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Andalusite -> RE: "Do-Me" Submissives/Slaves... (4/19/2010 8:25:10 AM)
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MissAsylum, I didn't mean to imply that *you* aren't self-confident, just that I've seen a lot of submissives post that they were accused of topping from the bottom any time they've expressed an opinion or made a BDSM-oriented request. I've also seen a lot of dominants (mostly men, some women) post about topping from the bottom that came across in similar ways. *Usually*, I think what is called "topping from the bottom" here is mostly poor communication, HNGs spamming people with their fantasies/demands (they aren't *in* a relationship yet, though, so they don't have a bottom to top from), incompatibility, the occasional dominant masochist, and a lot of submissives whose needs are genuinely not getting met. In your specific situation, since they are clients rather than really submissives, I'd have assumed that most pro-Dommes do take on bottoms, masochists, fantasists, and fetishists a lot. Here on the forums, that's where they tend to be directed. If they're paying, then I think they *should* get what they want, within reason, but they need to shop around and find someone who is willing to give it to them, and communicate their needs clearly.
My submissive playpartner loves needles, and they make her fly like nothing else can. She brought the subject up during aftercare, which made it clear she wasn't demanding them on the spot. I told her that I'd only had one class with them, years before, and would need to take a class or work with someone who had more experience before I would be comfortable with using them. We made plans to make that happen, and she requested that in the meantime, she be allowed to insert them herself (which she had been taught to do safely) during a scene. I was comfortable with that, and a couple of playdates later, we incorporated that into a scene.
I did play with a dominant masochist before, one of those "Ok, now hit me with the paddle - harder, a little to the right" guys, who I actually responded submissively toward. Sometimes, he let me pick what to use and so forth, sometimes he wanted to be more explicitly in charge. Since we were both switchy on the S/M and bondage spectrum, our play was very free-form and often incorporated both. I had a blast with it!
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that there is nothing wrong with bottoms, or masochists, or "do me subs" or whatever, as long as they are *polite* about it, communicate clearly and make sure that their partner is happy with what they want as well. This site does tend to be more D/s oriented, but even within a D/s or M/s dynamic, I think there can be plenty of room for people to ask for what they want. Going about it by being pushy, or posting a bunch of wank-fodder, isn't a good approach.
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