO wasn't sent to you in YOUR time frame ... doesn't mean they won't arrive when both of you are perfectly prepared for each other ... SL

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 17

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/7/2010 12:47:18 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hermione83

I can't go back on it, my word is my bond, so even if I did change my mind, which I haven't, I couldn't because it was a promise, and I never go back on anything I say. I can't. So let's not talk of me looking past the date as an option anymore, cuz it's gone off the list of possibilities for this one:o

You are obviously correct. There is no way that you are getting married before the twentieth. I had bought some new shoes and three new condoms. Oh well.

Perhaps this is the time where we map out the next 66 years of your life. This could be fun.

how do you feel about cats, knitting and cross stitching? What about complaining? Are these strength or weaknesses?

How do you feel about soup? Single old ladies love to eat soup. I really have no fucking idea as to why or possess anyreal useful data to support this belief but it feels right....You will soon be eating lots of soup.

Let's look on the positive side of things. No need to buy any new clothes. From now on when you go to work or walk down the street expect to hear comments like "dowdy" from your coworkers or the strangers you meet on the street.

You fashion sense should shoot for "drab." Your hair? who cares about your hair? A bun is the classic hairdo of the old maid.

You need to forget about sex altogether. No racy tv shows, CM or romance novels should be allowed in the house. If a shampoo commercial comes on I suggest you cover your eyes.

Super bonus!!!! you can totally let yourself go!!! You shall be come huge. Razors shall be an item that you no longer have any use for. Your pits, legs and bush shall be a fucking nightmare. If ever viewed by children they should immediately start crying. Some sort of facial hair is also something you should try and develop. A really nice touch is to have a few long hairs sprouting out of that mole just to the left of your nose. Sweet!!!

You should try and find an old hatchback or volkswagen as your mode of transportation. It should always be crammed with books, paper and cat food.

This is all I have got to offer at the moment. I hope this helps in putting you firmly on the path towards misery and loneliness.

It's the least that I could do.

_____________________________

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 18

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/7/2010 12:51:03 AM

hermione83

Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline

Not everyone was designed to be in a couple. Why would you assume that? This is actually going to be a very good change for me if I can manage it, it will be quite different. And I'm definitely past the point of being ready. Being good for another person was quite a long while ago. I've been beyond that for about 5 years or so. I've lived more than my years, trust me, there's reasons that I matured so rapidly, and then moved beyond it. I would be bad for someone for so many reasons now, and it's really just to do with the time in my life. To be honest, I should've stopped long ago, because my desperation level went up and my being a good mate went down rapidly when I was past my hmm, romance prime.

(in reply to ShadowsLap)

Post #: 19

RE: Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the pat... - 4/7/2010 12:57:16 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I am also a virgin, a Christian and under 37 years of age.

I have never been sullied by the dirty whores on CM.

_____________________________

(in reply to hermione83)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Are there any slaves / subs who have chosen the path of singleness for good?

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094