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How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 2:44:06 AM

Phoenix73Sir

Posts: 139
Joined: 4/2/2010
From: Northants, UK
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Y'know those days where for no real reason you just seem to wake up in a bad mood? Nothing has set it off, there's no real reason to be grumpy, you just ARE. ?

How do you D types deal with that without yous s type getting the short end of it? Do you just get on with the day as normal? Or do yuo remove yourself from the situation specificly to avoid your sub/slave till you're more balanced and then explain to them after tat it was just one of "Those days"?

Subs.. how do you cope with your Dom's grumpy ones?

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Yes, I have 2 profiles. my active one is Username: Syrox. I chose to keep this one though for the message boards.

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Post #: 1

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 3:45:25 AM

dananddawn

Posts: 56
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline

I speak up, let dawn know I am in a shitty space, and to give me some room. We are human, it happens. But I don't tolerate it for long.

I also take time to myself, grab a book and a coffee and realize whatever my grump is, it ain't no big deal.

_____________________________

Co-host of the Erotic Awakening podcast http://www.eroticawakening.com and authors of Living M/s http://goo.gl/cxXmh

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 2

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 3:57:40 AM

Phoenix73Sir

Posts: 139
Joined: 4/2/2010
From: Northants, UK
Status: offline

Reason I ask is I can see it having a large impact on a s-type's state of mind. Feeling they have caused it etc. is it best to just remove ytourself to be fair on them etc.

_____________________________

Yes, I have 2 profiles. my active one is Username: Syrox. I chose to keep this one though for the message boards.

"Just when you think you have ALL the answers... I change the questions" ~ Roddy Piper.

(in reply to dananddawn)

Post #: 3

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 4:18:28 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

My M/s relationships are intimate relationships. They're not all wooden, detached and limited to M/s roles only. In other words, my girl doesn't get any "short end" of me being in a mood. Not directly, anyway.... We default to mature adults who care about each other. For me and that mood, that means she understands and knows all I need is a little space to shake it off.

As for M/s, I make it my business not to take out anything on the girl that she didn't instigate.... And we're *both* human; I understand that there are times when she needs her space, too; that barking commands isn't always the best way to get her focused again.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 4

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 4:26:14 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir

Subs.. how do you cope with your Dom's grumpy ones?

Grumpy, stressful days means the massage table, oil and candles come out and he's getting a full body massage for the next hour.
It works wonders.
If there are things that I can do to relieve some of his stress then I do that too. Otherwise, the biggest thing I can do is to not add to it.

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 4/14/2010 4:27:16 AM >

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RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 4:47:49 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Tell her the moment you wake up like that. Don't just disappear and explain afterward. Own your own emotions and acknowledge them. And try journaling, might help you identify the source of it. Because if this usually happens when you ate snacks but no real dinner the night before, then you could lessen it by eating properly. Or not drinking as much. Or not talking to your least favorite sister for more than a few minutes and ending the call when she gets snotty.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 6

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 6:01:51 AM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir

Reason I ask is I can see it having a large impact on a s-type's state of mind. Feeling they have caused it etc. is it best to just remove ytourself to be fair on them etc.

If my Master's in a grouchy mood, and he hasn't identified to me that i've done something wrong, then i simply give him space until he comes back to me with what he wants.

i don't automatically assume his grouchy mood is my fault. Masters are humans too, and i have very little control over his moods. It would be a lot of ego on my part to assume that i could do so.

It is emotional maturity on the part of the slave to simply let him "be" grouchy and give him space without getting all weepy about it. As a slave i just focus on being patient, and ready for him when he's ready to come around again.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 7

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 6:17:29 AM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven
If my Master's in a grouchy mood, and he hasn't identified to me that i've done something wrong, then i simply give him space until he comes back to me with what he wants.

i don't automatically assume his grouchy mood is my fault. Masters are humans too, and i have very little control over his moods. It would be a lot of ego on my part to assume that i could do so.

Wow, Raven, this is almost EXACTLY, word for word, what I was about to write! How'd you get inside my brain?

Generally, I try not to take things personally. When he's grouchy, it's most likely not my fault. Likewise, when he's in a great mood, it's most likely not my fault.

When he's in a bad mood, Like Aileen said, I try not to add to it. When he's in a great mood, I do try to add to it.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 6:45:04 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir
Y'know those days where for no real reason you just seem to wake up in a bad mood? Nothing has set it off, there's no real reason to be grumpy, you just ARE. ?

I get grumpy

How do you D types deal with that without yous s type getting the short end of it? Do you just get on with the day as normal? Or do yuo remove yourself from the situation specificly to avoid your sub/slave till you're more balanced and then explain to them after tat it was just one of "Those days"?
I exercise self control. Generally, Carol is a HUGE up-side in my life so the last thing I want to do is distance myself from her when I'm grumpy. Usually I pull her into my arms and we snuggle and i get a lot less grumpy quickly.

Subs.. how do you cope with your Dom's grumpy ones?
She loves me extra much. Failing that, she tolerates me because she loves me.

Reason I ask is I can see it having a large impact on a s-type's state of mind. Feeling they have caused it etc. is it best to just remove ytourself to be fair on them etc.
It's part of my job as her master to give Carol timely and accurate feedback. If she caused it, then she knows it because I told her so. I would not consider anybody a reasonable partner for me who automatically destabilized just because I did. That's a really, really negative pattern. When one of us is down, it becomes the job of the other person to be particularly "up" in whatever ways they can. Carol and I feed off of each other's positive moods readily and resist the negative ones.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 6:57:52 AM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven
If my Master's in a grouchy mood, and he hasn't identified to me that i've done something wrong, then i simply give him space until he comes back to me with what he wants.

i don't automatically assume his grouchy mood is my fault. Masters are humans too, and i have very little control over his moods. It would be a lot of ego on my part to assume that i could do so.

Wow, Raven, this is almost EXACTLY, word for word, what I was about to write! How'd you get inside my brain?

Generally, I try not to take things personally. When he's grouchy, it's most likely not my fault. Likewise, when he's in a great mood, it's most likely not my fault.

When he's in a bad mood, Like Aileen said, I try not to add to it. When he's in a great mood, I do try to add to it.

i call it "Common sense slavery" - something which you have in spades.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to lucylucy)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 9:34:19 AM

Phoenix73Sir

Posts: 139
Joined: 4/2/2010
From: Northants, UK
Status: offline

OK let me add another monkey wrench to the works...

What happens when you are BOTH in grumpy-ville?

(and have decided that I need to get this laptop cleaned.. crud under keys makes for difficult reading :( )

_____________________________

Yes, I have 2 profiles. my active one is Username: Syrox. I chose to keep this one though for the message boards.

"Just when you think you have ALL the answers... I change the questions" ~ Roddy Piper.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 10:10:19 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

On the original, I open My mouth and I say so. I am not a morning person. This is something that clip is fully aware of and knows it isn't going to change. The general solution to this is to pour caffeine in Me and give Me enough time to open My eyes to function as a human being.

On the other hand, My boy is a morning person and unless something is very stressful for him, he's very cheerful in the morning. Depending on scheduling, he will either sit quietly at My feet during My wake up phase or busy himself in the kitchen. Fortunately for Me, he doesn't expect Me to wake up in the bouncy, happy mood that he generally has. If he doesn't have it, there's a reason for it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 10:11:11 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir
OK let me add another monkey wrench to the works... What happens when you are BOTH in grumpy-ville?

Inevitably, in a long-term relationship, things are going to line up poorly some of the time. For Carol and I, on such days, we do a lot of tolerance and we both work aggressively to get our heads back into some more productive space. In a last ditch scenario, there is always bed time. Carol and both find a great deal of comfort in physical contact with each other. It really doesn't matter how bad my day has been or even if we are in some heated argument... spooning her in bed is a GOOD(tm) thing. As you'd guess, the vast majority of our arguments end at or before bedtime since we wouldn't want trivialities to interfere with the important business of snuggling. Just generally grumpy moods get lost in the endorphin wash of "OOOOOooh, GOOOOD" that happens when we touch.

Oh, and sex is also a great way to shake a crappy mood.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 13

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 10:14:35 AM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Y'know those days where for no real reason you just seem to wake up in a bad mood? Nothing has set it off, there's no real reason to be grumpy, you just ARE. ?

How do you D types deal with that

I act like a grownup.

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 14

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 10:30:27 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery
I act like a grownup.

Yeah, that'd be a good plan, but I SO despise having to be mature. That's why I lean more towards the school boy crush route *chuckles*

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Musicmystery)

Post #: 15

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 11:13:52 AM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir

OK let me add another monkey wrench to the works...

What happens when you are BOTH in grumpy-ville?

(and have decided that I need to get this laptop cleaned.. crud under keys makes for difficult reading :( )

Both of us in grumpy-ville?

Well, i'd tell him i'm having an "off" day - and if he's in a grumpy mood too he'd probably just lock me in the cage with a blanket over it to enable me to get over my mood, while he went swimming or something to clear his head.

There are times when it is good for a relationship to not be in each other's faces all the time, even as Owner and slave (yes, that's kind of a "duh" statement, hee hee!).

Honestly, as others have said, it's simply emotional maturity. Just because we have roles in the relationship does mean we're not responsible for our actions (and yes, a slave is responsible for her actions).

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

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RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 11:24:04 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I try to ascertain where the grumpiness is coming from and then to ask a question or two on that subject so if he wants to talk about it then he has the opportunity. Getting it out is sometimes enough to turn things around. If he chooses not to talk then I good naturedly give him some space and let him know i'm here for him and I go about my day trying to give him some extra little touches here and there that let him know I love him and I'm thinking of him. He's never been awful to be around, but if he were I'd forget the extras and just give him the space.

I really would never take it personally because he wouldn't do that to me. If a bad mood happens it's most likely going to be pressure from somewhere else and if I can help I do, and if I can't I let him deal with it and come back when he's ready.

I may have a head start in dealing with it productively because in the beginning of our relationship he explained to me that he tends to brood about things that are bothering him for a bit, and while it may seem to me as though he is withdrawing from me- he isn't...its just how he does things. That explanation has helped me quite a bit.

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

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RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 11:26:34 AM

poeticfreak

Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline

as for the first one, i just announce that i'm in a bad place today and likely to be shitty to you so you so you might just stay out of my way. but then again for me those moods only last a few hours and are usually work related.

if we're both in a bad spot then my natural reaction is "fine i'll be grumpy later" then go about trying to put the other person in a better mood

_____________________________

I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swings his lantern higher.- yeats

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

Post #: 18

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 2:26:46 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenix73Sir

Y'know those days where for no real reason you just seem to wake up in a bad mood? Nothing has set it off, there's no real reason to be grumpy, you just ARE. ?

How do you D types deal with that without yous s type getting the short end of it? Do you just get on with the day as normal? Or do yuo remove yourself from the situation specificly to avoid your sub/slave till you're more balanced and then explain to them after tat it was just one of "Those days"?

1-She doesn't get the short of it when I am in a bad mood for a few reasons.
A-I'm a responsible dude. If my head isn't in the right space I am not going to play, and that especially means if I am angry about something.
B-It's flat out inexusable at any time for anyone to take their mood out on anyone, in public or private, BDSM or vanilla. I don't give a fuck what the excuse is, politeness is a minimal expectation in my house.
C- I try to practice what I preach. The times I step over that line of common decency (And shock, yes it happens, even to Dominants), I have even been known to apologize, tell her I was snappy and she did nothing to deserve it, that I was being an ass. I own my shit.

2-Why would I remove myself? I am the one in charge. She is the one who obeys. Unless I want to leave, it's her ass that going to be out and about

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)

Post #: 19

RE: How do you deal with your "off days"? - 4/14/2010 3:38:09 PM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana
It's flat out inexusable at any time for anyone to take their mood out on anyone, in public or private, BDSM or vanilla. I don't give a fuck what the excuse is, politeness is a minimal expectation in my house.

I agree, and I think this is a matter of respect, too. If I take out my mood on someone else or use it as an excuse to act rudely toward someone, I'm being disrespectful.

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

quote:

ORIGINAL: lucylucy

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven
If my Master's in a grouchy mood, and he hasn't identified to me that i've done something wrong, then i simply give him space until he comes back to me with what he wants.

i don't automatically assume his grouchy mood is my fault. Masters are humans too, and i have very little control over his moods. It would be a lot of ego on my part to assume that i could do so.

Wow, Raven, this is almost EXACTLY, word for word, what I was about to write! How'd you get inside my brain?

Generally, I try not to take things personally. When he's grouchy, it's most likely not my fault. Likewise, when he's in a great mood, it's most likely not my fault.

When he's in a bad mood, Like Aileen said, I try not to add to it. When he's in a great mood, I do try to add to it.

i call it "Common sense slavery" - something which you have in spades.

Aw, thanks.

Common Sense Slavery--CSS. Handy acronym.

< Message edited by lucylucy -- 4/14/2010 3:40:10 PM >

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 20

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