Hidden Profile / Photos (Full Version)

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sunshinemiss -> Hidden Profile / Photos (4/14/2010 11:01:53 PM)

Hello folks,

Based on the naivete of a poster thinking that everything is all hunky dory about having a profile up and that there are no serious ramifications if someone else sees your profile ([sm=hippie.gif]because, gosh, that person is on this site too!), and a certain passive aggressive comment that came my way about "certain people who don't even have a profile", I got to thinking... shocking, I know.[sm=juggle.gif]


And then, two brains being better than one, I was chatting with my friend Carrie O this morning...  (gotta love skype![sm=onphone.gif]) and the discussion came round to why we don't put a picture (her) / profile(me) up here.  We each had our reasons - somewhat personal beyond the simple "I don't want someone to screw me over"[sm=pushed.gif].  

Realistically, the world is full of good people[sm=pillowfight.gif]... and mean spirited people, spiteful people. [sm=microwave.gif] I would not have believed how hateful someone could be until it happened to me on this site.  So, it is my intention to never put my profile back up.  I got burned and don't plan to do it again.  Period.  There are somethings that you learn after one lesson... [sm=axe.gif]

The questions (at last):

Those of you who don't have pix up or have your profile hidden... Is there a reason?  Would you share that with us?  

Those of you who do, do you ever get concerned that it will be used against you?  If not, why not?

Best,
sunshine  [image]http://www.collarme.com/htmlarea/smileys/0395.gif[/image]



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/14/2010 11:32:00 PM)

I answered this on another thread earlier today.

In my personal and professional life, I help a lot of people. So I'm careful not to do anything that could negatively effect that.



If I told ya any more, I'd hafta kill ya. [:D]

(Edited to change affect to effect. Although I think affect may be correct also, I think effect is more correct, or more appropriate in the given sentence.)



Aileen1968 -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/14/2010 11:53:44 PM)

I have a hidden profile and have had it hidden for well over a year now. I don't need a profile on the other side because I'm not looking.
Anyone on this side can cmail me if they need to send me a comment. There's the little pm button underneath everyone's post that sends a message to the other side.
Every now and then I'll be out and about and I'll get an alerts on my phone that I have cmail and I'll call up Shore and yell at him because I know that he just took my profile up off of hide. He laughs at how quickly trolls start sending mail. Usually within two minutes and I don't even have pics and all my profile says is blah blah blah. That is the reason I don't have an active profile.
As for having pics...I have on this side and I did have in my profile when it was active. I took my chances by having them. But it satisfied my slight exhibitionist streak.



kinkyfetishlife -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 12:24:11 AM)

I never knew there was a this side/that side or that you could post here without having a profile or that you could hide your profile. Thanks for the info.

As for the picture: I work online, so my face picture (Many of them for 10 years) is all over my other sites, I have clothes on too believe it or not.

I just don't want this meeting that and possibly hurting my business.

However, since my face picture is on my other sites, I could always say, someone swipped it and used it on a site like this, which is why I have no problem sending it to anyone who asks, even if I'm not really sure about them yet.

So, I'm careful, but not so much.

I would never put a full nude picture on the Internet, face and body, that picture can be taken and put anywhere, I can't imagine that people really think only CM members are going to see it, I have kids, a mother, sisters, other family, it's just not cool.



SomethingCatchy -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 3:18:44 AM)

When you get emails like 'do you have any sexy pictures?' from a complete stranger who's never contacted me before, or 'I would love to eat you out! I've literally eaten miles of pussy!' when I make it clear I am sexually monogamous and already in a relationship, it should be fairly easy to understand why I wouldn't post up a picture.



CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 3:37:57 AM)

I'm one who doesn't have a pic up.  Someday I'll probably put a pic up of favorite floggers I made...and have good memories attached to. 

Why don't I give out pictures of myself even in private?  Because that's what people ask for with the very first or second letter or chat.  How selective would that be?  I can talk with hundreds, and when I was here before it numbered in the thousands...I was stupid back then and often talked with people on Yahoo Messenger, which had a picture of myself.  (No, never nakies.)  So, there are probably hundreds of my pic floating out there somewhere in the internet universe.  I am more cautious now.

I will chat and exchange letters with people I get to know here, even talk to some on my Trak phone and meet up in public places.  I don't want to hand out my picture to someone who hasn't even met me in person. 

Even with handing out photos only to "close friends" something can go wrong.  Someone I had trusted here, was close to but never met, kept taunting me with threats when our friendship ended.  It got very ugly.  He knew how I looked like, my full name, landline phone and house address.  I made plans to be a smaller target in the future. 

I tend to first see the worst in every possible situation, but at the same time I hope with all my inner child's heart for the best. 

So, basically, I'd rather meet someone for the first time and have us both be surprised than to exchange photos.  I know that will be the polar opposite of what is "normal"...but I don't need to rethink this.  To each his own; to thine own self be true, yada yada.
[sm=seesaw.gif] Ah, Hope and Expectation on a teeter totter, lol, too cute.   



CeriseNin -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 4:01:17 AM)

I don't have pics on my profile because if someone contacts me it should be because they find something interesting in the essay portion of my profile, not because they think I pose cute. If she and I *click* I'll share a pic or three.



FelineFae -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 4:06:49 AM)

Well, i have pictures. i think they are tasteful enough. And that they are useful for expressing the who i am.

In the grand scale of things, i am not so important that my world would be ruined if someone found out i have sex, or an alternitive lifestyle.

It's not a perfect world, so it's understandable that some people cannot show themselves here. That said, i don't think a little text in the profile could be that harmful .



DesFIP -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 4:28:55 AM)

I live in a small town. I also have a nosy family that doesn't keep things private.
I really don't want to throw a birthday party for my son and discover which fathers are cheating on their wives when they come on to me.

And lets be honest, to lots of people kinky means easy. The whole use of the word slut implies that.

I don't want my kids embarrassed.

From The Man's point of view. He's spent years as a Boy Scout leader. Knowledge of this would immediately prohibit you from any post in the Scouts.



PrimalConsonance -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 4:37:29 AM)

If you go to CM's forum "Alternative Lifestyles in the News", and find the post "Collarme on the web"; you should see the OP's link that I'd like to bring to your attention as to the reason I decided to remove my photo from the site for at least the time being.  Here is the link to the postings (which I am not sure if it will work):  http://www.collarchat.com/m_3051361/tm.htm

If that don't work, then here is the link itself to the website the OP was referring to:  http://www.somethingawful.com/d/weekend-web/collarme-digiclipse.php

Before this posting, I did have a photo or two here.



CarrieO -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 5:21:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

The questions (at last):

Those of you who don't have pix up or have your profile hidden... Is there a reason?  Would you share that with us?  

Those of you who do, do you ever get concerned that it will be used against you?  If not, why not?

Best,
sunshine  [image]http://www.collarme.com/htmlarea/smileys/0395.gif[/image]


Good day sunshine (hmmm, there's a song in there somewhere [;)])

I figured I'd chime in here because it was my brain that contributed (half at least) to this post in a small way.  I've gone back and forth over the 2 or so years that I've been on CM with posting photos of myself.  Only once have I posted a full on face shot (I love Lightroom/Photoshop) and even that was "doctored".  Each time the photos were very vanilla. 

My reasons for the flower or ever-popular chair, which will be making a comeback, as a profile photo is twofold.  One, privacy...I've learned the hard way that people aren't always kind.  It's reality.   Two, I like odd/arty shots and prefer to use them to symbolize an aspect of who I am instead of giving some body shot. 

I still have a man who likes to tell me he uses my photos as a screensaver.  At first, I thought it was amusing.  Now, I'm squicked out by it...especially when he sends a "request" for something new since he doesn't like the flower/chair.  Yes, we did meet once for coffee...that was all it took.

As for my profile....I'm constantly changing the wording and there have been times I've hidden it.  In fact, I'm planning on making another change this weekend to reflect my current mood and disinterest.  I've always said to people, if you want to know me, read my journal entries.  Also, I used to be one of those who would point out on the boards when a person posting had no profile and I was kindly reminded by another person here why that might be.  While I may still question someone who has made a very wankerish post why they are hidden or have no profile, in general I don't bother mentioning it.  People have their reasons. 

I think being online requires huge amounts of common sense.  I mentor a couple of young people who have both friended me on facebook.  When I see something questionable on their profile, I privately let them know my feelings and remind them that this stuff will follow them into college and beyond.  Employers do look...even on sites like CollarMe...and they will comment on it.  There will be people who say I'm over-reacting...maybe so.  I do have something to lose professionally and I'm not going to be silly and think otherwise. 

I've attended local munches and have been tossing around the idea of starting a group for switches but I've come to the conclusion that my personal and professional privacy are more important than any group...I'm just not that "out".

I'll be curious to read some of the responses, although this topic comes up every once in a while...it's always interesting to see where people stand on it. 

I hope that all makes sense...I was up fairly late with a friend watching her eat with really cool metal chopsticks and I'm not quite awake yet.[:D]



lusciouslips19 -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 5:26:53 AM)

Im really not so worried about my pics being up. First even vanilla sites can have suggestive pics that get one in trouble. Or people admitting that they are playing hookey from a job etc. I think the type of pics you put up may affect you. But I think the most important safety issue is who you allow to have your information. I dont let people I dont know and havent met my address, full name,phone number or yahoo or skype. I am very careful with this type of information and steer clear of petty ones. After all, in my real work day world if people ever said are you "so and so" I would look at them with a puzzled look and say,"wa?".

Now if I had petty people in my life or crappy relatives, vindictive exes, I may worry more. But some nameless person who doesnt know my full name and where I live? Not so much.



barelynangel -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 5:33:28 AM)

I have a profile and pics on same, however, i have had it hidden for a long while now for a simple reason -- i am not and have not been really looking, so i hid my profile so people don't waste their time reading it and/or contacting me with hopes it might lead to something when i am not ready. I am working on some things for me. I am able to communicate with people via message boards and the message board pm, and i am able to send cmail to profiles i wish too. I occassionally send out feelers to Men i think i may find interesting or wish to expound energy on getting to know. But this way lol i don't have a mailbox full of hey hey talk to me emails from people i really am not interested in or want to be.

One day i may put my profile back up, but it will be when i am ready to be social and get to know people if i wish.

There is no sinister reason i have my profile hidden, i simply think its silly to have it up when i am not looking. If people want to know about me or speak with me, they can through the pm here on the message boards. Maybe i am just odd. To me a profile doesn't really say much about a person so why have it up if i am not looking to get to know or seeking anything?

angel

Edited to add, i just had the weirdest things happen for the first time since hiding my profile -- i had a new WHO'S VIEWING ME. People shouldn't be able to view my profile yet, it appears they were able too according to my whose viewing me thing -- has anyone else experienced this? Its freaky.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 5:38:49 AM)

The great advantage of being male on this site is that I only get mail when I want to, so I've never had any reason to take this profile down, whether I was currently looking or not.  The main reason I don't post a facepic is that I enjoy a slight sense of mystery.

As a side note, if a woman doesn't reciprocate with a facepic after I send one, or if she signs her emails with a fake name, I lose interest.  Those are signs of baggage, and demonstrate an inability to tell the difference between me and a stalker.  I'm not interested in paying for the bad behavior of other men in her life.



SunNMoon -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 6:06:58 AM)

In regards to pictures, I don’t have any up to because I don’t want any future employment opportunities to be ruined by it. I’m young and I don’t know what my path will be yet. I somehow think when I’m much older and retired then I’d be open to having my picture up and around the internet. This goes for other sites as well. Also considering that I’ve never had a picture up and I’ve had people that I never met tell me what pretty eyes I have it’s a nice way to screen people.

I’ve hidden my profile on occasion, the reasons that I did so was because I was healing from a relationship ending or I was in a relationship at the moment.



DomImus -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 6:41:37 AM)

There have never been any pictures on my profile. Don't need any there since I am not looking. I used to return a  photo with any response to an email from anyone who wrote an intelligent email to me and had a photo on their profile - seemed like a nice gesture of reciprocity -  but now my profile is hidden so I don't get any email. I hid it because I am not looking so I don't need an active profile and I got tired of emails from gutless douche bags who would take exception to something I wrote in the forums (usually from the politics forum - liberals really suck) and then email me a nasty gram from a throwaway account.



DomMeinCT -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 7:27:48 AM)

I have no need for a picture, and even if I was seeking, I don't think I'd put one up. 
My privacy is worth more to me than the gain of having my pic online to anyone who visits the site.
Once you publish a picture, it's potentially out "there" forever, since anyone can copy it/save it.

OP:  I wonder if you'd have different answers if CM offered the ability to share pics with only those you friended on the site.



Jeffff -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 7:29:49 AM)

Besides, many of us already know where DomMe lives.... so It's no big deal.



DomMeinCT -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 7:31:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Besides, many of us already know where DomMe lives.... so It's no big deal.


When are you showing up to clean my house?!  [:D]



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Hidden Profile / Photos (4/15/2010 8:20:30 AM)

I've had problems with only one person on the message board over my profile not being active. He's a fucking jerk as far as I'm concerned. He's made it an issue a few times here. There's a number of reasons why I don't have an active profile at the moment. (none of which means I'm trying to be a fake or fraud). People that make an issue out of it, I'd just soon bitch slap up side their stupid head. I've been on CM since 6/8/2004 and anybody wants to make an issue out of my lack of a profile can bite my ass. I seem to have an attitude about those people with attitudes... lol



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