RE: Punishment through pleasure (Full Version)

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Threefingers -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/19/2010 5:23:53 AM)

That is totally understandable. I assume that when doing something like this that it would be explained to a sub what is going to / are happening and the goal behind it. Same thing as with normal punishment. I am also sure that it can leave a sub "desensitized" sometimes. However as you would not flog or cane, or whip a sub every day. This is also not something to be done everyday.



Threefingers -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/19/2010 5:27:39 AM)

How would differ then from receiving a decent spanking ito feeling resentful?



Threefingers -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/19/2010 5:31:23 AM)

Manners is something that society in general expect from others not only newbies.



CarrieO -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/19/2010 5:41:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Threefingers

How would differ then from receiving a decent spanking ito feeling resentful?


How would what differ from spanking?  Using orgasm denial as punishment?  Not everyone uses spanking, or denial for that matter, as punishment.

As I said....

quote:


Perhaps you need to clarify what your purpose is for this punishment you mention.


In your respone to lally2...

quote:


I assume that when doing something like this that it would be explained to a sub what is going to / are happening and the goal behind it. Same thing as with normal punishment. I am also sure that it can leave a sub "desensitized" sometimes. However as you would not flog or cane, or whip a sub every day. This is also not something to be done everyday.


You made the assumption that we understood what you meant.  Clarification is a wonderful thing.  Not everyone uses this sort of punitive activity to make a point with a partner. Some people enjoy flogging/caning/spanking,insert random bdsm action here_____ often and not as a form of punishment.  How would you describe "normal punishment" and it's purpose? 




SassySarijane -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/19/2010 6:14:38 AM)

~fast reply~

Not something that would ever work for me. I would shut down.



lally2 -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/19/2010 1:09:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Threefingers

That is totally understandable. I assume that when doing something like this that it would be explained to a sub what is going to / are happening and the goal behind it. Same thing as with normal punishment. I am also sure that it can leave a sub "desensitized" sometimes. However as you would not flog or cane, or whip a sub every day. This is also not something to be done everyday.


yes, but - if you tell the sub that youre intention is to bring her to the edge multiple times without allowing her orgasm she's just gonna switch herself down, unless she gets off on orgasm denial, in which case it isnt punishment.

i can see a scenario where youve gone through the whole sex scene, denied orgasm a few times, get her to the last time and tell her then that she's not getting an orgasm because of....... (whatever it was)

on the whole punishment shouldnt result in resentment ever.  if youre going to punish it has to be done in such a way that its done, over with, no lingering bad feelings, move on. 



lally2 -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/20/2010 2:02:11 AM)

i have to say tho - it always strikes me as a bit premature to be thinking about punishment before youve even found someone.

as in all matters to do with a relationship things evolve - if the need to punish evolves at some point then it does but by then youll be with someone you have developed feelings for, an understanding and a direction with and punishment may never come up.  if it does i think youll be surprised at how much emotions play a part in that.

it seems a strange thing to dwell on and im suggesting maybe you should consider how important this punishment thing is to you and why and look at it a bit.  for a sub its a deeply negative place to find youreself.

you dont have to punish to enjoy the scene youve described, it could be used in a much less negative way.



Threefingers -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/20/2010 2:18:20 AM)

Indeed you are right. Clarification is a wonderful thing and as you point out rightly seems to work as well.

Thank you for responding though. I am sure that everyones feelings on this will differ the same as with most things in life. What works for one does not necessarily work for the next.

The point of edging is purely building up the orgasm, getting the sub closer and closer to a point where it is repeatedly denied. This can be done in conjunction with a sub receiving spanking / verbal humiliation.

As you rightly point out there is numerous ways of punishing a sub. I was merely looking for others views on the possibility of trying a different way. if the general consensus is that different equals bad. Then so be it.

Thank you to everyone so far for the input.



peppermint -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/20/2010 2:43:31 AM)

quote:

I was merely looking for others views on the possibility of trying a different way. if the general consensus is that different equals bad. Then so be it.


We didn't say different was bad.  We said it might not be the best way.  Of course, I am one of those people who can multiorgasm so having one more is just fine with me.  Using multiorgasms as a punishment is not going to work.  Edging does work as others have said.  After a short time the body turns off and not orgasming is not a problem at all. 

Each submissive is different.  If you are indeed punishing you discover what works best with your submissive.  One submissive's punishment is another submissive's funishment.  Most work better with being praised when they do things well. 

What seems to work best with many submissives is for the submissive and the Dominant to sit down and talk about the problem.  They discuss why something happened that was not good behavior.  They discuss the causes of this lack.  Then together they decide what can best be done so that the problem does not occur again.  This is called two adults sorting out a problem and finding a solution. 



Threefingers -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/20/2010 2:47:14 AM)

The assumption being that I have not found someone? That I am not with someone?

And with the rest you say I am in total accord. Once again the assumption being made that it is purely focus on the negative bugs me.

I do understand that I am a newbie on this board. That does not mean either that I am a secretly depraved person and I quote " exchanging regular internet porn for this"

Then reference to manners et al.

I stand amazed at the general negativity that this board has displayed at an open question. As much as you and some others have shown some positive remarks which is appreciated.

The condescending attitude in general has left me in total amazement.



CarrieO -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/20/2010 3:22:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Threefingers

Indeed you are right. Clarification is a wonderful thing and as you point out rightly seems to work as well.

What we write and what we mean can sometimes seem like two different things....to different people.  Clarification of your reason for needing to punish was the clarification I was looking for.

Thank you for responding though. I am sure that everyones feelings on this will differ the same as with most things in life. What works for one does not necessarily work for the next.

Which is all the more reason why you need to be clear on your reasons for wanting to punish.  I still am unable to gather whether or not your "punishment" is for a transgression on the part of the submissive partner or for your own pleasure and play.

The point of edging is purely building up the orgasm, getting the sub closer and closer to a point where it is repeatedly denied. This can be done in conjunction with a sub receiving spanking / verbal humiliation.

Believe me...as a switch, I've had my share of men who found it amusing to deny me orgasm.  We didn't last long as partners.  I understand the concept and have used it to a certain degree as a top with others, minus the verbal humiliation which isn't my gig.  Personally, when a man does this to me, I DO shut down...quickly.  Would that be the desired result? 

As you rightly point out there is numerous ways of punishing a sub. I was merely looking for others views on the possibility of trying a different way. if the general consensus is that different equals bad. Then so be it.

I don't know where you got the impression I was saying different equals bad.  I simply was wanting to understand your reason for punishment and how it would tie into the use of denial.  I personally don't give a rat's behind what you do within your private relationship with a partner.  What I was interested in was the "why" behind your action. 
 
In my opinion, if this type of action, denial coupled with spanking and verbal humiliation, is part of the dynamic between you and your submissive partner and it works...who-rah.  As you been told by myself and others, it doesn't always work as well for all.  That doesn't mean any way is right or wrong just that it's important to clearly express the meaning for actions. 
 
I'd still appreciate clarification on your differentiation between punishment and funishment....which would this be used for and what would you hope to achieve?  Thanks.

Thank you to everyone so far for the input.




lally2 -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/20/2010 7:53:32 AM)

please dont assume that questioning or suggestions are being sent to you in a negative manner.

sometimes people can come across as quite defensive/aggressive/ whatever, without meaning to,  if i was having a go youd know [:)]

my assumption that you are talking in the hypothetical about a sub, not youre sub, made me assume you werent talking about anyone specific to you.

to be honest people do get a bit 'confused' about this whole punishment thing - it seems to be a preocupation for some and often its a preocupation with people who are new, so another assumption made.

apologies if i bugged you



xxblushesxx -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/25/2010 11:29:10 AM)

The problem, OP, with your scenario is that as a man, you imagine a woman's reaction will be the same as a man's. Edging and orgasm denial are something that serve to make men even MORE interested in a possible release. When a woman is continually denied an orgasm, (in general) she becomes uninterested in sex. Edging *might* work, but once she realizes that she will not be allowed release, she can shut those sensations off. (and once they're shut off, they're very difficult to turn back on...)



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/25/2010 2:06:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Clamping her to the wall with a Sybian jammed up between her legs and then leaving the room for half an hour oughta do it.

[sm=LMAO.gif]



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/25/2010 2:10:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Threefingers

I am a Master that have tried my hand at this. Its a slow and torturous process for a sub that is tormented through pleasure to reach heights un thought of. I have "developed" a few techniques but was hoping there might be some subs that could add from their experience about techniques preferred to experience "satisfying torment" outside of pain.

i'm not sure if You're saying this is supposed to actually punish her or if it's supposed to make her feel good. If it's a punishment, do You mean to bring her to the razor's edge repeatedly and not allow her release? Or do You mean pleasure overload until it irritates the hell out of her, like it feels so good it's really hurting and she's begging You to stop? i'm not trying to be bitchy or judgemental, i'm just trying to understand. Normally, punishment is supposed to be negative re-inforcement, something she does not like so she will correct her behavior. If it's edging repeatedly w/o cumming, i would just shut down and it wouldn't work with me. Not only that, i would lose the trust that i'd ever be allowed to cum again and i'd be numbed to it for a long time, possibly to the point of just not wanting to go there with Him again.

~sweetsub~




myotherself -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/25/2010 2:16:41 PM)

to be honest, the whole 'punishment' thing to me is not something I'm interested in within a relationship. I prefer adult-to-adult conversation to sort out any problems. That's just my preference - everyone has their own [:)]

On the other hand, funishment is more than welcome! Canes and whips and clamps and floggers are yummy....sigh...

But as previous posters have said, orgasm denial used in the right way (to produce a bigger orgasm later on) is awesome. Continued denial makes me switch off completely, from the activity AND the person.

But then again, I'm not a 'twue' sub so it's not an issue [:D]



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/25/2010 2:25:42 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself
orgasm denial used in the right way (to produce a bigger orgasm later on) is awesome. Continued denial makes me switch off completely, from the activity AND the person.

Agreed.



DesFIP -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (4/26/2010 9:53:16 AM)

If you teach a woman that she will not have sexual release, then what she learns from that is to not become aroused with you. Honestly? If I wasn't having any sex with him, I'd be better off alone with pets for companionship. Because without sex, you turn into another burden - more laundry, more dishes, having to cook instead of just eat an egg for dinner. Who needs it? No one.

The dog is happy curling up next to me while I eat a scrambled egg and doesn't whine about things.

But op, if you want to get yourself kicked out of the relationship, go for it. Plenty of good doms who will appreciate her. And rescue pets!



kateindenver -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (5/13/2010 7:15:31 PM)

have then write a journal of their fantasdies and experiences hoipes and desires



pegbundy -> RE: Punishment through pleasure (5/14/2010 8:30:52 AM)

I echo the sentiments of most who've responded. Repeated denial would cause me to shut down and just go someplace else in my mind. In my experience, limited though it may be, the only punishment that has been needed or effective has been being momentarily ignored, denied the trigger phrase which reassures me Master is pleased. That is pure torture.



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