Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 9:56:11 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		Shrugs..whatever. I guess lots of people like to engage in risky behavior for sex.

I just tend to snicker a bit when they catch something they could have avoided. I hope you don't-since I tend to think you are pretty level headed overall. I've seen aquaintances waste away with hiv and die.

Hardly seems worth it for a fuck.

Even less for a fuck for someone else.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 10:07:12 PM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

Shrugs..whatever. I guess lots of people like to engage in risky behavior for sex.

I just tend to snicker a bit when they catch something they could have avoided. I hope you don't-since I tend to think you are pretty level headed overall. I've seen aquaintances waste away with hiv and die.

Hardly seems worth it for a fuck.

Even less for a fuck for someone else.


What?

You keep ranting on. You do understand that the CDC cannot once pin down a single case of female to female sexual transmission of HIV right? Not that that tid bit matters in this case cuz you're still not making sense.

And before you attempt to scare or school me on HIV transmission, I was a peer educator for a few years and helped establish an outreach program focused on HIV education in teens through high schools in a metro area. I currently spend a majority of my volunteer hours with an HIV wellness center here in South Florida. Seriously, HIV is the least of my worries for MsKitty because of the testing and preventative methods available. I'm more worried about syphilis (on the rise in every metro area in the US....which can but rarely is contracted through contact only) and other STDs that have an easier transmission mode than fluid to mucus membrane.

boi


_____________________________


Clips of MsKitty doin' stuff to me. Support the fan club, buy a clip today.

(in reply to Smutmonger)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 10:34:32 PM   
slutteslave


Posts: 9
Joined: 8/22/2009
Status: offline 		well i am glad people are posting on this issue aside from the seeming conflict above, i have learned a few things. i felt odd at first asking for a full STD screen but now i do right away. I had one taken at planned parenthood and they checked for everything except; and i can't remember exactly; gonorohea? anyway one of the common STDs i thought was harmful the tech said was just a nuissance... hmm. it was an expensive test. i wouldn't pay for another's screening. but i would go with the partner and get screened with them. actually i think that is best. do it together. then you really really know. how could anyone feel comfortable without a screening knowing what we know? comfort and some form of love is essential to my way of thinking. sex just by itself seems hollow. it may be a temp high but hollow for sure. anyway thank you all for your insights! by the way hep c is common in certain localities like Hawaii, not that it matters. just get screened fgs.

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/12/2010 11:16:37 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

Shrugs..whatever. I guess lots of people like to engage in risky behavior for sex.

I just tend to snicker a bit when they catch something they could have avoided. I hope you don't-since I tend to think you are pretty level headed overall. I've seen aquaintances waste away with hiv and die.

Hardly seems worth it for a fuck.

Even less for a fuck for someone else.

The cuckholding aspect of it aside, this really is a topic that effects a lot of people.  Those of us in poly households, such as BK and Myself, have to deal with this any time we might add additional people to the household.  Monogamous folks just starting out together have the same starting point.

Even for those not engaging in sex, there are a lot of forms of play out there where this is something that must be discussed.  Needles, cutting, and anything else that you can think of where blood can be passed from one person to another should be having this same topic addressed.

Especially since you do have the experience in your background that I highlighted above, I'm sure that you would want folks to be as safe as they can be in the activities that they chose.  I understand your feelings on it as we happen to have that in common.  Maybe that can happen less often if we can encourage healthy discussions like this one about approaching these situations and potential partners.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Smutmonger)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/13/2010 8:37:53 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		There may be an update since I last researched this, but it's my understanding that the Digene Captive Hybrid DNA test for Human Papilloma Virus is relatively ineffective (false negatives) on men due to their anatomy. The polymerase chain reaction blood test can discover if a person has had exposure to HPV, but I'm not certain whether it can distinguish between the strains that cause cervical cancer and the strains which cause plantar warts on feet, and it is expensive, and not widely available. Lesbians (and bisexual women who have contact only with other women) can indeed transmit STDs. HPV and Herpes are spread by skin-to-skin and mucous-membrane contact, so outside contact without penetration or fluid exchange is still risky, which applies to woman-woman contact. So, you are indeed putting yourself at risk. AIDS and some strains of Hepatitis are less likely to be transmitted by contact between women, but it can happen, and many forms of play we do introduce the possibility of being transmitted via blood rather than sex.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/13/2010 8:49:28 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

There may be an update since I last researched this, but it's my understanding that the Digene Captive Hybrid DNA test for Human Papilloma Virus is relatively ineffective (false negatives) on men due to their anatomy. The polymerase chain reaction blood test can discover if a person has had exposure to HPV, but I'm not certain whether it can distinguish between the strains that cause cervical cancer and the strains which cause plantar warts on feet, and it is expensive, and not widely available. Lesbians (and bisexual women who have contact only with other women) can indeed transmit STDs. HPV and Herpes are spread by skin-to-skin and mucous-membrane contact, so outside contact without penetration or fluid exchange is still risky, which applies to woman-woman contact. So, you are indeed putting yourself at risk. AIDS and some strains of Hepatitis are less likely to be transmitted by contact between women, but it can happen, and many forms of play we do introduce the possibility of being transmitted via blood rather than sex.


Oh I'm well aware of the STD issues that con be transmitted through contact rather than "fluid bonding". I was simply pointing out the very small possibility of HIV being transmitted between female-female sexual activity.

What I found out about last night during further research (and being yelled at to go to bed) is about genital ulcers and the non-sexual transmission of syphilis. During the first and secondary stages of syphilis, kissing someone with a sore or even casual contact like shaking hands (secondary when a rash is present) can transmit the virus. Women often resolve their issues with the disease but about 25% of the time syphilis goes beyond the first stage of simply being a sore. Syphilis is on the rise in metropolitan areas because the virus is mutating to be more resistant to the human immune system and traditional treatment.

I am, by far, not ignorant of the situation and it's possibilities. And, as with everything we do in S&M, we attempt to minimize the risks while still having our fun. In an extreme case, the situations we put ourselves into during "play" can become life threatening in moments and yet we still do what we do to have our fun. No one suggests not doing the fun stuff to avoid the risks all together. So why would safer sex precautions and screening etiquette questions result in the same suggestion?

boi


_____________________________


Clips of MsKitty doin' stuff to me. Support the fan club, buy a clip today.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/14/2010 7:49:58 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I wasn't clear from your previous posts that you were aware that there isn't really a good test/screening for HPV that can cause genital warts and cervical dysplasia. Anyway, once I started dating someone seriously enough that I wanted to have sex with them, I brought up testing if they didn't first. I'm not into the casual thing, but I'd assume that the direct approach should work just as well then, and if anyone is resistant, they're probably not into safe sex and testing, so Ms. Kitty wouldn't want to be with them anyway. It certainly sounds like that was true of this particular guy, so anyone who needs pussyfooting around the topic is probably best avoided.

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/14/2010 11:19:07 AM   
BoiJen


Posts: 2608
Joined: 3/7/2007
Status: offline 		Andalusite,

I get that the screening methods for HPV are pretty archaic and not incredibly effective. I was just looking for some feedback that didn't end with "Just slap your own paperwork on the table when you get to the date and ask them 'where's yours?'". what MsKitty and I have figured is we'll research a good doctor in the central Plam Beach and North Broward area who does screenings on men. If at the end of the date MsKitty feels good about it, She'll give the date the doctor's card and ask to meet up to talk about the paperwork. Obviously, if someone outright refuses to get screened or obtain the paperwork, She's not going to go further than "have a nice day".

boi

_____________________________


Clips of MsKitty doin' stuff to me. Support the fan club, buy a clip today.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/14/2010 1:03:38 PM   
FetishRose


Posts: 212
Joined: 8/7/2008
Status: offline
quote:

My version of "etiquette" tends to be, "If you think for a moment that there's going to be any kind of sexual activity with me, you're going down and getting tested. Don't like it? Fine. Don't waste my time. But, if it makes you feel better, here's my last test results, and I'll be fine going with you and getting tested as well, just to be fair."


I completely agree with this.  If they are interested, they won't have a problem doing a full screen.  Any person I play sexually with must give me documentation of a full screen within the past month before we are bumping uglies. If they haven't yet, I'll wait for them to get tested, but no touchy until there is.



(in reply to BKSir)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/14/2010 6:09:56 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		Well, I'm not into the casual sex thing, but I think it would make the most sense to bring up the testing issue before the initial meet/date. She can say, "I need you to be screened for all of the following STDs before we can go ahead with it. Planned Parenthood is sliding scale, but only tests for <list>, so you'll need to go to a separate doctor for <other list>." I don't see any need to bring the test results to the first date, but they'll be aware that if they want any, they have to go get checked out.

(in reply to FetishRose)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/15/2010 6:45:08 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:


People often forget that herpes and warts can be contracted even when there's no out break.


Does anyone have a link or a few to any clinical studies that validate the viral shedding theory? There are scads of websites that refer to viral shedding but I am trying to read up on the clinical studies regarding it and I can't seem to find any links to any of that data.


_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/15/2010 8:32:44 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		Fuck worrying about etiquette here. Seriously, being honest and upfront and blunt is the way to go. If somebody can't deal with why this is important to you and your partner they ain't worth it. Cut to the chase, screw etiquette. Long as you're polite about it. If somebody is offended it's their problem.

< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 4/15/2010 8:33:30 AM >

_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/15/2010 8:05:19 PM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slutteslave

well i am glad people are posting on this issue aside from the seeming conflict above, i have learned a few things. i felt odd at first asking for a full STD screen but now i do right away. I had one taken at planned parenthood and they checked for everything except; and i can't remember exactly; gonorohea? anyway one of the common STDs i thought was harmful the tech said was just a nuissance... hmm. it was an expensive test. i wouldn't pay for another's screening.


How much was it at PP? Just getting HIV/Clamydia/Ghonorrea/HPV ones done at my OBGYN costs me like $150, and that's with my insurance covering a lot of it.

(in reply to slutteslave)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/17/2010 4:12:10 AM   
VanessaChaland


Posts: 362
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline 		Condoms and/or dams are always a good choice. :)

_____________________________

If you want to know more about me and my interests, Google my name.

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/17/2010 2:56:16 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		grace, PP's are generally sliding scale, and they may or may not be included as an option under your insurance. Some major cities also have free clinics with STD screening.

(in reply to VanessaChaland)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/17/2010 6:40:59 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BoiJen

When seeking a secondary sexual partner...what's the etiquette in asking about a full screening? Most individuals may only get checked for HIV or Hep. But there's SO many STDs on the rise right now that I feel a full screening would be important. Syphilis is one of the big ones and people often forget that herpes and warts can be contracted even when there's no out break. I'm researching condom alternatives that have more coverage area because of those specific issues.

Anybody have some advice?

boi



Don't ask.

Demand.

(There are  no condom alternatives).

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/18/2010 2:57:12 AM   
sinandhoney


Posts: 61
Joined: 7/23/2009
From: Lincoln, NE
Status: offline 		Where I am Herpes is not included in a full panel unless you specificly ask for it to be done. It's an expensive test to have done when there are no lesions present so unless it's requested or there is some reason for the doctor to think you are infected it just isn't done.

(in reply to BoiJen)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/18/2010 3:06:11 AM   
sinandhoney


Posts: 61
Joined: 7/23/2009
From: Lincoln, NE
Status: offline 		I have read the viral shedding report some years back when a friend of mine contracted herpes and I was getting info for her on this. What the drug companies don't tell you that yes, there is a chance of viral shedding in those who do not have any warning of an impending out break, but in those who so have warning signs before an outbreak occurs, viral shedding is rare. The drug companies mis-represent this study in order to scare more people into taking drugs that they may not really need to take. Most people don't even know what to look for regarding herpes or what an outbreak may look like since it has fallen to the way side since it's first coming out in the 80's. It's really more of a bother than something that is life threatening. Much like it's other half herpes simplex one, the oral kind. The only risk is danger to a newborn. Most men don't know they have it as they pass an outbreak off on it being a fever blister, an in-grown hair or other such things. I wish I still had the links to the info I chased down for her back then.

(in reply to sinandhoney)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question - 4/18/2010 7:07:01 PM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

grace, PP's are generally sliding scale, and they may or may not be included as an option under your insurance. Some major cities also have free clinics with STD screening.


Thanks, I'll have to look into that.

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 39
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Cuckolding and STD screens...etiquette question Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109