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PART TIME BDSM - 4/8/2010 8:08:35 AM

bdsmnewbie10

Posts: 29
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline

GOT INTO SWINGING LIFESTYLE WITH MY HUSBAND AND NOW HAVE MET SOMEONE INTO BDSM. WE MEET ABOUT ONCE A MONTH FOR A WEEKEND. TOTALLY SUBMISSIVE DURING THIS TIME TO MY MASTER. OF COURSE HE ALLOWS MARITAL PLAY WHEN NOT TOGETHER. BUT HAS PUT SOME RESTRICITIONS ON ME IN THE SWINGING LIFESTYLE (WHICH I WILL ABIDE BY)SHOULD WE MEET OTHER COUPLE , AS HAS HE IF AND WHEN HE DECIDES I AM READY TO SHARE.

I DON'T BELIEVE I'M PLAYING AT THIS. AM TOTALLY DEVOTED TO IT WHEN I CAN BE. SO GUESS I HAVE TWO QUESTIONS.

1.ANYONE ELSE IN THIS SAME SITUATION?

2. I CONSIDER MY SELF A TRUE SUB...BUT WAS TOLD BY SOMEONE ON HERE I'M NOT, CUZ OF THE SWINGING...WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Post #: 1

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/8/2010 8:12:49 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I think you need to fix your capslock.

I think that the trouble with part-time bdsm is you cant get full benefits.

If it works for you to swing: do wop, do wop, do wop.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to bdsmnewbie10)

Post #: 2

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/8/2010 8:13:45 AM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

Seems a reasonable precaution in protecting his health. Does he show you the same respect as he requires?

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

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Post #: 3

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/8/2010 8:15:09 AM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

We all do this "part time".....unless you work for the upper floor at kink.com.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I think you need to fix your capslock.

I think that the trouble with part-time bdsm is you cant get full benefits.

If it works for you to swing: do wop, do wop, do wop.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 4

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/8/2010 8:16:34 AM

bdsmnewbie10

Posts: 29
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline

Meaning have I put any restrictions on him?...Very hard to do as he is my Master, but yes, I have made requests...

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 5

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/8/2010 8:18:50 AM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

If he decides to possibly put your health at risk with the same sorts of casual encounters he restricts you from indulging in-reconsider the "master" part.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to bdsmnewbie10)

Post #: 6

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/8/2010 8:21:03 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Does your husband agree that you should stop swinging? Because if not, and this is an activity that you as a couple actively enjoy then he is interfering with your marriage.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 7

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/8/2010 8:25:16 AM

afkarr

Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline

For starters, only you can decide what you really are. Unless someone is a partner, or a long time friend, their opinion of you is pretty irrelevant. The opinion of anonymous people on an internet forum board who have never met you isn't worth the bandwidth it takes up. Besides, we all know what opinions are like..........it's kind of like panning for gold around here, sometimes you have to sift through a lot of sand and muck to find the nuggett that's worthwhile to you, and everyones nuggett of truth is a little different. As long as everyone involved and affected by your assorted relationships is happy and no one is getting hurt, nobody else's two cents matters.

That being said, hang around a while. Browse the boards and you'll find the people who's opinion you will come to respect ( and you're allowed to disagree with them from time to time too), the occassional personally useful tidbits, and an assortment of widely varying general opinions and information. Take what's relevant to you and leave the rest.

Besides, collectively we have a wicked sense of humor, and if nothing else are good for a laugh every now and then

As to the "Master" business - did you agree that he could be all into your marriage bed, or that you would be "shared" when and if he chose? Personally, I've shut down conversations with Doms who wanted to be all int he middle of my marriage; to me part time means part time, and stay out of my bed at home. And I'm not shared, period.

< Message edited by afkarr -- 4/8/2010 8:29:46 AM >

(in reply to bdsmnewbie10)

Post #: 8

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/8/2010 8:32:27 AM

bdsmnewbie10

Posts: 29
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline

My husband and Master's wife are into normal Swinging. The restrictions are not to quit Swinging, but how far he (Master) and I will go , there are certain things that belong to him and I only....one in the sexual aspect and all in every other aspect of it.nor would he ever humiliate me infront of my husband.

I know mixing the BDSM and Swinging is complicated, but I choose to enjoy both.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/9/2010 12:22:00 AM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

The only truth is in knowing your self, your preferences, and your true nature.
You are true, when you are true to your self.

(in reply to bdsmnewbie10)

Post #: 10

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/9/2010 5:08:52 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

As long as you, your husband, him and his wife all sit down and discuss everything, and things are worked out to everyone's satisfaction - that's all that matters. There are four of you involved here and each of you needs to be heard and respected.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to aldompdx)

Post #: 11

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/9/2010 9:06:33 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

If it works for you....

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/16/2010 12:26:10 PM

kitastrophe33

Posts: 85
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

I know lots of people do it, and maybe I just had a bad sampling, but calling someone other than your husband master is a slippery slope. I agree with Afkarr, that you've let him into your marriage bed. You have already let your "on the side" relationship trump your marriage.

Please don't mistake my observations as judging, because I'm not doing that, I'm just saying that you might be in dangerous waters. Combining swinging and BDSM can be pretty tricky. For me, the only way it works is to submit only to my boyfriend, and let him drive in swinging situations. Only you can know what's right for you, but be very deliberate in your decision making.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 13

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/16/2010 1:53:16 PM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bdsmnewbie10

GOT INTO SWINGING LIFESTYLE WITH MY HUSBAND AND NOW HAVE MET SOMEONE INTO BDSM. WE MEET ABOUT ONCE A MONTH FOR A WEEKEND. TOTALLY SUBMISSIVE DURING THIS TIME TO MY MASTER. OF COURSE HE ALLOWS MARITAL PLAY WHEN NOT TOGETHER. BUT HAS PUT SOME RESTRICITIONS ON ME IN THE SWINGING LIFESTYLE (WHICH I WILL ABIDE BY)SHOULD WE MEET OTHER COUPLE , AS HAS HE IF AND WHEN HE DECIDES I AM READY TO SHARE.

I DON'T BELIEVE I'M PLAYING AT THIS. AM TOTALLY DEVOTED TO IT WHEN I CAN BE. SO GUESS I HAVE TWO QUESTIONS.

1.ANYONE ELSE IN THIS SAME SITUATION?

2. I CONSIDER MY SELF A TRUE SUB...BUT WAS TOLD BY SOMEONE ON HERE I'M NOT, CUZ OF THE SWINGING...WHAT DO YOU THINK?

If engaging in BDSM on a part time basis is what makes you and your primary partner happy...then that is all that matters. Some want the full time aspect and others only want part time activity, you work the dynamic which suits you and your partner best and ignore the ones who say you aren't serious.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to bdsmnewbie10)

Post #: 14

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/16/2010 5:53:53 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Does your husband agree that you should stop swinging? Because if not, and this is an activity that you as a couple actively enjoy then he is interfering with your marriage.

I was thinking the exact same thing...

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 15

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/16/2010 6:39:17 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

Nodding-never let a "secondary" in a poly situation have too much control.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 16

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/16/2010 11:37:53 PM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bdsmnewbie10
I consider myself a true sub ... but was told I'm not 'cuz of the swinging ...

You're ambisextrous ... that's all ...

(in reply to bdsmnewbie10)

Post #: 17

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/17/2010 12:12:28 AM

GinoVega

Posts: 81
Joined: 4/14/2010
Status: offline

Trial and error, even though health isn't something to use that with, may be one of the best ways to find your answer. One can't really assume how much emotion will be brought onto them during a situation until they actually experience it.

(in reply to pompeii)

Post #: 18

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/17/2010 1:15:49 AM

reynardfox

Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline

You can't go chaning your lifestyle because someone you hardly know tells you to.
Having played once a month is nothing concerned to how long you have been with your husband, and how long do you think this BDSM fling will last, yes, of course, they all seem like forever at the time, but affairs of any description come to an end.
You need to ensure that your husband is OK with all of this, or you may well end up alone.
Swinging in a marriage is like throwing bricks at a window, you can enjoy it for a while, but sonner of later, it's going to shatter.

(in reply to bdsmnewbie10)

Post #: 19

RE: PART TIME BDSM - 4/17/2010 1:31:45 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

Stick to your own definition of yourself and tell those who disagree to %&*#& off.

If it gets you and those around you some happiness and jiggy jiggy and you're all happy with the happiness and jiggy jiggy you share, then why change it?

[Note: watch out for people who tell you that you're 'not a true...' - what they're actually saying is 'I feel you're getting more jiggy jiggy than me and it's pissing me off']

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(in reply to bdsmnewbie10)

Post #: 20

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