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OrpheusAgonistes -> RE: How do you feel about wearing your collar in public? (4/14/2010 4:39:58 PM)
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Good question. This hasn't come up in a couple of years for me. The last time it did, I felt rather savagely conflicted about appearing in public with a collar.
On the one hand, I felt a kind of giddy arousal at the thought of this particular woman wanting to assert possession and ownership over me.
At the same time, I felt awkward and uncomfortable about the idea of being collared in public--in broad daylight, on the subway, in a sushi joint, in some bookstores, at Reckless Records, eating some hummus at a diner, etc. Now we more or less stayed in the hipster ghetto, the land of silver spoons and paper plates, so everybody was pretty jaded and it wasn't like beefy tourists from Omaha were nudging each other and snickering. This setting was actually more uncomfortable for me in some ways though, because these were people we knew or who knew people we knew witnessing one of the few overt demonstrations of the dynamic most of them always suspected existed between this woman and I behind closed doors.
The old proverb about how it's best not to show how the sausage is made applies, I think, when it comes to describing one's deep emotions, too. So let me just say that, in this instance, the collar around my neck felt like a manifestation of this woman's will. I wore it because she was persuasively imperious in the face of my antipathy. There was a simultaneous sense of humiliation at being bent to her will and exhilaration at how strong that will really was. Her will was imposed on me. Our private universe intruded, spilled out into the world at large.
A few months later, broken up, having coffee, we laughed about the fact that there was a good chance nobody had even noticed. That didn't make it any less hot, even a long time after, for either of us, because it was always about us and never about anybody else.
Disclaimer:
I absolutely understand the significance collars and being collared has for many people. I would certainly never devalue or trivialize that. This is simply one perspective and if it's far from what the OP had in mind, my apologies. For an afternoon and an evening, midsummer in the early 21st century, this was what wearing a collar meant to me.
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