I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 8:00:23 AM

Scarlettred78

Posts: 9
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

I have been on c-me for several months. It isnt uncommon for me to get anywhere from 30 - 60 emails a day sometimes, and out of the thousands of emails I have recieved. I have talked to only about 5 women on the phone, and about 7 guys disguising there voice on the phone trying to sound female. Which is sooooooo pathetic. Or just insulting or harrasing emails. And have actually only met 3 in person. That's pretty sad when you look at all the people on this site who are looking for happy and healthy quality bdsm relationships. What I am looking for is not just a submissive female, but also a best friend, someone to hang out with, go to the mall, try on shoes together, get our nails done, cuddle up on the couch with some pop corn a glass of wine and a movie ya know fun girlie stuff. But what I typically find with "real" single females is a lot of times there profile will say they are bisexual but NO couples or NO poly yady yady....and I always try to respect most other people's wants and needs. But then I will re-read the same exact profile a few weeks or months later and it will say UPDATE! "collard" "owned" or "Master has found me" you get the idea? We are now looking for a female for our relationship. I am like what the fu*k arent you really looking for...What you orig said you wernt looking for? This doesn't make any sense to me at all sometimes. I have been thinking about deleting my profile all together, I meet more single female's in real life in little local bars and night clubs then online on sites dedicated to this lifestyle (and even most vanilla's like to be tied up and spanked) But they look at it as kinky fun I view it as a lifestyle and life commitment, Any advice or imput would be appreciated best regards...Erika

Post #: 1

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 8:04:30 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Life sucks sometimes, you shouldn't let other peoples choices get you so worked up.

I don't recognize you from the local scene, you should try coming out to the meetings, parties, munches and so forth and get to know people. It really is one of the best ways of staying connected and meeting up with fresh meat...I mean possible partners, who aren't just online passer bys. BESS has demo and munch every first and third Wed of the month and we are starting a TNG munch every 2nd and 4th Wed, with a monthly social- all in the Baltimore area. www.bess-md.org.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Scarlettred78)

Post #: 2

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 8:10:15 AM

BrutalAntipathy

Posts: 412
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline

But then I will re-read the same exact profile a few weeks or months later and it will say UPDATE! "collard" "owned" or "Master has found me" you get the idea?

A few weeks or months later? You can sometimes find one that joined day before yesterday that now reads " This twit is now owned property of House Bovinescat and shared by Lord Pompous & Lady Shavesnomore for all eternity, or at least until the velcro on her collar frays. "

My advice is to keep talking. There are rare gems scattered among the thick fields of poseurs, and sooner or later you are bound to find one. I met mine in a chatroom. Well, ok, she sat her sights on me in a chatroom and I was doomed from that moment forward.

(in reply to Scarlettred78)

Post #: 3

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 9:14:07 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Scarlettred78

I have been on c-me for several months. It isnt uncommon for me to get anywhere from 30 - 60 emails a day sometimes, and out of the thousands of emails I have recieved. I have talked to only about 5 women on the phone, and about 7 guys disguising there voice on the phone trying to sound female. Which is sooooooo pathetic. Or just insulting or harrasing emails. And have actually only met 3 in person. That's pretty sad when you look at all the people on this site who are looking for happy and healthy quality bdsm relationships. What I am looking for is not just a submissive female, but also a best friend, someone to hang out with, go to the mall, try on shoes together, get our nails done, cuddle up on the couch with some pop corn a glass of wine and a movie ya know fun girlie stuff. But what I typically find with "real" single females is a lot of times there profile will say they are bisexual but NO couples or NO poly yady yady....and I always try to respect most other people's wants and needs. But then I will re-read the same exact profile a few weeks or months later and it will say UPDATE! "collard" "owned" or "Master has found me" you get the idea? We are now looking for a female for our relationship. I am like what the fu*k arent you really looking for...What you orig said you wernt looking for? This doesn't make any sense to me at all sometimes. I have been thinking about deleting my profile all together, I meet more single female's in real life in little local bars and night clubs then online on sites dedicated to this lifestyle (and even most vanilla's like to be tied up and spanked) But they look at it as kinky fun I view it as a lifestyle and life commitment, Any advice or imput would be appreciated best regards...Erika

I would say that if you meet more single women whom you can talk to and hang out with offline, I'd do most of my searching offline. If the kink is a spice or a nice addition to a good relationship, going to a kink-focused site might not be the best way to find a partner.

I don't personallly treat this group as a dating site -- I see it as a place to talk with similar minded people. Finding another partner might be a plus (when we are in a place to look again) but I don't see it as my reason to be here.

You might also want to try and find lesbian or bisexual women's groups and online sites to be more focused. I'd say that Collarme is het by and large.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Scarlettred78)

Post #: 4

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 9:23:01 AM

texturedshroom

Posts: 27
Joined: 6/5/2004
Status: offline

Here's the reverse: I've been on c-me on and off for 2 years, and have received maybe 10 emails total, 1 or 2 of which was not initiated by me.

Can we get some sort of balance here?

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 5

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 9:28:32 AM

Scarlettred78

Posts: 9
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for your kind words and input so far. Well see I think part of the problem for me is, I dont look at this lifestyle as "kink" or "sex" to me this lifestyle is about unconditional love, respect, trust, integrity, discipline, devotion, honor, and self sacrifice qualities NOT found in most so called " healthy" vanilla relationships ..yet they claim we are the sick ones lol seems most view this as more physical then I do. for me the physical submission and all that goes with it, are a biproduct of those internal qualities. like I said I can find sex or kink in a bar..thats not what I am after kisses..Erika

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 6

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 9:31:52 AM

fergus

Posts: 1110
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

You gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you find your princess.

lol, I agree texured though ;) ... lol, 30 to 60 PMs a day and no luck? *whew* with the 30 to 60 I MAYBE get every few months, I have a LONG way to go ;)

Can be tough not to get discouraged!

fergus

(in reply to texturedshroom)

Post #: 7

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 9:34:42 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

There is a couple of things you may want to think about. Firstly you may see profiles which may on the surface match what you want but on a deeper look don't fit at all.. Perhaps iot's you location.. Are you too far away from the person or are you too close?.. Perhaps your age or other interests may not be suited. You maybe to perfect for some one and they got scared off. You may just live in an area where there are few possibilities.. (I recently stopped looking for that reason and as i said on my profile "A wise fisherman knows when there are no fish there and packs up his nets andgoes home".) If you aren't isolated or live in a semi isolated country, there are new people comming in weekly so persistance may pay off in the long run.. In any case settle back and enjoy for it will be a long haul..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to texturedshroom)

Post #: 8

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 10:04:38 AM

MistressWolfen

Posts: 578
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline

" This twit is now owned property of House Bovinescat and shared by Lord Pompous & Lady Shavesnomore for all eternity, or at least until the velcro on her collar frays. "
hehehehehehehe....be nice BA, I will have you know that Lady Shavesnomore and Her (all knowing but equal in all respects; with no power exchange betwixt the two grandiosities) life partner Lord Pompous are wonderful cyber Dom/mes and really just misunderstood *nods nods*

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 9

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 10:26:10 AM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline

I do not seek on the internet, but I do know from reading others comments that it is like a minefield out there. You have to step very carefully and be very patient. It may take months, even years, to find what you are looking for. Just do not give up.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to MistressWolfen)

Post #: 10

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 11:13:22 AM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

I think you make a good point Scarlettred78. Once you take the people out that just want kinky sex, you aren't left with many people at all.

(in reply to SirKenin)

Post #: 11

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 11:19:12 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Scarlettred78

Thanks for your kind words and input so far. Well see I think part of the problem for me is, I dont look at this lifestyle as "kink" or "sex" to me this lifestyle is about unconditional love, respect, trust, integrity, discipline, devotion, honor, and self sacrifice qualities NOT found in most so called " healthy" vanilla relationships ..yet they claim we are the sick ones lol seems most view this as more physical then I do. for me the physical submission and all that goes with it, are a biproduct of those internal qualities. like I said I can find sex or kink in a bar..thats not what I am after kisses..Erika

Have you tried munches or lesbian/bisexual events? Not play parties but maybe educational or community events where you could hang out and talk, find a good match then that meets several criterias.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Scarlettred78)

Post #: 12

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 11:26:46 AM

justmeagain69

Posts: 28
Joined: 2/16/2006
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline

You gotta be in it to win it, or so they say. Basically, it takes time, patience, a little bit of luck to find someone to share such wonderfully intimate parts of your life. I am a firm believer that anything worth having is worth the work and effort required to find it.

I do sincerely wish you the best of luck. It is when we are not looking, that the gifts of life find us.

Bex

_____________________________

Got a kick for a dog begging for love? I gotta have my suffering so that I can have my cross - Tori Amos

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 13

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 11:27:16 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

so your discouraged... just curious... would deleting your profile and hiding out at home get you any less discouraged?

Of the Females that I know

The greatest Majority want a form of Monogamy - starting to Strictly Mono to room for Casual Play.

Alot of females that are interested in poly - but only if they are the alpha.... mmmmm sounds like you!

Then there is another smaller group that are interested in poly but want the D/s component to be directed to one Dominant and a more equal footing with regards to the submissives.

Then there is this little needle of a group of females that are interested in being in a Two Dominant household.... Me thinks this is what your looking for...

So really how easy do you think it is going to take to find a needle in a Hay Stack amoung lots of hay stacks sitting in hundreds of farmers fields.

It was years before I found the compatiable one for my little world... and few mis-steps along the way to find her. So get a reality check... Don't set unrealistic time expectations. Funny thing with my kyra... when I wasn't looking she found me and alandra!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Scarlettred78)

Post #: 14

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 11:40:15 AM

SirPrize

Posts: 31
Joined: 11/23/2004
Status: offline

You are discouraged? You've totally devestated me. All these years I've been planning to come back next life as a lesbian because I thought things would be so much easier. Sigh.... That's it. House cat it is.

Seriously though...What I've met in 28 years in WIITWD is a lot of liars, a lot of game players, a lot of wannabes, and a few very good friends. The friends are important, the rest.... aren't.

(in reply to Scarlettred78)

Post #: 15

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 11:40:31 AM

biMistressD

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline

I agree about being sick of the bozos, I am on here with an ID that is for a couple as well but there is a rare difference, one he is not My Dom, 2 he won't sleep with any other women.
My problem with the ID that is just associated to Me is despite the fact that I am rather clear over and over that I am not looking for a man I get these twits from all over the word that email with I have a cock for you, will you be my owner, then there are the bright ones that say "I know you are not looking for a man but..." I think most of them are just looking for a free bashing because they get off on the humiliation.

It gets so old. I too would like a female companion but I am not looking to get My husband laid. Most of these so called Doms looking for their harem have not the slightest clue about real BDSM they just want to fuck, do not educate themselves on safety and screw up the decent new girls before peopl,e who actually know what they are doing have the chance to make the lifestyle a possitive thing for them

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 16

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 11:45:24 AM

impishlilhellcat

Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline

My profile says not looking and I'm not looking I'm quietly working on nurturing a relationship with someone I want to be very close to. I come to the site to talk and to learn as much as possible. This is just a post to help explain why some of us say not looking and later the profile changes.

_____________________________

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

(in reply to biMistressD)

Post #: 17

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/4/2006 11:53:23 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

I say hang in there.
I have found several submissives here,3 of them are celebrating a year of service before the end of May.
It takes time but they are out there.

I love the saying..."Good things come to those who wait"

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Scarlettred78)

Post #: 18

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/25/2006 11:20:55 PM

ivy73

Posts: 6
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline

i have to write for the single girls out there looking in this matter.. i am no longer looking i have found someone that actually wanted to get to know me and learn who i was for that i went to about the ends of the world for Him *smiles ok well seemed like it but was only to texas from ny ..
before i met Him i was in the great search for a couple or single Dominant to serve i came accross alot of these "submissives" looking for another to join them.. as time went on as i chatted with them in some Instant messanger and on the phone to a few i found there intentions were not what they wrote in there profiles at all..
the "submissive" just basically wanted someone to play with in front of there Dom for fun once in a while.. they never really wanted polly but they think putting it in there profile will have better chances of finding someone .. then i got the established subs that were gonna rule everything who what when why and how.. not sure where the Dominant would fit in that one.. then the ever dreded ones that are looking for a friend and soulmate *rollseyes
they want to meet and all that but then they start in with the looks and all that and if your not at high standards they drop ya like garbage even tho you been talking to them for a while and really wanted to meet. people miss out sometimes i feel when they look at the outside and its not perfect.. cuz inside they may just be exactly what you are looking for but it wasnt as important as there looks were.. i guess where i am going with all this is try looking at the least likely one for you and just maybe they could be the perfect one you been searching for it couldnt hurt to try at least.

(in reply to Scarlettred78)

Post #: 19

RE: I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice? - 4/25/2006 11:24:29 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

Don't you think you might get more mail if you had a profile on the other side?

quote:

ORIGINAL: texturedshroom

Here's the reverse: I've been on c-me on and off for 2 years, and have received maybe 10 emails total, 1 or 2 of which was not initiated by me.

Can we get some sort of balance here?

(in reply to texturedshroom)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> I am truly getting discouraged...Any advice?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094