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RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 4/8/2006 3:51:53 AM

wickedbutnice

Posts: 4
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline

Once is an oops and forgivable but when it becomes a pattern of behaviour then you have problems. I speak from personal experience with a potential Master. At first he was great at doing what he said, but then it was a missed call here and a missed call there, to no calls or messages at all unless he was feeling down. But if I missed one, you better believe I heard about it the next time he contacted me. I finally got so fed up with the one sided relationship that I flat out told him to PUT UP or SHUT UP. Guess what, I have yet to hear from him again. Looks like it was shut up huh. lol

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 21

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 4/8/2006 5:30:58 AM

MrRodgers

Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline

I need to find people like you folks here. I had corresponded, and chatted once then I missed ONE 5 PM chat 'date' (terrible traffic) and that was enough...she vanished. No, young lady, he didn't lie, he missed one 'appointment.' Give him a real chance as it seems you have. Good luck kiddo, hope it works out for you.

(in reply to justmeagain69)

Post #: 22

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 4/8/2006 7:05:59 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Once is an oops and forgivable but when it becomes a pattern of behaviour then you have problems. I speak from personal experience with a potential Master. At first he was great at doing what he said, but then it was a missed call here and a missed call there, to no calls or messages

This has happened to me more than once. Yep big pet peeve of mine. I expect the same time and consideration as I give.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 23

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 4/8/2006 7:55:01 AM

MrMister

Posts: 272
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline

I have to agree with TxBad Man. Lying is not an ambiguous occurence. It is lying if it is done in an consious effort to decieve. However, we must give others the benifit of doubt before being so darn judgemental. After all, nary a one of us are an absolute shining example of perfection.

(in reply to Maam4slavegirl)

Post #: 24

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 4/8/2006 8:44:36 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

I disagree wholeheartedly with every one on this post.

Every one here seems to say give him a break but I am alarmed that he had "hectic work and fell asleep on the couch"

Heres the thing: This is the First Time meeting.

You are right to question your priority in his life, he may have had hectic work, but there is always the drive home to call or send a text or email.

Society and technology is way too advanced to allow for this behavior.

Did he profusely apologize? If not do NOT invest in him. Follow through is one of the most important tenets to the Dom's role, that and, dependability, accountability and honesty. Any one can beat and fuck, that just makes you a top, you are seeking your Dom, your daddy your steward your Owner.

The writing is in Neon all over the wall....dont do this....like the author of the book "hes just not that into you" says if there is a spark of interest, a desire, people find the time, this is not excusable behavior for a potential owner.... top yes owner no..

I read your profile you are not looking for a top....You are looking for some one on who you can rely, it just does not sound like he is it.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 25

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 4/8/2006 9:07:46 AM

buffiyum

Posts: 119
Status: offline

The concern buffy has is this: you had to ask Him what happened that He did not carry through on what He had said He would do, rather than Him offering an explanation. one does understand about 'Domly Pride'... one has seen that a lot in both r/l and online. But there is a point where that must be set aside, in order to foster a possible or growing, relationship, to show that that particulier relationship has 'value'. Mistakes do happen but there is little excuse for bad manners. He could have spoken to you since then and simply said what had happened and yes, even apologised. That is 'good manners', not a 'knock' at 'Domly Pride'. It is even possible that He too, had worries about what you too, would say after He failed to carry through on what He had said He would do. Just because One is 'Dom' does not mean They maybe dont get worry about things of this nature. Yet thatalso does not mean They shouldnot have to 'bite' the bullet and check it out after-the-fact without you having to ask. It is not a 'one-way street' in terms of carrying out commitments, or should not be, in buffys opinion.
Be wary on this One, justmeagain69. Watch and see what He does/doesnot do, in terms of commitments. one is not calling what He did a 'lie' but it is a 'red flag' at least it would be for buffy who, like you, has had some not-so-good experiences within this journey to find a One.
well wishes to you,
respectfully,
buffy

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 26

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 4/8/2006 9:13:03 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
Heres the thing: This is the First Time meeting.

I thought it was just a phone call?

Life happens. I know it's common for new subs online who get attached to doms to spend hours obsessively online just waiting to be giddy from his name coming onto the screen or the phone ringing with him on the other line. But some of us actually have busy offline lives.

Hell, I'd been dating my local partner (all offline) for over 9 months and completely forgot about his birthday. Guess what? We're in love and happier together now than we've ever been. Real life means accepting occasional bumps and moving through them.

You apologize sincerely, and you try and make up for it. I agree that if it becomes a pattern then you've got a problem.

But one missed phone call? I wouldn't WANT to be with someone who lost perspective so much who freaked out over that and considered the whole thing over. I can understand if they pushed me down on their priorities list and I had to work a little more for it- but more than that? You're just harboring delusions of self-importance and lack of reality.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 4/8/2006 9:14:14 AM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 27

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 4/8/2006 9:40:12 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

I respectfully disagree.

I will tell you why, his words to here were "I will call you tomorrow" not "I might", not "if I can" his words were "I will".

Tomorrow has at least 12 hours if not 24 hours in it. Unless you work in field there are phones and computers in the immediate vicinity at all times. (and if you do work in a field you only work 8-10 because then it gets dark)

His behavior is indicative of where he places her on his priority list.

Glad your happy with you fellow btw.

I find your opinions "You're just harboring delusions of self-importance and lack of reality." caustic and filled with unwarranted avarice.

I dont need you to share my opinions on the importance of follow through and timeliness. As you do not need me to share your opinions on many of the comments you have made to these boards, but I respectfully request you try to refrain from personal attacks

~Tigress

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
Heres the thing: This is the First Time meeting.

I thought it was just a phone call?

Life happens. I know it's common for new subs online who get attached to doms to spend hours obsessively online just waiting to be giddy from his name coming onto the screen or the phone ringing with him on the other line. But some of us actually have busy offline lives.

Hell, I'd been dating my local partner (all offline) for over 9 months and completely forgot about his birthday. Guess what? We're in love and happier together now than we've ever been. Real life means accepting occasional bumps and moving through them.

You apologize sincerely, and you try and make up for it. I agree that if it becomes a pattern then you've got a problem.

But one missed phone call? I wouldn't WANT to be with someone who lost perspective so much who freaked out over that and considered the whole thing over. I can understand if they pushed me down on their priorities list and I had to work a little more for it- but more than that? You're just harboring delusions of self-importance and lack of reality.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 28

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 4/8/2006 10:24:49 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
His behavior is indicative of where he places her on his priority list.

Like I said- I understand if it shoves the person lower on your priority list if they tell you they will do something and then don't do it.

That doesn't mean it's a red flag or necessarily anything more than "Jeez it completely flew out of my head." Trust me, when I was dating my partner at 9 months, we spoke on the phone at least once a day and he'd reminded me a few times about his birthday. It certainly wasn't an indication of lack of priority on my part- simply more just tons of shit going on at once and I made a mistake.

quote:

I find your opinions "You're just harboring delusions of self-importance and lack of reality." caustic and filled with unwarranted avarice.

That should be read with the implication of "if you think a single missed phone call means someone is completely worthless in a relationship and doesn't care about you"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 29

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 4/8/2006 10:57:27 AM

MrMister

Posts: 272
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline

My goodness!!!!

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 30

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 4/8/2006 11:00:20 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

oh ok

quote:

That should be read with the implication of "if you think a single missed phone call means someone is completely worthless in a relationship and doesn't care about you"

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 31

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 4/8/2006 11:02:31 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

Oh Ok

quote:

That should be read with the implication of "if you think a single missed phone call means someone is completely worthless in a relationship and doesn't care about you"

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 32

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 4/8/2006 4:53:43 PM

mysecret40

Posts: 47
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline

I'm with Tigress on this,.......I really hate excuses...of course I see both sides of the fence here, we all have different idea's on what we want or expect in behavior.
But getting back to the original posting....I too would be concerned with not recieving the phone call....to me that is a sign that the Dom isn't really that interested in me. It is a red flag in a "new" relationship. Sure once you've been together a while...you have your flow going...hey , yes , shit happens,....but in the beginning? Ah no.
He just ain't that into her, period. I know from prior experiences with a Dom that always said he would call and never did. Waited,......days would go by.....I'd see him on line.......no phone call, no email....notta........then guess what? When I finally broke down and called him to say "what's up?", "oh I have been busy"...."am I interupting anything now I asked?", "oh no, just watching TV". Hmmm,...then he goes on to honey baby me and say your still my girl right?
Needless to say...that Dom was kicked to the curb.
Go with your gut.......you don't have to except less.
secret

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 33

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 5/1/2006 5:37:11 PM

Cleverdevil76

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/18/2006
Status: offline

could it not be that during the internet portion of a relationship, it'sharder to get that time to yourself because you're not getting enough of each other as is, which leads to this?

Then again, if I get on the phone, sex is such a small part.I'm guessing I'm really digging the person i'm talking to.

(in reply to mysecret40)

Post #: 34

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 5/1/2006 5:54:12 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justmeagain69

Now before anyone begins to trash me for even thinking of letting something like this even give me pause I would ask you to understand this first... too many times I have trusted the wrong Dominants with my heart and with my mind. I am just now wondering if maybe this happens because I dont pay enough attention to little indicators like this.

*pondering*
Bex

I do think you have to pay very close attention to the indicators. Of course, if it is one missed call then you find out the reason and decide if it was good or not. If it becomes something that occurs often then you need to get out.

I will say that I looked very hard for "red flags" when getting to know my Joe and one of the reasons I knew he was for real was because he ALWAYS did what he said he would. If for some reason he was unable to, I heard about it before or as soon as possible. That goes a very long way to someone credibility and rather you can give yourself to them.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to justmeagain69)

Post #: 35

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 5/1/2006 6:27:12 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: justmeagain69

Here is my query. If a Dom you meet for the first time says he will call you tomorrow, and then doesnt follow through on that - is that just a sign of things to come? How is a girl expected to trust when the simplest of things turn out to be lies?

Now before anyone begins to trash me for even thinking of letting something like this even give me pause I would ask you to understand this first... too many times I have trusted the wrong Dominants with my heart and with my mind. I am just now wondering if maybe this happens because I dont pay enough attention to little indicators like this.

*pondering*
Bex

Meet? As in face to face or chatbox to chatbox? Although I agree with Tigress, I do have to wonder whether this is a real thing or an online thing? Either way really makes no difference, you still have to watch the red flags. If online, it's certainly possible that something interfered with his ability to phone, however, hectic work day and falling asleep on the couch sound suspiciously like married or girlfriend to me. But maybe that's because I've traveled down this road a few too many times myself.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to justmeagain69)

Post #: 36

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 5/3/2006 8:47:05 AM

TolerableCruelty

Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline

For some reason or another, I seem to sense some bitterness here from a few of the submissives.. I mean, screaming about red flags because the guy took a nap and didn't call her when he woke up (as it was probably late) ???
Granted, it was the day after a "first meet", but damn, its not like he missed the collaring ceremony or promised he'd be down to bail her out of jail when he got off work and "took a nap and forgot".... its a phone call, fer chrissakes !!!
Life happens, People oversleep, Doms and subs alike both miss appointments... if its something as minor as a phone call, I honestly don't think they should be called to the mat upon it and be made to "apologize profusely".
Give the man the benefit of the doubt... at least once or twice.. just don't let him make a habit of it

T.R.

(for the record, I'd be posting the exact same thoughts if it were a Dominant saying that a submissive didn't call the next day after they said they would... except I doubt a Dominant would bother coming on here to post about it.)

(in reply to feastie)

Post #: 37

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 5/3/2006 9:01:02 AM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

A submissive friend of mine faced the same problem with her Dom, He had a habit of saying He would call on a specific date or time and He would get busy and forget. she asked Him to please not be specific about when He would call as it was interfering with her ability to trust His word. So from then on, He would just say He would call when He could without giving specifics and that helped her tremendously.

heartfelt

(in reply to CERCKL)

Post #: 38

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 5/3/2006 12:40:43 PM

NastyDaddy

Posts: 957
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

Seems like it was a sweet first meet, Daddy was cool and things went great...
Then sometime near the first meet's end, it was spoken 'I'll call you tomorrow'...
Tomorrow came and went so you called and he said he was asleep, conked out...

How did the actual meet itself go, were there any pregnant pauses or awkward kodak moments?
Was Daddy the man you've been online with, and vice-versa were you the girl he's been online with so long?

Lies and flakiness have been addressed (beaten to a bloody pulp, lol),
forgiveness for the sin of counting sheep has been extended,
but no mention of the meet other than it's being the sweet first meet.

The original issue was resolved by the magic of telephonics,
advice spanning the spectrum was received,
but nobody it seems wanted to talk about the meet.

If your anticipation gets wrapped around your expectation
and you may possibly have too much time on your hands
it could lead to a serious bout of 'whatever you called it'...

Could it have been more like 'did Daddy really like me???'
vs. 'sheesh, no call to babygirl... that F'ing Liar Daddy!!' (lol)

If your meet went well and you both enjoyed each other's company, perhaps simple anxiety involuntarily (heh) ruled. On the other hand if the feelings from the meet were not exactly mutual that could set the stage for indecision and possible reluctance of self struggle in the other.... yada yada...

It may not be any of the above in the whole thread... the bottom line is what works for you two.

If he can count sheep and rock your boat, then congrats you've both survived the sweet first meet!

Now get on with business...

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 39

RE: If a Daddy/Dom/Master can lie about something small... - 5/3/2006 2:18:00 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

If it is an isolated incident, it is no big deal. If it is a pattern, it is an issue.

I do believe we teach people what is an okay way to treat us though. If it is something that bothers you, address it in a non-hysterical-needy-accusatory but neutral-and-open way. If you let it go quietly a few times and then wait to see what he does next, you are essentially setting a trap.

The first time I might mention it in passing.

The second time I generally say something like, "You mentioned you were going to call on x. When I did not hear from you, I was a little disappointed. I understand if you got busy or forgot or whatever, but it does bother me to think I can't depend on what you tell me. I try to follow through with things I say I will do, and I like to be involved with people that do the same. If you are not sure when we may speak next, that is not a big deal. We can always leave it open. But please do not tell me you will call and then not do so."

(in reply to justmeagain69)

Post #: 40

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