A Newby's exploration of BDSM

A Newby's exploration of BDSM (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

jbcurious -> A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 6:38:00 AM)
Well it's been a month since I joined Collarme... how my thoughts and views have changed. I'm writing this for a couple of different reasons... The first... to thank all of you on the forums for sharing your knowledge and insight, for laying my demons to rest and giving me the confidence to pursue a D/s relationship. The second...I hope people in my position get an opportunity to read this and and that it will put some of their fears to rest. I came into this being ashamed of my need to be submissive... now I'm proud and am probably classified as "one of those mouthy subs"... which is fine, I can be the person I am and still be submissive. The third... because of some recent threads in which the OP inferred that by being submissive we were somehow less then those who aren't. I came into this with more stereotypes, fears and preconceived notions then you can possibly imagine...my greatest fear was losing myself. I had done some exploration years ago in the San Francisco scene and I realize now that what I was exploring was bottoming, play sessions and scenes...that I put myself in dangerous situations with people I didn't know and was quite foolish in thinking that what I experienced had anything to do with a D/s relationship. The first contact I received here did little to alleviate my fears... I was invited to be a Dolcette girl. The email came with lots of pictures, which on a fantasy level was fine but so far from the reality of what I'm looking for... it just about sent me running. I posted a thread asking "Am I looking for a BDSM relationship?" and your responces were so affirmative and reassuring. I looked back on years of relationships with wonderful men and tried to figure out what had gone wrong...why had I left? Then I focused on the 2 most successful relationships and tried to figure out what made them better then the rest...my answer...Dominant men. Not as defined in how most people would define a D/s relationship...but they brought out my submissive nature and I was happier in those relationships then in any others. The first night with one...being invited to drive 3 hours to watch the sunrise at the beach, climbing into his van and feeling wrong...running upstairs to get a pillow to place on the floor between the seats and feeling so right, curled up at his feet. Running to make sure that everything was ready when he got home from a business trip... unpacking his case while he lay on the bed watching me and waiting for my reaction when I came across the present he had tucked into the folds of his clothes for me to find...curling up and feeling safe in his arms. The pleasure he took in teaching me new things and my desire not to disappoint him, his pride when I mastered what he taught and my gratitude that he cared enough to teach me. I look at what I've written and it seems so trivial...yet those moments brought so much joy. This is what I seek... that and kinky sex... and I have no shame in wanting to learn, to please, to become more honestly who I am. I have so much more to learn...but am in a much better place to do so, and for that... I am very appreciative. I can even take Domi's ridicule...[:)]

jbcurious -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 7:24:56 AM)
I'm sorry...this was meant to be posted under general discussion

leadership527 -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 7:38:35 AM)
Great post JB.. it made me smile to read this. Just a little note... at least for Carol and I it has been pretty much a non-stop journey of discovery. Seems every 3-4 months we turn some major corner and uncover new ways we can devote ourselves to our relationship. So buckle your seat belts chuckles

jbcurious -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 10:29:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 Great post JB.. it made me smile to read this. Just a little note... at least for Carol and I it has been pretty much a non-stop journey of discovery. Seems every 3-4 months we turn some major corner and uncover new ways we can devote ourselves to our relationship. So buckle your seat belts chuckles Thank you Jeff, and I can well imagine it makes you smile...you and Carol were two of the first to reach out to me and helped so much in my fear of losing myself...even I can smile about that now. The next task...trying to tear down the defensive walls that have been in place for so long, this may take longer then a month...

leadership527 -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 10:37:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jbcurious The next task...trying to tear down the defensive walls that have been in place for so long, this may take longer then a month... My prediction? It'll take exactly as long as it takes you to find a partner who really, and genuinely cares about YOU... not your submissiveness, not any other particular aspect of you.. but YOU. At that point, you're a smart cookie and you'll realize it's pointless to build and maintain a massive defensive bulwark when there are no enemies. In the mean time, you can probably soften the path for that person by realizing and actively working on (try meditation perhaps) that whatever happened to you so long ago is water under the bridge long since. You are who you are NOW, not that person then. Even casual readings of your posts makes it pretty obvious to me that you are not stupid, not weak, and not defenseless. If I know that already, you really ought to also laughs By the way, Carol and I are both actively trying to lose ourselves in our relationship. We just happen to see that as an entirely wonderful process chuckles

dreamerdreaming -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 11:27:20 AM)
You mouthy bitch! [:D] runs away

jbcurious -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 11:57:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming You mouthy bitch! [:D] runs away No need to run...come whisper it in my ear...[;)]

HisEvelyn -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 1:43:42 PM)
Reading your post here is such a breath of fresh air for me. I too am a life-long submissive who only recently accepted that to be submissive to a dominant man was where I am truly happy and where I truly belong. All my life I'd thought there was something wrong with me because I enjoyed pleasing people. That somehow I was failing to be a strong and healthy person because I wanted to put someone else before myself. Because I never felt quite right unless I had a strong male personality in my life, taking control and giving me a path to follow. I too went through relationships with very nice men, that didn't last. And I always thought I was nuts for sabotaging such good things. I did have a lot of issues to work through, but after a long journey of self-dscovery, I was finally found by the man who Masters me today. I had pretty much shied away from any sort of dom/sub dynamic in my relationships because the few tentative steps I have taken into such endeavors had ended with arrogant, abusive men stomping all over me without any respect or care for my well-being. They wanted to get off and that was it. I was an object. While that may work for some and is what they want? For me it was simply frightening and traumatizing. I wanted love and acceptance, to be cherished by one special, powerful man and to give him everything. It took the strong will and compassionate patience of a truly good man to finally open my eyes to what I was missing out on, who had the ability to gently guide me towards what he saw in me despite my fears and resistance. And now I know I could never go back. This is who I am and where I want to be. And finally I have the knowledge and growing experience to make safe and sane choices in this dynamic that gives my soul peace. Thank you so much for posting your story and feelings. It is always very comforting to me to know there are others out there figuring out the same things I am.

lally2 -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 1:55:22 PM)
the moment you embrace who you are amongst all of this its like the flood gates open and you start to learn about youreself in a way that just was not possible before. its almost like youre a child again, absorbing stuff up so fast because it has opened up a whole new world of possibilities but most of all, its opened up the opportunity to be you in youre most honest and open way. it teaches you trust like nothing else i know, it brings out inner resources you never knew you had, it gives free rein to youre fantasies and deeper needs and it rids you of inhibition and denial. ive found so much peace and self acceptance here, i am happier now than ive ever been in my entire life and when for a long time i was scared of men, largely because i just didnt understand them, i now can honestly say i love them deeply because i now understand them better than i ever did. its taught me to let go of so much, of myself and just accept. its a wonderful life xxx

HisEvelyn -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 1:57:47 PM)
Lally, you have a marvelous way with words. You just perfectly described the last six months of my life! Learning, exploring, and finally feeling like I was set free. :) Even now I find myself wanting to do MORE MORE MORE every day.

lally2 -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 2:02:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HisEvelyn Lally, you have a marvelous way with words. You just perfectly described the last six months of my life! Learning, exploring, and finally feeling like I was set free. :) Even now I find myself wanting to do MORE MORE MORE every day. i guess its a passion of ours [:)] - i could wax lyrical for hours, but ill spare you - stupid post 'went' before id finished waxing tho [:)]

newandsoft -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 2:12:16 PM)
I absolutely LOVE your post. Your words echo exactly how I feel. I would love to keep in touch.

jbcurious -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 2:31:49 PM)
Ladys.....It's so wonderful to hear your stories of knowing that you've followed the same paths of discovery...I can't help but be a little envious of the fact you are or have been involved with a D/M to continue the journey. I feel such a sense of frustration at not knowing how I will be...how far I will go. The simple act of acceptance has all ready opened my mind to things I had a difficult time imagining I would want...and I find myself craving things I have yet to experience. Thanks so much for your input.

HisEvelyn -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 3:20:09 PM)
Trust me, JB, as soon as you aren't expecting it? The perfect dom will come along for you. You are a beautiful woman and very intelligent. You'll be snapped up quick! :) But I do understand the frustration. Of wanting to experience more and learn more, and not having the ability to do so at the pace you want. While my Master is amazing, we do have a long-distance relationship. Because of this, we can only see each other when finances permit plane trips, and as such? We cannot do as much hands-on exploration as I would like. So I often feel impatient!

UniqueRaven -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 3:22:17 PM)
i'm glad you stuck it out here. [:)] And i'm really happy to see your self-exploration and progress on your life's journey - Yay for happiness! [:D]

VaguelyCurious -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 4:09:05 PM)
My Charming Companion in Curiosity, [;)] Glad you're here, glad you're enjoying yourself and glad you're proud of this part of you. And it gets even better the further you go! [:D][:D][:D]

jbcurious -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 4:35:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven i'm glad you stuck it out here. [:)] And i'm really happy to see your self-exploration and progress on your life's journey - Yay for happiness! [:D] Your posts have helped along the way...thank you.

jbcurious -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 4:40:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious My Charming Companion in Curiosity, [;)] Glad you're here, glad you're enjoying yourself and glad you're proud of this part of you. And it gets even better the further you go! [:D][:D][:D] As always... Your words and thoughts are sooo appreciated. However, if I hear you've been pimping me to RS.... I'll be expecting a cut...[:D][:D]

DarkSteven -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 4:54:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jbcurious Well it's been a month since I joined Collarme... how my thoughts and views have changed. I'm writing this for a couple of different reasons... The first... to thank all of you on the forums for sharing your knowledge and insight, for laying my demons to rest and giving me the confidence to pursue a D/s relationship. The second...I hope people in my position get an opportunity to read this and and that it will put some of their fears to rest. I came into this being ashamed of my need to be submissive... now I'm proud and am probably classified as "one of those mouthy subs"... which is fine, I can be the person I am and still be submissive. The third... because of some recent threads in which the OP inferred that by being submissive we were somehow less then those who aren't. I came into this with more stereotypes, fears and preconceived notions then you can possibly imagine...my greatest fear was losing myself. I had done some exploration years ago in the San Francisco scene and I realize now that what I was exploring was bottoming, play sessions and scenes...that I put myself in dangerous situations with people I didn't know and was quite foolish in thinking that what I experienced had anything to do with a D/s relationship. The first contact I received here did little to alleviate my fears... I was invited to be a Dolcette girl. The email came with lots of pictures, which on a fantasy level was fine but so far from the reality of what I'm looking for... it just about sent me running. I posted a thread asking "Am I looking for a BDSM relationship?" and your responces were so affirmative and reassuring. I looked back on years of relationships with wonderful men and tried to figure out what had gone wrong...why had I left? Then I focused on the 2 most successful relationships and tried to figure out what made them better then the rest...my answer...Dominant men. Not as defined in how most people would define a D/s relationship...but they brought out my submissive nature and I was happier in those relationships then in any others. The first night with one...being invited to drive 3 hours to watch the sunrise at the beach, climbing into his van and feeling wrong...running upstairs to get a pillow to place on the floor between the seats and feeling so right, curled up at his feet. Running to make sure that everything was ready when he got home from a business trip... unpacking his case while he lay on the bed watching me and waiting for my reaction when I came across the present he had tucked into the folds of his clothes for me to find...curling up and feeling safe in his arms. The pleasure he took in teaching me new things and my desire not to disappoint him, his pride when I mastered what he taught and my gratitude that he cared enough to teach me. I look at what I've written and it seems so trivial...yet those moments brought so much joy. This is what I seek... that and kinky sex... and I have no shame in wanting to learn, to please, to become more honestly who I am. I have so much more to learn...but am in a much better place to do so, and for that... I am very appreciative. I can even take Domi's ridicule...[:)] I noticed two words in your post. What did the rest say? [8D]

jbcurious -> RE: A Newby's exploration of BDSM (4/14/2010 5:11:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven quote: ORIGINAL: jbcurious Well it's been a month since I joined Collarme... how my thoughts and views have changed. I'm writing this for a couple of different reasons... The first... to thank all of you on the forums for sharing your knowledge and insight, for laying my demons to rest and giving me the confidence to pursue a D/s relationship. The second...I hope people in my position get an opportunity to read this and and that it will put some of their fears to rest. I came into this being ashamed of my need to be submissive... now I'm proud and am probably classified as "one of those mouthy subs"... which is fine, I can be the person I am and still be submissive. The third... because of some recent threads in which the OP inferred that by being submissive we were somehow less then those who aren't. I came into this with more stereotypes, fears and preconceived notions then you can possibly imagine...my greatest fear was losing myself. I had done some exploration years ago in the San Francisco scene and I realize now that what I was exploring was bottoming, play sessions and scenes...that I put myself in dangerous situations with people I didn't know and was quite foolish in thinking that what I experienced had anything to do with a D/s relationship. The first contact I received here did little to alleviate my fears... I was invited to be a Dolcette girl. The email came with lots of pictures, which on a fantasy level was fine but so far from the reality of what I'm looking for... it just about sent me running. I posted a thread asking "Am I looking for a BDSM relationship?" and your responces were so affirmative and reassuring. I looked back on years of relationships with wonderful men and tried to figure out what had gone wrong...why had I left? Then I focused on the 2 most successful relationships and tried to figure out what made them better then the rest...my answer...Dominant men. Not as defined in how most people would define a D/s relationship...but they brought out my submissive nature and I was happier in those relationships then in any others. The first night with one...being invited to drive 3 hours to watch the sunrise at the beach, climbing into his van and feeling wrong...running upstairs to get a pillow to place on the floor between the seats and feeling so right, curled up at his feet. Running to make sure that everything was ready when he got home from a business trip... unpacking his case while he lay on the bed watching me and waiting for my reaction when I came across the present he had tucked into the folds of his clothes for me to find...curling up and feeling safe in his arms. The pleasure he took in teaching me new things and my desire not to disappoint him, his pride when I mastered what he taught and my gratitude that he cared enough to teach me. I look at what I've written and it seems so trivial...yet those moments brought so much joy. This is what I seek... that and kinky sex... and I have no shame in wanting to learn, to please, to become more honestly who I am. I have so much more to learn...but am in a much better place to do so, and for that... I am very appreciative. I can even take Domi's ridicule...[:)] I noticed two words in your post. What did the rest say? [8D] Steven... I'm so disappointed, I felt sure you would have seen the other truly meaningful words in my post... NO SHAME, NO VIRTUES [:D]

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875