Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no matter what side of the kneel?

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Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no matter... - 4/23/2010 8:04:15 PM

masmiss

Posts: 494
Joined: 2/16/2009
From: New Jersey
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I've been reading the forums for over a year and enjoy the thoughts, arguments, fun and diversity of opinion. One theme seems to keep popping up: male subs whining about the lack of Dommes or at least the lack of interest they perceive from Dommes.

I've been wondering: do Doms find a similar lack of available female subs? Is it just a lop-sided female to male ratio in this lifestyle?

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RE: Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no ma... - 4/23/2010 9:57:25 PM

DarkSteven

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Good question. I have found it difficult to find a female sub, but that's because I'm picky. I have had offers from several, but didn't feel that we'd be compatible. I've been looking since November or December.

And I don't know why the male subs complain. I have had great times bantering with Dommes and find them very approachable. I suspect that the male subs with something to offer, find women to offer it to, and the others come to whine online.

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RE: Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no ma... - 4/23/2010 10:12:23 PM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
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From: Austin, TX
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i think it's a challenge no matter which gender, or which side of the kneel.

Compatibility is key.

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RE: Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no ma... - 4/24/2010 12:56:56 AM

ShoreBound149

Posts: 622
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Jersey is loaded with sub chicks. Never had a problem meeting them. Although when you evolve from "play" to wanting the best long term match for you.....the options drop significantly. Likely the same ratio as in the vanilla world though.

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RE: Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no ma... - 4/24/2010 1:10:30 AM

Woodburn

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[deleted]

< Message edited by Woodburn -- 4/24/2010 1:13:13 AM >

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RE: Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no ma... - 4/24/2010 2:42:23 AM

jbcurious

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Good question. I have found it difficult to find a female sub, but that's because I'm picky. I have had offers from several, but didn't feel that we'd be compatible. I've been looking since November or December

I'm still devasted by your refusal...

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RE: Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no ma... - 4/24/2010 4:32:28 PM

Andalusite

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As soon as I expressed an interest in finding a female bottom or submissive playpartner, I had someone who was interested. I think women in general have an easier time finding people to *play* with, but it's more complicated finding a match for a *relationship*.

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RE: Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no ma... - 4/25/2010 1:32:04 AM

AlexandraLynch

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While there seems to be a dearth of female doms, the proper approach (detailed in many threads in the Mistress section), which is not difficult, will make the individual stand out from the crowd.

I daresay the same is true on the other side of the kneel.

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RE: Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no ma... - 4/25/2010 3:46:58 AM

reynardfox

Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
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I have always found myself able to find girls to play with and My Wife has a posse of male subs, all found before we even came on here. We get approached a few times a week by subs, the only difficulty is that people are often too far away for it to work. Though to be honest, the amount of single men who don't read the profile is astonishing. If people don't want a negative response they should ensure that they are what the person is looking for and not just assume we are bastards just because we don't want what they are offering.. And never take it personally.

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RE: Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no ma... - 4/25/2010 9:25:48 AM

myotherself

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It's really tough finding someone compatible, who is looking for the same kind of relationship, who lives an acceptable distance away, who has similar kinks, who finds you attractive and vice versa....and all that good stuff.

I have offers of play and NSA sex any time I want, but finding the right Dom for an ltr is a hell of a lot harder. I've been looking about the same length of time as Steven, and am still looking. But like Steven, I'm picky too

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RE: Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no ma... - 4/25/2010 9:28:53 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: masmiss
I've been wondering: do Doms find a similar lack of available female subs? Is it just a lop-sided female to male ratio in this lifestyle?

I've never had a difficult time finding a partner -- nothing I see in "this lifestyle" tells me it'd be any different here.

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RE: Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no ma... - 4/25/2010 9:32:12 AM

domiguy

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I have never had a problem only because I am a groovy kind of cat. Groovy peeps like to hang with groovy peeps. Water just like subs seeks it's own groovy level. So it becomes a little more difficult to outkick your coverage. Even so, a man still has gots to know his limitations.

Male subs should have a problem. Only because they do tend to be a whiny lot and who the fuck would want to be with a woman that wants to be with a whiny fucked up dude? It's a recipe for disaster.

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RE: Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no ma... - 4/25/2010 1:42:48 PM

DomDolf

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Finding the right fit is always difficult. It's always easier if you know your "size" and "shop" in the right places. Setting realistic expectations without waivering is a good sarting point. Failing to do either will introduce an ending that is not appealing. Never, never, never settle.

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RE: Is finding a female partner in BDSM difficult no ma... - 4/25/2010 4:22:06 PM

dragon200070

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Hi,
I think the problem is that so many people in the great wash of emails are not genuine. We call them poseurs, but they're fakes. This includes Doms who lie about their experience, and then frequently get into trouble. I find it very hard to find a sub too, so you're not alone. My friends online tell me it's very hard for them too (male and female).

I strongly suggest you educate yourself by reading Yahoo online groups, collar me. or some other groups. The more you can learn, the better. You should not have to pay to do this. There are many free groups available.

Jeff

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