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Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 4:01:00 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello everyone,

As often happens, another thread has me wondering and thinking.

Having been on these threads for about 3 years now (the first little bit under a different name), I've noticed certain things have changed about me in real life. In the past I often would not argue until it got to the point where I felt like I was a cornered animal - and then I was pretty angry and desperate. I also was scared of rejection. I often thought things like "why would anyone want to talk to ME? I'm just not good enough."

I notice now that I don't do those things - not as much anyway.

Here are some things that I've noticed have changed about me:

I have become much more open about the negative aspects of my life and personality.
I flirt for the joy of flirting without any expectations.
I'm more willing to disagree with someone without fear.
I still generally maintain a fairly neutal manner and don't attack people.
I used to empathize with the "poor me" types. Now I call foul on them. And ooo does it irritate people!
I've become a lot more curious and a lot less defensive when disagreeing with people.
I'm more realistic about how things can come back and bite me in the ass and prepare myself and protect myself when possible.
I tease people a lot more.
I ask for what I want, knowing that I have every right to ask.

I don't think the boards are the be all and end all of why this has happened. I had to be ready to make the changes, I had to be in a safe place to make them. I had to choose to make them. But I do believe that to some degree the culture we are in (in this case the internet boards) has an impact on how we experience our worlds and our inner lives.

So the question to you

Has being on the boards changed or refined some part of your personality? Has it made a real difference in how you interact in the world around you (not just the boards)?

How? Is it a change you see for the better?

Can you give an example of something that has changed?

Are there things you've seen changes in other people that inspired or impressed you?

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

Post #: 1

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 4:05:47 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

In some ways I think the forums can serve as a group therapy. Just hearing that you aren't alone in your wishes and your fears in empowering. We always feel that we are the only one who feels this, thinks this. Discovering that other people do also, and that it can work for them gives us hope and possibly ambition to make it work for us.

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Post #: 2

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 4:10:03 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

I am as sweet and kind here as I am in real life.

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Post #: 3

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 4:10:53 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I vote with my feet. I am here.

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Post #: 4

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 4:15:46 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

I don't think the boards have changed me. They have opened me up to ideas and ways of doing things and thinking that I had not thought of before. It's interesting to read the various points of interest. Many years ago when this journey of mine began I really did think it came with a set of rules and regulations. Now I realized that each person is on their own personal journey.

< Message edited by peppermint -- 4/13/2010 4:16:22 PM >

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Post #: 5

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 4:23:36 PM

OrpheusAgonistes

Posts: 253
Joined: 3/29/2010
Status: offline

When I started posting on these boards, roughly a week ago, I was a callow, brash, arrogant young American in a shiny suit and a skinny tie with every intention of working his way up from the mailroom to the boardroom. Now, as I peck languidly at my keys, sipping a gin and tonic (quinine, you know), I'm an elderly British gentleman, ensconced in tweed, surrounded by trophies from my big game hunting expeditions. I remember with a poignant and startling clarity bits and pieces of my schoolboy days, particularly bowling a googly against those prigs from Harrow in their funny hats....

To be candid, I feel like posting here is helping me clarify a number of things in my own head simply because it's the only place I tend to interact socially with other people whose interests and kinks flourish in the same hedgerow as my own. I have a horror of "scene" or "lifestyle" events and only go if dragged. I occasionally run into friends of friends in real life who clearly have inclinations toward kink, sadomasochism and power exchange but even then everything always has to be so discreet. The older I get and the more approximately bourgeoisie my friends become, the more crucial discretion becomes.

It's not hard to find people to play with, and of course I know those people socially and speak with them. But it's nice to be able to be open with similarly wired people in the comfortable anonymity of the internet.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to read some Walpole while humming Carmen Etonense enthusiastically.

Orpheus Agonistes, KCMG

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Every sentence I have written here is the product of some disease.-- Wittgenstein

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Post #: 6

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 4:25:22 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Nope. It hasn't changed a thing about me.

(in reply to OrpheusAgonistes)

Post #: 7

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 4:29:17 PM

GoddessImaginos

Posts: 1493
Joined: 8/5/2009
From: A small blue planet near Alpha Centauri
Status: offline

Yes. It has made Me realize how much of a raging dumbass I can still be sometimes, for allowing Myself to be drawn into arguements that would be better placed beneath the soles of the bitch boots I'm not wearing right now.
I see Orpheus' gin-n-tonic and raise him three fingers of 18-yr-old oak-aged Scotch that actually came from Scotland (price paid for this amber jewel.. can't say it out loud, I'll have a stroke and pass out).

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Post #: 8

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 4:33:14 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
Has being on the boards changed or refined some part of your personality? Has it made a real difference in how you interact in the world around you (not just the boards)?

Without a doubt.

quote:

How? Is it a change you see for the better?

Very much so.

quote:

Can you give an example of something that has changed?

I am much more likely to accept the different ways that people do things. I'm a lot more open-minded than I used to be - I know that I don't know everything and I'm inclined to ask questions than to assume I know what the hell I'm talking about. Thank G-d there aren't too many around still from my early days on the forums!

quote:

Are there things you've seen changes in other people that inspired or impressed you?

Not so much changes but I've been very impressed by how people have handled themselves on the boards, and how they were treated in return, to the point where I sat back and went "huh - that's how I want to do things."

I truly do not understand the bitterness that some people have towards these forums as they have been such a positive thing in my life. But everyone has a different experience with things.

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It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 9

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 4:37:02 PM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

Other than starting a conversation with "In my opinion...." now and then or feeling the need to offer my information resources, no, I can't say being on the boards has changed me.

The people I've had the pleasure of speaking with offline from the forums, however, have changed me just by sharing themselves with me.

But then, I'm odd...just ask anyone.

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Post #: 10

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 4:38:27 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

Thanks to moderatoreleven I learnt to keep my mouth shut and to seriously temper (and tamper with) my normal elocution. It was forced upon me, however, and I was mightily relieved when the insane restrictions she imposed on so many of us were lifted - she may have done a good job at moderating the boards, but on a human level, she sucked ass.

I did learn, thanks to her, to not bother talking to people whose ideas were insane. I am glad, however, that I am now able to tell them they are crazy fucks.

Also, the boards have enabled me to learn a few things about the English language I had never suspected existed; without them, I would still sound hopelessly Euro. Without the boards, I would never have learnt the expression "suck ass". And I never would have been able to teach that pompous windbag Merc that the past participle of the verb "to spell" is, indeed, "spelt". THANK YOU, collarme boards :-) .

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Post #: 11

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 5:15:58 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

I first started participating in online forums around 1990 in the old dial-up bbs systems. I've probably had more impact on the forums I have participated in than they have had on me because I don't honestly feel they've had any impact on me whatsoever. They do allow me to keep my writing skills sharp. That is one benefit. Online fora tend to be one big run-on sentence. I admire those who can express themselves well in the written form. It's amazing how many cannot or simply do not care enough to.

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Post #: 12

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 6:24:07 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

I've probably had more impact on the forums I have participated in than they have had on me because I don't honestly feel they've had any impact on me whatsoever.

That's probably because you're a sociopath.

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Post #: 13

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 6:33:23 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

I've probably had more impact on the forums I have participated in than they have had on me because I don't honestly feel they've had any impact on me whatsoever.

That's probably because you're a sociopath.

I have had a bigger impact than DomImus which makes me sociopathier.

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Post #: 14

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 6:37:48 PM

petmonkey

Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

Not yet. i look forward to it, honestly. There's gems of wisdom mixed in here that i've really appreciated reading and the humor has gotten me through some rough days. It sounds like it's been a very positive experience for you, sunshinemiss.

ETA: points for the word "sociopathier".

< Message edited by petmonkey -- 4/13/2010 6:39:33 PM >

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Post #: 15

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 6:51:11 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Within a couple of weeks of signing on to collarme, I found my Sir (on collarme) and started posting. I grew up on CM (so to speak) in the bdsm'ish world, and have learn't a hell of a lot.

For instance, I have learnt that just because someone calls themselves a dominant, doesn't mean that i have to cowtow to him/her. Politeness, yes, anything more - no.

I learnt that just because you have a profile on CM doesn't mean that you really are who you say you are.

I learnt that just because you speak with abrasion doesn't mean that you aren't right - and vica versa. The intent of the message means more than the actual words. And I also learnt that its easier to agree with nice people than abrasive people.

I learnt that you can have a hell of a lot of fun posting on threads when most everyone is on the same page - and the people who aren't on the same page can make things even more enjoyable.
I also learnt that it can be a lot of fun being deliberately rude to someone - something i am SO not good at - most of the time.

So, yes, i attribute my growth as a member of the bdsm society in part to CM.

What a trip!

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 16

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 7:02:07 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
I have had a bigger impact than DomImus which makes me sociopathier.

You may be a bit of a narcissist, darling... but you are no sociopath :-).

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Post #: 17

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 7:11:53 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
I have had a bigger impact than DomImus which makes me sociopathier.

You may be a bit of a narcissist, darling... but you are no sociopath :-).

fuck you...I have killed without remorse.

I came out here and I knew that I must be in heaven when I saw your cunt.

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Post #: 18

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 7:19:39 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

I don't change, I bring change.

Yep, you got it..... for all you Jews... I AM the Messiah!

I can't tell you what a relief that is to get off my chest

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Post #: 19

RE: Have the boards changed you? - 4/13/2010 7:20:39 PM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
I came out here and I knew that I must be in heaven when I saw your cunt.

Fuck! Then my work was done here, years ago!

Putain de bordel de pute. On vit vraiment dans un monde de merde.

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Post #: 20

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