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estah -> Ohhhh... (4/18/2010 2:13:42 PM)
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this is from houseofdesade.com Some people really want to be Smart-Assed Masochists, but they can't quite get the hang of it. Here's a few things they can do to become a genuine certified SAM. - Sing 'Happy Birthday To Me' and blow out the candle during wax play
- Draw a picture of an open hand on your ass. Then draw a red circle around it. Finish up by putting a slash through the circle
- In the middle of an intense cropping, close your eyes and start to snore
- During a scene, do a Howard Cosell impression and provide a play-by-play account of what is being done to you
- If your Dom/me tells you to 'Look me in the eyes', do it cross-eyed
- If your Dom/me decides to do a verbal humiliation scene with you in public, stick your fingers in your ears and say 'Neener, neener, neener, I can't hear you!'
- Decorate your Dom/me's leathers with oil painted neon polka dots and stripes
- Place a whoopee cushion on your Dom/me's favorite chair
- Use the toybag for dirty laundry. Forget to switch the contents back before the next play party
- Stick an Alka-Seltzer tablet in your mouth at the beginning of a scene
- Work up some saliva to get it fizzy, then call out your safeword
- When getting flogged, start singing 'This is the song that never ends...'
- Learn a language your Dom/me doesn't know and then speak only in that language when you are together
- Become prone to incessant giggling
- If you're trussed up and ordered to count, inform your top you can't do it unless you can use your fingers and toes
- Have a wig made up matching your hair color and style perfectly. It'll be worth the expense to see the look on your Dom/me's face the next time your hair gets tugged and it comes off..
- Hold up a scorecard after each blow delivered (like in figure skating or diving)
- When your top hints at foot worship, hand him/her a package of OdorEaters
- If you take a message for your top, write it on a post-it and stick it to your rear
- Tell your Dom/me a better way to do whatever it is being done to you at that moment
- Only speak in movie quotes
- Give your dom/me a massage while wearing a joy buzzer
- Send your Dom/me an invoice for your services
- After a particularly hard blow, pretend to pass out. When your Dom/me checks to see if you're OK, jump up and yell 'Gotcha!'
- Go in the toybag and superglue the nipple clamps shut
- Ignore your top until s/he utters the magic word
- Starch the floggers
- Whine
- Attach clappers to all the outlets in the dungeon just before a paddling (Clap on)
Learn the following phrases and use them as often as possible - Get off your lazy *ss and do it yourself!
- What do I look like, your maid?
- This isn't a restaurant
- In your dreams!
- Who died and left you boss?
- I don't think so!
- Homey don't play that game
- Yeah, right!
Note to subs - Do not try these tricks at home. Only to be preformed by professional Experienced SAM's [with iron asses]
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