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Suicide Bombers on Strike - 4/12/2010 4:53:54 PM   
hejira92


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Status: offline 		Subject: Suicide bombers on Strike


Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this April, from 72 to only 54. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action.

General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.

"Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in the Northeast of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in our areas anyway".


My Mom sent this to me.



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RE: Suicide Bombers on Strike - 4/13/2010 4:53:09 AM   
MotownSingleGuy


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Joined: 7/27/2006
From: The Motor City, Michigan, USA
Status: offline 		It's 72 raisins, not 72 virgins.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2002/jan/12/books.guardianreview5

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RE: Suicide Bombers on Strike - 4/13/2010 8:57:38 AM   
VeryNastyDom


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline 		No, you are both wrong.

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.
"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose.

James Madison comes up next, and says "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee.

Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe, and 65 other people who have the same love for liberty and America.

As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams "This is not what I was promised!"

An angel replies "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you, idiot. What did you think I said?"

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RE: Suicide Bombers on Strike - 4/13/2010 9:38:06 AM   
Cuffkinks


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quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.)




LMAO! Classic!

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RE: Suicide Bombers on Strike - 4/14/2010 12:36:36 AM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		"I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you, idiot. What did you think I said"

Wow, after all these years that is finally cleared up. It was a simple typo.

T

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RE: Suicide Bombers on Strike - 4/14/2010 9:18:58 PM   
GinoVega


Posts: 81
Joined: 4/14/2010
Status: offline 		My favorite joke on the whole 72 virgins thing is probably on Family Guy where the suicide bomber walks through the pearly gates in the clouds asking for his virgins and is met with 72 stereotypical cartoon nerds asking him to play dungeons and dragons.

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RE: Suicide Bombers on Strike - 4/14/2010 9:20:18 PM   
Smutmonger


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Status: offline 		Yup-the Koran never says anything about the virgins being FEMALE.

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RE: Suicide Bombers on Strike - 4/15/2010 6:28:58 AM   
bestheadyet


Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline 		lmao@gino comment

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RE: Suicide Bombers on Strike - 4/15/2010 8:38:03 AM   
VeryNastyDom


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/23/2006
Status: offline 		If you like politically incorrect, you might like Achmed, the dead terrorist

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uwOL4rB-go

Ten minutes, but well worth the watch

< Message edited by VeryNastyDom -- 4/15/2010 8:43:38 AM >

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RE: Suicide Bombers on Strike - 4/15/2010 9:47:57 AM   
UniqueRaven


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Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GinoVega

My favorite joke on the whole 72 virgins thing is probably on Family Guy where the suicide bomber walks through the pearly gates in the clouds asking for his virgins and is met with 72 stereotypical cartoon nerds asking him to play dungeons and dragons.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOfp0LHtpV0

That is hilarious!

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RE: Suicide Bombers on Strike - 4/18/2010 10:25:35 PM   
GinoVega


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Joined: 4/14/2010
Status: offline 		Teehee. Thank you, love, for finding the clip *pet*
quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven


quote:

ORIGINAL: GinoVega

My favorite joke on the whole 72 virgins thing is probably on Family Guy where the suicide bomber walks through the pearly gates in the clouds asking for his virgins and is met with 72 stereotypical cartoon nerds asking him to play dungeons and dragons.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOfp0LHtpV0

That is hilarious!

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