The High Price of Life Style Dommes

The High Price of Life Style Dommes (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

LadyCimarron -> The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 6:41:47 AM)
I am a lifestyle Domme never charged never will. Most potentials are glad to hear that. Until I then let them know that I only "play" with people I am in a relationship or at least a friendship with. I explain that they would need to get to know me and let me know them. Eventually meet somewhere realtime and see how we click and keep building from there. I tell them in exact words "I will not be your dirty secret, if you can't be seen in public with me, introduce me to family and friends and get to know me as a friend then there won't be any playtime." 90% of the time the next words I hear are "well if I were to pay you, how much would you charge...." I just shake my head and introduce these guys to my good friend Mistress Blockdelete....She's a real bitch. Its shameful that so many guys out there don't want to pay, don't want to build a friendship, and don't want to make any investment whatsoever. Many want you to act like a pro-domme just not get paid like one. It occurs to me that maybe as lifestylers our prerequisites of friendship and-or relationship may be a higher price to some than anything a pro charges. I read at least one CM profile where the sub stated he would ONLY play with pro-dommes for pay. It seems he always gets exactly what he pays for from pros and there are no strings attached afterward. As a lifestyle domme I can never promise a sub EITHER of those things. Life stylers, have you ever noticed that when you talk to some wanna-be's about getting to know you, they react as if you sprayed them with an industrial strength man-repellant..........guys who would rather PAY MONEY than get to know you......

DarkSteven -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 6:49:17 AM)
Maybe they simply have a laundry list of kinks. Maybe they're married. Maybe they're into tribute. Who knows?

LadyCimarron -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 6:54:52 AM)
You are right. They may be any or all of those things. And if they are, maybe they should seek the services of a pro-domme and not a lifestyle Domme.

littlesarbonn -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 7:13:43 AM)
My initial thought is that you're definitely just meeting the wrong peple from the site. Perhaps your profile cues the wrong kinds of responses from people. I don't really know what causes it, but believe me when I say that there are subs out there who don't fit into this category that you keep coming up against. Again, I don't know your circumstances, but maybe it's something as simple as you looking for the person you want and then pursuing them instead of the other way around. If that's what you're doing, then maybe you should focus on the message boards, listening to the conversations of the subs who might actually intrigue you because you find out a lot about people from the way they post, and then pursue them. I've always believed that if you wait for the right person to contact you, you might be waiting for a very long time. Of course, I'm as guilty of that as anyone, but if I was smart, I'd take my own advice, too.

LadyCimarron -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 7:26:04 AM)
Thank you for your response. Of course not everyone I meet fits this category and I apologize if my post sounds that way. I have met some very nice men on this site. As far as it goes I was not seeking advice on meeting the right kinds of people. I was simply wondering why some would seek pro-domme like services from a life style dominatrix. and seem to think that getting to know a woman and develop some kind of real friendship with her is too much to ask. And no, I never actually MEET any of those type of men. I just hear from them and then delete them when I find out what they are about. If I am the only one hearing from these types then I suppose its just a fluke. Lately it seems like far to many to be just a fluke. I was just wondering if any other pros had heard from these types. Thanks again.

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 7:41:30 AM)
Perhaps they simply want something ... for nothing. You know ... selfish and self centered. myself, i know it is unfulfilling and hollow ... to not want ... to develop a friendship ... or even better ... a relationship. But as You know, there are a lot of people on this site ... who are simply here to take what ever they can. And really ... it goes both sides of the kneel ... as well as gender. So keep up the good work and stay true to Yourself! [:)]

GraciousLady -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 8:17:58 AM)
Lady, I have met many in rl from this site and the majority are not serious about relationships so I generaly agree with you. My expierences have shown my area to be full of do-me men looking for sex and what they see in porn. I would LOVE to meet a nice man that enjoys coffee shops, dancing, playing computer games and laying at my feet in the evenings while we relax after our day but they do not seem to be any around.

lobodomslavery -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 9:03:59 AM)
The High price of Lifestyle Domme is OUTRAGEOUS End of my two cents kevin

ReginaMirus -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 9:07:36 AM)
As is the price of gasoline. Life sucks all over, sometimes.

lobodomslavery -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 9:17:04 AM)
Not if we could be friends for free it wouldnt. Money is no object. Lets be friends at least pen pal kevin

RedMagic1 -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 9:28:33 AM)
LadyC - Online dating studies show that 64% of people who use online dating are women. Meanwhile, 96% of people who use the internet for porn are male. (ResidentSadist posted sources for these a while back, but I posted the link recently and I don't feel like doing it again, nya nya.) So on kink sites, you get a situation where many/most men are looking to get their rocks off NOW, but if you set them aside, and just look at people who want relationships, more women are in that group than men. This is true even if "relationship" means "friend with kinky benefits." No wonder it's hard for a woman to find a man who wants to know you for you. You and I emailed briefly a while back, and I was impressed. You will attract quality people, and probably already have. Honestly, I think you can write off this behavior to a combination of horniness and the down economy. I recently considered giving a (female) friend of mine a present of an hour's visit to a prodomme -- probably for a tour of the dungeon, and introduction to some fancy toys, rather than play -- and I discovered that prodommes in Minneapolis have cut rates significantly. (Now offering 45 min sessions instead of an hour, etc.) The guys you describe are looking for an angle -- and I'm sure some women will consider it, especially if they have looming bills.

Marini -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 9:40:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyCimarron I am a lifestyle Domme never charged never will. Most potentials are glad to hear that. Until I then let them know that I only "play" with people I am in a relationship or at least a friendship with. GOSH FORBID! You are asking them to do something that is not kink related! I explain that they would need to get to know me and let me know them. Eventually meet somewhere realtime and see how we click and keep building from there. I tell them in exact words "I will not be your dirty secret, if you can't be seen in public with me, introduce me to family and friends and get to know me as a friend then there won't be any playtime." 90% of the time the next words I hear are "well if I were to pay you, how much would you charge...." I just shake my head and introduce these guys to my good friend Mistress Blockdelete....She's a real bitch. Its shameful that so many guys out there don't want to pay, don't want to build a friendship, and don't want to make any investment whatsoever. Many want you to act like a pro-domme just not get paid like one. I Agree!! It occurs to me that maybe as lifestylers our prerequisites of friendship and-or relationship may be a higher price to some than anything a pro charges. I read at least one CM profile where the sub stated he would ONLY play with pro-dommes for pay. It seems he always gets exactly what he pays for from pros and there are no strings attached afterward. As a lifestyle domme I can never promise a sub EITHER of those things. Life stylers, have you ever noticed that when you talk to some wanna-be's about getting to know you, they react as if you sprayed them with an industrial strength man-repellant..........guys who would rather PAY MONEY than get to know you...... I have found most keep looking for someone to "do them"/"dance to THEIR tune" for free, Chica. OFTEN, most of this boils down to whether or not the "submissive" involved wants a relationship/or in reality often wants a relationship based almost entirely ON THEIR TERMS! My experience {from being here almost 6 years} is that many "submissive males" want to control the pace of the relationship. I like to move slow, and actually get to know a person.* 95% have not "liked" that, so I have a long list of men that attempt to contact me years later, still looking, and beg for a second chance. Which they don't get.* It has been my experience, that many/most that don't want a serious relationship, also do NOT want to pay a Professional Dominant. [;)] I have suggested to many a "do me" that they pay for play, and most if not all are appalled. My hat really goes off to Professional Dominants, because from what I have seen and heard, many men in this "lifestyle" have serious issues. [;)] I hope they all have bodyguards {that are also packing a weapon}. I would always have a bodyguard in the next room, or outside in the area, and Professional Dominants deserve every dime they make. Pay for play! no way! Some don't even want to even take you on a date. lol The right Dominant woman , will do them, satisfy them, take care of their needs, and will be willing to be involved with them, or THEIR {the submissives} terms. At the end of the day, I have learned that many so called "Lifestyle Dominants" are often submissive to the submissives. [sm=yesmaster.gif] Which in fact, makes the "submissive" actually the Dominant partner. {I see that a lot around here.} [sm=mrpuffy.gif] Great topic!

myotherself -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 9:55:33 AM)
blimey kevin - you finally find a thread where the OP is bemoaning the fact that too many men want to pay for Domme services and she is looking for a relationship..WITHOUT PAY... and you misread it completely! I'm guessing you're still single, right?

seekingOwnertoo -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 9:57:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Online dating studies show that 64% of people who use online dating are women. Meanwhile, 96% of people who use the internet for porn are male. Honestly, I think you can write off this behavior to a combination of horniness and the down economy. The guys you describe are looking for an angle -- and I'm sure some women will consider it, especially if they have looming bills. i agree with this. It is right on target. But seriousness aside for a minute, it is esspecially true when one thinks all of the "women" who email me wanting an "online" relationship with tribute ... are as likely to be men ... too. [:D]

dreamerdreaming -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 9:57:31 AM)
I read your profile. Great journal! [:)] I think you can do a lot more to get the do-me subs out of your way faster. If you made it clearer at the very beginning of the text that you are seeking a real, long-term relationship, a real involvement in your servants' lives, and will not play casually at all, then they'd be a lot less likely to waste your time. Because I do think there are a lot of guys surfing the net looking for no-strings, do-me sex. A lot of them are married, or otherwise involved. My only other thought: are you blocking the spammers immediately? Because if you respond to spam, you're talking to a do-me. Examine your methods, and your message.

Marini -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 10:10:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming I read your profile. Great journal! [:)] I think you can do a lot more to get the do-me subs out of your way faster. If you made it clearer at the very beginning of the text that you are seeking a real, long-term relationship, a real involvement in your servants' lives, and will not play casually at all, then they'd be a lot less likely to waste your time. Because I do think there are a lot of guys surfing the net looking for no-strings, do-me sex. A lot of them are married, or otherwise involved. My only other thought: are you blocking the spammers immediately? Because if you respond to spam, you're talking to a do-me. Examine your methods, and your message. I agree after reading your profile and journals, I can see why many "do me's" contact you. But on the other hand, you have a right to say and post, whatever you like! Good luck!

MissAsylum -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 10:40:10 AM)
and here is the other half of why BDSM is complicated. i'm a mix of pro lifestyle, but i seem to have much more trouble with being pro. some people who, at one point, i wanted to develop a non professional relationship with tend to think i was a pro domme that they didnt have to pay. and with the pro side, then tend to think because i am a pro, i'll do whatever they want if they flash some money in my face, or attempt to convince me to give them my dominance for free. its a bit crazy all the way around.

Venatrix -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 10:45:03 AM)
LC, Marini, I could have written your posts myself. When I was looking, that was exactly my experience. Men just wanted to come over for no-strings-attached domination, and didn't even want to show up with a bottle of wine. My thrill from dominating them was supposed to be enough to compensate for all the kinky toys and clothes I bought, all the time spent practicing with those toys, washing the towels after they took a shower before they left, and providing them with snacks and drinks for the evening. One guy didn't even bother to thank me when he left. And these were all guys I'd been on several dates with before we got to playtime. So, if that's how they behave when they made an 'investment,' I can only wonder what those who can't even bother with that are like. Needless to say, the guys who tried this lasted only one scene. All that having been said, I stuck to my guns, held out for friendship, and am now moving in, in less than two weeks, with the most marvellous man. For every decent man, there are hundreds of idiots, but don't lower those standards! If you're not alone being contacted by the idiots, you won't be alone finding someone decent. It just takes (a lot of) time.

Marini -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 10:52:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix LC, Marini, I could have written your posts myself. When I was looking, that was exactly my experience. Men just wanted to come over for no-strings-attached domination, and didn't even want to show up with a bottle of wine. OMG! How dare you expect them to bring a bottle of wine, don't all good Dominants PROVIDE booze? My thrill from dominating them was supposed to be enough to compensate for all the kinky toys and clothes I bought, all the time spent practicing with those toys, washing the towels after they took a shower before they left, and providing them with snacks and drinks for the evening .Venatrix! You lazy bum! You haven't been watching the food channel and become a gourmet chef yet? You should be cooking a gourmet meal! One guy didn't even bother to thank me when he left. And these were all guys I'd been on several dates with before we got to playtime. So, if that's how they behave when they made an 'investment,' I can only wonder what those who can't even bother with that are like. Needless to say, the guys who tried this lasted only one scene. What about spending thousands of dollars on the finest fetishware money can provide, you slacker! All that having been said, I stuck to my guns, held out for friendship, and am now moving in, in less than two weeks, with the most marvellous man. For every decent man, there are hundreds of idiots, but don't lower those standards! If you're not alone being contacted by the idiots, you won't be alone finding someone decent. It just takes (a lot of) time. CONGRATULATIONS VENATRIX!!!!!!! You mentioned you planned to move years ago, I am happy to see your dreams become a reality! [sm=line.gif]

Venatrix -> RE: The High Price of Life Style Dommes (4/24/2010 10:56:02 AM)
Thanks for your well wishes, Marini - I got everything I wanted, and then some. As a point of clarification to my post, I want to stress that the vast majority of dates I went on were 'Dutch treat,' so it's not as if the guys were claiming their payback for taking me out. Still, meeting so many unsuitable men really makes the suitable ones stand out when you find them.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.0625