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RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 6:19:18 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

You never met her. Consider it experience.

Does it really matter why she disappeared? She could have been a he. She could be married. She could have been doing it for the role play. She could be someone who gets kicks out of faking a life that she can only dream of having. Maybe her own life is sad, so she pretends online.

Next time you don't get emotionally involved until you have talked on phone and met for real. When you have a real name, a real address, a real face with real expressions across the table from you, then you can figure that you might be starting a relationship.

this...

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Post #: 21

RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 6:20:48 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rto75

Hey all, would like to get your 2 cents here. I had recently met a great girl on CM. Our interests lined up pretty much perfect and I was very close to giving her a collar, something she also wanted. Would have been a mix of vanilla and bdsm.

One night after quite literally thanking me for her rules and obedience training, telling me how lucky and happy she was, she just dropped off. Days go by with no contact. With all that we shared I have a very hard time believing she was faking everything. I suppose it is worth mentioning that this sort of happened very close to the night I planned to meet up and verbally agree to the collar. She was forced to reschedule due to work.

She had very little experience coming into all this, but took to it instantly and eagerly. Is it common for a new and inexperienced sub/slave to get a little freaked out and take a step back? I have left a message outlining my disappointment and letting her know that after an appropriate punishment she still has a place with me, but I'm not interested in pushing her any harder if she got spooked... or chasing her for that matter (compatibility notwithstanding).

I have met a lot of flaky women, but never anyone that has done so this far in. Anyone have some insight from your own experiences? I can tell you that I did check up on her just a little and she isn't hurt or otherwise unable to re-establish with me.

you mention her inexperience but you mention collaring before even ever meeting. new as she might be to all of this, im sure she's read enough to know that collaring is something for much further down the track (usually). it is for many like a wedding ring, it denotes committment to a committed relationship.

collaring isnt usually something you discuss before youve even met. - personally that would fly up a red flag to me, it would suggest a few things...,

1. that you havent met too many from the internet or youd know that real life chemistry doesnt always hit the mark
2. that youre way too eager before ever really getting to know me
3. that youre using collaring as some sort of psycho anchor rather than allowing the gradual process of Ds to that job for you
4. that you are possibly less experienced than youve said you were

if all of that is true then she has probably been spooked off. new or not she would have certainly read around the whole topic. but - that maybe doesnt explain why she'd dropped off the planet for you.

it maybe something has come up in her life that has taken her away.
it maybe that she's got spooked by the reality suddenly looming up, her inexperience, talk of collaring, big committment rather than slow gradual fun
it maybe that she isnt what she says she is.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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Post #: 22

RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 6:24:32 AM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rto75
Is it common for a new and inexperienced sub/slave to get a little freaked out and take a step back?

Actually...you have that on any side of the leash as out of 5 so called Dom's I met ony 1 was what I would call true to himself...the others were cowards or subs then anything once we met...

as my current date said recently:

quote:

My experience has been that sometimes people who choose to meet over the internet are conflicted about their desires. They'd like someone close, but not that close. And sometimes the reality of having someone there is hard for the person to handle.

And I think that fits to some of the people I was involved with.

Maybe your girl liked it in theory but then got cold feet when she realised the impact on it if it would get real?

_____________________________

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The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

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Post #: 23

RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 6:52:43 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rto75

Hey all, would like to get your 2 cents here. I had recently met a great girl on CM. Our interests lined up pretty much perfect and I was very close to giving her a collar, something she also wanted. Would have been a mix of vanilla and bdsm.

One night after quite literally thanking me for her rules and obedience training, telling me how lucky and happy she was, she just dropped off. Days go by with no contact. With all that we shared I have a very hard time believing she was faking everything. I suppose it is worth mentioning that this sort of happened very close to the night I planned to meet up and verbally agree to the collar. She was forced to reschedule due to work.

She had very little experience coming into all this, but took to it instantly and eagerly. Is it common for a new and inexperienced sub/slave to get a little freaked out and take a step back? I have left a message outlining my disappointment and letting her know that after an appropriate punishment she still has a place with me, but I'm not interested in pushing her any harder if she got spooked... or chasing her for that matter (compatibility notwithstanding).

I have met a lot of flaky women, but never anyone that has done so this far in. Anyone have some insight from your own experiences? I can tell you that I did check up on her just a little and she isn't hurt or otherwise unable to re-establish with me.

Why would you get so emotionally invested in someone you've never spent physical time with? Why would you consider yourself in a D/s or M/s relationship with spending time really getting to know a person, know how compatible you really are? Why in the hell would you even consider collaring a slave you had not established a serious, long term, compatible, PHYSICALLY CONNECTED relationship with??

I have to tell you, it is mindsets like you are displaying that causes people like me so much frustration with any sort of online connections.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 24

RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 6:58:58 AM

Phoenixpower

Posts: 8098
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
Why would you get so emotionally invested in someone you've never spent physical time with? Why would you consider yourself in a D/s or M/s relationship with spending time really getting to know a person, know how compatible you really are? Why in the hell would you even consider collaring a slave you had not established a serious, long term, compatible, PHYSICALLY CONNECTED relationship with??

I have to tell you, it is mindsets like you are displaying that causes people like me so much frustration with any sort of online connections.

Reminds me on a last date who said after 2nd or 3rd day of meeting in the flesh "I thought I knew you"...

He also didnt get it that whilst you can chat online as much as you like...you still need to get to know the person in person and more importantely both sides need to invest some effort to make it work...you won't fit straight away like a sock on a foot

_____________________________

RIP 08-09-07

The PAST is history, the FUTURE a mystery, NOW is a gift - that's why it's called the PRESENT

www.butyoudontlooksick.com/navigation/BYDLS-TheSpoonTheory.pdf

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Post #: 25

RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 7:18:31 AM

Titanium0Master

Posts: 35
Joined: 4/27/2010
From: Pittsburgh, PA
Status: offline

As others have already said, almost everybody who looks for relationships online has had a similar experience to yours rto75. My advice would be to think of it as a learning experience and move on, even though I know that is difficult advice to follow after you have become emotionally involved.

(in reply to UniqueRaven)

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Post #: 26

RE: gone to ground - 5/2/2010 7:28:44 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Congrats, you are now officially an online service top. Keep that up and eventually you will have a plethora of married and cheating online submissives that will go all the way . . . except to meet in person and risk their marriage.

Do you feel cheap, used?
Do you feel dirty?
Was it good for you?

Live and learn.

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I give good thread.

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Post #: 27

RE: gone to ground - 5/3/2010 8:06:53 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

I have this vision from GoodFellas, when Henry gets arrested and Paulie and Jimmie greet him as he leaves jail for the first time:" Kid, Ya popped yer cherry!"

Welcome to CollarMe, where we have the best frauds on the net.

A word of hard won experience.
If it's clicking, ask her to meet FTF reasonably quickly. If she waffles, adios senorita. You may have the time to waste, but I don't.
And if she no-shows, FOR WHATEVER REASON, later.
~Laughs~
It's amazing how many internet dates have parents die or natural disasters or car problems or stolen purses or blahblahblah on meet up days.

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Post #: 28