new to being a dom

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

new to being a dom

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> new to being a dom

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

new to being a dom - 4/4/2006 12:53:39 PM

kingtramp

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

i new into this lifestyle want to learn more about it any help would be appreciated

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: new to being a dom - 4/4/2006 12:59:36 PM

squisitaschiava

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline

welcome to the forums....

girl suggests checking out the newbie packages on wizdomme.com and castlerealm.com as well as reading the books: SM-101 by Jay Wiseman and Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns.

also ask any question Y/you wish as there is no such question as a stupid one other than that which is not asked

(in reply to kingtramp)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: new to being a dom - 4/4/2006 1:03:04 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

The search function for the forums is pretty good...you can find all worts of info that way. I put in "advice new dominant" and got these:
http://www.collarchat.com/searchpro.asp?phrase=advice+new+dominant&author=&forumid=ALL&topicreply=both&message=body&timeframe=%3E&timefilter=0&language=single&top=300&criteria=AND&minRank=0&sortMethod=r&submitbutton=+OK+

Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to squisitaschiava)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: new to being a dom - 4/4/2006 4:26:19 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

Your first scene can be compared to your first time having sex. For your first scene, stick with blindfolds and easy bondage. Being confident with the simple stuff can go a long way. Confidence and assuring that you know what you are doing is key in being the REAL DOM during the scene. Everything else goes from there.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to kingtramp)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: new to being a dom - 4/4/2006 4:32:41 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

read these forums every day and make friends with the people you respect. Pretty soon you'll be just like Fang and me....just another Dom Ass!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: new to being a dom - 4/4/2006 4:45:00 PM

LordKhensu

Posts: 44
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

It is just when you feel you know it all that you discover how little you really do! (Hmmmmm might have to use that as my new tag line. LOL)
Take your time and learn all you can. Patience is a great teacher!

_____________________________

Watch that first step! It's a big one!

It is just when you feel you know it all that you discover how little you really do!

(in reply to fastlane)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: new to being a dom - 4/4/2006 10:22:20 PM

Reilithion

Posts: 25
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline

Another thing to think about is getting involved in a local BDSM community. See if there's one in your area. Just make sure it isn't a One True Way type of culture before you get too involved.

(in reply to LordKhensu)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: new to being a dom - 4/4/2006 10:58:19 PM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

There are many books on the subject, I'd advise you finding and reading some of them. Also read the forums and see how others live the reality of this life. Other than that, make your questions more specific, you'll get more help that way and won't look like you're looking for someone to give you a template, hand a lifestyle to you on a platter... it doesn't work like that, you have to find out what is going to work for YOU and only you can work that out.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to kingtramp)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: new to being a dom - 4/4/2006 11:52:51 PM

jayjaybeme

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/1/2006
Status: offline

The question I have is who is exactly what. I command her, yet I feel she is in more control than I am. I say, she does...I order she obeys...still I find myself more and more doing things her way. This formun said it was for those new to the life style, I.m so new it's pittful.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: new to being a dom - 4/5/2006 12:09:42 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jayjaybeme
The question I have is who is exactly what. I command her, yet I feel she is in more control than I am. I say, she does...I order she obeys...still I find myself more and more doing things her way. This formun said it was for those new to the life style, I.m so new it's pittful.

OK this could be a number of things, including insecurity on your part or maybe she is topping from the bottom, manipulating you.... it is impossible to answer with as scant a description as you have given. Have a good long think about the last time you felt that to be the case and try to describe (Not so much the acts, but the interactions) of what went on, that might give people a better chance to offer some more useful advice.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to jayjaybeme)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: new to being a dom - 4/6/2006 3:04:45 PM

msinnj

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/27/2006
Status: offline

You might want to take a look at The New Topping Book, too. I found it very enlightening when I read it. I'm also new to all of this, and had a lot of questions, some regarding the mechanics of it all, but mostly about the emotional side of things, which the book addressed nicely.

As for "who is what?" I think I've experienced some of that as well. My only experience has been with a more experienced sub. He knows what he likes and doesn't like at this point, and I let that guide me to a great degree initially. Of course, as a sub, he never said he wanted XYZ, but I told him I wanted suggestions and he provided them in great detail early on, and less and less as time progressed and we developed our own dynamic. There was anxiety, though, because at first I was worried about getting it "right." Not knowing how to read his reactions or worse, his silences, had me kind of straining to please him through my commands for him to please me. He'd had great experiences as a sub. Did I stack up?

I don't know that I'm entirely over that, but I'm much more inclined to take control and make decisions within the boundaries we've set. Because I'd hate to hurt him (in the bad ways), I think a large part of my taking more of that control stems from the growing trust I have in him. If I ever caused him real distress, I'd probably be scarred by it as much or more then him, so I'm learning to trust him when he says, "It's okay, I can take it." He hasn't been wrong so far and I'm much more inclined to use my own initiative and creativity because I trust his limits.

Another mental shift I've had to make is in accepting that he wants me to make decisions and give him instructions. As someone who's not submissive in nature, it seems artificial for someone to tell me they enjoy simply following orders. By trusting that he does, indeed, want or need me to take that control lets me do so without feeling like I'm forcing myself on someone who's just unwilling to fight back. Timid and submissive are two different things.

I think I've started rambling, so I should probably quite while I'm ahead.. or at least not too far behind.

-M

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Profile

Post #: 11