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Is it better to lie? - 4/4/2006 2:40:16 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		   Reading through profiles, it strikes me that the #1 thing listed among Dommes is a desire for honesty.  I've known I was a switch since my second scene as a sub.  That doesn't seem to go over very well in some circles.

    Since we are on CM with hopes of finding an experienced Domme who would enjoy playing with and educating a couple of hardcore newbies, would it be better to identify as a sub couple?  We play both sides with each other but certainly wouldn't expect to top our mentor. 

   A Heretic as usual
    Rich
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RE: Is it better to lie? - 4/4/2006 2:45:25 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		Advertise as a sub couple (if you're willing to be that) and then in your profile indicate the truth of what you've stated in this thread.

Honesty is going to pay off for you in the end. Sure, you can lie to get in the door, but when it's discovered you lied, and it will be, you're right back where you started with one option less than you had before you started.

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RE: Is it better to lie? - 4/4/2006 3:43:34 PM   
thegreymistress


Posts: 56
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		I agree, I have seen many approach my from various screennemes on here one saying one orientation the other speaking for he other side. I do not talk to those that cnnot tell the truth. I would rather someone say I am not comfortable sharing that or going into that than lying and wasting my time. Be honest say what you are willing to do and you will eventually find that in which you seek.

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RE: Is it better to lie? - 4/4/2006 4:46:46 PM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

Since we are on CM with hopes of finding an experienced Domme who would enjoy playing with and educating a couple of hardcore newbies, would it be better to identify as a sub couple?  We play both sides with each other but certainly wouldn't expect to top our mentor. 



I think you have a lot of options for ways to go about presenting the truth.  In this paragraph (above) without benefit of the previous statement you are saying "I switch with my primary partner, but we are very interested in serving a dominant woman as a couple."  You've clearly stated that you're not looking for a switch dynamic with the domna.  For dominant women who are seeking a primary partner your situation probably wouldn't fit, but it's certainly possible that a dominant may be interested in cultivating a relationship with a couple for an assortment of reasons.  I would suggest being forthright not only about the dynamic you are involved in but also the dynamic you hope to find. 

I don't recommend something along the lines of "we're a sub couple into flogging, canes, cuckoldry and golden showers" but rather something along the lines of  "submissive couple hoping to establish a relationship with a dominant woman.  We'd like to get to know you well enough to be able to put our joined efforts into anticipating your next desire.  We've got some experience switching, but hope to explore new areas of play, service and devotion.  We're happy to share our experiences so far with a serious inquiry."

Unless that's not your truth.  My point is just because you've been met with a certain amount of disdain for being switches doesn't mean you have to buy in and present it as something 'less than.'  You might be just what that domina with no interest in establishing a significant other sort of relationship is looking for.

Or not.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

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RE: Is it better to lie? - 4/4/2006 4:56:43 PM   
LastDance


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/4/2006
Status: offline 		No, it is not. ...ever.  Plain and simple.

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RE: Is it better to lie? - 4/4/2006 5:10:07 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

We play both sides with each other but certainly wouldn't expect to top our mentor. 


You speak of circles... well in some circles, Mentors are not considered someone that you would become physically interactive with.

From the looks of your post you seem to say that you are in a couple & the both of you wish to have someone top you. Just be honest about it. Sure you are not going to be high on the list of what most are seeking but at least all involved will know right up front what they are getting into & what is expected.

Good Luck

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 4/4/2006 5:11:15 PM >

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RE: Is it better to lie? - 4/5/2006 6:49:30 AM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		     Some interesting thoughts.  Guess the profile is due for some updating.

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RE: Is it better to lie? - 4/5/2006 9:42:19 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
Be as honest as you can. It isn't unusual for a submissive couple to have one of them that is the more dominant of the pair. It also isn't unusual for them to play with each other as switches. Sub couples are rare and hard to find. List yourself as subs, but as has been mentioned, disclose the experiences you've had.

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RE: Is it better to lie? - 4/5/2006 10:58:49 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyrdRich

Reading through profiles, it strikes me that the #1 thing listed among Dommes is a desire for honesty. I've known I was a switch since my second scene as a sub. That doesn't seem to go over very well in some circles.

Since we are on CM with hopes of finding an experienced Domme who would enjoy playing with and educating a couple of hardcore newbies, would it be better to identify as a sub couple? We play both sides with each other but certainly wouldn't expect to top our mentor.

A Heretic as usual
Rich



You know many people take months if not years to find partner(s).

You'll have better end results if you are honest.

Just say you are a couple who switch with each other but are looking for a top -- no switching expected.

People who are down on switches would not be a good match for you anyway. How long could you hide that interest? Could you handle being around someone who might from time to time say something negative about switching or switches?

So far in my 15+ years in the BDSM community I've seen far more switches than any other category of people. Sometimes they identify as such, sometimes its just a once-in-a-while thing, and sometimes its out of necessity (want to play, sometimes you have to take what you get, or so I've been told).

The other problem I could see you having in your search is being an established couple. A new top might feel like a third wheel and that might feel less than toppish to her. I don't know, just a thought.

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RE: Is it better to lie? - 4/5/2006 12:21:37 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Hell no luv, it is never better to lie.

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RE: Is it better to lie? - 4/7/2006 6:09:17 PM   
WyrdRich


Posts: 1733
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline 		    Thank you to all who took the time to reply.  A new couples profile is in the works. 

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RE: Is it better to lie? - 4/7/2006 6:36:16 PM   
TeeGO


Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline
A lie is an attempt to deceive. In your search your not looking as a switch for a Domme to dominate. So putting that you’re subs looking for Domme's would not be a lie. In the process of getting to know each other you will of course talk about all facets of your personality. But no way I could see anyone thinking you were being deceptive. Your profile is really just an advertisement. Your narrowing it to what you are looking for, not attempting to deceive. Sometimes little adjustments are needed.

My friend is a switch. But is looking for a Dom. She listed herself as a sub, for that is all she wanted to be identified as. She certainly mentions all aspects of her personality when getting to know them. After nearly 1000 replies I don't think anyone has had a problem with that. What she didn’t want was to be bothered by male subs, as that was not her purpose being here.

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RE: Is it better to lie? - 4/8/2006 1:50:03 PM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline 		The truth shall set you free...err...wait...nevermind...Honesty is always the best policy, in my opinion.

If the potential Domme feels "Third Wheel-ish", you might consider a Dominant Couple, of whatever sex or sexual orientation fits your needs best.

As always, YMMV.


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