Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (Full Version)

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trenting -> Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 9:23:31 AM)

Hi everybody. I have a quite extreme fantasy, and wonder if my wish is to extreme or if it may be safe. Since I don’t really “live the lifestyle” or want to be open about this, I only have one person to talk with bdsm issues with, and she thinks it is way to unsafe. So, I would like to know your thoughts. I’m nearing the end of a long education, and before I start working or settle down, I would like to live out this side of myself. I have good experience from before, of course. But now I would like something different.

I want, to serve full time 24/7, with almost no limits (just a few for safety, diseases and no public play)  and no safeword. And I want to make an arrangement that that should last, say 4 months with that time limit as the only limit. So I would like your thoughts, if I decide that I want to try to live out this fantasy. Would it be safe? How would I change mentally? And would I be able to find a mistress who would enjoy this? (her enjoyment surly is the whole point :P) Have any of you experience in this field? If you have questions or comments you’re welcome to send me a message directly, if you prefer it.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 9:52:47 AM)

Reality check n°1: I hope you have saved up a lot of money because if a woman were to do this for you, imagine how much time and money (equipment, food, someone to watch you when she isn't around, etc.) you are going to cost her.

Reality check n°2: While this might be your fantasy, the last decade or so of me discussing and interacting with kinky people lead me to conclude that very few women are into this, if not only for the potential legal implications. Enough money however might entice a woman to do it.

Reality check n°3: Have you considered how dangerous this might be and the likely hood of this going wrong?

You may or may not get many responses to this thread. I think the amount of men who have come here with little to no real life experience looking for rather unrealistic scenarios has left us a little blazé.

- LA



LadyNTrainer -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 10:16:56 AM)

You find this exactly the same way you find any other intimate relationship, by using good social skills, getting to know people who might be attracted to you, and being the guy who they find attractive and interesting enough to want to spend four months with in close proximity exchanging kinky/erotic energy.

There are no shortcuts, bub.  No amount of kink is going to change the basic situation here, which is that you're looking to be in a close, intimate relationship with a woman for four months.  Your choices are to hire a pro (expensive) or to develop your social skills and personality and, you know, actually work on finding and maintaining a healthy interpersonal BDSM relationship with mutual attraction and interest.  There are no other choices.  Total strangers do not, as a general rule, suddenly agree to hop into a close intimate relationship for months with someone based strictly on a mutual kink.



MistrixMsE -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 10:20:11 AM)

It could be safe, or it could go horribly awry. It is not something I'd advise doing without first meeting in person several times & playing a couple to be sure you are compatible style wise.

Also, as the previous poster said, you should not expect to just show up at someones door empty handed so to speak. No one who isn't wildly wealthy & wildly sexually attracted to you is going to want to feed & house you for free for 4 months.

You should expect to be paying rent, expenses etc at very minimum, assuming this is an arrangement you are making with a lifestyler who does NOT work as a paid pro domme. If you are going to a pro domme and asking for this, have a much larger chunk of change in hand.



Lockit -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 10:23:28 AM)

Hummm... so the whole point is her enjoyment? Let me see... what if I decided I was interested and say I took you in to give you a break from those long years of study and thought it best to have very little play at all and I just wanted you for company and my enjoyment of some mild play as I am not a sadist? Would you still say it was for my enjoyment or would you feel you got ripped off because I didn't push your limits?

Face the fact that this is what YOU want and admit it. Don't cover your ass by saying it is about what she wants. You don't even have a she to state what she wants here. Unless you have a picture in your mind of what all dominant's want and they all want to keep you and push you to the ends of yourself, it's more about what you want to do than what someone else wants.

Sometimes my sadist does come out and in a way that most wouldn't expect. Like when someone decides to top me or that I must be performing as they see fit and as they want, while they say they only want to please me. I take great pleasure at this point because I feel quite sadistic in an emotional way and will refuse to do anything at all, leaving them feeling so neglected and frustrated and 'oh shit, I picked the wrong one!' It is my pleasure to not play and my sadistic satisfaction is found in they didn't get a 'win' and didn't get to 'top' and didn't get much of anything. All for my pleasure. lol

As for no limit's... it's a fantasy dude. If I were to go there, I bet I could make you change your mind on that no limit thing. Maybe you are expressing yourself poorly here and maybe you could temper or explain more, but the bottom line is someone who hasn't played much and who wants no limits isn't being realistic.

What you are looking for is someone who will cater to the fantasy experience you wish to try before you settle down and work after so much schooling. You want a vacation from life before you go start the real life. That proves to me it is a fantasy because you somehow don't feel it will be something you could continue. You are talking as if it is a bondage vacation and that is all well and fine if you can find someone to do it, but it isn't what most want, isn't something most would do with someone without a foundation and you are asking a lot of someone. Anyone I am devoting so much time to is important to me somehow or they aren't getting my time, energy and attention. Or do we dominant's simply like to whip and lash and up your ass with just anyone for the sake of whipping and lashing and up the ass?



OttersSwim -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 10:32:19 AM)

Public play happens at nearly every club, party, and BDSM event.  It is common and you will rarely see it on people's hard limit list.  It suggests limited actual experience in the culture and relationship to dominant women.

If this is so, then you might try walking before you sign up for the full marathon...



DWCskitten -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 10:32:38 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
Or do we dominant's simply like to whip and lash and up your ass with just anyone for the sake of whipping and lashing and up the ass?

Lockit, You are too too funny!!! [sm=rofl.gif]



Lockit -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 10:56:03 AM)

Waves to the kitty! Thank you... I just can't help myself! After the last couple days, my claws are itching to come out and I want some sadistic play and fun! When I start rhyming or word play... watch out! lol 



LadyPact -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 10:56:11 AM)

OP your friend has a better head on her shoulders than you do.

From the sound of this, you don't even have a particular person in mind, so you haven't got a clue of what kind of person this temporary owner of yours would be.  They might be completely void of ethics or any kind of moral character.  For that matter, how would any prospective person know that you wouldn't come into their home and rob them blind?

On top of that, even if both persons (you and the potential) are people with integrity, exactly how well is your 'close to no limits' fantasy going to hold up if you actually run into a sadist like Me?  Let Me introduce you to a very important word that is a very big deal when it comes to the difference between fantasy and reality.  That word, is PAIN.  I want you to think about that very hard because some of us out here in BDSM-land engage in activities that I bet you haven't even thought of before.  I'm not saying that to come off as some kind of bad ass.  I'm saying it because I don't really think that you know how such a situation would effect you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Of course, there's always the possibility that you could have this experience and it turns out to be the best thing that you have ever found in your life.  How simple do you think it is for someone who gets into BDSM, finds that it speaks to their inner being, and then they go back to the vanilla world?  That may end up being the case for you.  It's very much like the old saying.  Once you're a pickle, you can't ever really go back to being a cucumber. 

Why not think about dipping your toe in the kink pool before deciding to dive in the deep end without knowing whether or not you can swim?



Lockit -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 11:00:26 AM)

Oh come on Lady Pact... I am almost tempted to do it just to hear him scream like a lil bitch within an hour! Those I have played with that wanted it all, couldn't take even what I got! lol That always makes me giggle!

(I blame microsoft for this sadistic bent I am on!)



pyroaquatic -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 11:05:26 AM)

Listen Trenting,

You are trying to move a LARGE mountain.

Be like the ant. Move little stones from the LARGE mountain.

Okay. Good Luck.



pyroaquatic -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 11:09:27 AM)

quote:

physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.


Which means I have a long wait before I get those ducks in order.

Quackers



countrychick -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 11:10:58 AM)

on a completely random note, Lockit I love your quote in your signature (I think its a signature?) that says "I am a person, not a kink-fest opportunity!" made me smile!



leadership527 -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 12:24:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
On top of that, even if both persons (you and the potential) are people with integrity, exactly how well is your 'close to no limits' fantasy going to hold up if you actually run into a sadist like Me?  Let Me introduce you to a very important word that is a very big deal when it comes to the difference between fantasy and reality.  That word, is PAIN.

You think you're a sadist? My mind went immediately to, "By the time I get home, I want the gutters cleaned, the lawn mowed, and a trip to and from my storage shed to pick up a ton of crap. Oh, and have dinner ready for me please. Then please retire to your bedroom for the evening because honestly, my wife and I want some quality time together." All of that would ALSO be included within "no limits".



undergroundsea -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 12:40:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: trenting
I want, to serve full time 24/7, with almost no limits (just a few for safety, diseases and no public play)  and no safeword. And I want to make an arrangement that that should last, say 4 months with that time limit as the only limit. So I would like your thoughts, if I decide that I want to try to live out this fantasy. Would it be safe? How would I change mentally? And would I be able to find a mistress who would enjoy this? (her enjoyment surly is the whole point :P) Have any of you experience in this field? If you have questions or comments you’re welcome to send me a message directly, if you prefer it.


I don't think your fantasy is too extreme and there is nothing wrong with having or seeking to fulfill fantasies. I have had many experiences that were at one time only a fantasy and I am happy to have had them.

If you seek it, the time now, when you do not have work obligations or a mortgage to cover, allows such an opportunity. The limits you define, in fact, cover broad ground. You may have more limits that you have not yet discovered. For example, what if you have no social contact for days on a regular basis? How do you feel about a household with a man also, or being ordered to sexually serve a woman's male friends? What would happen if you encounter a limit which simply had not come up before?

It is largely a matter of compatibility. You will have little compatibility with a domme who seeks a long-term, romantic BDSM relationship. There are some dommes who do not seek such a relationship or who might be open to the idea of a temporary relationship of this nature, with whom you have greater odds of compatibility. I have, in fact, seen profiles of dominant women where your fantasy would have been a good match. I have seen profiles of women running a ranch, farm or some other business, and looking for live-in 24/7 submissives or slaves. The key question to answer there is what is in it for her and whether it is sufficient to justify the costs. What are the costs, and whatever can be done to lessen these costs would better the odds for you.

In each case, I imagine there would be some form of a mutual evaluation. To make the scenario safe, ask yourself what could go wrong? Why is it extreme? What can be done to mitigate the risk? For instance, adequate upfront discussions and evaluation can help you better the odds that the person is generally an ethical person. All other things equal, people involved in the BDSM community have references, and repercussions within the community of wrongdoing provide a mitigating force. For this person to know that you have a friend who knows where you are (versus no one knowing where you are) will have some mitigating effect. These points are examples to convey the general idea about mitigating risks.

It is not clear to me whether you see this idea as a one-time experience before you close this chapter of your life. If so, I raise the possibility that this interest is too much a part of you to put away forever. There are many men who enjoy and seek a life and relationships that include submission. I wonder if becoming more comfortable against pressures of society and seeking such relationships on an ongoing basis works for you.

Cheers,

Sea



RedMagic1 -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 12:41:19 PM)

Heh.  That's a much better response than the typical, "You say you have no limits and no safeword?  Fine.  Fetch my chainsaw."

However, yer a fantasist.  Like you'd really give some guy, whose only loyalty to you was short-term kink, the keys to your storage shed, much less allow him to prepare food unsupervised that your wife was going to eat.

I was talking to the owner of a bondage pornography studio a couple months ago.  She said, "I know a lot of people who are kinky.  Like, really kinky.  And, even so, only about 5% are actual 24/7 slaves.  Slaves are rare, even among people who are serious."



leadership527 -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 12:57:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I was talking to the owner of a bondage pornography studio a couple months ago.  She said, "I know a lot of people who are kinky.  Like, really kinky.  And, even so, only about 5% are actual 24/7 slaves.  Slaves are rare, even among people who are serious."

DAMNIT! I forgot to add "and I enjoy anal chainsaw play"



DarkSteven -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 1:06:24 PM)

OP, I would wager that any woman here would have you cleaning, doing dishes, and sweeping 90+% of the time.  D/s does not only exist in the bedroom.  And the dishes DO always need to be done.



HeathenMa1am -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 2:34:35 PM)

Hmm, I can well imagine having a 24/7 dishes-doing sub, but honestly, he'd also have to hold a job, because I can't support two on what I make. So unless he's a professional novelist, I doubt the "little social contact" thing would work. Plus, why would I want to go to all the trouble to train someone and then have them leave 4 months into it? If I completely rearrange my life to fit someone into my household, I will be looking for permanent. Naturally, nobody is moving in here unless I've known them a long time and played many times. And I don't play with anybody in private the first time out. It's not safe for ME, I'm still a woman, whips and all. I play at a club first to find out if we're compatible before taking the risk of going somewhere private with a man.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Is this safe? (extreme fantasy) (4/11/2010 3:16:02 PM)

quote:

I can well imagine having a 24/7 dishes-doing sub


Not me. Because then he'd want to talk.

Oh, maybe that's what gag balls are made for. Anyone have any statistics on damage caused by having a gag ball in place for 4 months? I mean I know I could feed him intravenously...

- LA



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