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RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players - 4/6/2006 7:04:38 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Frankly I do not find most public play spaces have the lighting or the atmosphere I prefer. I want to fully see every mark I make and hear clearly every sound we make.

In a public space you compete/wait for "furniture" and the sounds (especially "music") just surrounds you. At home it is all MINE.

I do play at some public events, especially when I've given a workshop or a lecture cause I know people expect it. But, as I tell my audience, "if you want to see me and mine in the dungeon, you need to come early cause I'll come, play and then take off. The public scening is draining on me."

The side benefit of going early to these spaces is that they are mostly empty so I can feel more relaxed and play.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players - 4/6/2006 7:15:25 AM   
MrrPete


Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		I've been to a dungeon that when you get there early enough you can select the music or bring your own.
and, of course, there's no waiting for anything.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players - 4/6/2006 7:41:18 AM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

it is something that is a great divide which could only be crossed by my giving up public play, as He has stated that He has never played in public and will never play in public.


I think what he's really saying here is that, to him, it's not play if it doesn't include penetrative intercourse, and he won't do that in public.  I've encountered a lot of dominants who cannot separate "play" from "sex," and refuse to even attend a play party as a result. It's their loss.
 
For myself, I started playing publicly about six years ago.  I've found that private play does lead to sex - and that sex can and does get in the way of the play (unless, of course, the session happens to be all about sex, in which case it's just peachy).  When we play in public, sex doesn't enter the equation, which actually leads to a much more intimate and intense scene than we generally do in private. 
 
In other words... I fly in public.  I f*** in private.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players - 4/6/2006 8:29:51 AM   
scratchingpost


Posts: 231
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

i guess the underlying question is this, is there an inherent incompatibility between those who enjoy or need to play in public (am a bit of an exhibitionist) and those who will never play in public, or can the divide be crossed?

While I prefer to play in private I do occassionally play publicly for my toys sake since he is an exhibitionist and I want to ensure his needs are fulfilled. I basically keep to my same way of dominating though I make sure to have fun with it in private or public at all times.

That said I will not administer a serious punishment in public. I feel that punishing a submissive for a serious offense publicly is too risky to do in terms of emotional abuse. There is a level of play humiliation  teasing etc which is fine and I feel doing something serious in public is vengeful humiliation and perhaps harmful.

_____________________________

be safe and smile
purrrs kitty
(=^.^=)
www.misskittys-scratchingpost.com

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players - 4/6/2006 9:33:19 AM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Tell the dom to speak forhimself and not everyone else. I play privatly and I do not "always have sex" to qoute him. It's silly to think he can speak for every one.

I've also seen sex at public play parties and I intend to be among the ones who have sex in  a public dungion.



quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Hello A/all,

i don't know if there is already a thread on the question that i am about to pose, if so it would be wonderful to be able to read it.

However this is the question. It was recently posted to me by a Dominant that i am talking with that there is a completely different mindset between those in the lifestyle who will play in public and those who will only play in private. Differing views on which is more intimate, as most who play publicly usually do not include sex in those scenes, while those who play privately always include sex. The gist of what i got from the comment was there was a great divide between the two camps and it was fixed.

i would really like some additional opinions on this topic. Thank you.

heartfelt

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players - 4/6/2006 11:02:23 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrrPete

I've been to a dungeon that when you get there early enough you can select the music or bring your own.
and, of course, there's no waiting for anything.



Which is why I go early.

Frankly I hate music in scenes -- the only sounds I want are those my slave and I make ourselves. That's all I need, its all I want. Anything else is a distraction.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MrrPete)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players - 4/6/2006 11:13:40 AM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
is there an inherent incompatibility between those who enjoy or need to play in public  and those who will never play in public


No, there isn't.

quote:


 or can the divide be crossed?


I don't think there is a divide so the question is moot.

Life is not nearly as binary as your friend would like to think.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players - 4/6/2006 11:50:37 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

The gist of what i got from the comment was there was a great divide between the two camps and it was fixed.


Never experienced any divide. It's a matter of personal preference, fear, or feelings of intimacy, or lack of intimacy. The fears are many; fear of being "outed", fear of the "perverts" who go to clubs. Some are worried that their "skills" will be evaluated.  Depending on the club and where you live all may be imagined or real. But I've never experienced any of these things. But again, we just go there to have a good time and have fun, and enjoy the company of other like minded people.

A club allows for freedom to play many can't duplicate at home. A small apartment or a bedroom in a house shared with other family members doesn't provide many opportunities to let it all hang out. Clubs are designed to allow you to let it go - primordial screams are welcome and add texture to the scene.

A final reason to go to a club is the furniture. Even having a "dungeon" room in the house, until I get my own St Andrews Cross, spanking bench, and other items, we'll still go to clubs.

Some people go to be on display, some don't care, and some close out everything else and don't even realize anyone is watching. I think everyone's experience is unique.

To us, the sex/play issue is like opening up a peanut butter sandwich after it's been in your lunch-box all morning. No matter how carefully you pull it apart, you'll the bread and the peanut butter are never completely separated. Some clubs require you do your best, and watch closely, but in that woman have the advantage over men regarding the penultimate scene climax. I that regard I guess you can say, in public play, beth gets to enjoy her peanut butter sandwich and I get mine as a "take-out" order.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players - 4/6/2006 12:35:12 PM   
Your Queen


Posts: 25
Joined: 1/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub
It was recently posted to me by a Dominant that i am talking with that there is a completely different mindset between those in the lifestyle who will play in public and those who will only play in private. Differing views on which is more intimate, as most who play publicly usually do not include sex in those scenes, while those who play privately always include sex.
heartfelt


I won't speak for others, but it doesn't work that way in my house.
I don't play in public, nor am I looking for sex in particular, I can get sex any time I want it.
I am Mistress of my own house, this is my only mindset. I don't belong to any group of people or attempt to fall into line with another way of thinking. I very much enjoy exchanging views with others, often I debate them, sometimes I change my opinion when I people point out something I hadn't thought of, other times I don't.


(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players - 4/6/2006 12:47:26 PM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		 I find public play great. Here in Tx, their are many places to play in public, it is where I pick up new methods or ideas or share others mine.
I do agree with the fact that it is always more bonding when it is just you and your property(s). LESS SHOW AND MORE FOCUS ON THE SITUATION AT HAND.   

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players - 4/6/2006 3:55:10 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I guess it depends on how you define "intimate".  If sex, whether oral or intercourse, is your criteria for being intimate then you will not think public play is intimate since most areas do not allow sex.  Of course you can always go home and have sex.  Most times after play my sex drive goes into overdrive and sex when we get back home is really fun.

For myself, I don't think it can get much more intimate than my ass being covered in my blood and his hands rubbing it all over my back.  That was not done in his private dungeon but at a party.  Sex for me is a different type of intimacy but not necessarily more intimate. 

At first, I didn't think that I would enjoy public play, but the last time we played in front of others I was full of anticipation and excitement.

Knight's kyra 

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players - 4/6/2006 4:32:32 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

... Thank you all for your opinions as i am also trying to figure out if with this Dominant, it is something that is a great divide which could only be crossed by my giving up public play, as He has stated that He has never played in public and will never play in public.

..... i do view public play as a safe way to get my submissive needs met without having to engage in sex indiscriminately.... i take a more casual approach to public play, that it is just play it is not sex, which He equated to swinging, which to me is totally different, as i am not having sex with everyone who plays with me.


Forgive me for cutting up and reversing your post, heartfeltsub, but I think the dominant you've been talking to has been trying to be clear about *his* perspective. Regardless of your personal point of view, if *he* equates public play to swinging (rightly or wrongly), and has told you he never has and never will play in public, I think it's pretty safe to say if you become his, you won't be playing in public anymore.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players - 4/6/2006 5:02:44 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		i thought that might be what He was saying, either that or that W/we are incompatible because of these divergent views. i have asked Him which He means and am still waiting for an answer. Also depending on His answer i have to decide if that is a something that i am willing to give up. Thank you for your comments.

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Public Players Compared to Only in Private Players - 4/6/2006 5:18:41 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		Personally i enjoy both play in public and also with no-one else around and for me D/s *play* certainly does not have to always wind up involving sex

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 34
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