Objectifying men - do we do it? (Full Version)

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AAkasha -> Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/8/2010 2:37:57 PM)


I was going to reply on the "female fetishist" thread but my tangent is going in a slightly different direction, not so much about "fetish" in the true sense of the word. 

But do we, as femdoms, ever desire objectifying men?  Do you ever want to use a man in some manner - for sexual or S&M pleasure or something else in between - as a means to an ends without much real consideration of who he is as a person or whether or not you have an emotional connection to him?

Is emotion always a mandatory element of your desires for a man?

There are times when I enjoy being objectifying to a man - even a man I don't know.  If it were more socially, morally and emotionally 'acceptable' and I had no conscience, I'd probably enjoy "using" a man a lot more.  Meaning - I get my sexual and/or KINKY needs met and say "see ya."  And I don't need to be attracted to him on ANY emotional level, as long as he is attractive to me on some level - period. This is a fairly rare state of mind for me, and usually one that just generates some fantasy material in my head, but it doesn't result in anything. It's more a state of mind.  It can be fun, I will admit, to use that state of mind to "pretend" to totally sexually objectify a man I do have a relationship with.

Akasha



PeonForHer -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/8/2010 4:08:56 PM)

"Objectifying men, do women do it?"

Heh. 'Nowhere near often enough', would be my knee-jerk answer.

Yet . . . .

Once I saw a programme about a male escort. The programme pursued the life of a man who earned a lot of money as a 'professional escort' (i.e. male prostitute - we don't have to beat about the bush on this subject because we're talking about men, not women, agreed? ;-)). It was kind of funny because, though this man's clients all wanted more than 'just sex' with him, their protestations that they weren't at all like male customers of female prostitutes began to look so silly as the programme progressed.

What these women required was not just that he turn up and go to bed with them - they wanted him to turn up with boxes of chocolates and flowers, and in evening dress. Then he had to pretend that she was the only woman in the world for him. He had to be gentlemanly, sensitive, understanding, utterly courteous . . . all of which he'd got off to a T. (This chap really knew his business - I had to hand it to him.) He realised that they didn't 'just want sex', they wanted an evening with James Bond. He'd wine, dine and schmooze his only true love (i.e. whoever his client was at the time), 'make love' (rather than just bonk) her in a carefully selected hotel - then he'd pop off home to prepare for his next client. The woman he'd just left, meanwhile, would go back to the real world - just the same as if she'd just finished reading a Mills and Boon romantic novel.

The entire dinner-jacketed and smouldering-eyed deal, but with no strings attached. Nah. Women already objectify men. They just do it with a lot more packaging and frills than men do it to women. Their objectification of men is more 'holistic', that's all.

Not that I'm really complaining, though. I still find it in equal measures sad, a turn-on and funny. Very endearing, really, in an odd way.








Tantriqu -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/8/2010 8:10:49 PM)

I dated gorgeous but stupid once at the end of college: never again. Gorgeous, racecar driver, early 30's, but the proverbial sack of hammers would have beaten him at checkers. Embarrassing to take out with friends since he MIGHT get the joke five minutes later. Aye yi yi.
We were doing something amazing in bed when I realised I just couldn't find him intellectually or emotionally attractive anymore: I stopped what I was doing, told him I was ending it which he as you can imagine couldn't believe, and drove home alone. Never again.

Or so I thought.
The penultimate guy I met through CO sounded great on paper: teacher, so I thought he would be up to the mark intellectually. Nope. Again, gorgeous, early 30's, that yummy V-shape from swimming [broad shoulders, narrow hips], EXTREMELY talented and thirsty tongue, sweet virgin ass, but OMG dumb, and not actually a teacher but a phys ed. teacher's aide. Despite deep sexual compatibility, I couldn't consider a LTR with him despite dancing on his tongue or coming in his ass morning, night, PLUS noon on weekends.
Tried to give him a chance but same thing: although he looks great dancing on the end of my strap-on, after the initial repartee, I could barely have a conversation with him.
Lord knows I tried to objectify him, but [after a while ;-)] I couldn't. Le sigh! Sad goodbye, his running after my train, finis.

So yep, would be a lot easier if I wanted only to Take men. But I need the brain and the heart of a good man, as well as his tongue and his ass. Dammit!
But when you get the whole package, it's truly fantastic, so here I am, looking for my next him.



SweetDommes -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/8/2010 8:26:18 PM)

Yup - I'm all for eye-candy, and if I could safely have 'flings' with random guys, I might ... but it's too risky, both physically and emotionally. I'm perfectly happy to look, drool, and fantasize - but that's about as far as I go. I freely admit that there are profiles I have saved on this site (and others) simply to perve the pics, but, like Tantriqu said, if I can't hold a conversation with him, it's over. Some of them that I've met in person, the attraction was over as soon as they opened their mouths ... so I don't talk to most of the ones on here that I find physically hot - I don't want to ruin the fantasy LOL



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/8/2010 8:35:38 PM)

A big part of my focus is the objectification of my slave. But I'm only interested in objectifying my owned property. So, just him. The emotional connection between us is a large part of what makes it yummy, yes. If he were just some random stranger, what would be the fun in making him my footstool, or using him in myriad other ways? [8|]



Rochsub2009 -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/8/2010 8:35:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

But do we, as femdoms, ever desire objectifying men?  Do you ever want to use a man in some manner - for sexual or S&M pleasure or something else in between - as a means to an ends without much real consideration of who he is as a person or whether or not you have an emotional connection to him?



Akasha,
You can objectify me anytime You want.  Seriously.  [:D]



LadyAngelika -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/8/2010 8:58:50 PM)

Have I ever, yes. I admit that I've had a "he's mighty pretty but he's not to bright, but that's what gags are made for" moment. But more often then not, I find it left me feeling unsatisfied. I don't really desire it any more.

Other than the emotional component of adoring the man I'm with, I also need to admire him, his personality, his intelligence. And with him, I can, within the realm of play, bring objectification in to ad an element of hotness. And when I'm with a man that I share a whole lot more with, having moments of objectification play can be really hot.

- LA



Wickad -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/8/2010 9:13:16 PM)

(fast reply)

Greetings,

It has often been commented on by my friends that I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body. I have 'used' men for just sex on quite a few occasions. Now granted, there was never any lying about it as I'm sure they were using me for the same purpose. Neither of us wanted any kind of emotional attachment and we both got pretty much what we were looking for. The only strange thing was the number of guys that seemed offended that I, a woman, could behave in the same way they could.

Wickad



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/9/2010 9:05:20 AM)

I objectify men far too often. I try not to, I am not out to hurt anyone, but sometimes it just works out that way. It's great for that NSA stuff!



switch2please -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/9/2010 9:20:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wickad

I have 'used' men for just sex on quite a few occasions. Now granted, there was never any lying about it as I'm sure they were using me for the same purpose. Neither of us wanted any kind of emotional attachment and we both got pretty much what we were looking for. The only strange thing was the number of guys that seemed offended that I, a woman, could behave in the same way they could.

Wickad


I've had similar experiences. They're pretty and I want it and we discuss beforehand very clearly that this is just sex - and then these lucky boys take it personally that no, I don't want to go out next Thursday. You've served your purpose.



TNstepsout -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/9/2010 4:45:07 PM)

Ooooh that kind of objectification.  I thought we were talking about "man tables" here. 



beej -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/9/2010 5:46:29 PM)

i usually class men as either candidates or amusements fairly early in the acquaintance. the amusements are almost always thoroughly objectified; i don't even try to see beyond the thickness of their thighs. sometimes i will engage such a man, and i enjoy it for the base pleasure that it is, kind of like how i crave cheap macaroni and cheese out of the box or tequila shots and a noisy hard rock bar. i really like brute, dumb, and ugly things sometimes maybe just because it reminds me that i can be brute, dumb and ugly. perhaps that's because i like to play with my creature nature in sexuality. :) but i enjoy the base and the brute as a part of the spectrum of pleasures. if i didn't also pursue elevated pleasures, objectification probably wouldn't be very much fun. as it is, i find it amusing and satisfying but only in the sense of slaking a thirst. it doesn't come near to a feeling like finding joy.



trueshadow -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/9/2010 6:59:40 PM)

Women have always been attracted to good-looking men.  Men don't mind a one-night stand with a woman who has no interest in something more; as long as we know about it to begin with.  I've occasionally had a one or two night fling with a woman I was really attracted to, and I certainly wanted more, but they were just into the physical end of it.  It's a nice complement, that's for sure.  However, the first time it happened and I realized she was just satisfying that itch, I was taken aback.  Usually, if a guy is interested only in satisfying that urge, you feel badly about not calling or just sort of vanishing.  Once you realize what is going on, you just take the sex for what it is, and enjoy the moment. 

But to get back on topic, women I think are more interested in the physical appearance of a guy, not that that wasn't always somewhat the truth.  I think we've all thought, gosh, she could do better than that, just based on seeing a couple in the grocery store or at the coffee house.

I agree with the poster that I thought this thread would be about women using men as furniture or some such.



trueshadow -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/9/2010 7:13:32 PM)

On a related note, read a story recently in Science News (I think) that women are now preferring men who look feminine rather than masculine.  This means a rounder, more boyish face, think Leo DeCaprio. 

Women generally now prefer clean-cut, little or no body hair, shorter scalp hair and athletic builds.  This changes all of the time, as we all know.  No president in modern times has had a beard; once many of them did.  Men can and do alter their fashion based upon what women want.  It's all a conspiracy, I'm sure.



AAkasha -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/9/2010 7:16:50 PM)



All these responses make me wonder if women would more freely and openly objectify men if they knew they could do so safely (physically, without fear of being assaulted or the man not taking no for an answer when she was done with him), and without being labeled any number of derogatory labels.

Akasha



beej -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/10/2010 9:23:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
All these responses make me wonder if women would more freely and openly objectify men if they knew they could do so safely (physically, without fear of being assaulted or the man not taking no for an answer when she was done with him), and without being labeled any number of derogatory labels.


i think so. lol, i don't think that women in general are holding back a burning desire to think less and lust more. but i have two women friends right now who have a hard time meeting or connecting with men in busy social settings like parties or the bar side/social table section of popular restaurants. as you said, they are both afraid that sizing a man up is like issuing an open invitation to be sized up in return and then worse.

i don't quite know how to give them advice on that because my own particular brand of ballsy hasn't put me in situations where i've feared for my safety or peace of mind (knock on wood). they might not go so far as totally objectifying the men, but i feel certain that my two friends would more freely strike up sexually charged rapports with men if they weren't afraid, and in a sexually charged rapport, there is some degree of objectification.



undergroundsea -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/10/2010 2:54:33 PM)

Interesting philosophical discussion. I am construing objectification from a vanilla social perspective and not focusing on deliberate objectification for sake BDSM. Sexual objectification is one form of objectification. I think women objectify men in different ways.

Per freedictionary.com, one definition of objectification is:

representing a human being as a physical thing deprived of personal qualities or individuality

While someone who is seeking to have a sexual need fulfilled might not have elaborate criteria, there is some criteria. What level of criteria counts as sufficient?

We each seek people to fulfill various needs, and there are a multitude of people who have potential to fulfill these needs. A question to ask is when does fulfilling a need become objectification? One possible answer is that it becomes objectification when it is one person is taking to have a need met without thinking about the needs of the other or offering adequate reciprocation. I am not convinced this definition is complete. For instance, a sugar daddy does fulfill some type of need but is he or is he not objectifying?

If a given woman seeks a knight in shining armor who will take care of her, she seeks to find someone who fulfills this want. When she projects this want onto a man, is she objectifying him?

What comments do others have about what characterizes objectification?

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
And I don't need to be attracted to him on ANY emotional level, as long as he is attractive to me on some level - period.


When you say emotional attraction, what does that mean to you?

Cheers,

Sea



PeonForHer -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/11/2010 4:55:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

A question to ask is when does fulfilling a need become objectification? One possible answer is that it becomes objectification when it is one person is taking to have a need met without thinking about the needs of the other or offering adequate reciprocation. I am not convinced this definition is complete. For instance, a sugar daddy does fulfill some type of need but is he or is he not objectifying?


I wouldn't automatically assume that a sugar daddy either does or does not objectify his companion. I do think that the reciprocation idea is pretty much complete - it defines the necessary ingredient of a relationship that isn't wholly about objectification.

I'm suddenly reminded of a story my father told me of an incident when he was a cop. A convicted murderer who was locked up in Broadmoor was going through the motions of formally requesting treatment as a prisoner without mental illness. The psychiatrists rejected this pretty rapidly with the man. This was because, they said, the man sat talking, nearly unblinkingly, throughout their first interview with him. It was a defining factor, they said, of severe psychopathy, that such people don't see others as humans - they seem them as objects. The man blinked at about the same regularity, apparently, as people generally do when they're watching a newscaster or presenter on the television. The body language that shows that someone is 'connecting', feels empathy (however small) and needs, therefore, to 'return body language with body language' was absent in this man when he was talking to the psychiatrists. There was little or no human reciprocation, in other words.


quote:

If a given woman seeks a knight in shining armor who will take care of her, she seeks to find someone who fulfills this want. When she projects this want onto a man, is she objectifying him?


She is, I'd say, unless she recognises that he's lots of things other than just a 'knight in shining armour'. Would she dump him if he were to show characteristics that didn't fit the image? Recalling my first post here, would a 'James Bond' male prostitute suddenly ruin the whole night for a female client if, say, he were to start talking about personal, emotional problems? Or even just let go a belch?



leadership527 -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/11/2010 8:04:49 AM)

Actually, I spent my whole life being a "good man" and NOT objectifying women. It was only with the collaring of Carol that I began to learn that there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing her as my sex toy. It's just not the only way I see her.

In general though, I'm still loathe to reduce any human being down to some caricature of a human.

So from my male-dom perspective, I guess the answer to your question is "a bit but not really"



Smutmonger -> RE: Objectifying men - do we do it? (4/11/2010 8:08:17 AM)

I dunno-a lot of women seem to be trained to see men as walking ATMs. And only want things to do with the ones that were just refilled.[:D]



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