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I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/20/2010 9:47:33 PM

grevspet

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/20/2010
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I have not been in the lifestyle for very long only about three I am a pet, My Master and I get along great. This past week he asked me about him having another pet. I am not thrilled with the idea. He new pet is also his room mate. I just get so emotional about his new pet. He say things will never change between us. I need help trying to find away to deal with the new pet, I do not want to lose my Master.

Post #: 1

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/20/2010 10:45:41 PM

sweetsub1957

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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In the first place, are you polyamorous or monogamous at heart? He sounds poly, but did you talk about that possibility before taking up together? It sounds like you're not so sure about it.

~sweetsub~

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(in reply to grevspet)

Post #: 2

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/20/2010 11:14:41 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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You don't have to be poly unless you want to. If it doesn't float your boat, he may not be a good match for you. Not everyone likes poly.

If poly isn't yummy for you, or this guy is just blowing it for you, vote with your feet. If he's not so great for you, quit pretending he is and go find a better match.

If you need monogamy, state that upfront, next time. This guy seems to care more about his dick than he does about you. Why would you even want a guy like that? Do you have any self-esteem at all?

You both suck at communicating what kind of relationship you need, at the time you should have- the very beginning. But clearly you aren't thriving in this arrangement. So, live and learn. Next time, be very clear about your needs and limitations. And care enough about yourself to get a guy who gives a shit about your happiness and fulfillment.

A turnip has more compassion and foresight than that dickwad.

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(in reply to grevspet)

Post #: 3

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/21/2010 4:24:53 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Three weeks or three years? And didn't he ever mention this before? Because if he has always wanted to have a stable of subs, then not telling you in the beginning is lying plain and simple.

Since this is his roommate, I'm assuming they were already lovers and he 'forgot' to mention it. I'd wish him good luck finding someone who is compatible with him and the roommate and move on. And go get a std scan since you don't know who she's been with.

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Post #: 4

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/21/2010 4:55:09 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

Things will change.. they always do, new pet or not... you might lose your Master regardless of what you do. If this doesn't work for you, move on -- you do NOT have to make this work for you if its not going to.

and I agree with DesFIP -- the fact that this is his roomate should be a red flag to you -- there's something already going on and/or it was before you got together with him

quote:

ORIGINAL: grevspet

I have not been in the lifestyle for very long only about three I am a pet, My Master and I get along great. This past week he asked me about him having another pet. I am not thrilled with the idea. He new pet is also his room mate. I just get so emotional about his new pet. He say things will never change between us. I need help trying to find away to deal with the new pet, I do not want to lose my Master.

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(in reply to grevspet)

Post #: 5

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/21/2010 5:32:19 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

i found myself in a fairly similar situation once, where i discovered i was suddenly in a poly relationship without ever really considering it or even particularly wanting it and i certainly wasnt asked about it. it just happened one day.

if you are a basically monogamous person the concept is difficult. as much as you want youre Master to do all of the things he wants to do and for you to accept that, trust and try hard, normal emotions come to the surface. jealousy, insecurity and sometimes even conflict between the subs/slaves/pets in question. the Master does need to be able to orchestrate a little, especially since he's suddenly turned the relationship into poly from mono with little or no warning.

it is possible to manage this situation but youre Master really needs to have some sort of plan on how he's going to make things work out for you all. it really isnt enough for him to think 'well this is fun - i can do and have whatever i like' when he already has a sub who thought they were monogamous and in a committed Ms relationship.

if he is poly then this situation is going to continue, with this new person, another person, its always going to be there. i think you have to decide if you can accept that and do youre best to accept this new pet in his life or not. if you think you can then you need to talk to him about how he can help you to make this transition, what his plans are, how he sees it evolving, are you and the other pet going to be given an opportunity to become friends, find a common ground and develop a unified front in terms of serving him.

if he doesnt have a plan and this is just him having some fun and hoping youll be a good little pet and run along with it, then you really have to decide if you want to stay with someone who can make such arbitrary decisions on youre behalf.

in the end i walked away from my Master. i loved him lots and it hurt like hell, but my emotional health in the end counted for more.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 4/21/2010 5:45:48 AM >

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Post #: 6

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/21/2010 5:39:45 AM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

I'm with the red flag group in this case. While it's certainly possible that, after a period of time, someone might catch his eye that he wants to introduce into your relationship, the fact that it's his roommate puts a different spin on in, imho. Only you can decide what you're comfortable with in this situation, and only you can act on those feelings. In the case of a poly relationship, I believe that it takes three (or more) yeses to make it a go. Even one "no" calls a halt to the relationship.

Good luck.

jimini

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Post #: 7

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/21/2010 6:45:21 AM

leadership527

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Joined: 6/2/2008
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So if he has a room mate, I have to assume that you are.... long-distance? Much as I hate to go down the path of pessimism, in this case I also agree with the "red flags" of others. It sounds to me like his room mate was more than a room mate before all this started.

Insofar as going poly, if you're not interested in a poly setup, then I don't really see how this can work. In different situations, a master can turn a monogamous slave to a poly one... but I don't think it'll work in yours. So either you want a 3 way or not.

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(in reply to grevspet)

Post #: 8

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/21/2010 7:05:44 AM

grevspet

Posts: 4
Joined: 4/20/2010
Status: offline

I knew from the beginning that he was not a manogaous. He did ask me for my opinion before he asked her. I live about a half hour away but we spend most of our time together. He values my opinion very much. He has told me nothing is going to change with us and that he will never collar her before me. Its just hard, and granted it has only been three days since he got his new pet. I guess what bothers me the most is that he lives with her. I don't know

(in reply to grevspet)

Post #: 9

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/21/2010 7:26:07 AM

kanina

Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline

Jealousy is a serious feeling because it may eat you from the inside, it may put doubts in your head... I think the first think you should do it is to figure out if you want to be poly or monogamous, if you want to be monogamous and he wants to be poly i do think that relationship will not work... If she was the one who lived away it would be easier but being you and knowing that he is with her... to me its too complicated...

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(in reply to grevspet)

Post #: 10

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/21/2010 7:59:08 AM

bdsmnewbie10

Posts: 29
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline

I'm 6 months new,at this moment Master not looking for another pet/sub/slave, however, we have discussed it.Will I be happy,not sure, however, I have become such a complete package of his desires that I think will be quite awhile before he wants another. At beginning he spoke of it for him, now he speaks of a pet for us. Hope all works out..

(in reply to kanina)

Post #: 11

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/21/2010 12:32:53 PM

blueeyedbbwsub

Posts: 435
Joined: 12/9/2009
Status: offline

OP? In the introduction forum you posted that the only people you were able to discuss the lifestyle with were your Master and his other pet. Something just doesn't ring right here. You also stated that you were his pet and couldn't wait to work your way up to the ranks of a sub. Words to that effect, but pretty damn close. I let you know there, as I will here that working you way up the ranks is not something I've ever heard of. Not within the realm of D/s. I'm definitely not all-knowing, again, strikes me as odd. It's not like getting a raise or receiving a promotion at work.

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Post #: 12

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/21/2010 12:39:15 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: grevspet

I knew from the beginning that he was not a manogaous. He did ask me for my opinion before he asked her. I live about a half hour away but we spend most of our time together. He values my opinion very much. He has told me nothing is going to change with us and that he will never collar her before me. Its just hard, and granted it has only been three days since he got his new pet. I guess what bothers me the most is that he lives with her. I don't know

you know, i think he should encourage the two of you to talk on the phone and meet up and all of you be together, go out, do stuff. it will help you if you get to know her and develop a friendship. its easier to share when you like the person youre sharing with and can develop a 'sister' type relationship where youre both involved together in helping to make it work.

while on the periphery of their new relationship its going to make you feel excluded no matter how much he tells you it isnt going to change anything, it already has ~ in my view thats a really naive thing for him to say and a little bit dismissive of how its making you feel.

in the end its ok for him because he's the one having the fun and youre the one left trying to deal with that. i dont feel he's doing enough to make this work for you. its working for him and his new pet because the new pet knew about you before things ever started ~

personally i would give it a whirl, ask to spend some time with all three of you together, try to develop a friendship with her. go that distance for him and try. its either going to work or it isnt but youre not going to know until you give it youre best shot.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to grevspet)

Post #: 13

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/22/2010 7:33:03 AM

divi

Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

Sounds like you dont really have a choice. They're are already probably together and you are the last to know.

adds: that was (imho)

< Message edited by divi -- 4/22/2010 7:48:00 AM >

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Post #: 14

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 4/22/2010 9:38:05 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Wait so you knew going in that he wasn't monogamous, and you've been with him like, five seconds. I'm with everyone else who said this is likely a pre-existing relationship. YOU are the new addition- not her. He's been deceiving you. Don't put up with it, and don't believe him. Liars keep lying. Don't you think you deserve someone honest? Are you always so easily fooled?

What has he ever done to earn your trust? Don't just give any jerk who comes along, your trust on a platter. Make them earn it. Look at his actions. Deeds, not words. What has he been doing, all the time he's been giving you lip service?

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(in reply to grevspet)

Post #: 15

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 5/13/2010 7:13:18 PM

kateindenver

Posts: 35
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline

i have learned from experience that sometimes what we fear most turns out to be better then we ever thopught. You might find having a sister pet to be wondertful

(in reply to grevspet)

Post #: 16

RE: I am a pet new to the lifestyle - 5/13/2010 9:16:56 PM

bluefireeyez

Posts: 119
Joined: 12/15/2008
Status: offline

I tend to agree with the others that something seems a bit fishy about what you are telling us.

I was once in a postion where a dominant orchestrated it so that he not only had me moving in, but also told me about his slave and girlfriend a shortly before I did so. I was moving over 3 hours away from home and had already transferred schools. He promised nothing would change. He also promised he would *never* treat me like the slave, because I was of course submissive. In addition, he promised I would only serve him and not his girlfriend.
His promises ended up meaning nothing. I ended up walking away.

I know some people are poly and very happy. The way this happened, I was not and I knew it because I questioned myself constantly. If you have to question how you feel about it, then perhaps you should also ask yourself if this is the right relationship for you. Becoming friends with the other girl is always helpful, because sharing with a friend is better than sharing with an enemy. But, could you handle it if he did collar her before you? What if they had a special outing and you were left home to clean (without getting one of your own)?

(in reply to kateindenver)

Post #: 17

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