RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (Full Version)

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thetammyjo -> RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (4/6/2006 7:04:38 AM)

Frankly I do not find most public play spaces have the lighting or the atmosphere I prefer. I want to fully see every mark I make and hear clearly every sound we make.

In a public space you compete/wait for "furniture" and the sounds (especially "music") just surrounds you. At home it is all MINE.

I do play at some public events, especially when I've given a workshop or a lecture cause I know people expect it. But, as I tell my audience, "if you want to see me and mine in the dungeon, you need to come early cause I'll come, play and then take off. The public scening is draining on me."

The side benefit of going early to these spaces is that they are mostly empty so I can feel more relaxed and play.



MrrPete -> RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (4/6/2006 7:15:25 AM)

I've been to a dungeon that when you get there early enough you can select the music or bring your own.
and, of course, there's no waiting for anything.



Evanesce -> RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (4/6/2006 7:41:18 AM)

quote:

it is something that is a great divide which could only be crossed by my giving up public play, as He has stated that He has never played in public and will never play in public.


I think what he's really saying here is that, to him, it's not play if it doesn't include penetrative intercourse, and he won't do that in public.  I've encountered a lot of dominants who cannot separate "play" from "sex," and refuse to even attend a play party as a result. It's their loss.
 
For myself, I started playing publicly about six years ago.  I've found that private play does lead to sex - and that sex can and does get in the way of the play (unless, of course, the session happens to be all about sex, in which case it's just peachy).  When we play in public, sex doesn't enter the equation, which actually leads to a much more intimate and intense scene than we generally do in private. 
 
In other words... I fly in public.  I f*** in private.



scratchingpost -> RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (4/6/2006 8:29:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

i guess the underlying question is this, is there an inherent incompatibility between those who enjoy or need to play in public (am a bit of an exhibitionist) and those who will never play in public, or can the divide be crossed?

While I prefer to play in private I do occassionally play publicly for my toys sake since he is an exhibitionist and I want to ensure his needs are fulfilled. I basically keep to my same way of dominating though I make sure to have fun with it in private or public at all times.

That said I will not administer a serious punishment in public. I feel that punishing a submissive for a serious offense publicly is too risky to do in terms of emotional abuse. There is a level of play humiliation  teasing etc which is fine and I feel doing something serious in public is vengeful humiliation and perhaps harmful.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (4/6/2006 9:33:19 AM)

Tell the dom to speak forhimself and not everyone else. I play privatly and I do not "always have sex" to qoute him. It's silly to think he can speak for every one.

I've also seen sex at public play parties and I intend to be among the ones who have sex in  a public dungion.



quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Hello A/all,

i don't know if there is already a thread on the question that i am about to pose, if so it would be wonderful to be able to read it.

However this is the question. It was recently posted to me by a Dominant that i am talking with that there is a completely different mindset between those in the lifestyle who will play in public and those who will only play in private. Differing views on which is more intimate, as most who play publicly usually do not include sex in those scenes, while those who play privately always include sex. The gist of what i got from the comment was there was a great divide between the two camps and it was fixed.

i would really like some additional opinions on this topic. Thank you.

heartfelt



thetammyjo -> RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (4/6/2006 11:02:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrrPete

I've been to a dungeon that when you get there early enough you can select the music or bring your own.
and, of course, there's no waiting for anything.



Which is why I go early.

Frankly I hate music in scenes -- the only sounds I want are those my slave and I make ourselves. That's all I need, its all I want. Anything else is a distraction.



MsIncognito -> RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (4/6/2006 11:13:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
is there an inherent incompatibility between those who enjoy or need to play in public  and those who will never play in public


No, there isn't.

quote:


 or can the divide be crossed?


I don't think there is a divide so the question is moot.

Life is not nearly as binary as your friend would like to think.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (4/6/2006 11:50:37 AM)

quote:

The gist of what i got from the comment was there was a great divide between the two camps and it was fixed.


Never experienced any divide. It's a matter of personal preference, fear, or feelings of intimacy, or lack of intimacy. The fears are many; fear of being "outed", fear of the "perverts" who go to clubs. Some are worried that their "skills" will be evaluated.  Depending on the club and where you live all may be imagined or real. But I've never experienced any of these things. But again, we just go there to have a good time and have fun, and enjoy the company of other like minded people.

A club allows for freedom to play many can't duplicate at home. A small apartment or a bedroom in a house shared with other family members doesn't provide many opportunities to let it all hang out. Clubs are designed to allow you to let it go - primordial screams are welcome and add texture to the scene.

A final reason to go to a club is the furniture. Even having a "dungeon" room in the house, until I get my own St Andrews Cross, spanking bench, and other items, we'll still go to clubs.

Some people go to be on display, some don't care, and some close out everything else and don't even realize anyone is watching. I think everyone's experience is unique.

To us, the sex/play issue is like opening up a peanut butter sandwich after it's been in your lunch-box all morning. No matter how carefully you pull it apart, you'll the bread and the peanut butter are never completely separated. Some clubs require you do your best, and watch closely, but in that woman have the advantage over men regarding the penultimate scene climax. I that regard I guess you can say, in public play, beth gets to enjoy her peanut butter sandwich and I get mine as a "take-out" order.



Your Queen -> RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (4/6/2006 12:35:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
It was recently posted to me by a Dominant that i am talking with that there is a completely different mindset between those in the lifestyle who will play in public and those who will only play in private. Differing views on which is more intimate, as most who play publicly usually do not include sex in those scenes, while those who play privately always include sex.
heartfelt


I won't speak for others, but it doesn't work that way in my house.
I don't play in public, nor am I looking for sex in particular, I can get sex any time I want it.
I am Mistress of my own house, this is my only mindset. I don't belong to any group of people or attempt to fall into line with another way of thinking. I very much enjoy exchanging views with others, often I debate them, sometimes I change my opinion when I people point out something I hadn't thought of, other times I don't.




dogobedience -> RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (4/6/2006 12:47:26 PM)

 I find public play great. Here in Tx, their are many places to play in public, it is where I pick up new methods or ideas or share others mine.
I do agree with the fact that it is always more bonding when it is just you and your property(s). LESS SHOW AND MORE FOCUS ON THE SITUATION AT HAND.   



kyraofMists -> RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (4/6/2006 3:55:10 PM)

I guess it depends on how you define "intimate".  If sex, whether oral or intercourse, is your criteria for being intimate then you will not think public play is intimate since most areas do not allow sex.  Of course you can always go home and have sex.  Most times after play my sex drive goes into overdrive and sex when we get back home is really fun.

For myself, I don't think it can get much more intimate than my ass being covered in my blood and his hands rubbing it all over my back.  That was not done in his private dungeon but at a party.  Sex for me is a different type of intimacy but not necessarily more intimate. 

At first, I didn't think that I would enjoy public play, but the last time we played in front of others I was full of anticipation and excitement.

Knight's kyra 



Misstoyou -> RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (4/6/2006 4:32:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

... Thank you all for your opinions as i am also trying to figure out if with this Dominant, it is something that is a great divide which could only be crossed by my giving up public play, as He has stated that He has never played in public and will never play in public.

..... i do view public play as a safe way to get my submissive needs met without having to engage in sex indiscriminately.... i take a more casual approach to public play, that it is just play it is not sex, which He equated to swinging, which to me is totally different, as i am not having sex with everyone who plays with me.


Forgive me for cutting up and reversing your post, heartfeltsub, but I think the dominant you've been talking to has been trying to be clear about *his* perspective. Regardless of your personal point of view, if *he* equates public play to swinging (rightly or wrongly), and has told you he never has and never will play in public, I think it's pretty safe to say if you become his, you won't be playing in public anymore.



heartfeltsub -> RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (4/6/2006 5:02:44 PM)

i thought that might be what He was saying, either that or that W/we are incompatible because of these divergent views. i have asked Him which He means and am still waiting for an answer. Also depending on His answer i have to decide if that is a something that i am willing to give up. Thank you for your comments.



amaidiamond -> RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players (4/6/2006 5:18:41 PM)

Personally i enjoy both play in public and also with no-one else around and for me D/s *play* certainly does not have to always wind up involving sex



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