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RE: Emotional control training - 4/27/2010 3:55:32 PM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

Deflecting a dysfunctional individual out of my life is the ultimate in happiness.

Everyone on this planet is dysfunctional in some way. It is simply part of the human existence - failure. Nature is inherently cruel.

It's how we deal with dysfunction that makes the difference. i prefer to set boundaries with kindness and acceptance.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to Smutmonger)

Post #: 41

RE: Emotional control training - 4/27/2010 4:01:32 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline

I realize this. I have no denial of my own faults. Draconian rejection seems to simply work ever so much better on those who have rose colored spectacles glued to thier little faces.

Do you hear the sound of glass breaking?

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

Deflecting a dysfunctional individual out of my life is the ultimate in happiness.

Everyone on this planet is dysfunctional in some way. It is simply part of the human existence - failure. Nature is inherently cruel.

It's how we deal with dysfunction that makes the difference. i prefer to set boundaries with kindness and acceptance.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

Post #: 42

RE: Emotional control training - 4/27/2010 4:22:27 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

i disagree. This is putting the responsibility for her emotional maturity upon her partner - which isn't right. "I get to be out of control because you didn't hear and validate me" is not an acceptable excuse.

i also hesitate to immediately refer people to the psychs for emotional control issues - not everything needs to be fixed with meds. A whoooole lot of emotional control can be simply learned. Myself, i gave up on the shrink when he suggested i begin electro-shock therapy, of all things....i said to myself, "you know what? i am NOT crazy" and then went straight into yoga, meditation, healthy diet, and regular sleep and exercise. And my emotions are now very much under control, even though i do still feel things very strongly and it is an amazing part of my submission.

Regardless of the methodology, she ultimately has to accept responsibility for her own emotions (and i have no idea of the severity) because ultimately she is the one responsible for how she treats others, whether she got a hug or a door slammed in her face. Our partners are our partners in life, not our crutches.

I was not putting the responsibility on him to be any more than a good partner with competent communication skills.

If you are constantly dismissed and not heard, then you won't be happy and you won't be able to deal with that forever. There are two people in the relationship and both need to be clear communicators and listeners. Unfortunately they are both very young and I will bet you anything that neither one has ever had a course in making relationships work, picking compatible partners, etc.

Funny that you had ECT recommended for you because when I tried to talk the doctor into it, as the only possible treatment back then, I was refused it.

However one of the hallmarks of ADHD is poor impulse control, poor frustration control. It's a shame how many children are considered bad kids because they aren't diagnosed and treated. So if this is not new to this relationship, but a lifelong problem then getting the proper medical treatment for a neurobiological disorder is a lot better than a failed marriage. D/s can no more control ADHD than it can control diabetes.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

Post #: 43

RE: Emotional control training - 4/27/2010 4:28:35 PM

Smutmonger

Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
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ADHD is best controlled with Pshyciatric consultation and medication. Drugs they have available can really help shut down the out of control mental overdrive-allowing a person to become much more functional in thier ability to focus and acheive.

A "pervert with a fetish" should NOT attempt to serve in the role of "amatuer therapist"

It's a disaster waiting to heppen.

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 44

RE: Emotional control training - 4/27/2010 4:42:32 PM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Funny that you had ECT recommended for you because when I tried to talk the doctor into it, as the only possible treatment back then, I was refused it.

ECT is still done, under sedation - and is actually very effective for many people with mood disorders. It is just the stigma of it, really. The doctor i saw is a Fellow with the APA specializing in mood disorders, published, etc. When i last talked with him (several years ago) he didn't have many patients doing it, but yes, they still do it.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 45

RE: Emotional control training - 4/27/2010 10:11:40 PM

GotSteel

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Joined: 2/19/2008
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As you may have noticed by now one problem with getting relationship advice from the internet is that some of the people giving it are completely unfit to date.

Good luck, I hope things work out for you.

< Message edited by GotSteel -- 4/27/2010 10:12:26 PM >

(in reply to BerryDelicious)

Post #: 46

RE: Emotional control training - 4/27/2010 10:44:58 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

As you may have noticed by now one problem with getting relationship advice from the internet is that some of the people giving it are completely unfit to date.

Good luck, I hope things work out for you.

Amen, brother. Amen.

_____________________________

(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 47

RE: Emotional control training - 4/27/2010 11:23:24 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

As you may have noticed by now one problem with getting relationship advice from the internet is that some of the people giving it are completely unfit to date.

Good luck, I hope things work out for you.

Amen, brother. Amen.

domisammy beat me to it. Love that GotSteel!

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 48

RE: Emotional control training - 4/28/2010 1:12:04 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

As you may have noticed by now one problem with getting relationship advice from the internet is that some of the people giving it are completely unfit to date.

Good luck, I hope things work out for you.

jeesus, you arrogant SOB - people have ADHD and are living with it and dealing with it and you think theyre input is somehow less valid than youre 'goodluck', hope things work out -

in case you hadnt noticed this is a public board where people come for advice on stuff and a great number of the people on here have eloquent, empathetic personal experience they can offer as a sounding board, something to bounce off, disregard or find some element of parity. would it have been better to ignore her question then.

if id had this facility twenty odd years ago i would have been glad of it.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 49

RE: Emotional control training - 4/28/2010 4:33:58 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Funny that you had ECT recommended for you because when I tried to talk the doctor into it, as the only possible treatment back then, I was refused it.

ECT is still done, under sedation - and is actually very effective for many people with mood disorders. It is just the stigma of it, really. The doctor i saw is a Fellow with the APA specializing in mood disorders, published, etc. When i last talked with him (several years ago) he didn't have many patients doing it, but yes, they still do it.

Yes I know that. And the side effects are much safer nowadays. But 40 years ago, before the development of SSRIs the only possible treatment for severe, chronic depression was ECT in much larger amounts that left holes in your short term memory.

Luckily when it came back with perimenopause, I found Zoloft to be a very tolerable med with few side effects and the suicidal ideation lifted inside of three days. A hell of a difference from my youth.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

Post #: 50

RE: Emotional control training - 4/28/2010 9:15:11 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

"Emotional control training" is called "psychotherapy" and has absolutely nothing to do with BDSM. I have tried to read this thread with a BDSM slant... but it has nothing to do with BDSM. There is only one bit of sound advice for the OP, “get therapy”. It's simple and it doesn't require leather.

_____________________________

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I give good thread.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 51

RE: Emotional control training - 4/28/2010 10:30:35 AM

UniqueRaven

Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

ECT is still done, under sedation - and is actually very effective for many people with mood disorders. It is just the stigma of it, really. The doctor i saw is a Fellow with the APA specializing in mood disorders, published, etc. When i last talked with him (several years ago) he didn't have many patients doing it, but yes, they still do it.

Yes I know that. And the side effects are much safer nowadays. But 40 years ago, before the development of SSRIs the only possible treatment for severe, chronic depression was ECT in much larger amounts that left holes in your short term memory.

Luckily when it came back with perimenopause, I found Zoloft to be a very tolerable med with few side effects and the suicidal ideation lifted inside of three days. A hell of a difference from my youth.

The doc here only does it when all the possible meds have been tried, and not worked. And the reason that meds didn't work for me is because i don't actually have a condition - i just thought i did because of my feelings. Turns out i'm just a feeling person, and when i quit trying to "fix" myself and just accepted myself life became wonderful.

This is also why when i chose to get my 200 hour yoga certification (now working on 500) i decided to go into yoga therapy and work with people with mood disorders (in conjunction with their physician prescribed therapy). i also have a bachelor's degree in Biology. Yoga as therapy helps people a great deal, and i have seen some amazing transformations, especially with depression. There's an awesome book out right now called "Yoga as Medicine" by Timothy McCall MD - he put together 20+ years of studies in one place to show how yoga affects the mind and body - a fascinating read.

i would recommend "Emotional Yoga: How the Body Can Heal the Mind" by Bija Bennett to the OP as well - if she's looking for something to read. But i think she's received quite a bit of good advice and at 21 is just starting out.

Wishing the best to all.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 52

RE: Emotional control training - 4/29/2010 9:00:19 PM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

I don't feel like I have enough information about the situation to responsibly hand out advice and the possibilities that I'm wondering about have already been brought up. So I think the best thing I can do is offer the OP a little support by conveying my best wishes.

My post wasn't about ADHD. It was about how sometimes relationship comments on the forums have a lot to do with the issues of the commenter and little to do with anything the OP has said or is experiencing. Also, that not all of us are equally qualified to be handing out relationship advice.

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 53

RE: Emotional control training - 4/30/2010 5:59:39 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

this particular poster has posted before along a similar vein and she has given feed back on whats happening. from personal experience others have had, considering her questions and the fact that she wrote to me on the other side, the advice that has been given by the people following her progress on this has been based on the information already given by her.

im not saying that we are on the money, but i dont believe we are far off the mark either.

the thing with advice is that we take what we need, hear what we want and discard the rest.

she came here for advice on her emotional outbursts, i think based on the fact that the boards helped her with her initial enquiry sufficiently that she and her fiance have been able to move from 'punishment' to 'funishment' - we're yet to find out if this first attempt worked out, but no news is good news so they say

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 54

RE: Emotional control training - 4/30/2010 10:27:36 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

As you may have noticed by now one problem with getting relationship advice from the internet is that some of the people giving it are completely unfit to date.

Good luck, I hope things work out for you.

Agreed.

My suggestion if you are serious about learning to control your emotions is to take up amateur dramatics and study basic acting.

Acting is all about control and mastery of attention and emotions.

Please contact me on the other side if you are interested in some materials or help in going about this.

_____________________________

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also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
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(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 55

RE: Emotional control training - 4/30/2010 11:34:06 AM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

It's all voluntary, though. No forced thesbianism.

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 56

RE: Emotional control training - 4/30/2010 11:37:03 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

Fast reply one word "Bitch Slap"

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 57

RE: Emotional control training - 4/30/2010 12:16:20 PM

VirginPotty

Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BerryDelicious

My dominant wants me to work on learning emotional control. I have serious problems with controlling my mouth when I get too frustrated or anxious or don't feel like I'm being listened to. He is going to help me by trying to acknowledge my feelings even if he is going to make another decision that I don't like, but I still need to learn how to stay calm and not raise my voice to him or be disrespectful when I get worked up.

Please don't be mean, I know this is very serious and I want to learn how to change it. Did you ever need to be trained to have more emotional control, or even have to train someone? How did you do it and did it work?

I thought I had written this post! Speaking before thinking is an issue w/me & I just let my emotions take over. I'm doing alot better but I've always been very outspoken when I don't like something & have only been doing the bdsm thing for a couple of years (off/on...not consistently). He & I do not live together & only see each other a couple of times a month so I'm able to speak my mind in my vanilla life alot more than I need to hold my peace in my bdsm life. Talk about a struggle!

_____________________________

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

(in reply to BerryDelicious)

Post #: 58

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