Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/23/2010 8:55:04 PM   
slave4you0000


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline 		I am relatively new to the lifestyle, and have been working on defining what I am and what I am into.  I enjoy giving up power and control to my Master, and doing whatever it is that pleases my Master.  But apparently my thought that my Master would also be interested in my satisfaction and pleasure is a wrong assumption to have?  Not that I think I am entitled to be pleasured by my Master, but I would hope that I could earn it by pleasing him.  Or is that tit-for-tat mentality make me more vanilla-into-kink rather than a sub or slave?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/23/2010 9:31:31 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		A slave gives up all decisions to the Master.  Whether or not the slave gets any pleasure is up to the Master. 

REALITY  The Master who never pleases the slave will find the slave gone in a short time. 

Basically, if you are getting nothing from the relationship, why would you continue to stay in that relationship? 

(in reply to slave4you0000)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/23/2010 9:40:45 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		my thoughts exactly.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/24/2010 12:18:41 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		What peppermint said.

Everyone has a right to persue happiness and fulfillment. If this lifestyle wasn't fulfilling, or if the partnership you're in weren't fulfilling- you'd leave it. If your dom doesn't know that, then you're serving a fool whom you really should leave.

Insist on a reciprocal relationship: one in which you get as much as you give.

You shouldn't have to "earn" satisfaction and pleasure, unless you want to. Otherwise, it should just be given. You don't have to earn the right to it.

Don't waste your youth on some garden variety jerk who doesn't address your needs and desires.

He may be selfish, clueless, or mean. Whatever- if so, then don't make his shortcomings your problem. Dump him, and find someone who will pay attention to your needs, and further your happiness, growth and fulfillment.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to slave4you0000)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/24/2010 4:11:02 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It means you've picked the wrong guy to give power over to. If you wanted to be with someone who enjoys seeing you happy and satisfied, then you shouldn't get involved with someone who prefers denial. Learn how to decide who to give power to by using your brain next time, and not on the basis of who gets you wet.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/24/2010 6:57:37 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

A slave gives up all decisions to the Master.  Whether or not the slave gets any pleasure is up to the Master. 

REALITY  The Master who never pleases the slave will find the slave gone in a short time. 

Basically, if you are getting nothing from the relationship, why would you continue to stay in that relationship? 



*ding ding ding* We have a winner.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/24/2010 7:17:51 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		To the OP: If you are new to this, think about when you first started dating... you had to kind of figure it out. This is no different. You found a guy who digs doing to you what you don't like. I've been there... And now I'm not. There are some s-types who really dig that. Are you one of them? I don't know. But try to see this in a curious way, look for the questions, the answers, the possibilities. For me this is sposed to be fun and something I *enjoy*.... not so for some people. you have to decide what works for you.

good luck,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/24/2010 7:46:15 AM   
slave4you0000


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks everybody for your input!  It's hard to navigate this lifestyle as a newbie and I appreciate your insights and advice.  I forget sometimes that it is just as much my place to set the tone of our play as it is my Master's.  When giving my submission, it's too easy for me to forget to ask for what I want instead of just concentrating on what he tells me to do....but obviously that's just left me unhappy afterward, so looks like we have some talking and figuring-out to do.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/24/2010 2:37:24 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave4you0000

I am relatively new to the lifestyle, and have been working on defining what I am and what I am into.  I enjoy giving up power and control to my Master, and doing whatever it is that pleases my Master.  But apparently my thought that my Master would also be interested in my satisfaction and pleasure is a wrong assumption to have?  Not that I think I am entitled to be pleasured by my Master, but I would hope that I could earn it by pleasing him.  Or is that tit-for-tat mentality make me more vanilla-into-kink rather than a sub or slave?

Everyone has needs and desires and accepting someone as my slave means I have obligations to meet her needs and desires etc. But exactly how I go about that is entirely up to me.

Be you Master/slave or Dom/sub etc, a relationship amounts to giving something in order to get something. We call it 'Power Exchange'. So yeah, there's nothing wrong with your "tit-for-tat mentality" as any slave not having her needs met will ultimately seek them somewhere else. And any 'master' with half a brain will know that - which comes back to 'obligations'.... The instant you're someone's Master, you become slave to your own standards - the relationship is then bigger than the sum of both individuals.

In my M/s relationships, there's actually quite an imbalance in sexual type pleasure.... My own needs aren't so voracious but I do enjoy teasing/torturing the girl with hers - and ultimately fulfilling them, too (eventually). I rationalise it as the biology of Nature. IE, compared to us males, females can cum multiple times and have multiple orgasms etc and we Masters were given ropes and restraints etc and the evil mentality to exploit that at our leisure and however we choose.

OP, I think you've been listening to horny Net doms who only have a vanilla's cliche'd concept that a Master is all strutting and demanding and who treats his slave atrociously and without worth. As soon as you hear (read) such nonsensical spiel, you click the "delete" wanka button and save yourself a world of confused introspection.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to slave4you0000)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/24/2010 3:41:23 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slave4you0000

Thanks everybody for your input!  It's hard to navigate this lifestyle as a newbie and I appreciate your insights and advice.  I forget sometimes that it is just as much my place to set the tone of our play as it is my Master's.  When giving my submission, it's too easy for me to forget to ask for what I want instead of just concentrating on what he tells me to do....but obviously that's just left me unhappy afterward, so looks like we have some talking and figuring-out to do.
There's that, and there is also the question 'does he want what you want?'

Because if he wants the sort of sub who wants to earn their pleasure, and you want the sort of Master who actively wants to give you pleasure as often as possible, then no amount of asking for what you want is going to solve that compatibility issue-you have to want the same tone of play in the first place.


_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




(in reply to slave4you0000)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/25/2010 1:43:20 AM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		It all depends upon your choice of partner. How much of a narcissist and objectifier do YOU want as a partner? You are the only person responsible for choosing what kind of partner you want.

(in reply to slave4you0000)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/25/2010 8:14:26 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint
REALITY  The Master who never pleases the slave will find the slave gone in a short time. 
I'll go you one further. In my opinion, the reality is that a master who does not regularly and thoroughly delight his slave in any number of deeply fulfilling ways will never have the kind of commitment he wants in return. Relationships don't work out in the long-haul when they are unbalanced.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/25/2010 8:22:21 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Amen.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/25/2010 8:34:10 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Well said Focus. I'd like to add that this same stereotype exists in spades on the sub side to. I collectively call them the "I exist only to serve" crowd. Apparently some submissives... even some with "experience" convince themselves that they can be happy, healthy, and fulfilled doing nothing other than serving the needs of another. I hate questioning other people's reality, but I have never actually met such a person and I have a really hard time seeing how you could make a life-long relationship work on that basis.

I point this out because in this case, it isn't just the HNG's doing this. They have REASON to believe it. Some of the subs say it too.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? - 4/25/2010 4:32:22 PM   
dragon200070


Posts: 93
Joined: 2/9/2010
Status: offline 		Hi,
I'm a Dom and I do pleasure my slave after she's given me pleasure. While it's not written down, you owe me ..., we try to give it going and positive.

Our play frequently ends with her having powerful orgasms.

Jeff

(in reply to slave4you0000)
Profile   Post #: 15
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Sub/Slave/Vanilla into kink differences? Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078