When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until

When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (Full Version)

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winterlight -> When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/17/2010 12:19:48 PM)
you find someone that you are compatible with or should you engage in play at public BDSM events. What I am getting at does it make the sub look bad if all she does is play at public events when she doesn't have a Master. Is their a stigma to this.

kadine -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/17/2010 12:44:24 PM)
If there is, I don't know about it, and if there is, there shouldn't be. I'd do what felt most comfortable for -me-. I hope you do too. Who knows, you may find your happily ever after out there. Best of luck! :)

myotherself -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/17/2010 1:08:34 PM)
not in my experience. I've done a little public play, mostly to find out it's not really 'me' [:)] I have sub friends (male and female) who play in public, and who have subsequently found good relationships.

DesFIP -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/17/2010 2:01:23 PM)
There are a lot of tops who don't play publicly either. Honestly it depends on what you enjoy. Because if you aren't comfortable playing casually in public, then your discomfort will show and be communicated to others there. If you enjoy playing in public, then you should do so and hopefully meet someone else who enjoys that. It's about what works for you, there are no rules.

Missokyst -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/17/2010 2:16:28 PM)
She is right, there are a lot of tops that do not play publicly. In fact many bottoms do not play publicly, even if they go to parties. I often see tops and bottoms hanging out in the social areas and just getting to know each other. A party does not mean you must play, only that if you wished there might be an opportunity for play. For the most part a party is social and a nice way to see what people do without making a committment beyond an attempt to have a good time. I spend a lot of time just hanging out and networking. quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP There are a lot of tops who don't play publicly either. Honestly it depends on what you enjoy. Because if you aren't comfortable playing casually in public, then your discomfort will show and be communicated to others there. If you enjoy playing in public, then you should do so and hopefully meet someone else who enjoys that. It's about what works for you, there are no rules.

Andalusite -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/17/2010 2:42:00 PM)
Someone else just posted a thread on this topic, http://www.collarchat.com/m_3163897/tm.htm which might be helpful to you. Personally, I didn't get into the public scene until I'd already been in a couple of LTRs involving BDSM. I have played casually in the past when I was between partners, and currently I belong to my Master, and have a submissive playpartner. She and I mostly play together, and occasionally all three of us do so. I've never had anyone turn me down as a potential partner or otherwise felt stigmatised over playing publicly. I set boundaries on what I was comfortable with doing, and got to know people before playing with them, rather than showing up at a party with no date and trying to find someone there at the last moment. Most of the people I've played with I've known for months and have been friends with beforehand, and we'd hang out and do vanilla stuff as well.

Focus50 -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/17/2010 2:52:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: winterlight When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until you find someone that you are compatible with or should you engage in play at public BDSM events. This makes about as much sense as asking if you should engage in one-night-stands and orgies etc until you find someone to have a caring/loving relationship with...!?! You're (presumably) an adult so you decide which path you wish to pursue. Doing shit just to fit in or impress a group of mostly strangers would be a sad reflection of who you are.... Conversely, if you're doing it because you really do wanna do it, then go nuts and enjoy. Focus.

winterlight -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/17/2010 6:53:39 PM)
I was basing my question on a comment i heard from another sub at a munch. I wouldn't just jump in and start playing without knowing anybody, their background etc. She has been in the l/s longer than me and I just wondered if others felt the same way she did.

LPslittleclip -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/17/2010 9:42:42 PM)
if you enjoy meeting others and do not feel discomfort in public play then play on. it is how i met my Mistress and now i have been wearing Her collar for nearly 3 years now.i would recomend public play to any who can attend as there are so many folks in the lifestyle and so much to see and learn from munches and demos. things to try new ways to use different things. myself i enjy play both public and private as does my Mistress. so go play and keep looking you never know where or when you might meet the one that you will belong to

AquaticSub -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/17/2010 11:03:16 PM)
There isn't a should to this question beyond you should do what you want to. When I was single, I wanted to play so I did. My owner never restricted me from playing with others so I've never stopped playing with others at events. If anyone ever looks down on me or him for me scening when he isn't around, for me scening when I was single or that he doesn't care about these things... we really don't care. Oddly enough, neither do the people I scene with. [;)] In this lifestyle/community/collection of people, someone is always going to disapprove of what you are doing and tell you you are a fake for doing it. It's just a matter of what you want to do.

sinandhoney -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/18/2010 1:30:13 AM)
When I was first getting in to all of this I joined one of the local groups, and am glad I did. It gave me the opportunity to find out more about my likes and dislikes. I've never had it come back to haunt me, and playing in public feels a bit safer to me since I know there are others around should things go south for me. We have an emt in our group so sometimes knowing that allows me to play knowing he's there if I have an adverse reaction, which has never happened. It's a great way to learn more about who you are as a submissive with out it being defined by someone else, and makes it that much easier for me to know what I am looking for in a Dominant partner.

ResidentSadist -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/18/2010 5:39:44 AM)
No stigma. Don't be fragile in ego or mind, have fun, go play.

pompeii -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/18/2010 2:47:16 PM)
Play, play play ... play all day. Enjoy.

LadyAngelika -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/18/2010 2:56:57 PM)
You are going to have to do what is right for you. I don't do public play as it's not at all what I'm into. If I met a man who had done public play, I wouldn't reject him based on that. However, if he had serviced every Domme in town, then I'd feel like I was getting everyone's leftovers. Not my cup of tea. Use your judgement and follow your desires. - LA

GinoVega -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/18/2010 9:23:25 PM)
Just as many in here have said, it's about what you feel comfortable with. Not everyone is the same when it comes to these things. Some people enjoy public play while others don't. Even though moderate play may lead you to finding someone whom you wish to pursue something deeper with, if you aren't comfortable with public play, you may be better off searching and trying to find someone; possibly in your same situation. But like most have said, it's what's comfortable for you

SassySarijane -> RE: When you are new to the lifestyle is it better to wait until (4/19/2010 6:21:31 AM)
It really is about what works for you. Are there those who look down on the ones who choose to play publicly and/or casually? Yep, run into a few. I don't care and don't tend to associate with anyone who looks down on me for doing something that fulfills me on a few levels. I am happy and enjoying myself and growing and learning. I make no apologies for it. Overall, the people I associate with, whether they play in public or casually or not, accept me and don't bat an eye at my choice.

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