|
PrimalConsonance -> RE: Do Master's loose intrest? (4/12/2010 5:26:52 AM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: HisRayne
Out of curiosity ,have any of you Master's ever lost interest in the lifestyle or just seemingly got distracted by non lifestyle things enough that the lifestyle takes a back seat for awhile?
How did you get yourselves back on track or back into the life fully?
That happened for me a couple of times where BDSM took a back-seat for a while. Priorities and distractions occur at times when there are some pressing things in the works. Sometimes mood-swings, stress, or depression can inhibit some people's BDSM interests. Self-image or a type of jading may also curb the kink.
I actually walked away from BDSM for a few years completely a couple of times. Consciously decided to not pursue the lifestyle and deny myself any participation. For whatever the reason, I at one time began to feel the stirrings or hunger that I found like an itch that couldn't be scratched and satisfied really. One day, I had enough and decided to live again. Live again. I felt a loss without BDSM being included into my life. I had tried to keep my BDSM life separate and compartmentalized to the point of it being a double-life, when I should have embraced BDSM as an inclusion into my life. It ceased being a conflict when I got that concept.
When I was having problems before, there were many conflicts in me as well as the external pressures and distractions. Some of the internal issues were that I wasn't feeling comfortable with my situation at the time completely. For example, I was told how well and natural I do in handling myself and others BDSM wise, but didn't actually feel it in me and it was hard to accept. I didn't feel deserving of such praise at the time. I also had a conflict concerning the concept of hurting people. I had a morbid fear of hurting anyone physically for many years and partly due to a complicated combination of circumstances and perspectives that help build an awfully good wall of introvert-behavior in me that was deeply ingrained and nearly solid. Tearing that wall down (I can hear Reagan's voice now asking Mr. Gorbachev to do the same...) had a few factors involved...but that is a whole different story, though BDSM has a good part in it.
Once I overcame the issues, embraced what and where I was in my life and accepted the fact that I DO like to give pain and that it's ok; then I felt positively about returning to including BDSM in my life. I sincerely believe that I will not ever walk away from it again willingly. I hope to be an old dominant with two canes in my hand: one to hit with and one to walk with...the cruelty will be that I can't remember which is which...now that would be sad.
|
|
|
|
