|
Slaveboiz -> Punishment. Why bother? (4/4/2006 6:54:42 AM)
|
Greetings forum.
i would like to share some of my ideas on punishment.
slave ziggy
Internatioanl slave 2006
PUNSHIMENT
WHY BOTHER?
MISTRESS SUZAN AND SLAVE ZIGGY
INTRODUCTION: There are a number of thoughts concerning punishment and its value in Master slave relationships; almost as many as those concerning the punishment and the disciplining of a child. During this class we will explore punishment its definition, value, do and don’ts and its process. Whether you choose to use punishment as a tool in training or in your Master slave relationship there are a few ideas we have that may be of interest.
DEFINITION: Punishment is a consequence for and infraction of a rule, law or directive. It is most often used to correct an undesired behavior and is not always corporal in nature.
PUNISHMENT AND IT’S VALUE: Some Masters feel that it is the slave duty to obey and that if punishment is necessary then there has been a break down in the slaves willingness to follow the direction of the Master. In turn, if punishment is necessary then the validity of the Master slave relationship is put into question. However, we view punishment as having value in a M/s relationship.
In long term Master slave relationships and in the training of a slave punishment can have its value in that it may help keep the slave focused and on track. Please bear in mind we are not saying that punishment should be used to enforce the slaves role to the Master; that should be established and if you find yourself punishing or being punished on a regular basis then we would recommend assessing the underlying issue.
On the other hand punishment can assist the Master in re enforcing positive behaviors and help to eliminate undesirable behaviors especially during the training phase of any M/s relationship.
Those subs /slave who take to heart the Master slave dynamic will avoid punishment at all costs, these same sub slave types are also prone to hold onto any un-addressed infraction until it eats away at their feelings of competency as a slave causing the slave to harbor feelings of guilt. On the Masters end, allowing infractions to go uncorrected will most likely breed resentment in the Master and ultimately under mind his or her authority in the Master slave relationship.
Punishment also acts as a way to show that the Master actually cares enough to notice a deviation from the rules he or she has set and is a tool used to correct them, in much the same way as parent corrects a child. Please hear me when I say that I DO NOT see slaves as children or child like, but rather they seek out guidance and have a desire to please their Masters but sometimes falter in their endeavor to do so. Masters care about their charges and want them to be the best they can be while in service to them and sometimes that requires the Master to make corrections that facilitate that.
GOALS FOR PUNISHMENT: When punishment occurs there is four distinct goals the Master should always keep in mind. If you find your reasoning for punishment falls outside these goals we encourage you to re think whether punishment is appropriate.
One: Punishment assists the slave in maintaining good order and discipline.
Two: It shapes undesirable behavior into more desired behavior.
Three: It alleviates guilt in the slave and resentment in the Master.
Four: Punishment fosters a sense of caring on the part of the Master while making the slave feel safe and secure in the relationship.
5. CONSIDERATIONS FOR PUNISHMENT: There are a number of things that the Master must consider when punishment is deemed necessary.
I. How the Master feels about punishment: What is his or her comfort level with punishment? Some Masters avoid punishment as much as slaves do. Understanding more about how punishment works for that Master is just as important as how it works for the slave. Some questions that may arise are. If I have to punish my slave what will be my own reaction to it? Will I resent my slave for putting me in a position of having to punish and why do I feel that way? Am I able to see punishment as tool that is valuable for both the master and the slave?
Going into a Master slave relationship it is our belief that the above questions should be addressed openly. If punishment is a reality in your style of Mastery that too should be made clear to the slave during the negotiations with the slave from the very beginning and before any training begins.
II. The slaves experience with abuse: Another area a Master may wish to consider is the history of the slave. This history has little bearing on if punishment will occur but rather what type of punishment that will be imposed. For example; Those slaves that have be severely abused during childhood may not respond well to a strapping and may not help you reach your goal in that punishment session.
III. Why am I punishing? Anytime a Master finds himself in a position of having to punish it is important to always come from a place of reason. What is my ultimate goal in enacting this correction or punishment?
IV. When should I punish? It has been said over and over that one should never punish in anger but an adjunct to that is never punish in public. Punishment should never be a humiliation scene as that falls outside the stated goals of punishment. Am I punishing for the purpose of creating a punishment scene. If you want to have dungeon time than have dungeon time. Don’t use punishment as an excuse to scene. It become less effective as tool and very well may confuse the slave into thinking they are one in the same, thus tainting the positive connection we have when we scene.
V. Where should I punish? We do not recommend punishing in areas that are held as positive spaces, such as the dungeon or the bedroom. If possible try and pick a place that is rather neutral like an office or dinning room or the woodshed. Again never punish in public. One reason for this is that you are inadvertently involving those around you into you punishment session, we personally find that is offensive and find that others are not comfortable with that at either. “Praise in public, punish in private.”
VI. How will I punish? How a correction is made is as unique to the relationship as the relationship itself. However, here are a few thoughts. Punishment is not always corporal in nature. Punishments can range from a quick verbal correction for those small infractions, to corporal in nature for the more severe infractions.
Regardless of what punishment you choose it is always recommended that you make two considerations. One. What is the over riding motivation of the sub/ slave, two what punishments will be the most effective in reaching your goals and three does the punishment fit the crime.
Note: Over punishing is less effective then no punishment at all. We encourage Masters to understand, the more related to the infraction a punishment is the more effective it becomes. For example: If a slave has disobeyed an order, yes a good OTK would work but it says nothing to the reasoning behind the disobedience and may very well send the message that this is a way the slave can get the spanking they have been craving.
Instead, by writing and essay on the importance of obedience in consensual slavery, the slave is offered a chance to explore his or her own feelings on obedience and its importance. This also gives insight to the Master in areas, which need to be addressed to lesson the likelihood of a reoccurrence of the infraction.
Another consideration is about the severity of the infraction and how many times the same infraction has occurred. Each time the same infraction incurs the punishment may need to be intensified which leads us to the punishment process
6. THE PUNISHMENT PROCESS: The punishment process has a number of goals to it. One, it creates a space where the Master and the slave can address and deal with the infractions of the slave in a way that is very controlled. Two: It offers a chance for the Master to separate from the emotion of anger and disappointment. Three, has clear and distinct guidelines to help the Master and the slave to move through the punishment session safely. Please bare in mind this process is a formal way of punishment and it is not necessary for every correction.
In addition, for slaves that have a hard time dealing with punishment, this process helps them navigate safely though old feelings of catastrophic or negative thinking. “ I am a bad slave and I don’t deserve to be collared.” I will never be good enough, so on and so forth.
This process also helps the Master slave couple regain balance and connectedness and here is how.
I. The acknowledgement: Punishment without clear acknowledgement is pointless and may even be seen as abusive. It also rarely meets the goals of punishment. At this step in the process the slave is told what the infraction was and is give an opportunity to explain. It is here that the Master gains understand as to the motives behind the infraction. This does not mean that the process will not be completed or that the slave is off the hook, but in a case where disobedience has a reason, it is helpful to the Master to know those motivations so that an appropriate punishment can be assigned.
In this phase the Master can also assess whether his or her instructions were clear enough for the slave to obey. Never for get that as a Master you are human and you are never above making a mistake. If a mistake has been made acknowledge your mistake and set a plan for changes in the future.
II. The assignment of punishment: After careful consideration it is here the Master assigns the punishment. Remember the most effective punishments tap into the slave’s motivation to improve and regain the favor of the Master and punishments should always fit the infraction. Another words be creative. Here is where the Master shows his or her true mastery by knowing the most effective punishment that will yield the best results’ not necessarily what is easiest.
III. Acceptance of the punishment: This is a matter of verbally asking the slave, “Do you understand that there has been X infraction and do you accept this assigned punishment?” Here some would take issue with asking a slave whether he or she accepts the Master’s punishment. The idea behind this step is to have the slave accept his or her consequences and responsibilities by a verbal acknowledgement. It also re enforces the idea that the slave restates his or her acceptance of his or her role as a slave.
The issue that may arise here is that the slave may reject the Master’s punishment, in which case there is a greater issue to be addressed. Before any thing else can continue this issue should be addressed.
IV. Execution of the punishment: If the infraction is severe enough to warrant corporal punishment the execution of that punishment should be swift, to the point and devoid of the emotions of resentment and or anger on the part of the Master or the slave. If the punishment is not corporal in nature it should be time sensitive. For example if the punishment is a writing exercise, it should be completed with in a twenty-four to forty-eight hour period at which time the punishment process should be completed.
V. Prevention Plan: Even if the reasoning behind the infraction is valid in the eyes of the Master and even if a punishment is still executed, it is during this phase that a plan should be in place so that the infraction does not occur again. This may be as simple as a promise by the slave to do better or to not repeat the infection. It may also include the Master making changes in his or her protocols or directives. Again don’t hold on to a directive or protocol if it is just simple undoable. Hold on to the idea of good order, discipline, growth and success of your relationship.
VI. Reconnection: It is my feeling that this is one of the most important phases in the process. This is an opportunity to do some work with slaves that have the hardest time with punishment or who have never been punished with a sense of fairness. It is a chance for the master to reassure the slave that while the behavior or action was incorrect how the Master views that slave has not changed. It is not the time to pretend nothing happened but rather a time to let go of any anger, resentment or guilt feelings. It is also a time for closure. The issue has been addressed, atonement has occurred, now it is time to move on. One way to facilitate this moving on is to give the slave a chance to operate in slave mode. Give the slave a service-oriented task one that will return the slave to service and to the correct headspace. It maybe as simple as having them kneel at your feet while gently stroking the slave’s head while reassuring them. I believe this also helps the Master re-center as well. Knowing yourself and knowing your slave with help to direct you in understanding what will be effective in re-centering the both of you
7. SOME ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON PUNISHMENT: We believe that while using punishment as a tool for the continued growth of the slave can be a positive thing, we also realize its not for everyone. We recognized that punishments that are not well thought through or are carried out in anger could be detrimental to the Master slave relationship. In addition, we believe that it IS the responsibility of the slave to obey the rules and direction of the Master. It is also the responsibility of the master not to ignore infractions without addressing them. Doing so leaves the slave feeling uncared for, insecure, ignored and may cause other behavioral problems down the road.
For the slaves: If you are seeking attention from the Master, it is said to be “much easier to ask for a scene than it is to earn a punishment.” If you find yourself seeking the attention of your master by disobeying and or though other unacceptable behaviors, take a moment and ask yourself why. Know that such infractions only serve to under mind the happiness you seek. It also under minds the masters authority and chips away at his or her confidence in the consensual nature of the relationship.
Another thing for masters to remember and is key to the success of the punishment process, is to be clear about your expectations and be consistent. Don’t allow misconduct to go un-addressed and do not allow anger and resentment to be the focus of your correction. Be clear about your goals in punishment and don’t use punishment as a reason to scene.
8. IN CONCLUSION: Intent will always show true in what we do and punishment is no exception. Remember your goals, intent and purpose. Know where you are going and enjoy the journey.
Thank you for allowing us to share our views on the subject of punishment and the Master slave relationship
|
|
|
|
