RE: Responsibility!!!!!

RE: Responsibility!!!!! (Full Version)

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heartfeltsub -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/12/2010 5:03:54 AM)
Although this may end up being an unpopular comment, i do believe that there seems to be an attitude of the "big bad Dominant" is always "at fault" (responsible) if something goes wrong and the poor s-type is never "at fault" for choosing unwisely, (please hear dripping sarcasm here) because she was so swept away by either her sub frenzy or his Dominant wiles that she didn't see the huge waving red flags that any other person might see. While the prevalence of that attitude varies in different settings, it does still seem to be in a lot of places.,where Dominants swoop in to save the poor s-type who can't save herself. my personal opinion is that both people are responsible. i didn't lose the use of my brain when i realized that what i am is a submissive. If i am ultimately going to give absolute authority over my life to another, i better make damn sure that he is worth handing that kind of responsiblity to. And it is my responsibility to not only chose wisely, but to give voice to things that maybe adversely affecting me or the relationship because Dominant doesn't mean Omniscient. Sorry guys, as much as we may say "Oh God, Oh God" in the heat of the moment, y'all really aren't Gods. [;)] heartfelt

KnightofMists -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/12/2010 5:24:10 AM)
quote: , y'all really aren't Gods. [;)] heartfelt bitch! ;)

jbcurious -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/12/2010 6:11:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt I had no intention of offending you personally, jb. Sorry you seem to have taken it that way. As I indicated, my reply was specific and off topic, hence my decision not to address the rest of your on topic post I'm sorry I took it so personally...feeling defensive and frustrated, imagining slights where non were intended is not a good place to be, I should have taken myself off the forums.

RealSub58 -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/12/2010 6:32:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jbcurious quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt I had no intention of offending you personally, jb. Sorry you seem to have taken it that way. As I indicated, my reply was specific and off topic, hence my decision not to address the rest of your on topic post I'm sorry I took it so personally...feeling defensive and frustrated, imagining slights where non were intended is not a good place to be, I should have taken myself off the forums. don't take yourself off the forums. learning each portrayed personality behind the words or just reading the interaction between others is the best way to not take things defensively

LadyPact -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/12/2010 6:41:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jbcurious quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt I had no intention of offending you personally, jb. Sorry you seem to have taken it that way. As I indicated, my reply was specific and off topic, hence my decision not to address the rest of your on topic post I'm sorry I took it so personally...feeling defensive and frustrated, imagining slights where non were intended is not a good place to be, I should have taken myself off the forums. No, you shouldn't. Quite frankly, if you belonged to Me, I wouldn't have permitted it. I would want you exploring your feelings. I would want you digging deeper and seeing what's really in there. I would want you to see each other's point of view in a different light, even if the road getting there would be a little bumpy. That's how we learn and how we grow. I have a wonderful feeling that the two of you are going to make very good friends.

jbcurious -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/12/2010 7:18:13 AM)
Lady P, Realsub...I only meant I should have taken myself off last night...no one needs to be exposed to the tired, cranky, frustrated and defensive mood I was in last night... I should have been sent to bed. [:)] with a spanking...

Phoenixpower -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/12/2010 7:25:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: jbcurious quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt I had no intention of offending you personally, jb. Sorry you seem to have taken it that way. As I indicated, my reply was specific and off topic, hence my decision not to address the rest of your on topic post I'm sorry I took it so personally...feeling defensive and frustrated, imagining slights where non were intended is not a good place to be, I should have taken myself off the forums. No, you shouldn't. Quite frankly, if you belonged to Me, I wouldn't have permitted it. I would want you exploring your feelings. I would want you digging deeper and seeing what's really in there. I would want you to see each other's point of view in a different light, even if the road getting there would be a little bumpy. That's how we learn and how we grow. I have a wonderful feeling that the two of you are going to make very good friends. hmm...missed something as it looks like... whilst I do know that feeling of "should have taken myself off" jb, Lady P's way to deal with it just makes me shiver...surely a good way...but thank goodness...not me to have to go through that shiver

Kana -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/12/2010 12:08:37 PM)
Responsibility to me means many things, but condensed into one line it means that I take ownership of my shit, god and bad. It also means that she takes ownership of hers.

NuevaVida -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/12/2010 8:01:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists so... what is your take on responsibilities! For us it's pretty simple - we each have some responsibilities that we are accountable for in this relationship. We don't make a big issue of it. He is the leader of the relationship, which comes with it's own set of responsibilities. I am the slave in this relationship, which comes with it's own set of responsibilities. We don't measure, weigh or compare them against each other. We hold ourselves and each other accountable for what each of us is accountable for. Mostly we just enjoy each other, though. [;)]

WyldHrt -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/13/2010 2:00:31 AM)
quote: I'm sorry I took it so personally...feeling defensive and frustrated, imagining slights where non were intended is not a good place to be, I should have taken myself off the forums. S'ok, jb. No worries. I have enjoyed your posts thus far, and look forward to seeing more from you on the forums [:)] As I never answered the OP, I will do so now. I rather subscribe to the notion that that both the Dominant and the submissive commit to serving the relationship first and foremost. That involves responsibilities on both sides of the kneel, which will vary with the particular dynamic, but the core is that both live up to their responsibility to nurture the relationship, whatever the details.

WyldHrt -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/13/2010 2:47:07 AM)
quote: Although this may end up being an unpopular comment, i do believe that there seems to be an attitude of the "big bad Dominant" is always "at fault" (responsible) if something goes wrong and the poor s-type is never "at fault" for choosing unwisely, (please hear dripping sarcasm here) because she was so swept away by either her sub frenzy or his Dominant wiles that she didn't see the huge waving red flags that any other person might see. Perception is everything, I guess. I have actually seen more threads where a very inexperienced sub was verbally shredded for posting here when things went tits up with hir first "Dom(me)", and has also gotten the crap beat out of hir with said red flags. "You should have known better", and "Just because you are submissive doesn't mean that your brain leaked out your left ear" tend to figure prominently in the remarks on such threads. That said, as a complete newb to this lifestyle (not that long ago), I fell for the wrong dom, and leaped before I looked. The result was a fairly serious physical injury by a supposedly experienced dom who was just plain careless of my safety. You can bet that I didn't even consider posting about it here, though. I was in enough pain already, thanks.

Level -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/13/2010 3:14:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact No, you shouldn't. Quite frankly, if you belonged to Me, I wouldn't have permitted it. I would want you exploring your feelings. I would want you digging deeper and seeing what's really in there. I would want you to see each other's point of view in a different light, even if the road getting there would be a little bumpy. That's how we learn and how we grow. I have a wonderful feeling that the two of you are going to make very good friends. [/color] But are they going to wrestle in jello? Priorities... Good post, LP, well stated. quote: No, you shouldn't. Quite frankly, if you belonged to Me, I wouldn't have permitted it. I would want you exploring your feelings. I would want you digging deeper and seeing what's really in there. I would want you to see each other's point of view in a different light, even if the road getting there would be a little bumpy. That's how we learn and how we grow.

jbcurious -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/13/2010 5:00:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level But are they going to wrestle in jello? Priorities... Good post, LP, well stated. Leave it to you Level... to bring it down to jello...[:D] Lady P was correct and I´ve done my thinking, realized my problem and have made nice with Wyldhrt... she is cool and surprisingly a lot like me. So there will be no jello.... unless we think it might be fun. Re: Responsibility It´s still a little hard for me to grasp the idea of giving myself to someone and still having a large degree of responsibility past the initial selection of a Dom and something within the realm of my own personal stuff. I´m supposed to trust my Dom and allow him access to all my mental and physical aspects... but it something goes wrong, I´m still responsible. I understand that a Dom is human and will make mistakes, but it´s going to be the sub that suffers for those mistakes. Sometimes it seems like the attitude is a little bit glib on the part of the Doms regarding this. If you mess up we´re the ones with the burn scar from wax to hot, or nerve damage from a crop wielded incorrectly. It´s a hell of a lot of trust we put in you... a little less glibness would be appreciated.

heartfeltsub -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/13/2010 5:51:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt quote: Although this may end up being an unpopular comment, i do believe that there seems to be an attitude of the "big bad Dominant" is always "at fault" (responsible) if something goes wrong and the poor s-type is never "at fault" for choosing unwisely, (please hear dripping sarcasm here) because she was so swept away by either her sub frenzy or his Dominant wiles that she didn't see the huge waving red flags that any other person might see. Perception is everything, I guess. I have actually seen more threads where a very inexperienced sub was verbally shredded for posting here when things went tits up with hir first "Dom(me)", and has also gotten the crap beat out of hir with said red flags. "You should have known better", and "Just because you are submissive doesn't mean that your brain leaked out your left ear" tend to figure prominently in the remarks on such threads. That said, as a complete newb to this lifestyle (not that long ago), I fell for the wrong dom, and leaped before I looked. The result was a fairly serious physical injury by a supposedly experienced dom who was just plain careless of my safety. You can bet that I didn't even consider posting about it here, though. I was in enough pain already, thanks. i'm sorry that you had such an experience Wyld, the comments that i made were not directed at you and i hope that they did not cause offense, none was meant. i can also see where it would be a matter of perception and personal experiences. Maybe i "see" the other kinds of comments more often because they offend me, i feel very strongly about personal responsibility regardless of what side of the kneel one in on and i find the idea that because one is submissive that makes one incapable of making a good decision (Not that you are saying that, that is just the impression that i get from some comments i have seen from others) also very offensive to me. What i am now wondering is on the gender of those who make the different comments, are they harder on women if they come from a woman and vice versa if coming from a man. There may not be a corrolary, but it was an interesting thought. Again Wyld, i am sorry that you had such an experience and i hope that my words didn't add to it. heartfelt

heartfeltsub -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/13/2010 5:53:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: , y'all really aren't Gods. [;)] heartfelt bitch! ;) lmao. Well maybe some of you are.

KnightofMists -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/13/2010 6:20:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub lmao. Well maybe some of you are. much better ;)

WyldHrt -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/13/2010 11:40:56 PM)
quote: Leave it to you Level... to bring it down to jello...[:D] Lady P was correct and I´ve done my thinking, realized my problem and have made nice with Wyldhrt... she is cool and surprisingly a lot like me. So there will be no jello.... unless we think it might be fun. perk Jello? Can it be lime? [:D] The rest of your excellent post will, I hope, be addressed by me shortly. Right now, I have to go into work for a little while. [:'(]

WyldHrt -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/16/2010 2:47:34 AM)
quote: i'm sorry that you had such an experience Wyld, the comments that i made were not directed at you and i hope that they did not cause offense, none was meant. i can also see where it would be a matter of perception and personal experiences. First off, allow me to apologize for the rather bitchy tone of my reply to you, heartfelt. It wasn't directed at you personally, but that is no excuse. quote: Maybe i "see" the other kinds of comments more often because they offend me, i feel very strongly about personal responsibility regardless of what side of the kneel one in on and i find the idea that because one is submissive that makes one incapable of making a good decision (Not that you are saying that, that is just the impression that i get from some comments i have seen from others) also very offensive to me. I get where you are coming from, but as someone not long in the lifestyle, my perspective is a bit different. When one first 'discovers' this lifestyle and starts to research, the things that turn up are, TBH, hella confusing. There are sites where online 'doms' direct their online 'subs' to do things in the workplace (the first of those nearly sent me screaming back to nillaville), sites which list 'slave rules', sites which advocate stuff that is a no-no here, sites that make the whole thing seem like a bodice ripper in real life... and everything in between. REAL advice/ experience is rare, and I'll happily thank anyone 'up there' for Collarme. As for the old "common sense" deelio, I'll step right the hell up and say that my first exposure to BDSM, see above, knocked my needle way the hell off magnetic north for awhile. I was born submissive, something my parents did not approve of, and therefore raised to be in control at all times. Learning to let that go is a tricky thing in any case, and even moreso when one is very inexperienced and struggling against their upbringing to be who they are. "Common sense" sounds great until you realize that many, if not most, new submissives are going against it from the get-go when they get involved in WIITWD. quote: What i am now wondering is on the gender of those who make the different comments, are they harder on women if they come from a woman and vice versa if coming from a man. There may not be a corrolary, but it was an interesting thought. Women are usually harder on women, and vice versa. quote: Again Wyld, i am sorry that you had such an experience and i hope that my words didn't add to it. No worries, heartfelt. It happened, I learned from it, and moved on.

heartfeltsub -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/17/2010 6:17:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt I get where you are coming from, but as someone not long in the lifestyle, my perspective is a bit different. When one first 'discovers' this lifestyle and starts to research, the things that turn up are, TBH, hella confusing. There are sites where online 'doms' direct their online 'subs' to do things in the workplace (the first of those nearly sent me screaming back to nillaville), sites which list 'slave rules', sites which advocate stuff that is a no-no here, sites that make the whole thing seem like a bodice ripper in real life... and everything in between. REAL advice/ experience is rare, and I'll happily thank anyone 'up there' for Collarme. As for the old "common sense" deelio, I'll step right the hell up and say that my first exposure to BDSM, see above, knocked my needle way the hell off magnetic north for awhile. I was born submissive, something my parents did not approve of, and therefore raised to be in control at all times. Learning to let that go is a tricky thing in any case, and even moreso when one is very inexperienced and struggling against their upbringing to be who they are. "Common sense" sounds great until you realize that many, if not most, new submissives are going against it from the get-go when they get involved in WIITWD. No worries, heartfelt. It happened, I learned from it, and moved on. Wyld, thank you for responding to my post, i am surprised (based on the knowledge and depths of your response here on CM) that you haven't been in the lifestyle that long. i too am naturally submissive, but was raised in such a way that that was the "expected" behavior of a Christian wife towards her husband, so i was "allowed" to be submissive. To have to go against all your "training" from your parents to be who you are must be very difficult. i can see where all of it would be going against one's common sense. i think i came at it from the perspective of having to fight my internal nature not to be submissive to everyone. It would be interesting to pick your brain sometime as i am always interested in all the different way someone comes into WIITWD. Thanks again for the response, heartfelt

RealSub58 -> RE: Responsibility!!!!! (4/17/2010 7:24:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jbcurious I understand that a Dom is human and will make mistakes, but it´s going to be the sub that suffers for those mistakes. Sometimes it seems like the attitude is a little bit glib on the part of the Doms regarding this. If you mess up we´re the ones with the burn scar from wax to hot, or nerve damage from a crop wielded incorrectly. It´s a hell of a lot of trust we put in you... a little less glibness would be appreciated. If a dom/me messes up, IMHO, they have the responsibility to own their mess and if it affects the submissive, to request forgiveness for allowing it to affect the submissive. I know this by experience.

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