RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable?

RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (Full Version)

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elleX -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 7:07:14 PM)
hi everyone , to me it all start and finish with the mental bondage,, nothing matters outside that frame,,, so i guess it says it all,,, did i make sense to you ?,,,,

AllLockedUp -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/12/2010 7:24:06 PM)
I believe anything outside of MUTUAL consentual blows is assault. Even if I am the reason for your ire, DO NOT lay hands on me. I KNOW how to and will retaliate!!!

Phoenix73Sir -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/13/2010 4:04:08 AM)
My personal style is mind and word based. I have a strong enough personality that I am able to express my thoughts well in words (as opposed to typing them where i seem to fail in conveying the jist of what I am attempting to say sometimes). My ability to use logic and mould an argument to my way of thinking is pretty wel developed. Play punishment is one thing but day to day is another all together. Personally speaking I would have no isse punishing during play. The point of the thread was pretty much for me to understand those who seem to feel the need to be more physical than mental in their discipline.

DesFIP -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/13/2010 6:03:50 AM)
What you're not putting into this equation is that it isn't always the dom who decides it has to be physical punishments. There are subs who are honest enough to admit that they need this. That they respond best to a spanking instead of a talking to. So a dom who refuses to do cp had better be sure that the sub in question doesn't do best in that kind of dynamic. Smart doms don't assign essays to subs who become more resentful and angry at that. And they don't cane those who become more resentful and angry from that. You have to know your partner well enough to know what does and doesn't work for her/him.

barelynangel -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/13/2010 6:18:10 AM)
To me, what i garner the OP is speaking about is mastery. That you are the authority due to your ability to master someone rather than physically threaten them so to speak. This doesn't necessarily negate the concept of physical control but mastery many times is a concept that not many people are capable of achieving. Its a concept of the stronger will, the ability to hold someone in the environment and atmosphere within which they continuously strive to maintain your standards and expectations. I enjoy a combination of both -- i need the mastery just as i need the physical aspect. I am a very physical person and passionate person in terms of emotions, and sometimes his ability to to physically overpower me, to physically punish me, to physically hold me etc is huge. However, while i could do without the physical if it came to that, i could not do without the mastery. The mastery is what determines how i will exist in his life. If he is incapable of mastering me, while i may choose to stay with him for whatever reason, he will never fully know me or own me. There is a saying i say -- His will is such i can only be what naturally compels me. His will and his mastery allow me the ability to simply exhale and be. Do i need physical in all forms, his strength, his passion, his emotions etc -- yep, because usually the Men i get involved with are very alike with regard to me on these levels just in different ways. But i definitely need to know his mastery is the main and full concept by which he holds me to his will, his authority, his discipline, and in his life as he deems i will exist in his life. I would definitely laugh in the face of any many who wanted to punish me by having me write essays or lines or such. I am not naturally submissive, though i am naturally slave. I am a dominant personality and any Man who wishes to own me has to be able to overcome that and not by physical force. My intelligence demands a mental hold, a hold so tight because he knows me better than i know myself. angel angel

Aynne88 -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/13/2010 6:21:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir My personal style is mind and word based. I have a strong enough personality that I am able to express my thoughts well in words (as opposed to typing them where i seem to fail in conveying the jist of what I am attempting to say sometimes). My ability to use logic and mould an argument to my way of thinking is pretty wel developed. Play punishment is one thing but day to day is another all together. Personally speaking I would have no isse punishing during play. The point of the thread was pretty much for me to understand those who seem to feel the need to be more physical than mental in their discipline. I got what you meant. I actually like it, and I am not bratty, or a do-me sub, it's just that I work for him, and in business sometimes I get overly dominant with him, and it's something that drives him nuts. Of course he is in charge, I just can't flip the switch from the office to home. So yes, he uses a pretty substantial amount of physical discipline, because quite honestly he has a fetish for what he calls my "pretty tears.". I feel neglected if I don't get used that way actually. I know how hot he finds it to make me cry, so if he stops I would wonder why.... The mental aspect is always there, it doesn't have to be an either or, it's just that I am a pretty dominant personality and quite intelligent, so we are rather evenly matched that way. Sometimes some corporal punishment reminders are either efficient or he just feels like it. It's his choice.

Andalusite -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/13/2010 7:55:53 AM)
Spankings are for good subbies! [;)]

jbcurious -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/13/2010 8:05:08 AM)
I don´t think I´ll ever give "subbie tears" in a CP situation... if there are tears it will probably be of anger. Saying that... my feelings of guilt and shame if I know that I´ve acted incorrectly will definitely bring "subbie tears"... I don´t think there´s anything worse then someone saying that they´re disappointed in you.

LadyPact -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/13/2010 8:17:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir There are those who are brought up to believe that you NEVER under any circumstances hit a woman. For some that belief can make dealing out physical pain a struggle. Bearing this in mind, do you believe it is possible to maintain control and dicipline without the need for any sort of physical interactrion? Examples might be, ignoring an s for a period or asstertive talks and there are doubtless many other methods, but from experience does this work or does it eventually make the Dom look less authorative or weaker? This is a general question and all views are welcome. From where I sit, you're actually asking two different questions here. I've read the thread and saw the further clarification, but I'm going to address the above. To answer what I think you were trying to ask, yes you can. The control that I have over clip doesn't change based on physical proximity. It's the same control whether he's across the room, across the country, or half way across the globe. We've had situations where his behavior was not acceptable and I've put him back where he needed to be even when we've been separated by distance. That may very well be one of the better ways to define if you really do have power over someone or not. As for the rest, do us both a favor and leave the gender out of it. Everybody is taught during their formative years that it's wrong to hurt other people. (Self defense excluded.) We females aren't given a free pass in that department and we have to go through the same unlearning what we've learned when we become open to the world of sadism and masochism. If you happen to have yourself a submissive who is a masochist and you can not indulge in sadism at all or not to the level of which they crave, you could come out as looking weaker. This isn't particularly anyone's fault. It just means that you have an incompatibility in this area. It really comes down to the same thing as you'll have some submissives who crave more control than others. When it's lacking, they know it isn't there. Protocol is another area where this can happen. Some submissives absolutely thrive in high protocol dynamics and miss that structure if involved with a laid back type of Dominant. Any of these can mean that you are not the right kind of Dominant for them.

GoddessImaginos -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/13/2010 8:20:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir There are those who are brought up to believe that you NEVER under any circumstances hit a woman. For some that belief can make dealing out physical pain a struggle. Bearing this in mind, do you believe it is possible to maintain control and dicipline without the need for any sort of physical interactrion? Examples might be, ignoring an s for a period or asstertive talks and there are doubtless many other methods, but from experience does this work or does it eventually make the Dom look less authorative or weaker? This is a general question and all views are welcome. From where I sit, you're actually asking two different questions here. I've read the thread and saw the further clarification, but I'm going to address the above. To answer what I think you were trying to ask, yes you can. The control that I have over clip doesn't change based on physical proximity. It's the same control whether he's across the room, across the country, or half way across the globe. We've had situations where his behavior was not acceptable and I've put him back where he needed to be even when we've been separated by distance. That may very well be one of the better ways to define if you really do have power over someone or not. As for the rest, do us both a favor and leave the gender out of it. Everybody is taught during their formative years that it's wrong to hurt other people. (Self defense excluded.) We females aren't given a free pass in that department and we have to go through the same unlearning what we've learned when we become open to the world of sadism and masochism. If you happen to have yourself a submissive who is a masochist and you can not indulge in sadism at all or not to the level of which they crave, you could come out as looking weaker. This isn't particularly anyone's fault. It just means that you have an incompatibility in this area. It really comes down to the same thing as you'll have some submissives who crave more control than others. When it's lacking, they know it isn't there. Protocol is another area where this can happen. Some submissives absolutely thrive in high protocol dynamics and miss that structure if involved with a laid back type of Dominant. Any of these can mean that you are not the right kind of Dominant for them. As is so often the case, LP nails it on the head. Answer re the title of this thread: yes, it can, and is. And should be, even. [sm=2cents.gif]

DesFIP -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/13/2010 3:02:17 PM)
I hate to argue with the distinguished Lady P but. There's always a but. I've got a high school aged son. He and his friends do get into fist fights. They play tackle football against other boys. They wrestle. They don't hit girls but they have no compunction hitting boys. I actually had this discussion with him after he was suspended for hitting another boy. He was shocked and horrified that I could imagine he would ever hit a girl. But a boy to him is acceptable. To me and the vice principal of course, it was not!

LadyPact -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/13/2010 3:37:56 PM)
If that's an argument, Des, we need to meet in real life. LOL. I would happen to think that fist fights amongst folks that age would be completely different than sadism.

ownedbyPF -> RE: Non-physical control. is it possible or sustainable? (4/14/2010 7:19:13 AM)
Fast Reply~ I need both. I need the conversation where he tells me what I did wrong, how and why it happened, how to make sure it doesn't happen again. Followed up with the physical.. whip, cane, paddle whatever. Having said that there are a few caveats. One, he is the one who chooses whether to add in the physical or not. Sometimes he deems the conversation to be enough, but most often it's followed with the physical. Sometimes the conversations are long and sometimes it's quite quick... Him: "weren't you supposed to?" Me: "OMG!" Second caveat is that we do not do "funishment". It isn't fun. My Master is a sadist. He loves to make me scream and cry. He loves to hurt me and make me beg. He doesn't need any reason for this, he does it because he feels like it. When he is disciplining me it's entirely different. It isn't for him to enjoy torturing me. It's punishment, pure and simple. I don't like it. I fear it beyond pretty much anything in the entire world. Not just because of the mindset, but because when it's discipline, he doesn't mess around. It's fast, it hurts horrendously. After he does that, he holds me all close and soothes my hair and kisses my cheeks and I swear I adore him endlessly(while sobbing) and that I'll be much more detailed in my serving him. He doesn't have to punish me very often. I try very hard to avoid it. The whole idea of a slave/sub messing up in order to get spanked blah blah blah is a mystery to me. Having said that, as my first sentence states.... I need that. I need all of that. I need to fear his punishment. It doesn't turn me on and it is definately not the only reason for my obedience. Yet, I need the physical enforcement. Don't know why, can't help it, but a relationship without it wouldn't work for me. In turn, a relationship where his response was to beat my ass and not talk to me about it wouldn't work either. I need both... I'm complicated that way :) ~s

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